Some Problems I Am Having

[SiamSquare123]

i have been in thailand for 2 years and I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years that has been going well. We have a semi-reoccuring fight, probably once every 2 months that usually starts in a shopping mall. We will be having a nice day, when she will take an attitude with me. Each time, I spend X amount of time trying to figure out how we started fighting and when it eventually comes out from her, she will say that everyone walks by and looks at me and that they think I am miserable. When I ask her how she knows this, she says that she just does.

This is very difficult for me because I might be thinking in my mind "Wow, this is a nice day", and the next minute she is aggravated claiming I am miserable and hate being with her.

Today it comes out for the first time in our relationship that Thai people often talk bad about me and look down upon me but she has never wanted to tell me about it. When I asked her for examples she was very vague and mentioned a motorcycle driver and a waiter. When I asked her why they had a problem with me, she said It was because of my face (facial expressions). I asked her if they told her it was because of my face, and she said "no. i know. everyone knows".

Since I have been in Thailand, I have never had any problems with any Thai people. Personally, I am not the type of person to get worked up because a motorcycle driver or waiter decides that they do not like me. I suppose that I have a serious face, but I am having a hard time figuring out if she is just being overly sensitive or if there is some other underling issue. I have always felt that I am very polite. The fact that I have never had a problem with a Thai person makes me believe that I cant be 'that bad'.

Any advice?

[cdnvic]

If she started doing this recently it may be a hint that she's insecure about her place with you, or that she's looking to find a way out. Thais aren't the kind to do formal breakups. They like to find face saving ways out of things.

[SiamSquare123]

It hasnt started recently, and I am almost 100% certain that she doesnt want to break up with me. This has been reoccuring.

[Dakhar]

i have been in thailand for 2 years and I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years that has been going well. We have a semi-reoccuring fight, probably once every 2 months that usually starts in a shopping mall. We will be having a nice day, when she will take an attitude with me. Each time, I spend X amount of time trying to figure out how we started fighting and when it eventually comes out from her, she will say that everyone walks by and looks at me and that they think I am miserable. When I ask her how she knows this, she says that she just does.

This is very difficult for me because I might be thinking in my mind "Wow, this is a nice day", and the next minute she is aggravated claiming I am miserable and hate being with her.

Today it comes out for the first time in our relationship that Thai people often talk bad about me and look down upon me but she has never wanted to tell me about it. When I asked her for examples she was very vague and mentioned a motorcycle driver and a waiter. When I asked her why they had a problem with me, she said It was because of my face (facial expressions). I asked her if they told her it was because of my face, and she said "no. i know. everyone knows".

Since I have been in Thailand, I have never had any problems with any Thai people. Personally, I am not the type of person to get worked up because a motorcycle driver or waiter decides that they do not like me. I suppose that I have a serious face, but I am having a hard time figuring out if she is just being overly sensitive or if there is some other underling issue. I have always felt that I am very polite. The fact that I have never had a problem with a Thai person makes me believe that I cant be 'that bad'.

Any advice?

Yea,

I can relate in some respects. I think it is the Thai Smile thing. Westerners I guess do not have that much of a habbit of haveing a grin on their face. Unless a total babe walks by, and then you smile, and then you are in trouble. But that is another topic.

Ok, I have been told by my mother-in-law that I look too serious... the wife says the same thing. Hey, I think a lot, I am deep in thought. What can I say, and pointing it out that I do not have a beaming ray of sunshine for a face only makes me all the more hard to deal with.

But, I will tell you a story.... It is all in the approach.

"I was shooting pool with a friend, and this beatiful young thing walked up to me, touched my chin and said, smile, you look so much handsomer that way." She was one of Thailands finest beautiful things I have ever seen. She put her pool stick back on the rack and left. Like an angel sending me a message she disapeared.

I think I smiled a month straight after that, heck I smile now just thinking about that. So it is all in the approach, I guess.

Backing up to the mall. Sometimes I try to wear a little better attire than usual when I go to the mall, because I do not want people to get the impression my wife ending up with some poverty packer. I am not saying you are, I am just saying maybe if you shave get a little spiffied up to inspire confidence in yourself and a little pride in herself, things can get better.

If not, go find that angel at the pool hall, she will put a smile on your face.

Edited May 5, 2007 by Dakhar

[qwertz]

i have been in thailand for 2 years and I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years that has been going well. We have a semi-reoccuring fight, probably once every 2 months that usually starts in a shopping mall. We will be having a nice day, when she will take an attitude with me. Each time, I spend X amount of time trying to figure out how we started fighting and when it eventually comes out from her, she will say that everyone walks by and looks at me and that they think I am miserable. When I ask her how she knows this, she says that she just does.

This is very difficult for me because I might be thinking in my mind "Wow, this is a nice day", and the next minute she is aggravated claiming I am miserable and hate being with her.

Today it comes out for the first time in our relationship that Thai people often talk bad about me and look down upon me but she has never wanted to tell me about it. When I asked her for examples she was very vague and mentioned a motorcycle driver and a waiter. When I asked her why they had a problem with me, she said It was because of my face (facial expressions). I asked her if they told her it was because of my face, and she said "no. i know. everyone knows".

Since I have been in Thailand, I have never had any problems with any Thai people. Personally, I am not the type of person to get worked up because a motorcycle driver or waiter decides that they do not like me. I suppose that I have a serious face, but I am having a hard time figuring out if she is just being overly sensitive or if there is some other underling issue. I have always felt that I am very polite. The fact that I have never had a problem with a Thai person makes me believe that I cant be 'that bad'.

Any advice?

It sounds to me like you have a power battle going there. Women the world over do this when they're sure that you're there to stay. It's natural then that she'll try to mould you into what she thinks is an ideal. This will usually end up in one of two ways. You'll knuckle under to this demand and there will always be more demands or you'll make a stand and risk her walking away (which she probably won't). Meet halfway, not an inch more, she'll respect you more for that. BTW, this has nothing directly to do with nationality but there's bound to be a little local flavour in a misunderstanding there. I sympathise about your facial expression because I'm straight faced too, even when I'm happy with the world. Many farangs, unlike Thais, don't smile without good cause.

[Prakanong]

Just tell her the MC driver and waiter are well below you on the social scale and so does not bother you and that you thought she would be of the same standing and thought ;-)

[lazeeboy]

It hasnt started recently, and I am almost 100% certain that she doesnt want to break up with me. This has been reoccuring.

join the club , 1000s of us our having the same problems as you ,could be she thinks you dont spend enough money on her or you look at other women (i take it your just human) maybe she thinks everyone assumes she;s on the game you say it happens at the mall.does it not happen at home? when you first met she lit your fags wiped your brow ;put toothpaste on your brush ,she spoilt you .i doubt she still does as all of them stop this at some stage ,remember they are very insecure in thailand as there are many prettier and younger girls out there looking for what she has .just go with the flow and it will pass, when though thats the question

[SiamSquare123]

gwertz,

You might be onto something there. I often see so many thai guys walking with their wife in the ladies section with a huge grin on their face, picking out clothes and holding them up against her. I dont think I have ever seen a Westerner do that back home or in Thailand in my entire life.

Edited May 5, 2007 by SiamSquare123

[blizzard]

how you guys expect us to answer this kind of ?s wo knowing either of you is beyond me.

but try smiling at the many good lookers walking at any shopping mall and see what happens.

[lazeeboy]

gwertz,

You might be onto something there. I often see so many thai guys walking with their wife in the ladies section with a huge grin on their face, picking out clothes and holding them up against her. I dont think I have ever seen a Westerner do that back home or in Thailand in my entire life.

just give her a little money every now and again and tell her to treat herself ,but let her go by her self that way you cant argue and she can show you later what she has bought it works for me anyway and i can relax and enjoy the peace....

[blizzard]

ps where do all these smiling thais hang out. the ones that have no reason too.

my god you people make thais out to be clowns.............lol.

[uptou]

dunno.i only know from my experience with relationships with ladies in this part ofthe world,is that they were insecure,because they always generally thought that farung dont hang around for too long

maybe she is indirectly telling you something about you & her,because of fear of confronting you with it.they can be baffling.

[PeaceBlondie]

Could she be manipulating you to make you buy more things at the mall? Is she in a bad mood because you're not buying enough? I assume you're not ugly. I like that idea of saying, "I do not care what the motorcycle taximan thinks about me."

If you fake the smile long enough, you'll start smiling sincerely. Smile at the least appropriate times. It keeps them guessing what's so funny.

[KhunMarco]

Smiling is good for your health, even a fake smile produces substances in your body..bla bla.. there are 2000 muscles in our face and bla bla... That's what doctors say, it must be true. Try!

Edited May 5, 2007 by KhunMarco

[colino]

maybe she doesnt understand that sometimes us westerners just feel a bit shut out and can look abit bemused as everything goes on around us , and the odd insecurity creeps in now and then

[blizzard]

or if she want s you to take on thai traits, tell her you gonna start seeing pleasure women, drink a lot of whisky, and practice muay thai boxing on her.

i dont condom any of the above by the way.

some say you have to train thai women to respect you, or they take advantage.

Edited May 5, 2007 by blizzard

[thaigerd]

And tomorrow is WORLD SMILING DAY!!!!

not a joke, check it.

Gerd

[macb]

I think this is a cultural thing 'my mate would tell you I got a face like a 'Bull Dog licking p.... off a nettle:

Some times folks say I look serious but its just my Facial expression : My wife explains then thay find out I am a miserable sod (Joking)

I think she is feeling insecure, some Thai lasses like to shop on there own with there friends, often if I am shopping with the wife I go off looking at mens things you know DIY Hif Fi computers etc, because she swill l spend ages looking at clothes try that appraoch see what happens.

I think she feels inferior to you thats is what is going on here:

Next time you go shopping give her some money to go do what she wants and you go look your stuff see what happens

[blizzard]

if she is a smart girl giving her money wouldnt be sucj a good idea. money demands will never end.

and we all know thai girls not interested in the farangs money.

hmmm... seems the thai farang relationships that work involve generous amount of dosh being transferred from the one who has it to the one who doesnt.

Edited May 5, 2007 by blizzard

[LightSeeker]

Hmmm! Unlike all the experts here....before i give any advice....could you post a recent pic of yourself here first. Like to take a look at it first.

[WaiWai]

Really difficult to say, but my thoughts, anyway :

You're walking together in the mall. There's a measure of discomfort for her, as you're not Thai. She runs the gauntlet, to some degree, of looks, and possibly, words. Face is under threat.

Your neutral expression does not help her. If you were beaming proudly at the masses at being in her presence and ostentatiously buying her goodies (odious as this may seem to you), she might feel that her face had been vindicated.

She may be just directing the anxiety she experiences during such trips, in an indirectly expressed & focussed way, towards you. She may not completely understand her own feelings ( happens to all of us).

Really, I hope you can talk to her about it more. We're all only making guesses here.

[Maigo6]

Ummmm,

A miserable sour faced Farang in The shopping Mall, what's so unusual about that?

You should take her to the UK, she would soon see that 99% of the male population shuffling around the shops with their wives are miserable.

Tell her if she don't like your miserable face, you can always find another person that will!!

Edited May 5, 2007 by Maigo6

[blizzard]

ok so we have 2 sides here.

1. tell her to take it or leave. i vote for this one.

2. give her money.

[mosquitoman]

ok so we have 2 sides here.

1. tell her to take it or leave. i vote for this one.

2. give her money.

I certainly would not give her money this is no way to foster a healthy relationship.

I also vote number 1

MM

[Naam]

Any advice?

when i read the topic of your thread i felt genuine sympathy and thought this guy needs help or advice without irony or sarcasm.

having gone through your posting my only advice is "kick her ass out of your life if she acts one more time like this!"

[katana]

I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years that has been going well. We have a semi-reoccuring fight...that usually starts in a shopping mall...Today it comes out for the first time in our relationship that Thai people often talk bad about me and look down upon me but she has never wanted to tell me about it. When I asked her for examples she was very vague and mentioned a motorcycle driver and a waiter....

Could be that some Thais are making negative remarks in public (in Thai) about her being with a farang and this with the subsequent perceived loss of face is the trigger to the upset...

Edited May 5, 2007 by katana

[Naam]

She may be just directing the anxiety she experiences during such trips, in an indirectly expressed & focussed way, towards you. She may not completely understand her own feelings ( happens to all of us).

Really, I hope you can talk to her about it more...

...and blow powdered sugar up her butt during talking because that might help.

[Ulysses G.]

When I concentrate on anything, I start grimacing, but it looks like I'm smiling or laughing to myself even if I'm pissed off. People who see me on a computer often ask me, "What's so funny"?

Thais mostly like me because they think that I'm happy all the time.

Comes in handy!

[blizzard]

hey doc

wo sarcasm and s h i t this place would be on life support. and if this place died coroners would classify it as suicide.............lol.

[lannarebirth]

I visit shopping malls only under protest. I just hate being there, spending 2 hours to accomplish a 10 minute task. I'd told my gf this many times, but still there was always some reason to stop off there on the way home, which would lead to an extended visit. Anyone who cared to observe me there would have no trouble discerning I was not enjoying myself. Of course my gf didn't like my lack of enthusiasm, but finally she became convinced the situation wasn't likely to change and now goes off on these sojourns alone or with friends, which suits me wonderfully. I don't know if that's the OP's situation, but if it is, I imagine in time it will work itself out.