Getting Married What Should I Pay

[LoveDaBlues]

I thought it was just me that no longer sees Thailand through rose coloured glasses.

I still say that people that see Thailand as the Land of Smiles and Bangkok is the City of Angels is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. A condition where by someone who's been kidnapped or lives with someone for long enough begins to act and think like their abductors or partners. The amazing thing is that they do not realise it or that once being told, they have this condition they refuse to accept it. Consequently many, not all, expats become adopted Thais due to this condition. A bad thing. First thing that is taught in Farang countries to immigrants is remember your roots and heritage.

I live here because it suits my needs and the Thais let me live here because it suits their needs but one thing I cannot accept is this pressure to say nothing but good things about Thais and Thailand. Let people know it's not the beautiful, LoS that it's made out to be. For instance:- Issan has got to be a fly tippers paradise. Let's have a forum that tells it as it is. I'm sure this forum would be full of this type of statements if expats weren't too scared of rocking the boat. I'm sure I will be told I'm wrong ! I also expect someone to say I suffer from a syndrome. Yes I do it's called "realistic and honesty."

I'm surprised that someone who writes as well as you has such a closed mind. You've pigeon-holed ALL expats (or by the tone of your posts a majority) very neatly into a little box that you've defined.

The red-bolded line above tells me A LOT about you. Who exactly is putting this "pressure" on you? Perhaps someone qualified along the lines of psychiatry could enter this thread and try to find out why you are experiencing this "pressure".

As for me; I never believed the LOS stuff. Perhaps some do but not I. Also, I think BKK is an okay place to visit for a few days but I would never live there; too much pollution, traffic, noise, and people.....just my opinion....there are plenty of people that love BKK.

There is plenty wrong with Thailand IMHO just like there's plenty wrong with my home country. I gripe about both. Some things I don't like about Thailand.....babies and small children allowed on motorcycles; usually without a helmut , the way the Thai's trash the beautiful countryside, butting ahead in line (some Thai's just won't que), cheap Thai products (like the toaster I bought that worked 3 times lol......but this is an easy fix I no longer buy cheap Thai stuff), sales people that follow you around the store (weird), clear dangers that don't get fixed (like the giant hole in the middle of the sidewalk near a restaurant I go to often; it would be REAL EASY for someone to fall in and sustain major injuries.....especially at night).

Good things about Thailand: call me weird but I like the weather; can't stand snow. I like almost all of the Thai people I've met. My wife has some great relatives and just a few shitty ones. I like the scenery (except where it's trashed lol), I like the fact that all the material things I need I can get here and most at a greatly reduced cost. I like that there is a '"live and let live" attitude here. Almost no one cares that I'm 50 and my sweety is 26; in my home country this would cause a lot of "talk". I like that people are left alone to persue the sexual lifestyle that appeals to them.

I'll never forget my roots. At this time in my life I just prefer living here than my home country.

[frikkiedeboer]

[ Almost no one cares that I'm 50 and my sweety is 26; in my home country this would cause a lot of "talk". I like that people are left alone to persue the sexual lifestyle that appeals to them.

no offense, but this part of your post has me confused.... it seems there is an underlying tone,here. could you clear it up and tell us if your "sweetie" is a woman or a man? if a man, please take note that the posts you have been replying to ,all refered to thai women, and that is possibly where you are getting confused. - or more confused!

frikkie

Edited May 12, 2007 by frikkiedeboer

[LoveDaBlues]

I thought it was just me that no longer sees Thailand through rose coloured glasses.

I still say that people that see Thailand as the Land of Smiles and Bangkok is the City of Angels is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. A condition where by someone who's been kidnapped or lives with someone for long enough begins to act and think like their abductors or partners. The amazing thing is that they do not realise it or that once being told, they have this condition they refuse to accept it. Consequently many, not all, expats become adopted Thais due to this condition. A bad thing. First thing that is taught in Farang countries to immigrants is remember your roots and heritage.

I live here because it suits my needs and the Thais let me live here because it suits their needs but one thing I cannot accept is this pressure to say nothing but good things about Thais and Thailand. Let people know it's not the beautiful, LoS that it's made out to be. For instance:- Issan has got to be a fly tippers paradise. Let's have a forum that tells it as it is. I'm sure this forum would be full of this type of statements if expats weren't too scared of rocking the boat. I'm sure I will be told I'm wrong ! I also expect someone to say I suffer from a syndrome. Yes I do it's called "realistic and honesty."

I'm surprised that someone who writes as well as you has such a closed mind. You've pigeon-holed ALL expats (or by the tone of your posts a majority) very neatly into a little box that you've defined.

The red-bolded line above tells me A LOT about you. Who exactly is putting this "pressure" on you? Perhaps someone qualified along the lines of psychiatry could enter this thread and try to find out why you are experiencing this "pressure".

As for me; I never believed the LOS stuff. Perhaps some do but not I. Also, I think BKK is an okay place to visit for a few days but I would never live there; too much pollution, traffic, noise, and people.....just my opinion....there are plenty of people that love BKK.

There is plenty wrong with Thailand IMHO just like there's plenty wrong with my home country. I gripe about both. Some things I don't like about Thailand.....babies and small children allowed on motorcycles; usually without a helmut , the way the Thai's trash the beautiful countryside, butting ahead in line (some Thai's just won't que), cheap Thai products (like the toaster I bought that worked 3 times lol......but this is an easy fix I no longer buy cheap Thai stuff), sales people that follow you around the store (weird), clear dangers that don't get fixed (like the giant hole in the middle of the sidewalk near a restaurant I go to often; it would be REAL EASY for someone to fall in and sustain major injuries.....especially at night).

Good things about Thailand: call me weird but I like the weather; can't stand snow. I like almost all of the Thai people I've met. My wife has some great relatives and just a few shitty ones. I like the scenery (except where it's trashed lol), I like the fact that all the material things I need I can get here and most at a greatly reduced cost. I like that there is a '"live and let live" attitude here. Almost no one cares that I'm 50 and my sweety is 26; in my home country this would cause a lot of "talk". I like that people are left alone to persue the sexual lifestyle that appeals to them.

I'll never forget my roots. At this time in my life I just prefer living here than my home country.

I'm not confused. No offense taken.

[Tilapia]

Being of a western culture, im not prepared to give money or gifts to my in-laws, to me, its like buying some meat of the market, i could go there daily and choose the best bit!!when my GF asked about getting maried, i said, NO WAY !! I love her from top to toes, but im not going to buy her, 2 years on and we are still very happy, in your case, if you dont want to get married and give all your money to in-laws, tell them you need money for the best future for your babe to be, hopefully, they will understand this and agree,

Good Luck, rgds Lickey..

I have to agree with Lickey, I have been living with my GF for 12 years now, and still not married, she is ok with that, but the family never gives up, in the beginning it was a pain in the butt, but after I learned to speak Thai, then I could defend myself in there language, that normally stops the arguement for 4-6 month, then they will start again.

If the family still insist, then tell them that you want to do it the old Chinise style...What you pay for the bride, the parrents have to doubble that amount and give back to the bride, so she can start a new life, with her new husband, then she is paid out from the family and can not claim anything when her parrents die. That is my favoriet excuse, it works every time.

Good luck.

Tilapia.

[coventry]

[The pressure to say nothing]

I was a member of Thailandqa.com and this is where my statement stems from! Someone wrote in a question regarding "who are the 10 richest men people of Chinese desent"? I replied " maybe the king, he's of Chinese blood line". He also happens to own the biggest collection of vintage cars in Thailand making me believe he must be a contender. For mentioning the king I was told I was boarder "LES MAJESTE" and given a public warning by some arse licking moderator.

I told the Moderator that it was like being at school being told off and told him to stick his "Warning" as I hadn't done what I'd been accused of. I then got banned. I went back on under a different name and decided to write things that weren't favourable to Thais or Thailand so as to find out if "there was pressure to conform" !

Indeed there is pressure because some of my post simply didn't get put on the forum when i was too critical, but they never told me any reason why they censered them. Hense my returning to this forum where I believe, up to now, they are more liberal.

Also the pressure comes from "les Majeste" laws, even though the King, in his 2005 birthday speach, said " I do not take Les Majeste seriously anymore and will not prosecute anyone commiting this in future" or words very similar.

You go ahead and say something and see if you get prosecuted! This is the pressure I'm refering to.

Edited May 14, 2007 by coventry

[blizzard]

hey you issarn experts.

if a 23 old boy who has no money gets an issarn girl pregnant will the girls family take him in to live with them and support him.

said boys financial prospects dont look to bright. he he a good heart man......lol.

[frikkiedeboer]

hey you issarn experts.

if a 23 old boy who has no money gets an issarn girl pregnant will the girls family take him in to live with them and support him.

said boys financial prospects dont look to bright. he he a good heart man......lol.

of course he will be taken care of and probably will not be expected to work, either. the very thought of having to work would usually send the average isaan guy scurrying down to the local "mom- and- pop" shop for a bottle of laaw khow, so he doesn't have to "think too much"-perish the thought of actually having to take responsibility for your actions if you come from isaan!, or the girl will simply have the child and hand it over to her mother to raise .as soon as her <deleted> recovers enough to get back on the job, she's off to pattaya to sucker some poor farang guy into sending back money from his home country to support her, so she doesnt have to do this "job she hates so much, just to support her baby and her poor mama."

sound familiar,guys?

frikkie

[frikkiedeboer]

So the Thai men at a Thai + Thai wedding who pay sinsod are fools too?

Actually, using your logic they would be MUCH BIGGER FOOLS because 100K baht is a LOT MORE to a Thai than to a farang.

I'll forgive you for this blunder.....no longer are you "unforgiven".

no, the thai guy is not a fool. he knows how it all works. he will pay far less than what he will get back out of it. he looks at how much money or what kind of lifestyle her family will provide for him. mostly the sinsod will be paid by his family, and he will not have worked for it himself. if her family has land, or his prospective bride has land or money, the price will go up. mostly, thais do not marry for the same reasons that westerners do. of course there are exceptions, and the more educated ones are more westernised generally,thus are not stuck in this cultural rut, and the practise of selling off your daughter to the highest bidder-(and this is exactly what it is-and by paying sinsod you only help to promote this disgusting form of human trafficking) will slowly die out as education spreads.

isaan women are often taken out of school by their parents-four years of education being seen as enough,-for this very reason.

i did not suck this information out of my thumb- i was told this by a thai friend, and had it confirmed by a woman who paid another thai woman 200000thb to get her daughter hooked up with a farang. she figured borrowing the money would be worth it , as she would get far more out of the farang than what she had paid out. so there you have it- thais not only sell their daughters, they trade in farang,too!

frikkie

Edited May 14, 2007 by frikkiedeboer

[blizzard]

thanks frikk

but i omitted something. the impregnator is not thai boy but farang boy. will the girls family take him in and love him and show him to the rest of the villagers . or is he doomed coz he poor young and farang.

<edit>

Edited May 16, 2007 by Totster
Idiotic comment/question removed

[mrbojangles]

Haven't read the whole thread guys, so sorry.

But thought this was interesting.

The wife (who lives here with me in the UK) phoned her parents last week (in Chaiyaphum) and spoke to her brother also. His son has decided to marry this girl, from a different village. Her parents want 50,00 baht, which her nephew can't afford. My mrs asked for the phone number and spoke (well yelled really) at the girls parents. She negotiated it down to 20,000 baht, although she disagrees with paying anything. The lad will now pay them about 1,000 baht per month from his wages.

When we got married i didn't pay anything and she, nor her parents asked for anything. My mrs doesn't agree with Sin Sot, though she does accept some villages still do it.

So it's not just a "rip the farang off" kind of thing, it does go on between Thai's.

Just my 2 satang. Carry on

[jackmuu]

I know plenty of Thai and Westerners who have paid sin sot far in excess of the numbers being quoted on here. It's got nothing to do with being riped off at all. If it was your culture to expect a dowry from the grrom and he refused to pay it for your daughter, what would you think of him?

For my case, I am under no pressure at all, I could live in sin if I choose to but I don't. I have been married (registered) to my Thai wife and her family have never, ever asked a penny from me. They are neither rich nor poor and their kids send them money every so often. I will be doing the ceremony soon, and I will be paying a decent sized dowry because I want to. The same way as if I was having a UK wedding I would like to have a big one and push the boat out a bit, after all, it is a special occasion and hopefuly a one off.

It is all a matter of how much are you prepared to give (it is up to you at the end of the day), and how much you respect the traditions of the culture you are marrying in to. The people who will slag you off and say what an idiot you are are either bitter and twisted (something you see quite a bit out here) or maybe they are jealous that they don't have the money to spend. We are all different, and have various views, who is to say who is right and who is wrong? Just be happy, and if you are near Nakhon Phanom in November you are more than welcome to come and have a beer at my wedding

[farangconnection]

I've read through most of the answers now. My answer is

" Just how much is happiness for the rest of your life worth?"

which is supposed to be what marriage is. I waited until I was sure, and to be quite honest, her parents could have had anything within my grasp for her hand.

Most of you however, answered in the same way as if someone asked " How much should I pay for a Toyota Sportrider" and the answers that came back "Depends on the year or the milage"

&lt;deleted&gt;.............I suppose it sums up just why so many marriages fail in this day and age. My wife is my best mate. We fight like cats and dogs, argue constantly, differ from all our views. Why. Because down to the basics, we are so alike.

[binnsy]

I know plenty of Thai and Westerners who have paid sin sot far in excess of the numbers being quoted on here. It's got nothing to do with being riped off at all. If it was your culture to expect a dowry from the grrom and he refused to pay it for your daughter, what would you think of him?

For my case, I am under no pressure at all, I could live in sin if I choose to but I don't. I have been married (registered) to my Thai wife and her family have never, ever asked a penny from me. They are neither rich nor poor and their kids send them money every so often. I will be doing the ceremony soon, and I will be paying a decent sized dowry because I want to. The same way as if I was having a UK wedding I would like to have a big one and push the boat out a bit, after all, it is a special occasion and hopefuly a one off.

It is all a matter of how much are you prepared to give (it is up to you at the end of the day), and how much you respect the traditions of the culture you are marrying in to. The people who will slag you off and say what an idiot you are are either bitter and twisted (something you see quite a bit out here) or maybe they are jealous that they don't have the money to spend. We are all different, and have various views, who is to say who is right and who is wrong? Just be happy, and if you are near Nakhon Phanom in November you are more than welcome to come and have a beer at my wedding

I agree 100% dont no if you have seen the pictures that Macb has on page 45 of our ceremony but the cost was very minimal compared with a do in the UK.

BEST WISHES

[Lickey]

, after all, it is a special occasion and hopefuly a one off.

Heres another one who lives in hope, see previous post!!

[Lucifer]

I know plenty of Thai and Westerners who have paid sin sot far in excess of the numbers being quoted on here. It's got nothing to do with being riped off at all. If it was your culture to expect a dowry from the grrom and he refused to pay it for your daughter, what would you think of him?

For my case, I am under no pressure at all, I could live in sin if I choose to but I don't. I have been married (registered) to my Thai wife and her family have never, ever asked a penny from me. They are neither rich nor poor and their kids send them money every so often. I will be doing the ceremony soon, and I will be paying a decent sized dowry because I want to. The same way as if I was having a UK wedding I would like to have a big one and push the boat out a bit, after all, it is a special occasion and hopefuly a one off.

It is all a matter of how much are you prepared to give (it is up to you at the end of the day), and how much you respect the traditions of the culture you are marrying in to. The people who will slag you off and say what an idiot you are are either bitter and twisted (something you see quite a bit out here) or maybe they are jealous that they don't have the money to spend. We are all different, and have various views, who is to say who is right and who is wrong? Just be happy, and if you are near Nakhon Phanom in November you are more than welcome to come and have a beer at my wedding

..and thats the difference, isn't it?

If the in-laws asked, nay, demanded, money from you, I think you'd be singing a different tune.

[frikkiedeboer]

thanks frikk

but i omitted something. the impregnator is not thai boy but farang boy. will the girls family take him in and love him and show him to the rest of the villagers . or is he doomed coz he poor young and farang.

<edit>

really not sure, in this case. he might simply be chucked out, the girl looked after by the family until the baby is old enough, then mama looks after the baby while she goes off to find a farang who has enough to afford the sinsod, or they will accept whatever he can afford to pay, then wait for his visa to expire...........and he calls it a day, cuts his losses and goes home . (and wifey goes off to find another farang,etc)

[Totster]

Ok, thats enough.

Unfortunately sin sod topics bring out the serial pessimists among us, which IMO blights the real facts of the topic, and prevents serious discussion.

Sin sod is a personal thing, each situation is different, and should always be open to negotiation.

For more information regarding sin sod see the pinned thread HERE

Topic Closed

totster