“Well, I’ll be! Eggbeater must have missed that one.”

 

 

 

 

“He told you that? Well, he’s pulling your flagellum, Nancy.”

Two blond women walk into the cosmetic department of a major department store and are immediately intrigued by a beautiful cut crystal bottle containing a new brand of perfume.

The man behind the counter asks if he can be of help.

The first blonde says, “What’s the name of this perfume?”

He replies, “It’s French and called Venez à Moi, which means Come To Me in English.

The second blonde asks, “May I try some?

The salesman sprays a little on her forearm.

She rubs it in and takes a deep sniff.

She then puts her arm in front of her girlfriend’s nose and says, “Here take a sniff. It doesn’t smell like cum to me. Does it smell like cum to you?”

2 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

WTF?!!! 

15 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

Depressingly true rather than funny

Just want to congratulate George Floyd on his anniversary of 4 years sobriety.

 

 

  

 

 

*LAWS THAT ISAAC NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT*

May be because these things don't always happen but very probable.

 

1. WORKSHOP LAW OF BREAD:
When the buttered slice of bread falls it always falls on the buttered side.

2. LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queue, the one you just left starts to move faster than the one you are in now.

3. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch.

4. LAW OF THE TOOLS:
Any tool, when dropped, rolls to the least accessible corner.

5. BATH THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

6. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

7. LAW OF THE RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

8. LAW OF BIOMECHANICAL:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

9. LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

10. LAW OF EXAM:
A book will remain in state of rest or covered in dust until exams time.

11. LAW OF SLEEP:
The nap becomes enjoyable when the alarm sounds.

12. LAW OF CHEAPER THINGS
You always get the cheaper things once you have bought the expensive one.

 

 

I have a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.
I hope it’s not terminal.

My family puts the fun in dysfunctional.