Do You Avoid Silom/suk When With Your Gf

[Furbie]

I rarely start posts, but I have a bug up my ass due to a few recent encounters and I just fee like venting/commiserating a bit.

How many board members are married/currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship with a Thai girl and experienced some level or stereotyping based on the misconception that all Thai girls with Western men are/were prostitutes?

Not to imply that my GF is more special or better than someone else's, but she is so d**n riap roy and proper that it drives me nuts when someone thinks she is a working girl – and it really, really upsets her. I now find myself avoiding some of my favorite places to eat on Suk when I am with her because of this issue.

I did stress to her early in our relationship that she would experience this, be she is having a hard time with it, and I must confess that I am as well. This is not my first GF in Thailand by a long shot, but this is the first I am very, very serious about.

Clearly, this is not an issue that can be cleared up, you can either deal with it or you can't. However, I was also wondering if I was alone in avoiding whole sections of town when with the GF, or do others do that as well?

[cdnvic]

No, I'm afraid it's not limited to Suk/Silom either. I've had idiots ask me how much I paid for her even in her home town out in the sticks.

Amazing how fast those buggers can run too.

[solo siam]

Whats the age difference if you don't mind me asking? If you are both fairly conservatively dressed and of a similar age I would be suprised if people made this assumption, although at the end of the day some people think the worst of everything - but thats their problem not yours.

[Chantal]

Ignore these people! Concentrate on enjoying your life together. Don't let this stop you both from doing what you want to do or going where you want to go.

Have fun!

[canuckamuck]

This conversation actually came up last night when I was at the mall with my wife; she must have gotten a look that made her feel bad. Usually we don’t think about it much.

She said to me she has some sort of control over others opinions, if she dresses average or comfortable. People might at least think she is no longer working maybe. BTW, she never worked in the sex industry, she worked with orphans and went to college, she still helps out with the orphans. And please don’t think I am getting all superior here, I do feel a need to represent her as she is, and I owe her that. As for myself, my past isn’t that pretty, I am glad it is behind me.

This is an issue that is put on me too; I have to assume that when I walk with her, many people think I am a sexpat. I get some fairly judgmental looks from the lady farangs some days. It doesn’t help that she is 29 and looks 18.

But I assumed before we got married, that we would face this issue more than we do. We know who we are; we know the condition of our hearts. We don’t need to wear a badge with a crossed out red A. Those who judge must assume their standards must also apply to themselves.

I don’t change my daily life to avoid assumptions.

[Hampstead]

If there is a large age difference, then you will always get snide comments or people thinking the worst.

especially from suk soi 1 to soi 22, apart from the selective upscale restaurants or clubs it really is the pits for the most part to take any loved one.

nowadays in bkk, every district has good restaurants, clubs, pubs, wine bars etc so they really is no need to take your missus to that area of suk or some areas of silom road and be harrassed by ignorant people.

[onzestan]

No, I'm afraid it's not limited to Suk/Silom either. I've had idiots ask me how much I paid for her even in her home town out in the sticks.

Amazing how fast those buggers can run too.

I even experienced it in Penang, by a farang "lady" who told me : "how dare you bring a prostitute in this nice (Shangri-la) hotel and confront us with your sordid lifestyle". Suffice to say she checked out the same day.

Anyway since I mostly frequent places where people know us it isn't so bad anymore and we learned to ignore it, most of the time.

cheers

onzestan

[soundman]

Just to add another dimension to the discussion. If there is a large age dif. between the couple, even in your own country there will always be funny looks & remarks. Not just thailand...

As for Suk - Silom, my wife has no probs going out in either. Some of the best restaurants in town are in those areas. She just dresses normally. Most people think she is actually a tourist from another country. must be the chinese ancestry.

Cheers,

Soundman.

[meemiathai]

I rarely start posts, but I have a bug up my ass due to a few recent encounters and I just fee like venting/commiserating a bit.

How many board members are married/currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship with a Thai girl and experienced some level or stereotyping based on the misconception that all Thai girls with Western men are/were prostitutes?

Not to imply that my GF is more special or better than someone else's, but she is so d**n riap roy and proper that it drives me nuts when someone thinks she is a working girl – and it really, really upsets her. I now find myself avoiding some of my favorite places to eat on Suk when I am with her because of this issue.

I did stress to her early in our relationship that she would experience this, be she is having a hard time with it, and I must confess that I am as well. This is not my first GF in Thailand by a long shot, but this is the first I am very, very serious about.

Clearly, this is not an issue that can be cleared up, you can either deal with it or you can't. However, I was also wondering if I was alone in avoiding whole sections of town when with the GF, or do others do that as well?

Have you been back in farangland with her yet?

In thailand, it is usually westerners who look at us in a way that makes me feel they think of my wife as a ho.

It is not that the thais never or don't think that way, but usually they don't really care.

I have never avoided any places because of that.

[meemiathai]

No, I'm afraid it's not limited to Suk/Silom either. I've had idiots ask me how much I paid for her even in her home town out in the sticks.

Amazing how fast those buggers can run too.

Faster than bullets?

[Old Man River]

For us, it is no longer a problem (maybe because we are both older and of similar ages), but years ago if a foreigner and Thai girl were walking together without a chaperon strangers automatically jumped to the conclusion that the girl was a prostitute. This happened to us several times. I do know of a daughter of a governor up north who was getting married in Bangkok to a foreigner, and when she left the hotel to get something from her car, the hotel staff wouldn't let her back into the hotel thinking she was a prostitute. These things used to happen.

For the most part now 30 years later times have changed and locals are much more accepting of farang/Thai relationships. Mistakes are still made as per some of the postings in this thread, but it is nothing like it used to be.

[cdnvic]

No, I'm afraid it's not limited to Suk/Silom either. I've had idiots ask me how much I paid for her even in her home town out in the sticks.

Amazing how fast those buggers can run too.

Faster than bullets?

Lead's too expensive to waste on 'em

[meemiathai]

No, I'm afraid it's not limited to Suk/Silom either. I've had idiots ask me how much I paid for her even in her home town out in the sticks.

Amazing how fast those buggers can run too.

Faster than bullets?

Lead's too expensive to waste on 'em

Fully agreed.

[Aussietraveller]

this sort of storeotyping makes my blood boil..

It is however, unavoidable in Thailand..

Thailand however is not alone with this, we have also experienced it in Australia.

It is just the looks that some people give you, you know what they are thinking.

My wife and i have been lucky, and have have never had anyone say anything directly to us, as happened to Onzestan..

I have often thought about how i would react if someone referred to my wife as a prostitute etc....

The reaction i am afraid would not be pretty.

We tend to live our lives as we please, without too much thought to what others think...

[meemiathai]

I don't think it should be of anyone's business even if there is a great age difference. As long as the girl is not forced to be with the guy. Freedom please!

BTW, I am 38 and my wife is 30.

[meemiathai]

I do remember that it is not unusual in thailand for staff of the hotels to check with the thais girls.

I remember once when we were in pattaya, we went back to the hotel at about 1am and my wife was checked by one of the staff and I had to explain to him that she is my wife. She got a bit upset and angry with the guy, but I explained to my wife that she need not get angry, coz it is his job to do so and there is indeed a need to do so. She got better then.

I don't really blame those people actually. It is not really unnatural to think that way. As long as they don't really become rude and think of themselves as superior and can do anything they like to us, it would be fine for me.

Even if it does in fact was a prostitute, they have no right to look down on anyone. Respect others!

[dave111223]

Maybe if you took a poll of the amount of blokes in Thailand who do infact have ex-bargirl wives then you'd understand the stereotype?

Or maybe it would prove the stereotype totally wrong! who knows.

Edited April 11, 2007 by dave111223

[Furbie]

Just to answer some questions from other posters – we are about eight years apart. I am mid-30s and look my age, she is late 20’s, but looks early to mid-20s (which may not help the issue). We are both biz professionals, I dress fairly conservatively, she dresses very conservatively.

[Ulysses G.]

Maybe if you took a poll of the amount of blokes in Thailand who do infact have ex-bargirl wives then you'd understand the stereotype?

Or maybe it would prove the stereotype totally wrong! who knows.

Everyone would lie!

[GuestHouse]

I think we have to understand the extent to which Thais are 'image conscious', this has two sides. The viewer looking at others as being within a certain preconceived image. Then there is the sensitivity and awareness of the person being viewed.

In my single days I dated many Thai women who would make a big show about not being from the 'nightery entertainment industry'. Most simply did the dressing up bit, but I soon got to spot the signs and I'm sure others have too: Wearing the company ID card conspicuously, flaunting the brief case/lap top, including 'we work together' in conversations when being introduced to friends. A whole bunch of stuff that was trying to get the message across 'I'm a straight girl'.

That's just the way Thais are, they judge by appearance, they certainly judge by the company one keeps and as I say above its a two way thing.

As for not liking stereotyping, prejudgment and assumption, well I'm sure many of us would agree that the world would be a better place without it. But I have yet to meet anyone who does not prejudge and make assumptions on dress, behavior, way of speaking, the car we drive, house we live in or indeed the company we keep.

And I include the handsome man who was staring me right in the face while I was shaving this morning.

Edited April 11, 2007 by GuestHouse

[solo siam]

I think we have to understand the extent to which Thais are 'image conscious', this has two sides. The viewer looking at others as being within a certain preconceived image. Then there is the sensitivity and awareness of the person being viewed.

In my single days I dated many Thai women who would make a big show about not being from the 'nightery entertainment industry'. Most simply did the dressing up bit, but I soon got to spot the signs and I'm sure others have too: Wearing the company ID card conspicuously, flaunting the brief case/lap top, including 'we work together' in conversations when being introduced to friends. A whole bunch of stuff that was trying to get the message across 'I'm a straight girl'.

That's just the way Thais are, they judge by appearance, they certainly judge by the company one keeps and as I say above its a two way thing.

As for not liking stereotyping, prejudgment and assumption, well I'm sure many of us would agree that the world would be a better place without it. But I have yet to meet anyone who does not prejudge and make assumptions on dress, behavior, way of speaking, the car we drive, house we live in or indeed the company we keep.

And I include the handsome man who was staring me right in the face while I was shaving this morning.

Your boyfriend watches you shave?

[Shrubbery]

My wife and I have found that we do get a few "looks" from farang women which does annoy me a bit.

Most of the time the wife laughs about it and says "it's their loss and her gain". Though it does get to her some times.

She's 30 and is not an ex bargirl.

We have not yet been back to the UK, but I'm sure there will be either comments or looks given at some stage.

[soi lurker]

they have no right to look down on anyone. Respect others!

Spot on, but as long as others do not impose their thoughts upon you, well you really dont have too much to worry about. Let them think what they want. They are uninformed and are making asumptions. They are lesser people for thinking this way.

[Maigo6]

Maybe if you took a poll of the amount of blokes in Thailand who do infact have ex-bargirl wives then you'd understand the stereotype?

Or maybe it would prove the stereotype totally wrong! who knows.

Everyone would lie!

Oh, c'mon Ulysses G,

You know that all Thai Visa posters met their wives at the Library or the Church.

Personally, I would have thought they would have met their wives at the School for the Blind judging by the appearance of most of the Farangs in Thailand.

[kiakaha]

My wife(thai ethnicity) dresses rather appealingly although she is born,raised and educated in NZL and can barely speak thai.I'm sure she gets stereotyped.

I often go out looking like a backpacker/tourist(cos I like dressing casually) although I have a high level corporate position in BKK.I'm sure I get stereotyped.

Simply put, when you've been living(continuously) in bangkok for a long time ,you simply just dont care any more.On silom/suk I'm more worried about falling down a loose manhole cover than I am about people's baseless judgements.

[LivinLOS]

That side doesnt bother me.. Normally not one to worry about others perceptions (problems) too much..

However I remember once taking my early teen niece out.. It was late ish and we were doing a run to grab some snacks.. Riding along in Patong and stopping at the lights and wondering why I was getting real stink eye..

Then the penny dropped.. Have to say I used to send wifey out with her after that..

[thaired]

Yes I've had this uncomfortable feeling as well. Not from people trying to pass judgement but from another angle. I do not take my girl into the "lesser" bars so to speak but we do frequent what I would of considered the better bars such as the English bar on the corner of Soi 33 the Irish one accross the road & the big one down Soi 5, I get relly cheesed off when I go to the toilet & when come back somebody is trying to "hit" on her. This is a regular occurance & this upsets my girl as well as me. She's never worked in Bangkok (we met at my place of work up country) & is not savvy in the Bangkok scene, sorry but I can only hold out so long before wanting to pee. When are these tw***s gonna realise that all girls are NOT fair game ???

[kiakaha]

Yes I've had this uncomfortable feeling as well. Not from people trying to pass judgement but from another angle. I do not take my girl into the "lesser" bars so to speak but we do frequent what I would of considered the better bars such as the English bar on the corner of Soi 33 the Irish one accross the road & the big one down Soi 5, I get relly cheesed off when I go to the toilet & when come back somebody is trying to "hit" on her. This is a regular occurance & this upsets my girl as well as me. She's never worked in Bangkok (we met at my place of work up country) & is not savvy in the Bangkok scene, sorry but I can only hold out so long before wanting to pee. When are these tw***s gonna realise that all girls are NOT fair game ???

reminded me of something funny..some guy tried to hit on my wife once at the dubliner, approached her with some real sloppy mispronounced thai, she looked at him, deadpanned for a few seconds, then retorted with a barrage of kiwi colloquialisms in her kiwi accent.priceless. bought him a beer, he was an alright guy actually

[Tornado]

Maybe if you took a poll of the amount of blokes in Thailand who do infact have ex-bargirl wives then you'd understand the stereotype?

Or maybe it would prove the stereotype totally wrong! who knows.

Everyone would lie!

How many times have we heard, "she worked for the attorney generals department" or "she was a secretary" etc, when we know full well, that tattoos, short skirts and that give me a shag look, was learned somewhere else

each to their own in what some blokes would marry, but be honest about it, as your only lying to yourself.

anyway Im off to pick my wife up from the tattooist.

[sgunn65]

You don't have to be with your g/f to experience the casual racism that trips, often unconciously, from westerners mouths. In the UK we dare not criticise anyone (not British) for fear of the PC police. Even the Police are relucatant to arrest an ethnic minority for fear of the race card being played. We have 15 known terrorists living in London. (This is a fact as one of my best friends is a police inspector who has to monitor one of them) who cannot be arrested. Yet mention you have met a Thai woman and want to marry them and see another side of your friends!!!

When I told my friends they did the "We are just concerned for you" before checking that she was not after A) a passport my house or C) my kidneys!!! Would they have said the same had she been Swedish?? I mentioned to a guy I know in the pub and he asked how much I had paid for her. I am not normally a violent man but.....

She will be coming back to UK with me on the 5th of May and I hope that we will not get any problems but I am not confident. I am, however, confident of our relationship.

BTW she is a 30 something marketing executive who I met at her work.