Maintenance for kid that lives in Thailand

[CraigLondon]

Hi all,

After searching online and getting nowhere,I thought I would post here and see if any members could help...

Basically I hooked up/had a fling with a divorced Thai woman who lives in the UK.One thing led to another and she ended up pregnant (I know,I know) She left the UK for Bangkok to stay with her family not long after and told me she was too old for another kid (she has an 11 yr old with her ex husband in the UK) and told me she was getting a termination which I was fine with considering my age (49)

 

Anyhow,she ended up deciding to keep the baby and not tell me until he was almost born and indeed ,had him in May 2018.A month or so later she left him there with her stepson and his gf who have a daughter and came back to the UK.Now I wasn't too impressed she abandoned our son so she could come and party with her friends and live for free with her ex and his family so obviously a newborn would cramp her lifestyle.

She didnt put my name on the birth certificate in Thailand for a start and I had nothing to do with him (and still don't) so not sure how she stands legally with me in regards for maintenance.She is now back in Thailand and of course after living with her stepson and his gf for all this time,he doesnt recognise or respond to her,she's a stranger to him.

 

I was due to see him when I am over this month but she kind of put me off the idea stating 'he doesnt recognise me and he plays up so he will be worse with you,maybe not a good idea to see him' which obviously upset me and because she has just abandonded him in my eyes,I didn't really know what to do or say.

My real issue is this;if I am not on his Thai birth certificate and he lives in Thailand,and I have had no DNA test done to prove 100% he is mine,does she have any rights in the UK where she lives to get maintenence from me for a child I have never seen? She is a holder of a UK passport also so does that change anything?

After she put me off seeing him I decided to go my own way and do my own thing in Thailand without her and I guess I may as well forget about my son which has p***ed her off no end because I am not going to meet her and take her with me,even though I have seen her twice in a year since that fateful night.

 

I guess I am worried about how she will try to screw me over now it's clear I think she's a terrible mother and I want no relationship with her at all.Does she have any rights to claim money from me even though I am not on his birth certificate and has been 'given away' to people living in Thailand? Also,would that situation change if she ever brings him to live here?

 

I hope this makes sense but feel free to ask for more info

 

Any thought or ideas would be appreciated

 

Thanks,Craig

 

[jvs]

There is nothing she can do.I would feel really bad knowing i had a child that was being neglected but you are not even sure it is yours.

What do you want to do about this situation?The fact that you are still talking to her makes me think you are somehow feeling guilty.You will have to make up your own mind about this which is not an easy thing to do.Do you feel responsible?

[CraigLondon]

Well to be fair,I am fairly sure it's mine and I don't think he's being neglected where he is,far from it,obviously I feel it was his mother that has neglected him. I was quite happy to make a go of it with her for his sake if she brought him back to the UK,but as you can probably tell she's a bit money/lifestyle orientated,and I guess that's why she dumped him with someone else.

As an Westerner and I'd like to think,a decent person with morals,I was both shocked and disgusted she could be so cold to a newborn baby but there you go.

As for do I feel guilty? I'd have to say not quite. I am not the one who doesn't want to care for him but she has decided that's someone who isn't even blood family gets to.I  guess she doesn't feel any guilt about it which concerned me in regards to me having some kind of relationship with her. Why would I want to be with someone who is capable of doing that to their own child? So,I don't feel guilty,but I do kind of feel sorry for him not actually being with his real parents and that's not fair on him. One day he is going to realise that the brown couple staring back at him aren't his real parents as he is a white as I am with blue eyes.

As for the responsibility,of course he is my responsibilty ,it's just not my fault it's been given to someone else.

If I am not to see him or be with him,I am more concerned what the legal side of things could bring. I was just interested where she stood legally in the UK where I live if she decides to bring him here as I am not even registered as the father and he was born in Thailand.

Thanks for your response

Craig

Edited January 11, 2019 by CraigLondon

[blackcab]

9 hours ago, CraigLondon said:

I was just interested where she stood legally in the UK

 

You are both British citizens. This means she can easily apply to the UK CSA (Child Support Agency) to have you assessed for maintenance. You can deny paternity, but you will be ordered to take a paternity test at your own cost.

 

If the child is yours, and it may well not be, then you will be like every other dad who is assessed by the CSA.

 

There would be no problem for the mother to get the child to the UK as she will be able to get it a British Passport.

 

I would say that the mother's actions are somewhat suspicious. You may not be the father; she might have registered another man as the father, or she may have convinced more than one man that they are the father and be receiving money from each.

 

Either way, stay away from the CSA if at all possible.

 

You might want to put a sum of money aside each month for the future benefit of the child. If you meet later in life, you can both do a cheap internet supplied DNA test. If the child is yours then you will have a tidy sum saved up for something worthwhile.

[ancharee]

On ‎1‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 2:06 AM, CraigLondon said:

Well to be fair,I am fairly sure it's mine and I don't think he's being neglected where he is,far from it,obviously I feel it was his mother that has neglected him. I was quite happy to make a go of it with her for his sake if she brought him back to the UK,but as you can probably tell she's a bit money/lifestyle orientated,and I guess that's why she dumped him with someone else.

As an Westerner and I'd like to think,a decent person with morals,I was both shocked and disgusted she could be so cold to a newborn baby but there you go.

As for do I feel guilty? I'd have to say not quite. I am not the one who doesn't want to care for him but she has decided that's someone who isn't even blood family gets to.I  guess she doesn't feel any guilt about it which concerned me in regards to me having some kind of relationship with her. Why would I want to be with someone who is capable of doing that to their own child? So,I don't feel guilty,but I do kind of feel sorry for him not actually being with his real parents and that's not fair on him. One day he is going to realise that the brown couple staring back at him aren't his real parents as he is a white as I am with blue eyes.

As for the responsibility,of course he is my responsibilty ,it's just not my fault it's been given to someone else.

If I am not to see him or be with him,I am more concerned what the legal side of things could bring. I was just interested where she stood legally in the UK where I live if she decides to bring him here as I am not even registered as the father and he was born in Thailand.

Thanks for your response

Craig

maybe get a dna test done when you come over here, then you know for sure

[4MyEgo]

Personally from what I have read from you and those who have replied, I would say 110% that she is playing you, this black widow is good, especially when she said: 

On 1/12/2019 at 2:18 AM, CraigLondon said:

'he doesnt recognise me and he plays up so he will be worse with you,maybe not a good idea to see him'

She is playing on your emotions, she has a plan and that plan is to extract $'s out of you, and it is good to see that you are a noble kind of bloke that is prepared to support the kid, but face this, until you have a DNA test matching your DNA, the kid is not yours, white with blue eyes could be anybodies.

 

What I would suggest if she makes contact with you, is for you to take a strong stand and tell her that you want no more contact with her unless she can provide you with a DNA sample, and naturally you will not pay for this until you receive it with the hospital bill in English.

 

Stay the hell away from this black widow and I will tell you this much, as soon as you tell her the above, she will keep pestering you, but will not provide you with a DNA sample, because she knows the kid is not yours, when and if she does as I am saying she will, tell her your going to block her number, end of story, then move on.

 

As the child was born in Thailand and you are not down as the registered father, she cannot chase you for child support in the UK, if you don't believe me, speak to a family law specialist, a 45 minute consultation would be money well spend, however if the kid was born in the UK you would be up $hit creek so to speak, i.e. if she could provide a DNA sample saying the kid was yours.

 

The lawyer might strongly suggest that he or she write her a letter to produce such evidence to him/her or if she cannot within a set time frame then to stop harassing you or he/she will commence legal proceedings to enforce such an action, but I reckon she will disappear sooner than later and move onto her next victim, and for fark sake learn from this and get out before you end up with a kid and start paying child support, that or put one on as much most men don't like them, just remember, they can also stop you from getting diseases.

 

Would love to hear back from you by sending me a PM when you find out what the story was, interesting stuff.

Edited January 14, 2019 by 4MyEgo

[Ulic]

I am guessing you have been shown pictures as you have never seen the baby that was born in Bangkok. The baby may have white skin and blue eyes but have you just seen pictures of a baby or baby with the mother. Just for context. There are plenty of pictures of babies on the internet. Just saying, get a DNA test then do the right thing, the best way you can.

[dickjones2018]

the fantasy writers are getting creative ...

 

"the kid is not yours, white with blue eyes could be anybodies. "

 

sorry dude...do your homework ... anything WHITE mixed with Asian / African / Latino have brown eyes ... NEVER EVER EVER BLUE ....

 

do a poll here on TV... how many farang + thai mix kids have anything other than BROWN EYES

[blackcab]

On 1/15/2019 at 10:59 AM, dickjones2018 said:

anything WHITE mixed with Asian / African / Latino have brown eyes ... NEVER EVER EVER BLUE ....

 

That's incorrect. If the Asian parent has a blue eyed ancestor at any time in the past then their child can have blue eyes. It's uncommon, but possible.

 

This website does a good job of explaining it:

 

http://www.arogundade.com/asians-chinese-with-natural-blue-green-eyes-genetics.html