Thai People Are Not A Nice As I Thought

[jgarty38]

My wifes story of her life as a child and then as a woman has come out over the two years of our marriage. It paints a nasty picture of life in a Thai village and came as something of a shock to me.

As a girl my wife was very shy, this because the people she knew would always tell her she was ugly, she was darker skined than her siblings who being lighter where seen as beautiful. As an eight year old she had to run errands and do what little jobs she could just so she was able to buy a pencil or an exersise book for school. Her family would not help her buy things like this.

At the age of twelve she left school to earn a living for herself, again, no one in the family wanted to help her. She first found work in a Bangkok book store, then later in a factory. At times she would travel back to the village to see her family but was never welcomed by them, well not until the time she went back with some hard eared money.

Yes, that was different, sudenly the family where so friendly, she had friends too, now people who never spoke to her before would stop and ask where she was going. She tells me this is not unusual, if you have money you have friends, if poor you dont. Ok, it can be like that elswhere I know, but it seems the Thai women can be so bitchy to each other.

I wonder if anyone else has come across similar attitudes?

[GuestHouse]

The assertion that a nationality/race are all good, is as false and misleading as the assertion that they are all bad.

[Mobi]

In my personal experience and also from what I have been told, the 'ostracising' of the poorest in the villages, and giving the 'centre of attention' to the well off is not at all unusual. I'm not saying all in the villages behave in such a fashion, but many do.

In an environment where all are struggling to survive and just find enough food to put on the table get their kids through the basics of an education, life is very hard, it is often a 'survival of the fitest' and people can be unkind and uncaring.

It is easy for us in the west to decry such attitudes, but before we condemn, we should realise how lucky were are to be born into a world where our basic needs are taken care of by the state - this is not the case in Thailand.

That is not to say there aren't also good and caring people in rural Thailand, and Guesthouse's comments are very relevant..

[pilgrim2505]

I wonder if anyone else has come across similar attitudes?

I have yes but back here in mainland UK

If you wish me to elaborate i'm sure i could. I believe that people are the same the world over and if anything Thais fair a little better than most.

Best of luck for you and your wife.

Pilgrim

[terry57]

yes well this is how it is in any country on this earth.

if you have nothing, people do not want to know you and thats all there is to it.

its like this in australia as well and when i was in america i'll never foget the punters living on the streets in cardboard boxes.

life sucks if your the poor cousin and it will always be the same.

[kash]

interesting.

so a kid in the UK i.e. is "thrown" out of his home at the age of 12, and not welcomed home unless he bring a bag of sterling pounds with him?

[donna]

i think this thread should really have the word 'thai' taken out of the title. it would make it much less offensive.

[Mobi]

interesting.

so a kid in the UK i.e. is "thrown" out of his home at the age of 12, and not welcomed home unless he bring a bag of sterling pounds with him?

Um.. unlikely... but I reckon if you shift back a hundred years or more, you will have little problem finding incidents of this kind and indeed a whole deal worse.

Read Dickens, or Hardy and other writers who wrote about the poor, and you will, see that some of the English were every bit as cruel as some still are in so-called developing countries.

[Heng]

I hear ya. Here's another example: I was a bit rude to the waitress at Pizza Hut the other day at Seacon. Usually I make it a point to be nice to wait staff as I used to tend bar in college so I know how it can suck to serve food and drinks... but it really was an unusually long wait for some extra silverware. I gave her one of those shoulder shrugs with my hand held up in a "well?" gesture. Definitely not nice of me.

[A_Traveller]

I think the point is as one travels one finds that people are people, irrespective of the notion of race, colour or creed. I've met good, bad, evil {yes really} on my sojourns. As has already been said to paint any one 'group' as being singularly good or bad is unwise IMHO.

Regards

PS On the point of how society has moved, I also suggest The Alienist by Caleb Carr. Found it difficult to read without thinking of Bangkok today {It's set in New York 1896}

/edit add PS//

Edited April 16, 2007 by A_Traveller

[ColPyat]

I hear ya. Here's another example: I was a bit rude to the waitress at Pizza Hut the other day at Seacon. Usually I make it a point to be nice to wait staff as I used to tend bar in college so I know how it can suck to serve food and drinks... but it really was an unusually long wait for some extra silverware. I gave her one of those shoulder shrugs with my hand held up in a "well?" gesture. Definitely not nice of me.

You are excused - you are Chinese-Texan-Thai.

[KireB]

i think this thread should really have the word 'thai' taken out of the title. it would make it much less offensive.

I believe this is a forum about life in Thailand. Offensive or not, it's about a part of Thai culture, that would never ever be accepted in Europe! My experience in the villages, that a lot of parents are only interested in money. Not in their offspring's well being!

Next to this, I repeat, why do some of you always defend everything that is Thai? I mean, this culture is not perfect!

[bkkmadness]

i think this thread should really have the word 'thai' taken out of the title. it would make it much less offensive.

I believe this is a forum about life in Thailand. Offensive or not, it's about a part of Thai culture, that would never ever be accepted in Europe!

As someone pointed out earlier this behavior was accepted in Europe not so long ago, workhouses in London fed by child labour were common just a couple of hundred years ago.

[Heng]

My experience in the villages, that a lot of parents are only interested in money. Not in their offspring's well being!

As opposed to all those places in the world where they are not interested in money? It's not like the well being of one's offspring isn't affected (to a good extent) by money.

[mosquitoman]

It is easy for us in the west to decry such attitudes, but before we condemn, we should realise how lucky were are to be born into a world where our basic needs are taken care of by the state - this is not the case in Thailand.

Good point

I have often wondered what the UK would be like if we did not have a benefit system.

What would Thailand be like if it did have a benefit system?

MM

[Orangutan]

Have to agree with KireB, anyone that has been to the vil has experienced what he points out. This is a Thailand discussion about Thais.

-O

[elsie]

Caring about money more than one's kid's well being is not a Thai culture.

There are good and bad people everywhere.

My parents never ask for one satang from the kids. In fact, my dad often asks if I'm short of dosh.

[Heng]

As someone pointed out earlier this behavior was accepted in Europe not so long ago, workhouses in London fed by child labour were common just a couple of hundred years ago.

And now it's accepted (by most nations on earth, both eastern and western) that it's okay to have one's companies workhouses overseas fed by child labour. Out of sight and out of mind.

[bkkmadness]

As someone pointed out earlier this behavior was accepted in Europe not so long ago, workhouses in London fed by child labour were common just a couple of hundred years ago.

And now it's accepted (by most nations on earth, both eastern and western) that it's okay to have one's companies workhouses overseas fed by child labour. Out of sight and out of mind.

Yep, they certainly don't mind treating other country's children like slaves. If they could get away with it these companies would have child labour workhouses set up in America/Europe too.

[Maigo6]

Caring about money more than one's kid's well being is not a Thai culture.

There are good and bad people everywhere.

My parents never ask for one satang from the kids. In fact, my dad often asks if I'm short of dosh.

LC, how dare you tell the truth and pour water on yet another attempted Thai bashing thread !!

[mosquitoman]

One thing that does strike me is that Thai people are certainly not as sentimental as we are in the west, do we westerners confuse this with being "nice"

MM

[elsie]

LC, how dare you tell the truth and pour water on yet another attempted Thai bashing thread !!

My bad. Sowwie.

I will try to come up with some horrible stories later.

[Boo]

by the op's reasoning my husbands parents would have kicked him out of school at 12 to go work to make money instead of the reality of them both working full time & hubbies dad doing so overseas away from his wife & kids to afford to buy land, keep his 3 kids in high school (that they all graduated from) & build the house the MIL lives in to this day.

Yes some people will make their kids go out get jobs & some people are just cruel to the less fortunate. But this isn't a specifically thai trait. A fair few parents in the UK send their kids out selling drugs to feed their habits. A big problem in the UK at the moment are child carers, kids who are expected to go to full time education as well as act as carers for disabled parents/parent, these kids do all household chores, wash & feed their parents & take care the house & bills. These are kids as young as 9 years old. They slip through the net as even in a benefit society there are only so many social wokers to look out for them. Do a google on it. It's tragic. So yes it does happen in developed societies too.

70 years ago my nan was sent into service (as an understairs maid) when she was 12 years old as in her family everyone has to work & she was forced to become self sufficient, these young girls were at the mercy of the upstairs masters as well as the head household staff. Beatings weren't uncommon as was being docked fromt heir pittance of pay for any breakages & what was left over was sent home to support her parents (her dad was a cripple due to mustard gas bombing in WW1) , she doesn't whinge about it though, for her it was a fact of their life. She only got out of it when WW2 started & she was relaeased to go work in a munitions factory which according to her stories doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs either.

Your wife needs to move on & appriciate the things she has now, if it were me, I would love going back to the village to prove to them that their mistreatment has made her the women she is now & she is better off for it.

[Maigo6]

LC, how dare you tell the truth and pour water on yet another attempted Thai bashing thread !!

My bad. Sowwie.

I will try to come up with some horrible stories later.

As long as it makes The Thais look bad and the Farangs look like victims, then these guys will be happy.

[cdnvic]

LC, how dare you tell the truth and pour water on yet another attempted Thai bashing thread !!

Some of them are rude like that.

[Heng]

One thing that does strike me is that Thai people are certainly not as sentimental as we are in the west, do we westerners confuse this with being "nice"

MM

I definitely get more annoying email forwards with kitty and puppy photos from my western friends than my Thai friends. Proof positive.

[bkkmadness]

LC, how dare you tell the truth and pour water on yet another attempted Thai bashing thread !!

Some of them are rude like that.

And I used to think that she was so nice.

[ray23]

Well I'm not into Thai bashing they are just people like the rest of us.

I was married to a filipina for 14 years and had two lovely daughters, the oldest had all the earmarks of being gorgeuos young woman for day one. The ex couldn't see it but she always favored the older of the two.

My wifes story is similar to your wifes except her parents died when she was very young leaving her and her brother. To the Mothers sister who wa the only one who stepped forward to helps. Yes she began working early in life remember in villages it is not uncommon for children not to get an education beyond the sixth garde and begin to earn money.

Well gues who gets the farrang hubbie attention these day out if the family, God love the lady, she never asked for a thing unless she really needs it and I don't hesitate. I step now for because she stepped for my wife and her brother when no one else would.

So how popular is your wife now that your in the picture, bet there has been a real turn around. Life sometimes has a way of righting thngs.

My way never forgets who helped her and who didn't, hope your wife a can remember that makes life a lot more simple.

[qualtrough]

Reality check: There are good Thais and there are bad Thais. Your wife apparently came from a family of bad Thais. That doesn't mean that Thai people are not nice, it means that some Thais are not nice. I am not a knee-jerk defender of all things Thai, but I get really tired of these posts by people who have something bad happen to them or someone they know and then extrapolate that experience into a blanket condemnation of all Thai people. Let's try that mind-set elsewhere:

1. In the US the other day some vandals poured a caustic substance on playground equipment, seriously burning a child playing on a slide: Lesson: Americans are not as nice as I thought.

2. A young boy was stabbed to death in London the other day. Lesson: People in the UK are not as nice as I thought.

Here, anyone can play:

3 Some people in [country X] did [act X] to [person X]. Lesson: People in [country X] are not as nice as I thought.

Silly isn't it?

[WaiWai]

And now it's accepted (by most nations on earth, both eastern and western) that it's okay to have one's companies workhouses overseas fed by child labour. Out of sight and out of mind.

Correct !

The OP's wife's story is not just about money/lack of, though :

As a girl my wife was very shy, this because the people she knew would always tell her she was ugly, she was darker skined than her siblings who being lighter where seen as beautiful.

So, were the lighter-skinned siblings treated diferently ?