Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Hamus Yaigh]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[fangless]

1 hour ago, VBF said:

And they still couldn't silence-er

She was all MASH'd up afterwards but someone kept such a good Hawkeye on her that she tried to stay under the Radar.  Unfortunately she was a  real Klinger-on and did not go too Farr!

[fangless]

1 hour ago, VBF said:

You can tell by the Moonshadow

 I got there just before the other barbarous repair man.

It was a close shave!

Edited June 26, 2021 by fangless

[fangless]

2 hours ago, VBF said:

Talking of Ikea, I understand they've introduced a new range of Lesbian Furniture.

No screwing - it's all tongue and groove.

I think I lick that but I may need to finger that out!

 

 

PS;  I'm a bad spelar!

Edited June 26, 2021 by fangless

[fangless]

3 hours ago, roo860 said:

I consider the above post to be the height of ignorance!

Would Goliath consider that offence to be below the belt and would the poor little victim feel that the reporting has gone over his/her/binary/non binary/ etc etc head?

I must also add that the Elf and safety rules may been lowered?

Can we please have the reporting standards raised!

[fangless]

6 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Do we chalk that up to your own experience or were you snookered by looking at them yourself!

If you did, were you on cue and did you feel a right t!t, or both, when your balls went south  and you had to rest your case!?

[roo860]

[sanuk711]

[fangless]

The dying man

I was working on a case.

It had to be a case.

As I couldn't afford a desk.

Then I saw her through the window.

This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor.

She rolled her deep blue eyes at me.

So I picked them up and rolled them back.

We kissed.

She screamed.

I took the cigarette from my mouth and kissed her again.

There was a tap at the door.

I thought “funny place to put a tap” so I turned it,.

To my surprise, the door opened.

There stood a redhead.

Nothing more, just a red head.

Then up the stairs strode a brunette.

She took my hand.

 I asked for it back.

She told me of a friend who was dying, so I decided to go and see him.

We took the lift to the ground floor.

It was rather heavy, but we got there eventually.

I said to the porter,

“Call me a taxi.”

So he said “Sir, you’re a taxi.”

The taxi pulled up with a jerk.

The jerk got out and we got in.

We arrived at the dying man’s house

I discovered he had swallowed a chicken bone.

 I said “does it hurt?”

He said “only when I laugh.”

So I told him a joke and he died laughing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 26, 2021 by fangless
You don't need to know why!

[fangless]

A dying wish

A man spoke to each of his three sons when he sent them to college.

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die".

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a financial planner, and a lawyer, each successful financially.

When their father died and they saw him in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, the doctor stacked 10 crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Next, the financial planner placed $1,000 there in 20 crisp $50 bills.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn.

He slowly reached into his pocket, removed his chequebook, wrote a check for $3,000 and placed it gently and caringly  into his father's coffin,

 

and took the $2,000 cash.

[Susco]

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[ballpoint]

AA Milne had a little brother.

AAA Milne.

[ballpoint]

I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a total flop.  Nobody came.

[ballpoint]

My mate said onions are the only food that can make you cry, so I threw a coconut at him. 

Now there's two.

[ballpoint]

Men in their 20's play football.......

Men in their 40's play tennis......

Men in their 60's play golf........

Have you noticed that as you get older...... your balls get smaller.

[fangless]

Just found two lumps on my car battery

Got them tested, one came back positive.
I hope it's not terminal.

[ballpoint]

A man went to an antiques shop to buy a kitchen table. Almost at once, he saw the table he wanted, and asked the price.

"£2,000, sir."

"Never!" exclaimed the man, "that's unbelievably expensive."

"That's true," replied the assistant, "but this is not just any kitchen table. This piece of furniture has special powers."

"Get away! Show me."

The assistant went up to the table and said, "How many floors are there in this building?"

Immediately, the table jumped into the air four times, and indeed there were four floors in the building.

The man wasn't totally convinced.

"OK, ask it how much money I've got in my wallet."

The question was asked and the table jumped up eleven times.

"That's incredible," said the man, "it's true, I've got two £5 notes and a £1 coin. I must have that table."

So the man paid £2,000 and the antique kitchen table was delivered the next day. While it was being installed, his mate popped over and remarked on the new piece of furniture.

"It's very special," said the man. "Here, I'll show you." He thought for a moment and then said, "How much money has my wife got in her bank account?"

The table went completely berserk. It started jumping up and down and was still going 30 minutes later.

"But how can that be? Where did she get all that money?" he said, flabbergasted.

Suddenly, the table stopped moving, its legs fell apart and its drawers fell to the floor.

[ballpoint]

I spent the afternoon in the zoo treating monkeys with depression.

I'm always there when the chimps are down.

[ballpoint]

BREAKING NEWS:

Yesterday a group of visitors were accidentally locked in a storage freezer while visiting the Colgate factory...

Tooth company freeze a crowd!

[fangless]

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

[ballpoint]

Speaking to my Cousin earlier, he said his Wife has ran off with his best friend Steve.

I said to him Steve’s not your Best Friend. 
He replied "he is now".

[fangless]

Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

[ballpoint]

When I found out I was holding the taser the wrong way around,

I was stunned!