Thai Land Vs Building On It

[meemiathai]

Dear Steve,

I don't think you would get any exact answers here. No one would know exactly what kind of a person your boyfriend really is. Just take those replies as reference and be prepared with whatever possibilities there could be.

Hope advices here could help you make the best judgements. I don't believe a single bit that just because a person is a bar girl/boy he is automatically a bad person, or a person who is unable to love genuinely. But the fact is you are rich(according to his standard) and he is poor, and money could be a burden in relationships. Please bear in mind it is as difficult for him to love you as it is for you to love him under these circumstances. He also has to struggle on that part. There are enough burden already in relationships even when money is not involved.

Hope it is understandable and that I need not have to explain that it is very natural that a person will always try to make his own life and his family's better. Therefore it would be hard to know where to draw a line. So be prepared that there are bound to be lots of ups and downs.

Of course there are always chances that he could just be after your money. But remember there is no free lunch in this world. And money can't buy love, only love can. You will have to pay with your love. No guarantee.

Time would or might tell. Maybe spending more time together might help you get pass a point where you could feel absolutely confident. But doubts might as well come out at any time to pull this point further. Hope everything heads towards a good direction for the both of you.

Just my humble opinion.

[Steve Ireland]

Dear Steve,

I don't think you would get any exact answers here. No one would know exactly what kind of a person your boyfriend really is. Just take those replies as reference and be prepared with whatever possibilities there could be.

Hope advices here could help you make the best judgements. I don't believe a single bit that just because a person is a bar girl/boy he is automatically a bad person, or a person who is unable to love genuinely. But the fact is you are rich(according to his standard) and he is poor, and money could be a burden in relationships. Please bear in mind it is as difficult for him to love you as it is for you to love him under these circumstances. He also has to struggle on that part. There are enough burden already in relationships even when money is not involved.

Hope it is understandable and that I need not have to explain that it is very natural that a person will always try to make his own life and his family's better. Therefore it would be hard to know where to draw a line. So be prepared that there are bound to be lots of ups and downs.

Of course there are always chances that he could just be after your money. But remember there is no free lunch in this world. And money can't buy love, only love can. You will have to pay with your love. No guarantee.

Time would or might tell. Maybe spending more time together might help you get pass a point where you could feel absolutely confident. But doubts might as well come out at any time to pull this point further. Hope everything heads towards a good direction for the both of you.

Just my humble opinion.

Thanks mate. I am not young enough, nor unintelligent enough to know what goes on in the real world, both in Thailand AND all across the rest of the world. I think its just good sometimes to get it out there and receive advice from strangers, where friends might be over protective or know you've been hurt before and not give the NEW Bo a fair crack at the whip. I have decided to tell him I am not getting involved in any land dealings nor am I financing them until I am physically over there. That won't be for another 7 months. If he disappears I will not be jumping for joy (I do love him) but I am a big boy and I would rather lose him know than in 3 years. By the same token I would rather know BEFORE I get there if I am looking for a boyfriend or I have one already.

Cheers,

Steve

[jingjoe]

I have decided to tell him I am not getting involved in any land dealings nor am I financing them until I am physically over there.

That sounds like a yes to me, and it will to the thai guy too, so nothing will change (except he might start to infer to his family that it's a sure thing).

I'd have suggested you killed the idea cold, and maybe softened it with an offer to help HIM save the money to buy the land, as mentioned previously. (It's not like you'll ever get kudos you're entitled to for paying for any or all of it).

Can't wait to read the next installment.

[Clipped]

there is absolutley, positively, no reason why you should buy land/house after knowing somebody for only a year, and in your case less than 100 days.

these people work at your soft spot and know you can have a hard time saying no....the parents are in on it too, more than likely they are the ones that suggested it to their son......they probably ask how much you spend when you take him out, compile the cost....and come to the conclusion that...you waste more money going out with their son with nothing material to show for it.....so assume that $1000 is nothing too you...as you have already stated.

there may even be the slightest chance that he is not gay, but acting it out.

imo the whole family is evil, abandon ship while you can.

[goldenmile]

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there may even be the slightest chance that he is not gay, but acting it out.

well that must be a demanding role, especially the bedroom scenes

Edited April 5, 2007 by goldenmile

[Heng]

.

there may even be the slightest chance that he is not gay, but acting it out.

well that must be a demanding role, especially the bedroom scenes

No different from gals saying to guys, and sometimes gals: 'you're handsum too much,' 'I am no sell the house, really!,' or 'he's my brother!'

Acting.

[PaulUSA302]

I remember reading on Stickman about guy complaining that they purchased a house, filled it with furniture and appliances all at the demand/request of their wife/girlfriend; only to be kicked out shortly after.... The women were only after the money, hose and goods and did not have a need for the guy anymore.

A guy suggested that in the future they not pay cash when buying, but take out a loan and then the wife/girlfriend knows that she has a home for as long as she has the man who is paying the bills. If he is tossed out, the bank may come and toss her out as well.

Something to think about....

[andook]

Reads just like something out of "Private Dancer", only the bar "girl" has shorter hair. Probably.

[taxexile]

Is it common for any Thai Bar boy/girl to put in that much time, introduce you to their family AND change their job? Internet Cafe's are not very cheap, are they?

Net cafe's are 60 Baht an hour. If they are on Walking Street or Soi BJ, heck, they might be using one of my friend's shops.

Compare the upside involved when compared to the cost of doing business -both financial and timewise-. Myself I only make about 12-15% ROI in my wholesale businesses. If I had to make a rough estimate, IMO these bar girls and boys -those that manage to harpoon whales anyway- do about 10 to 100+ times that % wise (medium term anyway, until most -not all of course- of them are broke again).

maybe you're in the wrong business heng

[Heng]

I remember reading on Stickman about guy complaining that they purchased a house, filled it with furniture and appliances all at the demand/request of their wife/girlfriend; only to be kicked out shortly after.... The women were only after the money, hose and goods and did not have a need for the guy anymore.

A guy suggested that in the future they not pay cash when buying, but take out a loan and then the wife/girlfriend knows that she has a home for as long as she has the man who is paying the bills. If he is tossed out, the bank may come and toss her out as well.

Something to think about....

First hand, well, second hand as this was my father in law's anecdote, kind of appropriate as this was in Pattaya and the scammer was a local guy, only he was taking an older farang lady who was financing him from abroad after a short visit to the LOS. He'd come by one of our construction sites and have one of our laborer's take a picture in front of the house (just a small simple two story 3-4 bedroom home on 60-70 talang wah). He'd periodically come back and take photos of himself in front of the house under construction. We didn't think much of it as he was an acquaintence and former customer of one of our pawn shops.... assumed he was a friend of the laborers and maybe was planning to build a house or something.

As you may have guessed by now, in the end, it turned out that he was milking the falang gal overseas. She was paying for a house, month by month, as it slowly neared completion over the course of a year and a bit. And the guy was using the funds for who knows what... nevermind that he wasn't the owner of the house.

[Heng]

Is it common for any Thai Bar boy/girl to put in that much time, introduce you to their family AND change their job? Internet Cafe's are not very cheap, are they?

Net cafe's are 60 Baht an hour. If they are on Walking Street or Soi BJ, heck, they might be using one of my friend's shops.

Compare the upside involved when compared to the cost of doing business -both financial and timewise-. Myself I only make about 12-15% ROI in my wholesale businesses. If I had to make a rough estimate, IMO these bar girls and boys -those that manage to harpoon whales anyway- do about 10 to 100+ times that % wise (medium term anyway, until most -not all of course- of them are broke again).

maybe you're in the wrong business heng

Pimpin' ain't easy, Tax.

[jeebusjones]

The idea of giving money to someone you've basically only spoken to over the internet seems very dangerous. And even if the amount isn't that important to you, it is obviously important to the person asking for it. You should very carefully question his motives.

Others here have summed it up well. In my opinion, you should never let money enter into a relationship, especially this early on. Just say no, and then you'll find out how he really feels about you.

[onzestan]

Well guys it's the OP's money that we are talking about, and if the OP himself thinks it's a small amount then let him do it.

A lesson hard learned is a lesson not easily forgotten.

We all have had to learn a few hard lessons in life (at least I and most of my friends), the problem is not to get bitter about it and move on.

MHO

Cheers

onzestan

[OlRedEyes]

Is it common for any Thai Bar boy/girl to put in that much time, introduce you to their family AND change their job? Internet Cafe's are not very cheap, are they?

Net cafe's are 60 Baht an hour. If they are on Walking Street or Soi BJ, heck, they might be using one of my friend's shops.

Compare the upside involved when compared to the cost of doing business -both financial and timewise-. Myself I only make about 12-15% ROI in my wholesale businesses. If I had to make a rough estimate, IMO these bar girls and boys -those that manage to harpoon whales anyway- do about 10 to 100+ times that % wise (medium term anyway, until most -not all of course- of them are broke again).

maybe you're in the wrong business heng

Pimpin' ain't easy, Tax.

Yea, but you get to wear cool rags

[goldenmile]

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there may even be the slightest chance that he is not gay, but acting it out.

well that must be a demanding role, especially the bedroom scenes

No different from gals saying to guys, and sometimes gals: 'you're handsum too much,' 'I am no sell the house, really!,' or 'he's my brother!'

Acting.

yes you're quite right. i had forgotten about all the cringemaking scenes visible all over Pattaya, where a beautiful young thing is wandering about hand in hand with one of the dregs of western society that seem to congregate there.

[Steve Ireland]

Well Guys, UPDATE TIME. Before I begin - Adook, I laughed out loud at 8am when I read your post - Thanks:)

I am building 3 houses with my father here in Ireland and told my boyfriend I am over extended with that and will not be buying land in Thailand for a couple of years at least last night. He said 'ok love', 'no problem'. We won't speak the weekend because I have shows but I am due to speak to him on Monday. Will let y'all know if anything changes, attitude, length of conversation, no show etc.

Hope that Pattaya finds you all in good form this weekend.

Cheers,

Steve (Ireland)