Worst Joke Ever 2024

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

In a bid to break the ice, he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice, "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's career, the blind impresario starts to play an ‘e’ minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band and really tears the place apart.
The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise, but still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Stevie is really pigged off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage,
"OK smart @rse, you get up here and do it".

The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing...
"A jazz chord to say, I ruv you..."

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

A woman playing golf hit a man nearby.
He put his hands together between his legs and fell on the ground rolling in pain.
She rushed over to him and offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor. Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his trousers and put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes and then asked:
“How does it feel?”
He replied:
“Feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken...”

[bluesofa]

7 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Or should the heading be: "Expose yerself, t'art"

[Davo369]

[fangless]

[roo860]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[tifino]

See!!! - told ya not to take your mask off...

[Nigel Garvie]

On 8/5/2020 at 5:59 AM, ballpoint said:

Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

In a bid to break the ice, he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice, "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's career, the blind impresario starts to play an ‘e’ minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band and really tears the place apart.
The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise, but still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Stevie is really pigged off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage,
"OK smart @rse, you get up here and do it".

The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing...
"A jazz chord to say, I ruv you..."

Yes, well known among musicians that one. Here's a couple more.

 

What is the difference between a Rock musician and a Jazz musician.

A Rock musician plays 3 chords to thousands of people, and a jazz musician plays thousands of......................

 

A banjo player and a bodhran player fall of a cliff at exactly the same time, which one hits the bottom first?

..............Does it matter?

 

 

 

[Nigel Garvie]

4 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

On the subject of war ming:-

What do you give a Chinese, Glasgow Rangers supporter for Xmas?............

An orange wok

[Andrew Dwyer]

Meanwhile, back in Merseyside !!

 

[fangless]

[fangless]

For the "Swingers" among you"

 

Here is a sign posted at a golf club somewhere:  

 

PRE          *EE OFF CHECK LIST

1. Back Straight, Knees Bent, Feet Shoulder Width Apart.
2. Form A Loose Grip.
3. Keep Your Head Down!
4. Avoid A Quick Back Swing.
5. Stay Out Of The Water.
6. Try Not To Hit Anyone.
7. If You Are Taking Too Long, Let Others Go Ahead Of You.
8. Don't Stand Directly In Front or behind others.
9. Quiet Please...While Others Are Preparing.
10. Don't Take Extra Strokes.

 

Well Done. Now, Flush The Urinal, Go Outside, And Tee Off.

[farang51]

12 minutes ago, fangless said:

For the "Swingers" among you"

 

Here is a sign posted at a golf club somewhere:  

Most of them could be posted at a swingers club as well. Number 6 depending on whether it is a whipping kind of club.

[fangless]

7 minutes ago, farang51 said:

Most of them could be posted at a swingers club as well. Number 6 depending on whether it is a whipping kind of club.

You appear to be a well qualified "Swinger" and as such may I ask if the "whipping kind of club" you refer to is an establishment or an implement?

[farang51]

An establishment where you implement the whipping, I guess (my English is somewhat lacking understanding the finer point).

[Oliver Holzerfilled]

What's the difference between a lobster and Somchai after he got run over by a Bangkok bus?  

 

One's a crustacean and the other's a crushed Asian.

[ballpoint]

I wasn't close to my father when he died.

That was lucky for me, as he stood on a landmine.

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Paddy rolls up to the bar and orders 6 pints of Guinness.

"Would you like a tray with that?" asks the barmaid.

"Bejeezus no!" says Paddy.  "I'll have enough trouble taking these beers back without having to carry a tray as well."