Another Farang Marriage Ends

[Ijustwannateach]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community- there are no good answers, though- either you date someone poorer than you are (trouble) or date someone richer than you are (also trouble). Dating is just trouble.

One suggestion I have, though, is camouflage. As far as my current dates know, I live in a comfortable cardboard box and I teach soi dogs to sing. Works really well as a sincerity test and scares away a lot of the troublemakers; the ones who're left are the ones to pick from.

"S"

[Maigo6]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community- there are no good answers, though- either you date someone poorer than you are (trouble) or date someone richer than you are (also trouble). Dating is just trouble.

One suggestion I have, though, is camouflage. As far as my current dates know, I live in a comfortable cardboard box and I teach soi dogs to sing. Works really well as a sincerity test and scares away a lot of the troublemakers; the ones who're left are the ones to pick from.

"S"

Steven, I cannot imagine why gold-diggers would be attracted to English teachers.

[cdnvic]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community

You may need to worry about it if you wind up in Connecticut, New Jersey, Canada, The Netherlands, or Belgium where it's all legal.

[Ijustwannateach]

^^Actually, I know a number of English teachers and there are plenty of Thai people who find their salaries fantastic. But this is getting off topic (hint, hint).

[Ijustwannateach]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community

You may need to worry about it if you wind up in Connecticut, New Jersey, Canada, The Netherlands, or Belgium where it's all legal.

It's a double-edged sword, too true... I'd think very carefully before winding up in a legal marriage.

[buriramboy]

it keeps making me laugh how all these bad thai girls keep ripping off farangs after getting married, when in all reality most of the time they are just getting what they are entitled to. Why some farangs expect to just be able to walk away with no financial costs truly amazes me. i bet if we did a poll of all the farang male members of Thaivisa who live in Thailand, over 90% will have been raped by the divorce courts back in farangland by a farang woman.

And yes i will be in that 90%.

Edited April 15, 2007 by sbk
offensive language deleted

[Scaramanga]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

[buriramboy]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

i don't, what i disagree with is farang men (who have money) marry a Thai girl (who has no money) then get divorced and expect to be able to walk away without paying anything. The damage done to the Thai girl can be immence, not just in loss of face, but also after being married to a farang and especially if she is left with nothing after a divorce, it will be next to impossable for her to find a Thai husband. So basically in a lot of circumstances the Thai girl has sacrificed her total future.

[Heng]

I've been in Thailand 6 years now and I've watched as all my friends who marry Thais get shafted one by one. Just heard about this recent situation. It was an office girl he had met on the internet (37), him 37. It lasted 2 years and they had a child together. After they were married, he ran into a cash crunch and this triggered the demise. The guy in question is a super nice, understanding and generous guy. I'm sure she expected more "resources" from him and was sadly disappointed, although I'm quite sure she cleaned his clock early on.

So I add this to the other similar stories I have witnessed by close acquaintances: There were 2 that involved 4 million baht house purchases and lasted less than a year. One was a bank teller and the other a clerk. There was a 3rd who had a child but ran short of cash so was abandoned. Word to the wise is be careful out there. This looks like a broken record. You won't see the professor going down this sad road. I feel for all my close friends who have been burned

Another word to the wise... just because the norm seems to be foreigners marrying prostitutes/former prostitutes... does NOT mean a girl who is not in the same profession is automatically a "good girl."

[duratanium]

Yes, it is sad to hear of another marriage going down the pan but there are so many negatives on T.V. about Thai / Farang marriages / relationships.

Look around yourself at the real world.

In Thailand itself there are so many failed marriages between Thais. It is part of the reason so many 'normal' Thai women are 'available' to us Farangs.

Now look at the U.K., U.S.A., Aus., etc. Are marriages there so wonderful that they all succeed? Definitely not.

There are broken hearts all over the world from failed marriages. There is also a lot of bitterness and acrimony.

Many a Farang will swear that his ex wife took him to the cleaners and got the house and in many cases they bring that bitterness into another relationship - as, I suspect - do many Thai females.

A Thai woman is no different from other women in that she does want security. If she enters a relationship with a Farang she needs to make sure she gets something out of it besides love because if it fails she will 'usually' be the one left in the lurch. Often her family will rail against her for failing if she does divorce a Farang. So in these cases it is not in her best interests to divorce.

Any marriage needs compromise, understanding, finance, respect and love.

Wait years before getting married? That is no magical solution. The paperwork can change a persons attitude. Can make them feel they no longer need to work at the relationship.

So I personally feel we cannot simply blame the failures on the fact it is a Thai/Farang marriage, or on the Thai woman.

[terry57]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community- there are no good answers, though- either you date someone poorer than you are (trouble) or date someone richer than you are (also trouble). Dating is just trouble.

One suggestion I have, though, is camouflage. As far as my current dates know, I live in a comfortable cardboard box and I teach soi dogs to sing. Works really well as a sincerity test and scares away a lot of the troublemakers; the ones who're left are the ones to pick from.

"S"

hit the nail on the head there steven.

" dating is just trouble "

and guys pay a squillion quid to have it around 24/7, and lose a squillion quid when its all over.

60% divorce rate in aussie.

a man's got to be better off going to the casino and putting all his coin on red.

[terry57]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

i don't, what i disagree with is farang men (who have money) marry a Thai girl (who has no money) then get divorced and expect to be able to walk away without paying anything. The damage done to the Thai girl can be immence, not just in loss of face, but also after being married to a farang and especially if she is left with nothing after a divorce, it will be next to impossable for her to find a Thai husband. So basically in a lot of circumstances the Thai girl has sacrificed her total future.

thats a very fair comment mate, but just to be fair we must raise the point that many farang loose everything to the girl. house, cars, children, etc etc .

im not taking sides here, but mearly pointing out that it cuts both ways, exactly as it does in the west.

there's always a looser in a marrage break down and everyone hope's its not them.

[Scaramanga]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

i don't, what i disagree with is farang men (who have money) marry a Thai girl (who has no money) then get divorced and expect to be able to walk away without paying anything. The damage done to the Thai girl can be immence, not just in loss of face, but also after being married to a farang and especially if she is left with nothing after a divorce, it will be next to impossable for her to find a Thai husband. So basically in a lot of circumstances the Thai girl has sacrificed her total future.

If that is the case then she will already be aware of it prior to the relationship commencing, and surely that is a gamble for her to accept or decline, is it not? I'm not convinced that she deserves to be compensated for this if it turns out she made the wrong choice.

[terry57]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

i don't, what i disagree with is farang men (who have money) marry a Thai girl (who has no money) then get divorced and expect to be able to walk away without paying anything. The damage done to the Thai girl can be immence, not just in loss of face, but also after being married to a farang and especially if she is left with nothing after a divorce, it will be next to impossable for her to find a Thai husband. So basically in a lot of circumstances the Thai girl has sacrificed her total future.

If that is the case then she will already be aware of it prior to the relationship commencing, and surely that is a gamble for her to accept or decline, is it not? I'm not convinced that she deserves to be compensated for this if it turns out she made the wrong choice.

i could be wrong here,

but would it be fair to assume that the majority on thai ladies come out of a relationship with a farang financially better off than when they entered it.?

one would think so.

it is usually the case in the west so why would it be any different here. ?

[buriramboy]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

i don't, what i disagree with is farang men (who have money) marry a Thai girl (who has no money) then get divorced and expect to be able to walk away without paying anything. The damage done to the Thai girl can be immence, not just in loss of face, but also after being married to a farang and especially if she is left with nothing after a divorce, it will be next to impossable for her to find a Thai husband. So basically in a lot of circumstances the Thai girl has sacrificed her total future.

If that is the case then she will already be aware of it prior to the relationship commencing, and surely that is a gamble for her to accept or decline, is it not? I'm not convinced that she deserves to be compensated for this if it turns out she made the wrong choice.

i could be wrong here,

but would it be fair to assume that the majority on thai ladies come out of a relationship with a farang financially better off than when they entered it.?

one would think so.

it is usually the case in the west so why would it be any different here. ?

you are correct Terry, but my whole point has been is that its not just Thai girls screwing farangs over, a lot of farangs screw Thai girls over too, by messing up any chance of a future they had.

[jasreeve17]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community- there are no good answers, though- either you date someone poorer than you are (trouble) or date someone richer than you are (also trouble). Dating is just trouble.

One suggestion I have, though, is camouflage. As far as my current dates know, I live in a comfortable cardboard box and I teach soi dogs to sing. Works really well as a sincerity test and scares away a lot of the troublemakers; the ones who're left are the ones to pick from.

"S"

hit the nail on the head there steven.

" dating is just trouble "

and guys pay a squillion quid to have it around 24/7, and lose a squillion quid when its all over.

60% divorce rate in aussie.

a man's got to be better off going to the casino and putting all his coin on red.

T57,

You've already converted to the cloth, and good on you. Are you thinking of converting again? (It'd help solve that Aussie divorce rate problem, put your money on brown.)

[bkkmadness]

I met my Laotian wife 5 years ago in Laos

its the country girl "professor" story.

she never saw a train in her life

I never saw so much poverty in my life

for one reason or another............we started to fall in love with oneanother.

she doesnt speak english

I didnt speak lao

Now we are legaly married.

We recieved Gods greatest gift to menkind....our son.

Now we live together as a family should do in Thailand

we speak Thai only, my son attend a Thai school

we eat Thai-Lao food....have our moments of "misunderstanding" but 1 thing is clear...as time went by and we were willing to learn more and more of oneanother life has been good to us.

hgma

My Thai wife and I could not be happier

4 years and going strong.

I love her, and her whole family.

I was truly blessed the day I met her.

thats a very nice story and respect to you and your wife, but unfortunatly it is not the norm.

but i hope you continue to be happy as thats all thats important.

Two guys that are happily married is not the norm?

[JimsKnight]

Farang Culture and values are not on the same wavelength as Asian values.

Prosperity and financial wealth are TOP priority for women period and no more so than SE Asia, this is why you see no paupers and penniless farang with good looking thai women (although there are a few exceptions etc). Love and being the nice guy, while it certainly helps a great deal, comes below being rich and able to take care for them and their family. The male/female imbalance (earnings difference, jobs etc) being one of the many reasons.

I've seen it, experienced it and heard it from countless sources. This is not disrespecting the Asian way, far from it. But some folk seem to be blinded and wowed by the illusion that coming to a poor country with riches will give them love and happiness. In Thailand (and many other neighboring lands) It's not quite the same thing as 'love and happiness' in the European sense of the word.

Word Up!

[JimsKnight]

^Can you explain why you think the man should always face financial costs?

i don't, what i disagree with is farang men (who have money) marry a Thai girl (who has no money) then get divorced and expect to be able to walk away without paying anything. The damage done to the Thai girl can be immence, not just in loss of face, but also after being married to a farang and especially if she is left with nothing after a divorce, it will be next to impossable for her to find a Thai husband. So basically in a lot of circumstances the Thai girl has sacrificed her total future.

If that is the case then she will already be aware of it prior to the relationship commencing, and surely that is a gamble for her to accept or decline, is it not? I'm not convinced that she deserves to be compensated for this if it turns out she made the wrong choice.

i could be wrong here,

but would it be fair to assume that the majority on thai ladies come out of a relationship with a farang financially better off than when they entered it.?

one would think so.

it is usually the case in the west so why would it be any different here. ?

you are correct Terry, but my whole point has been is that its not just Thai girls screwing farangs over, a lot of farangs screw Thai girls over too, by messing up any chance of a future they had.

You'll find that a high percentage (going off all the farangs I've met in nearly ten years) of these girls who married farang will of been 'tainted' women in the eyes of Thai men before they even marry farang!

[Totster]

thats a very nice story and respect to you and your wife, but unfortunatly it is not the norm.

Two guys that are happily married is not the norm?

What a rediculous thing to say terry !

The truth is that we only hear about the relationships that have turned bad, this is why it seems (to the uneducated outsider) that farang/thai marriages or relationships always fail in bitter circumstances, and where we only normally hear the totally unbiased view of the hard done by farang, who is always without fail not at fault.

totster

[billd766]

Well I can add another success story.

I have known my wife 15 years next month and we will have been married 8 years at the end of this month. Our son will be in August.

I am one of the old farts who married a girl 21 years younger than me (I am 63 next month) and financially we have had our ups and now on a bit of a down swing.

We have both changed over the years and sometimes I wonder what happened to the girl who though I was handsome, then I look at her now and her photo from when we met and she is still the same inside and only the outside has changed.

I supported her before we were married and indirectly supported her parents and I still do.

She owns the house, land etc plus she still owns my heart.

I think that if I were given the option of doing it again I would without question.

The two things I would change would be to listen to her advice more and try harder to speak Thai properly.

wub.gif wub.gif

[sunshine13]

this reminds me of that video posted on here a few weeks ago where the guy asks the girl to marry him on the first date. come here, fall in love, and then get married to make sure that everything goes right... Sorry mates, getting married isnt going to guarantee things go right or make her your slave. Maybe try Cambodia for that?

[sunshine13]

thats a very nice story and respect to you and your wife, but unfortunatly it is not the norm.

Two guys that are happily married is not the norm?

What a rediculous thing to say terry !

The truth is that we only hear about the relationships that have turned bad, this is why it seems (to the uneducated outsider) that farang/thai marriages or relationships always fail in bitter circumstances, and where we only normally hear the totally unbiased view of the hard done by farang, who is always without fail not at fault.

totster

atleast three different guys in three different bars told him thai girls dont mind if you have a mia noi!

[macb]

I smell another "whinge about Thai women" thread

funny enough, I agree with you cdnvic

I agree guys anyone would think this is the only place on earth where marriages go wrong :

[cdnvic]

Another word to the wise... just because the norm seems to be foreigners marrying prostitutes/former prostitutes... does NOT mean a girl who is not in the same profession is automatically a "good girl."

Farang men marrying prostitutes is far from "the norm".

[endure]

thats a very nice story and respect to you and your wife, but unfortunatly it is not the norm.

Two guys that are happily married is not the norm?

What a rediculous thing to say terry !

The truth is that we only hear about the relationships that have turned bad, this is why it seems (to the uneducated outsider) that farang/thai marriages or relationships always fail in bitter circumstances, and where we only normally hear the totally unbiased view of the hard done by farang, who is always without fail not at fault.

totster

atleast three different guys in three different bars told him thai girls dont mind if you have a mia noi!

Three different guys in three different bars? Obviously unimpeachable sources of information.

[mosquitoman]

Farang men marrying prostitutes is far from "the norm".

May not be the norm, but not that unusual either, I know plenty of farang men married or in long term relationships with former bar girls,

MM

[maxman71]

I've been in Thailand 6 years now and I've watched as all my friends who marry Thais get shafted one by one. Just heard about this recent situation. It was an office girl he had met on the internet (37), him 37. It lasted 2 years and they had a child together. After they were married, he ran into a cash crunch and this triggered the demise. The guy in question is a super nice, understanding and generous guy. I'm sure she expected more "resources" from him and was sadly disappointed, although I'm quite sure she cleaned his clock early on.

So I add this to the other similar stories I have witnessed by close acquaintances: There were 2 that involved 4 million baht house purchases and lasted less than a year. One was a bank teller and the other a clerk. There was a 3rd who had a child but ran short of cash so was abandoned. Word to the wise is be careful out there. This looks like a broken record. You won't see the professor going down this sad road. I feel for all my close friends who have been burned

A broken record indeed. Some of the biggest mistakes farang make are jumping in too quickly to marriage, and buying a house in the lady's name. Another big mistake many farang make is that they have this "fantasy" that Thai women are genuinely enamored with farang for who they are as a people. BIG MISTAKE. I have been living and working in Asia for nearly 5 years overall and 2 years in Thailand now. If you want to buy a house, form a Thai Limited Company and have the company buy it. You control it, not her. If she doesn't like that idea, Big Warning Flag #1. Take your time getting to know the lady, like at least a year. You'll find out how much she is willing to contribute to the overall well-being of the relationship, which includes finances. I have been with the same lady now for over 1 1/2 years (we are not married). When I was buying a house under the name of my Thai company and ran into some problems initially, she "offered" to have the house in her name as a way to get around the obstacle, which was subsequently solved. I informed her right there on the spot that if she wanted a house in her name, she could buy one on her own, or go find another farang to do it. She relented. Then, after I witnessed her mother using the money I was providing (supposedly to "help them") to play cards and drink all night, I emptied that feeding trough and told the GF to get a job and help her family herself. I offered to step in the event of some unusual circumstance to help OCCASIONALLY. The GF was informed that if she didn't like that, she was welcome to use the front door for exiting purposes only. So she started her own business (with some seed money from me; the rest was her own) and she is now able to provide help to her family as well as herself. Her family also assists her in the business.

Moral of this story, draw your boundries carefully, clearly and very early on in the relationship and STICK TO THEM. The ladies will respect you more, and you will find out if they are full of sh!t or not early on. If the lady insists you "help" her family, help them to help themselvs. Teach them the concept that there is no such thing as a "Free Lunch". Heck, why allow yourself to get stuck with a Thai golddigger??? There are just waaay too many ladies here if you find yourself having to jettison one or more. Just my US$ 0.02.

Matt

[terry57]

Someone like me doesn't have to worry about marriage, but we do have a fair share of gold-diggers in the gay community- there are no good answers, though- either you date someone poorer than you are (trouble) or date someone richer than you are (also trouble). Dating is just trouble.

One suggestion I have, though, is camouflage. As far as my current dates know, I live in a comfortable cardboard box and I teach soi dogs to sing. Works really well as a sincerity test and scares away a lot of the troublemakers; the ones who're left are the ones to pick from.

"S"

hit the nail on the head there steven.

" dating is just trouble "

and guys pay a squillion quid to have it around 24/7, and lose a squillion quid when its all over.

60% divorce rate in aussie.

a man's got to be better off going to the casino and putting all his coin on red.

T57,

You've already converted to the cloth, and good on you. Are you thinking of converting again? (It'd help solve that Aussie divorce rate problem, put your money on brown.)

umm, urr,

thank you very much for the suggestion reeve's, but you know which way terry's gate swings ? ( one way non return valve) and i'll stay with the pink thank you very much.

[aussiestyle1983]

Farang men marrying prostitutes is far from "the norm".

May not be the norm, but not that unusual either, I know plenty of farang men married or in long term relationships with former bar girls,

MM

I think it is un-usual for farang men to marry hookers.

How many farang men make up the worlds population?

How many farang men marry regular women?

How many farang men marry hoolers?

I think you will find only a very small percentage of farang men are married to hookers (with most of those relationships not lasting), and most of the ones who are, are:

-married to hookers from a different culture,

-been through a divorce in the past,

-visited Pattaya or Patpong once and decided to spend some money on the poon tang pie,

etc.

So i dont believe it is usual for farang men to marry hookers, it maybe usual in Thailand for this to happen, but overall, its far from usual.