I’d give Sri Lanka a complete miss, mate. Antarctica is still your safest option. No monkeys to make you cry, no bars with girls in them, no Flybird, no lonely foreigners in sweaty Chang singlets and, most importantly, hardly anyone around to bother you. You really need to start thinking about places where there are no people. Then you can stop having constant whinges about how they won’t leave you alone. Antarctica is the perfect antidote. Just you, your mop and several thousand kilometers of absolute peace and quiet. Send us a postcard after your first six months of bliss.