1 minute ago, ballpoint said:

Why is John not wearing a dress? 

Anyone know about drones? Bought this down the pub last night but can’t get it to fly.

(For the pedants, it was a special, high temperature, nonmeltable glass eye).

 

 

My friend: “What do you call those things you blow & make a wish?"
Me: "Breathalyzer?"

I entered a blindfold w**king contest last night.
I didn't win......

In fact I don't know where I came.

I just read about a bloke who fell off a factory walkway into a vat of strawberries, sugar and pectin. Luckily he was unhurt.
He is so jammy!

Proof that woman do things just to start an argument:

The wife rang me at work yesterday and said "I've not had time to make tea, do you fancy going out for some?"

"Yeah that sounds good", I replied.

When I got home from the restaurant there she was sat at the kitchen table with a face like thunder.