1 minute ago, ballpoint said:

 

Hopefully it will all pan out in the end for you.

Ah! The flush of youth, gone down the pan!

Hooker hails a cab for a ride across town. When the get there, the cabbie looks in the rearview and says: " "That'll be $22.50 with the toll". The hooker catches his eye in the mirror, hitches up her skirt, winks and says: "Take it out in trade?" To which the cabbie responds: "Jeeze lady, ain't ya got nothin' smaller?" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pilot announced in the flight, we are going to land in half an hour.

 

After saying this, the pilot forgot to turn off the mike and said to the pilot next to him,

Now I will have a hot tea and then I will take the kiss from air hostess's.

 

After Hearing this, the air hostess ran to switch off the mike and fell at the feet of a child.

 

The child said, you are in a hurry to go inside.

 

Didn't you hear ? He will drink tea first.

 

 

Spectacular end to an air show.

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/TnzIIw1UI08?si=S43nDDGcrgqhOv7Q

Jesus was walking around Heaven one day. In a small, secluded garden He saw an old man, crying. Alarmed, Jesus ran up to him and said, “Hey, now, what’s all this? This is paradise. There should be no tears or sorrow.”

The old man wiped away his tears and said, “Oh, I know. I’m sorry. But… well, many years ago, a son came to me through… well, let’s say ‘mysterious circumstances’. After many trials he went through a miraculous transformation, and a book was written about him that became known the world over. I thought I would find him here, but I haven’t. I’m afraid I’ll never see him again.”

Wide-eyed, Jesus looked at the man and said, “Wait a minute… You weren’t, by any chance… a carpenter, were you?”

The man looked up in surprise. “Why, yes. Yes, I was!”

Jesus burst into tears of joy and held out His arms saying, “Father!”

The man cocked his head doubtfully and said, “Pinocchio???”

Paddy was telling Mick about taking his first parachute jump, When I got to the door I couldn't jump. The 6'7" man mountain instructor unzipped his fly and drops out 14" and said If you don't jump you're gonna get this baby right up your arse.

Mick says, Did you jump Paddy says, A bit when it first went in.

A teenager brings home her new boyfriend to meet her parents. They’re disgusted by his haircut, tattoos & piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Honey, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh come on Mom” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

Yesterday, I was driving on the motorway at about 70 mph when a biker drew alongside and matched speeds with me.

He started knocking on my window, so I rolled it down.

He stuck his head inside and I spotted he had a cigarette in his mouth.

He said, “Have you got a light, Mate?”

I said, “Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

He said, “It’s okay. I only smoke about five a day.”