Thai Men Staring

[Bellatrix]

Maybe I'm oversensitive/paranoid, but I find that in Thailand men stare much more openly than back home. In Australia if I catch someone looking at me, they look away, but over here if I look back at them and even if I frown back at them they usually they just keep staring until I am out of sight, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I am 23 (but look about 16) and living here by myself, and the people who do it are often Thai men old enough to be my dad. Nothing wrong with that, I'm sure my dad looks at young girls too, but I'd like to think he'd be a bit more discrete about it. It's the fact that they are so obvious about it and clearly don't care what I think that makes me feel so uncomfortable, combined I suppose with the Thai stereotype of farang women being sluts.

I'm wondering how you other women deal with it (say something, ignore it etc) or if you just don't notice it or don't let it get to you.

Edited March 21, 2007 by Bellatrix

[Casanundra]

Maybe I'm oversensitive/paranoid, but I find that in Thailand men stare much more openly than back home. In Australia if I catch someone looking at me, they look away, but over here if I look back at them and even if I frown back at them they usually they just keep staring until I am out of sight, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I am 23 (but look about 16) and living here by myself, and the people who do it are usually Thai men old enough to be my dad. Nothing wrong with that, I'm sure my dad looks at young girls too, but I'd like to think he'd be a bit more discrete about it. It's the fact that they are so obvious about it and clearly don't care what I think that makes me feel so uncomfortable, combined I suppose with the Thai stereotype of farang women being sluts.

I'm wondering how you other women deal with it (say something, ignore it etc) or if you just don't notice it or don't let it get to you.

I think you are just being paranoid. I often get stared at too and I ain't 23 nor a girl either and I find it best to just ignore them or stare back. And no before you ask there isn't anything abnormal about me, apart from the hump, the shuffle, the lisp and the constant ringing in my ears. Mistreth!

[Boo]

Really depends, is it threatening to you, are they glaring or just looking at you in a cusious way? Maybe they think you are really beautiful & unusual in their eyes & they are interested in what you are doing.

Maybe, without knowing, you are wearing the type of clothes that the older generation find quite "loose" so they are looking at you in disbelief or disgust (Trust me this doesn't have to be revealing, I have frequently been told to dress more like thai by the MIL, which involves wearing those home made high neck square shaped tops with no buttons or a nice blouse, like her & her 60 odd y/o cronies )

I find whenever I am at hubbies home town all the old ladies spend most of their day sitting in the MIL's front yard waiting to see what I am going to do in the house next!!! And the old men who used to be hubbies late dads friends all want their photo taken with me & start hanging around the house when we are there & ask to be my bf (in the jokey old man way!)

With strangers or generally in the street, perosnally I am not looking at them so would have no idea if anyone would be looking at me. I never really feel that anyone is staring but TBH, I am a 6ft blonde with big boobs so a lot of thai people probably will be looking at me, I just don't actually register it.

If you feel threatened by it then a nice long glare back would probably do it but IMO if it is just someone gawking whilst you do your weekly food shop, then ignore or sometimes maybe do something odd to give them something to actually look at

[Bellatrix]

I think it's probably just the "you're not a Thai" stare, but while I don't like being stared at by anyone, when it's men (not ones my age) and they make it obvious it makes me very uncomfortable.

I had hoped I'd be used to it by now (been here 9 months) but I still find it quite creepy/intimidating.

Wish I could just lighten up

[Sheryl]

Well I'm going to differ a bit from the 2 replies you have had so far....

First of all, I think that if your intuitive sense is that there are sexual overtones to the staring, you are almost certainly correct. It is unfortunately a common problem for farang women in Thailand, mainly from less educated Thai men who have never travelled abroad or interacted with foreigners and whose ideas about farang women are largely shaped by pron films.

I also agree with your sense of outrage at the lack of discretion, again I think it is an intuitively correct response. These men would not be so blatant towards a Thai woman; their behavior expresses the sentiment that it is not necessary to accord basic courtesy or observe social norms with a farang. It is unfortunately the case that the code of conduct in Thailand is very much viewed as a code for behavior among Thais and that many Thais do not consider it applicable to dealings with non-Thais. Tho to be fair, the alternatives they apply to farang encounters are sometimes favorable to the farang...and sometimes not. I have found that in routine encounters with Thais who don't know me personally, some will treat me better than they would a Thai, some will treat me worse, but almost none will treat me the same. It is hard for westerners to accept, because our culture puts such emphasis on at least the ideal of racial equality. But while we may not like it, we do have to learn to live with it, it's just the way it is here.

It does get much better when people get to know you, in my experience; then instead of "farang" you become a specific person in their minds. Even people who never get to know you, if they see you around often enough, the novelty wears off some.

All that being said, I do agree with Boo on the ignoring it part. The longer you are in Thailand the more used to this you will become and the less it will register; you learn to shut it out.

Do coldly ignore the men in question, and at the same time make an effort to make personal contact, even if just briefly, with women and men who behavior appropriately...chit chat with market vendors and store keepers, etc. This will help you become known as a person and win you friends and allies in the general population, who may in turn prove invaluable in helping you out in times of need.

In my 2 decades living here I've had a serious problems arise from time to time and one thing I have learned is that the only thing that will effectively navigate you through a conflict or problem with Thais is other Thais....and that those who know you and are on friendly terms with you (even just casual friendly) will usually be happy to come to your rescue and do so. So cultivate them, it makes all the difference.

If the staring is occurring within a defined location, you may even be able to get it stopped by confiding in such a Thai friend about how uncomfortable it is making you. You can't make the men stop staring, but other Thais can.

Don't think you should try the "give them something to look at" suggestion, tho....

Good luck, and chin up! It does get easier.

[meme]

Living in Korea or Thailand, I get stared at as well. And they also do not look away. I put it in the context of, in Western countries you can get punched in the face for staring, it's like a challenge..which to me, is really stupid... so the fact that Thai's or Korean's can stare openly without threat of violance is a good thing.

I think it mostly has to do with my mood at the time of the stare. Living in Asia for 4 years and not having an Asian body I am stared at by everyone, men , women , children. I like to say I am over it and that I can't change entire nations, so I just deal with it, but let me tell you when I am in a bad mood it really really gets to me! Last hungover Sunday I was walking down the street and two 7 year old boys did the usual "wow a white person" so I just shouted back in Korean "wow a Korean person"... However usually I just let it go, It is not their fault, they are just surprised..I find that people in Asia are more upfront, in your face about things which at the time make you feel uncomfortable but I prefer that to the, behind your back whispers of the West..but that's just me.

If it is creeping you out of threatening you that is a different thing but a lot of the time they may just starring b/c you are different and or hot. And really compared to some other countries that verbally assault women who are just walking down the street, stares are pretty harmless. So although you might find it impolite you really can't change all of them so just try to deal with it, although I find the odd minor lashout works sometimes..

[Boo]

Don't think you should try the "give them something to look at" suggestion, tho....

that was a joke sheryl.

[sbk]

Sheryl has an excellent point. They would, most likely, not try this behavior with a Thai woman. So, best response is to react in the same way a Thai woman would react if it were done to her. I once had a man touch me on the arm when I was taking the ferry. Not sexually in anyway but touching a strange woman is not appropriate behavior here and he knew it. I pulled back and behaved in a completely offended way saying "What are you doing?" in a huffy voice (in Thai), he quickly pulled his arm back and started saying "katord katord"

[nikster]

I am a european male and girls stare at me all the time - being a guy, this isn't uncomfortable though it's certainly weird. Sometimes I am like, all right, get over it.

I do think I have something to contribute to the topic though - an insight into the male Thai mind.

I am sure that the idea that western women are sluts plays a role. I don't know where that idea comes from but japanese cartoons are full of this stereotype so this must be prevalent all over Asia. Everyone reads/watches Japanese cartoons. I think this is not negative - more like the "exotic" appeal, dangerous and exciting at the same time.

Then there's the eternal attraction of white skin. Speaking to a somewhat out-of-his mind friend of my wife's - Thai - I learned that he was fascinated with western women. I didn't really get it but I just let him talk about the tourist women.

He said to me in a breathless voice "... they all look like models, they are all angels.." and he got all dreamy-eyed. I looked around and saw the standard run-of-the-mill backpackers and other very normal western tourists - would have never occurred to me.

In short, they stare at you because they think you are a Claudia Schiffer look-alike

Excellent advice to behave like a Thai woman. I don't think they mean to disrespect, I think it's more a fascination... w_nkers who watch too much pron are everywhere but those won't be the people staring at you openly. Too scary.

Edited March 23, 2007 by nikster

[chatette]

I really don't think the sort of people who stare at foreigners in Thailand see us as people, rather objects of fascination. I once had neighbours who moved in two doors down from our townhouse in an estate near Romklao who used to come out to watch me leave for work each morning. It was quite bizarre. I would say good morning to them and it just didn't register, they'd just keep on staring; I would say good morning to the woman across the road and we'd exchange brief pleasantries while the other neighbours continued to stare. This went on for about a year, until they moved. Some people are just parochial. Ignore them. You can't engage people who don't see you as a human.

[frenchFARANGbkk]

Maybe I'm oversensitive/paranoid, but I find that in Thailand men stare much more openly than back home. In Australia if I catch someone looking at me, they look away, but over here if I look back at them and even if I frown back at them they usually they just keep staring until I am out of sight, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I am 23 (but look about 16) and living here by myself, and the people who do it are often Thai men old enough to be my dad. Nothing wrong with that, I'm sure my dad looks at young girls too, but I'd like to think he'd be a bit more discrete about it. It's the fact that they are so obvious about it and clearly don't care what I think that makes me feel so uncomfortable, combined I suppose with the Thai stereotype of farang women being sluts.

I'm wondering how you other women deal with it (say something, ignore it etc) or if you just don't notice it or don't let it get to you.

It seems that you you need a farang boyfriend, where do you live?

;-)

[mamanoodle]

I am a falang with falang husband, believe me it makes no difference, they stare, no idea why I'm in my 50's but have fair hair and more bustline than most Thai females(most likely cause). I get stared at if my hubbie with me or not, I usually look back with a 'yes, can I help you' sort of expression, and this usually embarrasses most of them to look away. It was a bit annoying at first but I have never felt threatened about it, been here 18months permanently now and rarely ever notice it any more. I just put it down to being a bit of a novelty over here, but always felt more uncomfortable with the same looks back in the UK, and always gave filthy looks back to the offenders there!

[philliphn]

Perhaps you should return to whence you came!

Having said that. I have noticed that if I only look straight ahead at where I am going, and a european woman happens to cross my line of vision, she is then offended. I find that they are then often rude and offensive. <deleted>, am I supposed to constatntly look away if they cross my line of sight. Also, if you want to wear clothes that show all what you got, then you should expect more people to take a good look.

[drenoi]

Living in Korea or Thailand, I get stared at as well. And they also do not look away. I put it in the context of, in Western countries you can get punched in the face for staring, it's like a challenge..which to me, is really stupid... so the fact that Thai's or Korean's can stare openly without threat of violance is a good thing.

I think it mostly has to do with my mood at the time of the stare. Living in Asia for 4 years ...

I'm a guy, I felt the staring to be annoying/weird at first, now after 2-3 years living in Thailand i'm 'over it'. It IS a difference in our culture like Meme suggests. And I think also that it's a good thing. We are too strange back home & affraid to look at someone for fear of them 1. Punching us out, 2. Thinking we're gay, 3. Thinking we're checking out their partner... Don't be affraid, they're not thinking about doing anything bad or threatening at all (unlike guys back home??). Once you get more comfortable with it you you'll be alright, hang in there!

[November Rain]

Perhaps you should return to whence you came!

Having said that. I have noticed that if I only look straight ahead at where I am going, and a european woman happens to cross my line of vision, she is then offended. I find that they are then often rude and offensive. <deleted>, am I supposed to constatntly look away if they cross my line of sight. Also, if you want to wear clothes that show all what you got, then you should expect more people to take a good look.

Is your paranoia a medical condition? I really can't imagine any woman, regardless of race being rude, offensive or upset if they simply "cross (your) line of vision"

And, who said OP is wearing clothes of the sort you describe? I don't remember reading that anywhere...

[Lost in translation!]

i know how you feel..i'm a farang woman, 29 years old. Sheryl you hit the nail on the head.....i've been here for 2 years and i still get annoyed by being stared at and "farang'd" at......but i have to take a deep breath, accept that its their culture and get on with it if its my decision to live here. The other day i had a 2 year old child scream at the top of his voice "FARANG" 7 times at me. I just wondered why a child that age would know that word!!!! it was quite embarrassing as people turned to stare, but i suppose in a strange way its quite funny also.

i know enough thai that when you are being spoken about sometimes it nice things and sometimes its not. Sometime they are looking at you in ore (which makes you feel like a superstar) and sometimes they look at you in envy, as they think you have something they don't. I still carry on being polite, smile and say "mai ben rai"!!!! You have to, otherwise you'll end up bitter about your experince here.

It takes a lot of getting use to and as for the men staring......you have to realise that men having more than one girlfriend or wife is the norm here, so they don't see anything wrong with doing a little "window shopping" while they're out. They're probably hoping you'll be the next addition to their harem imagine how popular they would be with their mates if they bagged a falang!!! i've heard that if a Thai man is with a farang woman he's considered "top dog"

i've heard it all......thai men trying to chat me up (which i'm sure for them takes a lot of guts to go up to a farang woman) and a guy telling me he has 5 wives/lovers while looking me up and down (think he was hoping i was going to accept and be wife number 6!!) My Dad would be so proud! I swiftly said "ohh really, how nice and moved on!!"

[sbk]

Perhaps you should return to whence you came!

Having said that. I have noticed that if I only look straight ahead at where I am going, and a european woman happens to cross my line of vision, she is then offended. I find that they are then often rude and offensive. <deleted>, am I supposed to constatntly look away if they cross my line of sight. Also, if you want to wear clothes that show all what you got, then you should expect more people to take a good look.

Perhaps you should re read the original post. She was not discussing farang looking at her.

If you don't have anything on topic to contribute then please don't bother as this particular brand of nasty attitude is unwelcome in the Ladies Forum.

[kenk3z]

I tend to rely on what I call the "zoo analogy" as a way of dealing with other animals behavior.

If you are walking through the zoo and a cage full of monkeys is staring at you and calling "oot oot oot eek eek eek", are you offended in some way?

Same same. Monkeys come in many different species. They are just monkeys chattering among themselves. Are you a monkey? Do you run up to the cage and scream "eek eek eek oot oot oot" back at them? What does that make you look like to the humans around you?

kenk3z

[realthaideal]

Blow the biggest kiss possible with the slowest, sexiest wink possible and see if you can't embarass them.

[bkkgreg]

Maybe I'm oversensitive/paranoid, but I find that in Thailand men stare much more openly than back home. In Australia if I catch someone looking at me, they look away, but over here if I look back at them and even if I frown back at them they usually they just keep staring until I am out of sight, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I am 23 (but look about 16) and living here by myself, and the people who do it are often Thai men old enough to be my dad. Nothing wrong with that, I'm sure my dad looks at young girls too, but I'd like to think he'd be a bit more discrete about it. It's the fact that they are so obvious about it and clearly don't care what I think that makes me feel so uncomfortable, combined I suppose with the Thai stereotype of farang women being sluts.

I'm wondering how you other women deal with it (say something, ignore it etc) or if you just don't notice it or don't let it get to you.

Just learn a little bit of Thai.

Look them in the eye and say "mong arai?".(what are you looking at?).If they reply negatively you can say (spelt phonetically for you) "khun see-a murriya"(you are a bad mannered person).

Who cares about Thai sensitivity?They don't give a sh$t about ours.And their manners are appalling.

[popshirt]

I do think there is a major cultural factor at work here. Eye contact is much more common in Asia than in the west. In the west, for example, males hardly ever make eye contact with other males on the street. In Latin America they do make eye contact which unnerves many European and North American males. It is the same in Asia. And it doesn't matter whether the guys are straight or gay. I just think eye contact is more accepted here than "back home".

I do agree there is a difference between eye contact and a "leer" however.

[Jai Dee]

Who cares about Thai sensitivity?They don't give a sh$t about ours.And their manners are appalling.

Not a bad effort for your first post on the forum greg.

Keep it up and you'll probably beat the record for the fastest ejection from ThaiVisa.

[jumbo]

Anybody ever see a farang male stare at every girl/woman between 14 and 40??

Maybe it is just payback time for the Thai??

J

[TanjaB]

I do think there is a major cultural factor at work here. Eye contact is much more common in Asia than in the west. In the west, for example, males hardly ever make eye contact with other males on the street. In Latin America they do make eye contact which unnerves many European and North American males. It is the same in Asia. And it doesn't matter whether the guys are straight or gay. I just think eye contact is more accepted here than "back home".

I do agree there is a difference between eye contact and a "leer" however.

... it's definitely NOT my eyes they are making contact with, trust me!!! We have a huge construction site right opposite our building, and a motorbike taxi stand near-by... walking past those is often painfully embarrassing. I dress as modestly as possible in this weather, and never wear anything figure hugging or low cut, yet it is undisguisable that my bust is somewhat larger than what's average around here. I get guys starring, pointing and making loud comments to their mates to make sure they get a look at me too. I find it extremely rude. However, I would still choose these guys over those moronic, rude, filthy mouthed, obnoxious white-van drivers & builders back in the UK, who won't even keep their 'appreciation' of my assets to themselves when I walk down the street with a child by my side. I just give them all the meaniest, dirtiest look I can muster and get on with my life... I gave up getting upset by it a long time ago, it's just not worth it. There will always be guys like that, where ever you are...

[girlx]

There will always be guys like that, where ever you are...

absolutely true.

[bkkgreg]

Who cares about Thai sensitivity?They don't give a sh$t about ours.And their manners are appalling.

Not a bad effort for your first post on the forum greg.

Keep it up and you'll probably beat the record for the fastest ejection from ThaiVisa.

Here we go again.There is one or two in every workplace and on every forum.Another farang who thinks wearing rose coloured glasses and sucking up to Thais are requirements to live here.

[LoveDaBlues]

Any of them ever yell "num yii"

[moscow5]

Stop trying to get your rocks off by starting an argument here - this path's well worn and bores the crap out of the rest of us. Read the forum rules and just move along to another forum.

Who cares about Thai sensitivity?They don't give a sh$t about ours.And their manners are appalling.

Not a bad effort for your first post on the forum greg.

Keep it up and you'll probably beat the record for the fastest ejection from ThaiVisa.

Here we go again.There is one or two in every workplace and on every forum.Another farang who thinks wearing rose coloured glasses and sucking up to Thais are requirements to live here.

[KhunMarco]

I'm a male and it happens to me often too (both men and women staring or even turning their head), especially when I'm wearing sunglasses (maybe they think I'm looking elsewhere). not to mention that time I was in BKK and an elderly lady touched my arm and said "big big falang" rofl.

I can imagine it's not funny for a lady though, but remember, one day nobody will look at you anymore (in a hundred years obviously), so..carpe diem and thank mum and dad for the good work.

Edited March 27, 2007 by KhunMarco

[philliphn]

Being a male of latin descent; I can say that it is true that Latins are more likely to look you in the eye.

When I was a child growing up in England our teachers always told us that we should look other people in the eye. Granted that was now over 40 years ago.

I have noticed that especially younger European and American women are offended if they happen to pass your line of sight and you keep looking straight ahead. The exception is if you are "very good looking" and approximately their age. I have heard rude comments from them frequently about this. The last comment/gesture was at Walmart this past week end in the USA. I was just walking straight ahead, this female crossed my line of sight and I kept looking straight ahead. I could not help but make some eye contact. She then made a rude hand gesture at me. I was polite enough not to respond in kind. As I was taught at an early age I did not look away. Just kept moving foreward looking straight ahead. I don't see why I should evert my eyes.

Further long before this thread other friends of mine who are expats in Thailand brought this topic up for discussion. They have had the same experiences as myself. So that is why I happen to have a particular interest in this thread.