Announcment Of Great Importance To American Ferangs

[gennisis]

Great Britian is repossessing the U.S.A.

To all citizens of the current United States of America:-

In the light of your abject failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves effectivly,you are hereby given notice of the revocation of your independance..effectivly as from now.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all your states and terrorities,(with the exception of Kansa,which she does not like).Congress and Senate will be disbanded due to their inefectivness. To which a questionaire will be circulated to determine if anyone has noticed.

To aid in the transision to a British Crown Colony,the following will be introduced with immediate effect...(you should firstly look up revocation inthe Oxford English Dictionary)

1...Aluminium and Tomato pronounciation will be in, future correct. You will be amazed at how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2...The letter U will be reinstated in such words as "favour" and "neighbour". Likewise you will also learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half of the letters. Generaly you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.(look up vocabulary in the dictionary).

3...You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,lawyers therapists or lobbyists.The fact that you need so many lawyers,therapists and lobbyists shows that you are not adult enough to sort things out without suing or shooting your detractors.

4...Since you are not adult enough and have resorted to guns to settle disputes,no one will be permitted to own or carry anything more dangerous than a potato peeler.A permit will be required to carry the potato peeler in am public place

5...American cars are hereby banned.They are crap and this is for your own good.When we show you German cars you will understand what we mean. Holdens Monaro"s are permitted.

6...All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts and you will start driving on the left immediatly.You will also go Metric.Conversion tables are not permitted. This will enable you to appreciate British humour.

7...You will adopt UK prices on petrol(which you have been referring to as gasoline).The current price being approx $6 a gallon.....get used to it.!!

8...You will be educated to make real chips.The things you call French Fries are not chips.Proper chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.You will further not smother them with katsup. Vinegar is the desired condiment

9...The cold,tasteless liquid you insist on calling beer is banned. In future only proper British Bitter will be referred to as Beer.Recognised European brews will be known as Lager.Australian beer is acceptable as they are pound for pound the worlds premier sporting nation,which can only be due to their beer. and to the fact that they were once a British Colony. American brands will be referred to as Near Frozen Gnats Piss.

10...Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guy.They will also be required to cast English characters with English actors. No more the the obscene gesticulations such as Andie MacDowell in "Four Weddings and a Funeral".

11... American Football will cease.!There is only one kind of proper football and it is called soccer.In time,those of you brave enough,will be allowed to play rugby.This game does have some similarities to your American football,but it does not involve stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies.But for you to attempt to play Rugby is not advised.The Aussies and Kiwis will slaughter you...in the same way as they slaughter us.

12...You will stop playing baseball.It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is rarely played outside America.Since only 2.2% of you are aware that there is something beyond your borders your error is understandable. You will learn to play Cricket.

13...You must tell us who killed JFK.

14...An internal revenue agent (tax inspector) from her Majestys Government will shortly be with you to ensure the acquistion of all monies due to us since 1776

15...Daily Tea Time will begin promptly at 4 pm with proper cups(not mugs),served with biscuits(not cookies) and cakes.Strawberrys also,when in season.

16...Marmite is to be provided at all breakfasts with warm toast.

God Save the Queen.

Only he can.

John Cleese.( Or so I understand)

[mr_hippo]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?ac...ite=John+Cleese