Wow! After spending many weeks researching, reading, and looking for a discussion forum, I find most leads discouraging.

I met a Thai women on the internet 3 years ago. We communicated almost daily for nearly a year (maybe a little less). The conversations were pleasant and intriguing and we learned much about each other. But I had some computer trouble and when I returned I pursued someone else, thus, the conversation with the TG ended. Albiet, I thought of her often. Subsequently, the two us renewed our conversations several months ago. We both had relationships that did not work out during the time we did not talk. But, she was apparently very hurt by the guy she was involved with. Turns out he had plans with someone else besides her. Neverless, we are both happy to be talking again and glad we are not with someone else. Things have progressed to the point where I will goto meet her soon. So, I began to research her culture and customs which seem to delight her. In doing so I have mostly come across conversations, articles, blogs that are usually about mistrust, scheming, ripoffs and lack of confidence in Thai women. A rather shocking amount of material relates to this when searching on the internet, including this forum. Although I am very happy to read here there are people who are happy and are not participants in the sex trade there. I am far from nieve, ignorant, or inexperienced in the ways of the world. Admittedly, Thai culture is new for me. I did not go searching for a Thai woman, we just happened to fall for each other. The woman who I am going to see has the same history now as she did 3 years ago, works for the same company, and has never caused me to raise an eyebrow, until I started reading. Suddenly, I find myself filled with doubt about a woman who I believe is a 'good girl'. Instead of continuing to learn more about her I started to retrace previous conversations seaching for weak points and almost exploiting them to fulfill what I had been reading. Yet, I still dont have reason to believe she is a con of some sort or another. I was somewhat taken back at the sense of posessiveness she demonstrated, but after I read more, I understood it, we talked about it and we reached an understanding about where we are headed in our relationship, and she is more at ease now. She is 40, never married, I am 44, divorsed, and we have many of the same goals that we are Interested in sharing with each other. The natual progression is to meet and see if we are compatable. She feels the same way.

I am not writing all this to annouce my life in public, but as a brief synopsis to reveal how the negative material being written can have a negative impact on what could be a very rewarding relationship with someone who maybe a wonderful person. Thus, I may be disheartened by what I read by Some, but certainly not discouraged at giving myself and someone who I believe is a wonderful person a fair chance in life. I thank all those who on here who combat the negative and remind others that not all people are the same. There is good and bad in all societies, and I am glad to have found some who renewed that fact in me.

I look forward to any advice or opinions.

get real guy. odds are she a hooker........lol.

we all know yours is different.....lol.

from what i hear not mut hope for 40 year old in thailand. they considered so way over the hill its not funny....lol.

Use common sense and everything will be ok. Cut the culture thing, at least to the point of trust and think and behave the same way you would treat a girl in your country. What is obvious is that you can't draw a conclusion yet, bad or good. I'm telling you that thai culture doesn not include BS in it, that's the other part. Come down here, meet her, see how it goes, use common sense, don't listen to all the farangs you'll meet in bars and other types of venues, some might know what they're talking about, some might not (most of them usually don't have a clue and the worst part is that they'll pretend they know everything). I wish you good luck and hope you'll post again with GOOD news

get real guy. odds are she a hooker........lol.

we all know yours is different.....lol.

from what i hear not mut hope for 40 year old in thailand. they considered so way over the hill its not funny....lol.

Little Ray Of Sunshine aren't you?

To the OP, I would come and spend some time here with her first. Use your own judgement and common sense, as the opinions of boorish tw@ts like the above^^ are ten / penny.

Life is not a rehearsal, so why not?

he already used his judgment. he never met her and he felt her possievness and yet chooses to say he understand it.

get real guy. odds are she a hooker........lol.

we all know yours is different.....lol.

from what i hear not mut hope for 40 year old in thailand. they considered so way over the hill its not funny....lol.

You could very well be the reason there are wars! Maybe if you stopped hearing things and started to look more, you may find a ray of sunshine in your life. I never heard age was a prerequest to the quality of a person. Because she is 40 does not mean she is any less of a person. Which is probably why she is not with you. I wish you well.

take it from me thai girls who arent married by lates 20 are not wanted by thai men. considered old hags. im the messenger dont get huffy with me.

you have lots to learn about thai culture.

ps. why in yr open post you say you felt a bit owned by her, you never even met. explain sir i didnt get it. did she tell you not to cyber with other old thai ladies?

he already used his judgment. he never met her and he felt her possievness and yet chooses to say he understand it.

Judging by your 2 posts it is obvious that you have overdosed on antagonism pills, You might try reading the OP's entire text and not just cherry picking..................., The OP's quote:

"I was somewhat taken back at the sense of posessiveness she demonstrated, but after I read more, I understood it, we talked about it and we reached an understanding about where we are headed in our relationship, and she is more at ease now."

Seems to me that they are doing what should be done and that is discussing issues before they become a problem. It would appear that it was more an issue of her insecurity manifesting itself in possessiveness.

My guess is that you have burns and scar tissue from previous bad relationships and are feeling so lonely that you find a need to drum up some companions in misery.

Get over it and move on...........or move off to another forum.

why when they ask for opinion and you give one they dont like they get huffy?

people do have no same same views on the same same topic.

trust me sir, i dont need to encourage men to find love in the wrong places in thailand. guys do a good job on their own.

Aemmmmm..... I am in internet cafes quite often. And almost every time I see a Thai girl typing text from a paper in front of her and it all starts with "My dear love" etc. The text snippets they have in front of them are so overdone that I doubt men falling for it. Obvisously I am wrong. I also get asked to "help with answering", i.e. if the man on the other end threw in a bit of a cryptic remark (for her). Sometimes they sit there with their girl friend and have a discussion first what to answer.

You remember the medivial ages? (surely) Well, at those times they had professional letter writers. I have an inkling this profession is not as dead as I had thought...

This of course may not be the case for all internet affairs, but it seems there are a lot of fakes out there.

What is wrong with 40 year old Thai ladies, who cares if the Thai men think they are over the hill (i'm not Thai so I dont think like that)

My little 40 year old is a little darlin (wife) I'm 35 so I think I must like the older woman.

In2it just go out there and enjoy if it does not work out then you have lost nothing.

take it from me thai girls who arent married by lates 20 are not wanted by thai men. considered old hags. im the messenger dont get huffy with me.

you have lots to learn about thai culture.

ps. why in yr open post you say you felt a bit owned by her, you never even met. explain sir i didnt get it.

I am familar with Asian culture and age. I dated a Chinese woman in Beijing for over a year and dated several Koreans in the past. In all cases it was happen stance and not my search for an Asian woman. You are right, I do have lots to learn about Thai culture and will embrace the learning process. Having prior experience with other Asian cultures will be of benefit ofcourse. There are differences to be noted, but similarites nonetheless.

The reason I felt the posessiveness was that she did not want me to talk to other Thai women after I expressed more then a conversational interest in her. The obvious nature of that comment was so that I would not meet some young beautiful Thai girl and run off with her. She started to become somewhat accusatory in her comments, as if I had already done something to her. I am sure this was the result of some bad past experience including the guy she was interested in during the time we did not talk. As I said, I am not nieve. But after discussing this with her, she understood that my intention was not finding some sexual trist with someone from a different generation who I would never have anything in common with.

dont take me so serious. but i hit it on the head, and you should be concerned about a chick u never met who dont want u to get involved with other hot young thai chicks. what kind of an idiot human being wants another human being she havent even met face to face?

if you guys actually went out and got along for a few months posseisoon of you might be understandable. thats not how you presented it guy.

be back after lunch at emporium burger kng.

Maybe I'm just an extreme cynic, but I wouldn't trust anyone I met over the internet. As the others have said, use your common sense and move slowly.

It's possible she's a good, honest person. But until you've spent some time with her in person, you should assume and expect the worst.

Aemmmmm..... I am in internet cafes quite often. And almost every time I see a Thai girl typing text from a paper in front of her and it all starts with "My dear love" etc. The text snippets they have in front of them are so overdone that I doubt men falling for it. Obvisously I am wrong. I also get asked to "help with answering", i.e. if the man on the other end threw in a bit of a cryptic remark (for her). Sometimes they sit there with their girl friend and have a discussion first what to answer.

You remember the medivial ages? (surely) Well, at those times they had professional letter writers. I have an inkling this profession is not as dead as I had thought...

This of course may not be the case for all internet affairs, but it seems there are a lot of fakes out there.

It indeed may be the case that sometimes this is a girl who doesnt care for the man she is writing too..but maybe not so. If someone is having difficulty expressing themselves in English so may spend time before hand writing down what they want to say..or get some help. While in Argentina I dated a guy and when i left, he began to email. I did not have the skills in spanish to understand all he was trying to say, nor express all I wish to say. My spanish is decent, but not when it comes to more detailed expressions etc. Thus I sought help. Isnt that all fairly normal?

Anyway..in2it1, you will always hear negative stories on every country. The deeper you delve into the negative side the more concerned you will become. Balance it out with the positives. Which is why i guess you came here. I hope that people more qualified to give advice than I will do so.

All i can suggest is that you come to Thailand, take the pressure off yourself and come with the mindset that it is a holiday where you are also getting to know someone better. Play it by ear, and dont get too set on it turning out to be the love of your life. Try let the relationship develop at a natural pace if possible.

If you are seriously concerned, either listen to your insticts or..a more extreme measure..seek the services of a private detective!

Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out.

come to thailand

if possible, live here permanently

learn to read,write and speak thai (opens up many keys to cultural understanding)

peel back the "facade" of thai people and their culture and learn what is "really" going on

spend time "getting inside the heads" of thai females to see what really makes them tick

..then go to Long Gun

Just go, even as a holiday. You will enjoy thailand, its people and you have a ready tourguide.

So what she is 40 years old, with or w/o baggage, how many of us can claim we are without baggages?

And even if she turns out to be a mistake, are we not old enough to make or manage our mistakes and moves on in life?

There is so many stories up there, with solutions to the problems you caucasian faces in issues with Thai wives. Are you not prepared to deal with it if yours are similiar considering you claimed you did some research?

And lets say you find out when you meet her that she isnt want you wanted, how about keeping some goodwill and treat her nicely, like a good friend and a fellow human being? Even if she was scheming, your generiousity, forgiveness and sincere friendship will make you very memorable to her. (Provided you are not remembered by: that stupid farang buried in her back yard. )

Come come....we arent meant to be antagonistic and making our experiences horrible in our lives. We meant to enjoy, savour and have fun in our short short life. Thai hospitality tells you that too. To live life happy & graceful.

why all the cynicysm added to your posts guys!

dont take me so serious. but i hit it on the head, and you should be concerned about a chick u never met who dont want u to get involved with other hot young thai chicks. what kind of an idiot human being wants another human being she havent even met face to face?

if you guys actually went out and got along for a few months posseisoon of you might be understandable. thats not how you presented it guy.

be back after lunch at emporium burger kng.

Something hit you on the head for sure. Her concern is certainly understandable considering what you wrote in your previous quote about 40 year olds being considered over the hill by Thai men and some of the farang that visit there looking for younger women for rent. After talking with her almost daily, IM and on the phone, for so long now (note the length of time we have known each other, years, not months), I thought enough of her to discuss this with her and now she is feeling more confident. Which certainly pleases both of us. Try looking at the quality of the person, and not the quantity of what they can satisfy you with for a few hours.

fren from another forum loves thailand.

and stats says: thailand has a male to female ration of 1:20.

So there is lots more females to go around. And competition for a mate can be tough. And females can thus be disadvantaged. Mayhaps we look at that statistic to give more allowances to the fact that she is 40 and single?

fren from another forum loves thailand.

and stats says: thailand has a male to female ration of 1:20.

So there is lots more females to go around. And competition for a mate can be tough. And females can thus be disadvantaged. Mayhaps we look at that statistic to give more allowances to the fact that she is 40 and single?

Are you saying there are 20 Thai females for every Thai male?

If so you need to check your facts as if there is a discrepancy it is nowhere near that high.

Many reasons why there are more older unmarried females both in the west and in Thailand - yes I accept that in some asian cultures if not married by 25 it may have less likely to happen but there are changing demographics and patterns of work now coming into play.

What is wrong with 40 year old Thai ladies, who cares if the Thai men think they are over the hill (i'm not Thai so I dont think like that)

My little 40 year old is a little darlin (wife) I'm 35 so I think I must like the older woman.

Phew! I was beginning to think I'm the only Farang in LoS with a Thai wife that's older than he is. My lovely has 7 years on me, so what?

Aemmmmm..... I am in internet cafes quite often. And almost every time I see a Thai girl typing text from a paper in front of her and it all starts with "My dear love" etc. The text snippets they have in front of them are so overdone that I doubt men falling for it. Obvisously I am wrong. I also get asked to "help with answering", i.e. if the man on the other end threw in a bit of a cryptic remark (for her). Sometimes they sit there with their girl friend and have a discussion first what to answer.

You remember the medivial ages? (surely) Well, at those times they had professional letter writers. I have an inkling this profession is not as dead as I had thought...

This of course may not be the case for all internet affairs, but it seems there are a lot of fakes out there.

It indeed may be the case that sometimes this is a girl who doesnt care for the man she is writing too..but maybe not so. If someone is having difficulty expressing themselves in English so may spend time before hand writing down what they want to say..or get some help. While in Argentina I dated a guy and when i left, he began to email. I did not have the skills in spanish to understand all he was trying to say, nor express all I wish to say. My spanish is decent, but not when it comes to more detailed expressions etc. Thus I sought help. Isnt that all fairly normal?

Anyway..in2it1, you will always hear negative stories on every country. The deeper you delve into the negative side the more concerned you will become. Balance it out with the positives. Which is why i guess you came here. I hope that people more qualified to give advice than I will do so.

All i can suggest is that you come to Thailand, take the pressure off yourself and come with the mindset that it is a holiday where you are also getting to know someone better. Play it by ear, and dont get too set on it turning out to be the love of your life. Try let the relationship develop at a natural pace if possible.

If you are seriously concerned, either listen to your insticts or..a more extreme measure..seek the services of a private detective!

Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out.

Thank you, encouraging for sure. I should clarify something about our communications. We have written very few letters to each other and none ever started with 'My love'. She indicated to me that love is something more then saying the word love. Very promising! We IM on Yahoo or MSN, or talk on the phone. She can read and speak english rather well, which Probably means she did go to study at the University as she says. IM'ing and phone conversations leave very little room for turning to some else for clarification or answers. Especially when I can see her. I do appreciate the comments on this, as I find them very helpful in discovery

Aemmmmm..... I am in internet cafes quite often. And almost every time I see a Thai girl typing text from a paper in front of her and it all starts with "My dear love" etc. The text snippets they have in front of them are so overdone that I doubt men falling for it. Obvisously I am wrong. I also get asked to "help with answering", i.e. if the man on the other end threw in a bit of a cryptic remark (for her). Sometimes they sit there with their girl friend and have a discussion first what to answer.

You remember the medivial ages? (surely) Well, at those times they had professional letter writers. I have an inkling this profession is not as dead as I had thought...

This of course may not be the case for all internet affairs, but it seems there are a lot of fakes out there.

It indeed may be the case that sometimes this is a girl who doesnt care for the man she is writing too..but maybe not so. If someone is having difficulty expressing themselves in English so may spend time before hand writing down what they want to say..or get some help. While in Argentina I dated a guy and when i left, he began to email. I did not have the skills in spanish to understand all he was trying to say, nor express all I wish to say. My spanish is decent, but not when it comes to more detailed expressions etc. Thus I sought help. Isnt that all fairly normal?

Anyway..in2it1, you will always hear negative stories on every country. The deeper you delve into the negative side the more concerned you will become. Balance it out with the positives. Which is why i guess you came here. I hope that people more qualified to give advice than I will do so.

All i can suggest is that you come to Thailand, take the pressure off yourself and come with the mindset that it is a holiday where you are also getting to know someone better. Play it by ear, and dont get too set on it turning out to be the love of your life. Try let the relationship develop at a natural pace if possible.

If you are seriously concerned, either listen to your insticts or..a more extreme measure..seek the services of a private detective!

Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out.

Thank you, encouraging for sure. I should clarify something about our communications. We have written very few letters to each other and none ever started with 'My love'. She indicated to me that love is something more then saying the word love. Very promising! We IM on Yahoo or MSN, or talk on the phone. She can read and speak english rather well, which Probably means she did go to study at the University as she says. IM'ing and phone conversations leave very little room for turning to some else for clarification or answers. Especially when I can see her. I do appreciate the comments on this, as I find them very helpful in discovery

As you say IM and phne calls leave little room for turning to someone else without you knowing.

I IM Thai girls most days from our BKK office and their English is good enough to keep up with my poor native English and they are a lot younger than your friend - her English proficiency may have been achieved through work as well (sorry if you have mentioned that but I did not notice)

Are you saying there are 20 Thai females for every Thai male?

If so you need to check your facts as if there is a discrepancy it is nowhere near that high.

Many reasons why there are more older unmarried females both in the west and in Thailand - yes I accept that in some asian cultures if not married by 25 it may have less likely to happen but there are changing demographics and patterns of work now coming into play.

Well, I am not Thai, neither am I male. And I am not looking for a thai partner. So I didnt want to recheck the figures. Sorry.

But yah. Asian cultures has more females married off younger then western countries. No doubt about that. I however, knows quite a number of asian females, that is still single, virgin even above the ages of 35. And they are lovely ladies, they cook, they are comfy with kids and they arent sitting there waiting for any male to come along to provide for them. If they do....i think they would have died of starvation long time ago.

But typically, there is reasons why they are single. From family commitments to just being believing in fate. That they will have someone find them.

I still have a malay g/f, she is 38, single, dances pole dancing for a exercise, works as a radio theraphy technician. She was single, by choice and circumstances. She spend most of her youth, working, feeding her non-working parents, helping with the school fees of her younger brothers. And now she is over the marrying age. She is to be bumped out by her family since her brothers is now able to support the family. Now she needs a western guy who wont mind her age, as a wife or a companion.

I still have a malay g/f, she is 38, single, dances pole dancing for a exercise, works as a radio theraphy technician. She was single, by choice and circumstances. She spend most of her youth, working, feeding her non-working parents, helping with the school fees of her younger brothers. And now she is over the marrying age. She is to be bumped out by her family since her brothers is now able to support the family. Now she needs a western guy who wont mind her age, as a wife or a companion.

I hope that your friend finds a wonderful companion, one that knows how to treat a lady, unlike (sadly) some of the male members of this forum. She deserves to find someone worthy.

I hope that your friend finds a wonderful companion, one that knows how to treat a lady, unlike (sadly) some of the male members of this forum. She deserves to find someone worthy.

Maybe she will, maybe she wont.

Its her life to lead.

Aemmmmm..... I am in internet cafes quite often. And almost every time I see a Thai girl typing text from a paper in front of her and it all starts with "My dear love" etc. The text snippets they have in front of them are so overdone that I doubt men falling for it. Obvisously I am wrong. I also get asked to "help with answering", i.e. if the man on the other end threw in a bit of a cryptic remark (for her). Sometimes they sit there with their girl friend and have a discussion first what to answer.

You remember the medivial ages? (surely) Well, at those times they had professional letter writers. I have an inkling this profession is not as dead as I had thought...

This of course may not be the case for all internet affairs, but it seems there are a lot of fakes out there.

It indeed may be the case that sometimes this is a girl who doesnt care for the man she is writing too..but maybe not so. If someone is having difficulty expressing themselves in English so may spend time before hand writing down what they want to say..or get some help. While in Argentina I dated a guy and when i left, he began to email. I did not have the skills in spanish to understand all he was trying to say, nor express all I wish to say. My spanish is decent, but not when it comes to more detailed expressions etc. Thus I sought help. Isnt that all fairly normal?

Anyway..in2it1, you will always hear negative stories on every country. The deeper you delve into the negative side the more concerned you will become. Balance it out with the positives. Which is why i guess you came here. I hope that people more qualified to give advice than I will do so.

All i can suggest is that you come to Thailand, take the pressure off yourself and come with the mindset that it is a holiday where you are also getting to know someone better. Play it by ear, and dont get too set on it turning out to be the love of your life. Try let the relationship develop at a natural pace if possible.

If you are seriously concerned, either listen to your insticts or..a more extreme measure..seek the services of a private detective!

Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out.

Thank you, encouraging for sure. I should clarify something about our communications. We have written very few letters to each other and none ever started with 'My love'. She indicated to me that love is something more then saying the word love. Very promising! We IM on Yahoo or MSN, or talk on the phone. She can read and speak english rather well, which Probably means she did go to study at the University as she says. IM'ing and phone conversations leave very little room for turning to some else for clarification or answers. Especially when I can see her. I do appreciate the comments on this, as I find them very helpful in discovery

As you say IM and phne calls leave little room for turning to someone else without you knowing.

I IM Thai girls most days from our BKK office and their English is good enough to keep up with my poor native English and they are a lot younger than your friend - her English proficiency may have been achieved through work as well (sorry if you have mentioned that but I did not notice)

That is interesting. She did say that she studied english in school. Maybe she became more proficient reading, writing, and talking at work. I would not understand any reason for dishonesty about how she came to learn english to start off. Point is taken.

the odds are against you for having a long term relationship that is successful. but yes, there are success stories out there. I know this one guy who got married and divorced 3 times before he found the real soulmate of his dreams. he has 2 children with her in the past 9 years. the girl is laotian.

another guy met his thai wife over icq, and again, they are still happily married living in san diego.

another guy met his wife at chula, and yet again, they are happily married too.

this korean guy I know. my first friend in thailand got married to a thai girl and are still married after 11 years. they have one son. in the beginning, when she got mad, she would threaten him with a knife. (..imagine your wife lunging at you with a knife when she got mad at you??!!) but now after so many years and a 10 year old son, she has mellowed a lot. thank god.

personally, if you want to have a family, get married so that you can provide (hopefully) a stable environment for your kids. otherwise, don't get married. no reason to do so.

Aemmmmm..... I am in internet cafes quite often. And almost every time I see a Thai girl typing text from a paper in front of her and it all starts with "My dear love" etc. The text snippets they have in front of them are so overdone that I doubt men falling for it. Obvisously I am wrong. I also get asked to "help with answering", i.e. if the man on the other end threw in a bit of a cryptic remark (for her). Sometimes they sit there with their girl friend and have a discussion first what to answer.

You remember the medivial ages? (surely) Well, at those times they had professional letter writers. I have an inkling this profession is not as dead as I had thought...

This of course may not be the case for all internet affairs, but it seems there are a lot of fakes out there.

It indeed may be the case that sometimes this is a girl who doesnt care for the man she is writing too..but maybe not so. If someone is having difficulty expressing themselves in English so may spend time before hand writing down what they want to say..or get some help. While in Argentina I dated a guy and when i left, he began to email. I did not have the skills in spanish to understand all he was trying to say, nor express all I wish to say. My spanish is decent, but not when it comes to more detailed expressions etc. Thus I sought help. Isnt that all fairly normal?

Anyway..in2it1, you will always hear negative stories on every country. The deeper you delve into the negative side the more concerned you will become. Balance it out with the positives. Which is why i guess you came here. I hope that people more qualified to give advice than I will do so.

All i can suggest is that you come to Thailand, take the pressure off yourself and come with the mindset that it is a holiday where you are also getting to know someone better. Play it by ear, and dont get too set on it turning out to be the love of your life. Try let the relationship develop at a natural pace if possible.

If you are seriously concerned, either listen to your insticts or..a more extreme measure..seek the services of a private detective!

Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out.

Thank you, encouraging for sure. I should clarify something about our communications. We have written very few letters to each other and none ever started with 'My love'. She indicated to me that love is something more then saying the word love. Very promising! We IM on Yahoo or MSN, or talk on the phone. She can read and speak english rather well, which Probably means she did go to study at the University as she says. IM'ing and phone conversations leave very little room for turning to some else for clarification or answers. Especially when I can see her. I do appreciate the comments on this, as I find them very helpful in discovery

As you say IM and phne calls leave little room for turning to someone else without you knowing.

I IM Thai girls most days from our BKK office and their English is good enough to keep up with my poor native English and they are a lot younger than your friend - her English proficiency may have been achieved through work as well (sorry if you have mentioned that but I did not notice)

That is interesting. She did say that she studied english in school. Maybe she became more proficient reading, writing, and talking at work. I would not understand any reason for dishonesty about how she came to learn english to start off. Point is taken.

Sorry I should have added, "work as well as studying English"

All the girls in our BKK office have oversea's degree's except one newcomer but I found her English not lacking for anything this last week at a conference/workshop we were at.

I do also know girls with only high school education who can keep up on IM but maybe this is a recent thing????