I Want Take Care Family

[Head Snake]

There seems to be alot of poseurs in this thread.

Me, Live and let live. Enjoy it all.

hehe, don't I sound like a poseur too???

I get screwed too; but, I am happy to live to talk about it.

Woohoo!!

[WaiWai]

Interesting views but my focus as much as anything was on what, I presume, must be the psychological impact ( or maybe there is none ) of doing everything for the family.

Yes, it's an interesting question. It seems to apply more to the women than the men, but does apply to both.

From a Western point of view, it seems that even if one accepts one's fate in this life, there should still be some "self", independent of others, that strives to be satisfied, in both selfish and less selfish ways.

Is there not resentment ? Imagine you're a young boy or girl, "sent" by your family to sell your body or find a foreign spouse, while other family members do little. (Not saying this represents everyone , just an extreme but not exactly unheard of scenario.) Are the social teachings strong enough to quell resentment ? If not, where is this resentment directed, and how ? I suspect inwards (?), given Thai cultural tendencies, but not sure exactly how it might manifest ? ?

[soi lurker]

MTW offers a realistic viewpoint based on her experiences. I largely agree with what she is saying.

[blizzard]

do you western women with thai boys hide all day and night. i never ever see you like i see farang men and their thai girls.

[Head Snake]

thank god I try to avoid all you people's prior to nightfall.

sad.

pathetic.

Where is my 5 sturs hotel??

[GuestHouse]

Great posts MTW.

I particularly like your insight into getting over your divorce before jumping into a new relationship here in Thailand. The reasons why that rubs some folk the wrong way is obvious, but what you say absolutely rings true.

[taxexile]

mtw

It seems that 99% of Thai people don't even know NOT to pick their nose and flick it at the dinner table, much less NOT to pick their nose. And, in fairness, let me just say that this isn't only Thailand. Many Asian cultures seem to think the nose picking is the same as picking roses in a garden, rather than similar to picking your ass.

and many europeans and americans dont even know that blowing their noses into a handkerchief and then putting it back soiled into their pocket is considered just as disgusting to asians , whilst considered good manners to euros and americans.

its different strokes for different folks.

[John_Rambo]

Yes, that is a disgusting habit.

[teacup]

Hey hey…..what is this about ..."99% of the thais!" Huh?

Well what about some of you farangs also and let me tell you what I have seen….

The most disgusting thing I have seen is this one farang , instead of blowing his ###### nose with tissue.... he uses air, he plugs one nose and blows so the **** go on the ground. Soooo very very GROSS!

And I also have heard....you guys can fart and burp at the same time too. Are you all like this?

Edited May 10, 2007 by teacup

[Norrad]

Well what about some of you farangs also and let me tell you what I have seen….

The most disgusting thing I have seen is this one farang , instead of blowing his ###### nose with tissue.... he uses air, he plugs one nose and blows so the **** go on the ground. Soooo very very GROSS!

Actually, I see Thai's doing this everyday in the soi I live in

[taxexile]

....you guys can fart and burp at the same time too. Are you all like this?

no.

only the women.

Edited May 10, 2007 by taxexile

[richardb]

is tan an angel of mercy?

if she is come on guys its just their job, what would you do if you had little education and little prospects for a good normal life.

west culture and east culture not same same.

in west many could care less what happens to their family. in east apparently not so.

by the way op, were you to save tan what would make you so different, she just sees you as a way to take care of family. im assuming you met her in her angel of mercy working bar(place)

Now there is the sound of a nail being hit squarely on the head. Well put Blizzard. I can not "save her" and am not that different.

And the consequences of Tan's love of her family are? It is not impossible that right now a fellow Brit is reading the visa section of this site and knowing Tan she will certainly get her visa first time. Tan has made her bargain She wants “to take care of family" So she is getting married. Does Mr. X fully appreciate the terms of the deal he has struck? Last time I chatted the internet girl that marriage did not seem to be that happy. Mr. X no doubt a decent chap is probably in love. Tan is not she is marrying "to take care family". I said in my OP that I like/d Tan but I can not/refuse to be with her. I think she likes me but aside from the way she lives her life I know deep down that her priority is her family. I do not trust her. If our interests co inside that's great but the moment her families interests diverge from mine it would likely be goodbye Richard. Perhaps I do Tan a disservice. She acts so well that maybe she will come to live the part. With love and affection from Mr. X and maybe a family the terms of the bargain may change. Mr. X will have the wife he dreams he has.

Perhaps also when I use the word disservice that is wrong also. Tan in her own way of thinking is doing the right thing the only thing. By her own definition she is a good girl.

Perhaps my OP is as much about my own insecurities in relationships as it is about my analysis of one aspect of certain Thai peoples thinking. That said it is uncomfortable to know that Tan will welcome me to her bed ( and I will not say no ) if I get to Thailand before her wedding and who knows what life holds when she is somewhat closer living in the UK.

[blizzard]

sir

next time she invite you to her bed. just say no you not that kind of guy.

[uptou]

Hey hey…..what is this about ..."99% of the thais!" Huh?

Well what about some of you farangs also and let me tell you what I have seen….

The most disgusting thing I have seen is this one farang , instead of blowing his ###### nose with tissue.... he uses air, he plugs one nose and blows so the **** go on the ground. Soooo very very GROSS!

i personally feel this is acceptable as long as its a good clean blow,& you dont get any overspray hanging on the top lip.

Edited May 10, 2007 by uptou

[Dakhar]

It simply amazes me.... these girls that have literally no education, a lot of them can not even get on the net, let alone Type. But they have a keen wisdom and ability to wrap a man around their finger. They do not just do it based on looks alone. Truth is, looks get old, just look at Jesica Simpson. That is some prime USDA beef that got tossed by her husband. He got tired of the nob that sits between her shoulders.

So some rice farmer can twist a man up into a whimpering "Yes Mam" kind of guy in a matter of moments.

Simply fascinating how they can do this. I always said, the most powerful person on earth is a beautiful woman.....

Heres to all you men out there... may you hold you hearts and your wallets dear, and keep it safe.

[blizzard]

here here.

there is no doubt in my mind that when a farang goes looking for a thai wife or girlfriend, looks is not that important.

number one is does the economics merit a marriage.

what else can it be. lub?

[undercover]

there might possibly be farang women doctors, lawyers, whatever, who got sick of their fat, complaining farang partner,and moved to Thailand.

.........................................

Possible, but more like wishful thinking.

[SiamSquare123]

These girls do not have many great options to meet thai men. They have dark skin and ugly features by thai standards. pick up a fashion mag, these girls are the complete opposite of what is on those pages.

They do not seek love, they only seek money. Many of them will say "i want to take care my family" because that is a nice way of saying "give me the money stupid, i no love you".

deal with it already.

[Dakhar]

Now now, not all the girls are dark etc. If you think that is the only cas, you need to take a tour. What blows my mind is some of these girls look like they could be holding down jobs at hospitals, banks etc. But yet there they are....

I once went to a hospital and my wife was hoovering over me. One of the nurses came up to her and said... "Oh you are so pretty, you do not look like the ugly women most falangs go for."

Which in a way was insulting.

1) Are you saying my wife is a Bar X ?

2) Are you saying dark skin is ugly.... because that is a pretty racist narrow view, of your OWN KIND (THAI) ?

3) Are you saying all falangs hook up with bar X ?

TIT

[SiamSquare123]

not all farangs hook up with a bar X, only 91% of them do.

[Loz]

This can't surely be a new slant but I offer it anyway.

My family has always taken good care of me. I have sometimes NEEDED it sometimes it is just because they like to share and see me enjoy my life. I ALWAYS looked for the day when I could begin to repay the material stuff that had come my way. I have always repaid the Love with interest, obviously. About 6 years ago I gave my dad his first BMW. I'd wanted him to drive one since I was a teenager but he wouldn't waste his money on such frivolities. Father's Day 2001 saw the tables turned when I said, "Dad, I just couldn't find the card I wanted so I got you a car instead". It made ME feel great. I know they would never care if I never gave them more than a bunch of flowers but thats not the point. I was in a position to help ( my dad had given my brother his car as he was not able to drive for a year due to operations, the year was up and he was shopping around for a car) and I knew it would be fun to see him behind the wheel of a M series BMW. Funnily enough it started a trend as last Christmas my Mum bought him a new one! We all enjoy gifts in our family and they thank me all the time for getting them into a whole new level of comfort that they do now appreciate. Why do I tell you this?

Because I KNOW how good it feels to give to your parents. I know how much I longed to help them out. I know my brother felt the same way when he sent them on holiday. Okay, Obviously my folks are not broke farmers living in a shack but the principle is the same. It is GOOD to give. Why are people so doubtful that there are some genuine cases? I am SURE there are those who are just in it for themselves. I have seen the disproportionate extravagance of some young ladies who have a "sponsored" lifestyle. I have also seen people work there heinies off without so much as a thought of a new car or luxury phone.

As is so often said, there is good and Evil in every society. Why do some think it strange that even in LOS they would have to vet the character of each and every paramour that they meet?

[qwertz]

If I only had a golden goose (I wish) then I would take good care of it too, loz.

[Dakhar]

This can't surely be a new slant but I offer it anyway.

My family has always taken good care of me. I have sometimes NEEDED it sometimes it is just because they like to share and see me enjoy my life. I ALWAYS looked for the day when I could begin to repay the material stuff that had come my way. I have always repaid the Love with interest, obviously. About 6 years ago I gave my dad his first BMW. I'd wanted him to drive one since I was a teenager but he wouldn't waste his money on such frivolities. Father's Day 2001 saw the tables turned when I said, "Dad, I just couldn't find the card I wanted so I got you a car instead". It made ME feel great. I know they would never care if I never gave them more than a bunch of flowers but thats not the point. I was in a position to help ( my dad had given my brother his car as he was not able to drive for a year due to operations, the year was up and he was shopping around for a car) and I knew it would be fun to see him behind the wheel of a M series BMW. Funnily enough it started a trend as last Christmas my Mum bought him a new one! We all enjoy gifts in our family and they thank me all the time for getting them into a whole new level of comfort that they do now appreciate. Why do I tell you this?

Because I KNOW how good it feels to give to your parents. I know how much I longed to help them out. I know my brother felt the same way when he sent them on holiday. Okay, Obviously my folks are not broke farmers living in a shack but the principle is the same. It is GOOD to give. Why are people so doubtful that there are some genuine cases? I am SURE there are those who are just in it for themselves. I have seen the disproportionate extravagance of some young ladies who have a "sponsored" lifestyle. I have also seen people work there heinies off without so much as a thought of a new car or luxury phone.

As is so often said, there is good and Evil in every society. Why do some think it strange that even in LOS they would have to vet the character of each and every paramour that they meet?

Loz

Buying your father a BMW might have secured you a seat in heaven....

Buying him a M series, well ya, free pass buddy.... YOU ARE IN FOR SURE!

M series, they are simply awesome. Sounds like your dad got the E46 M3, a little heavy compared to the M E36 (My true love) but the E46 would deliver a better ride for an older individual. OHHH they are wonderful cars.

If you got him an M5..... that was insane. Those cars are pure brutal....

Loz, I can't tell you how much of a great guy you have to be.

I do agree with you, I believe a percentage of these girls have good hearts. I just wish them safety. I also whish that if they had a way out through a regular job they would take it. I am not in no way being judgemental... I worry about their safety, I worry about the long term psychological impact on these girls...

[peter991]

In a country with virtually no social security system (except for people with government jobs) it is understandable that it is ingrained into children that it is their duty to take care of and respect their elders.

Compare this with the western system where old people are basically dumped on the scrap-heap and left to die alone.

However, I see cracks developing in the system - western values (me, me, me!) will create problems for Asian countries in the future as the young people look after themselves first and throw a few crumbs to their parents if they remember.

Peter

[srifah]

It simply amazes me.... these girls that have literally no education, a lot of them can not even get on the net, let alone Type. But they have a keen wisdom and ability to wrap a man around their finger.

I don't know how true to this Myth since I've heard this from a man!

The girls have learned how to munipulate at the earlier age. First, they've learned the manipulation on their fathers (daddy little girl), then later you know what!

Also read many blames to the (Thai) women on this forum. Some need to take accountibility for themselves. How the uneducated of certain profession--Thai female (again education does not make people intelligence) can out smart some of them that cried out on TV. Instead of blaming the others, use the anal ytical skills to think, probably, some already had.

[a2396]

At some time the disconnect between what Thais tell you about their culture and the evidence of what Thai culture actually is will kick in.

When it does you might start less inclined to immediately accept the thing about 'Family Love' and start considering

'Manipulation', 'Brainwashing', Entitlement' and 'Guilt Trips'.

Some (but by all means not all) Thai families drive their children (Daughters) to do everything and anything to save the rest of the family working - When that occurs it has absolutely nothing to do with family love.

As a foreigner the thing to note is...

I know more than a couple Farangs busting their backsides working to house/feed/clothe/entertain Thai 'In-Laws' who are younger than their hardworking farang sponsor.

'Mum and dad are too old to work, but husband is not'.

Nah, you need to change where you are meeting women (and by ‘change’ I don't mean ‘change countries’).

I am not sure where one is going to meet a different class of woman without this "take care of the family" proviso as a major element of your relationship with a Thai lady. Unless she is independently wealthy or has a professional high-paying job, she will pretty much be like the woman the OP describes. The professional & independent woman does not usually involve herself with a Farang. She does not need to, unless for some reason she wants to migrate to his counrty for some percieved better life. The women the OP describes are not all bargirls. Most of the woman I have met in the 3 years I have lived in LOS were as the OP describes. You can presume that love is a minor factor in these relationships. I have not seen one of them exibit the quality of emotional and sexual responsiveness or consistancy that I would expect from a woman back home. I think this fact explains why there is a high inicdence of them keeping Thai men in the background, because thier involvement with a foreigner is not for love. Poor communication and language skills is another contributing factor. Few of them can go beyond the basics of what will we eat for lunch and what time will I see you tomorrow. Not the makings of a deep satisfying relationship - impossible.

[Furbie]

It's interesting because I always believed that the greatest shame in some Western cultures is our treatment of the elderly. I very much subscribe to the Thai/Asian view that we should honor our parents and grandparents – though I stop short of suppressing my life's goals and ambitions to meet their needs. I view it as a compact – whereby they support the decisions I make for my life, while I respect their wishes and beliefs.

To the OP and some on this thread – I have to always stress to people with stories like yours, who do you hang around with in Thailand? Some made the reference to gold jewelry. Funny, I look around my office and see no Thais sporting gaudy gold chains, though some have nice watches (which is what you would find in the West). No one in my office has ever asked me for money or assumed I will pick up the bill at lunch – this is my second office in Thailand, and it holds true in both cases. As for my more personal life, my GF does not send money home to her family or ask me to pick up the bill for her life. My closest Thai female friend is quite proud she is paying for her brother to study at Uni overseas – though her parents could easily afford it - she wants to do this for her brother. Different strokes for different folks.

I was once describing some aspects of Thai culture to a friend in the West – this was while I was a tourist and before I lived here. I said Thai's seem to have a fondness for gold jewelry, mobile phones, trendy clothes and sun glasses – anything to make them look cool without care about how you they got the money, or what they would do for money tomorrow. Her response, "sounds like Thai people are very ghetto." Since then, I have realized that just as in the US or the UK or wherever, there is a certain segment of the population that behaves this way – it all depends on who you associate with. If you went to Harlem or Watts in the US and hung out there, dated there and lived there, you would think pretty much about Americans what you many seem to think of the lower class Thais. If you lived in Beverly Hills, you would have a very different opinion.

[SiamSquare123]

Do you guys really not get it?

Using "my family" is a way of saving face. It sounds much nicer then her saying "I want money". By using the family line, she makes herself a mortar. It is quite clever. Guys give up the money and then look at her like she is a little angel because she is taking care of her family.

Look, if she is working as a prostitute, then love is the last thing on her mind. More than likely, she does not believe in love. You come along and think that because you are nice to her, that she will love you? These chicks are in a predator state. They are in business. They are stock brokers in bikinis and lace.

DEAL WITH IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

[SiamSquare123]

Look, I dont want to sound like a jerk, but those of you who have hooked up with a shop girl, typist or waitress... these girls are not all that different from the bar girls, atleast on an intellectual level. If you gave them an IQ test, they would probably score similarly.

It is funny because many farang with these girls think they are "good", but in an educated Thai person's eyes, they do not see the difference between a waitress from Roi Et and #45 from Roi Et.

Buttom line, if a girl puts her family before you, then she is not worth being with. This is plain and simple.

[buriramboy]

Look, I dont want to sound like a jerk, but those of you who have hooked up with a shop girl, typist or waitress... these girls are not all that different from the bar girls, atleast on an intellectual level. If you gave them an IQ test, they would probably score similarly.

It is funny because many farang with these girls think they are "good", but in an educated Thai person's eyes, they do not see the difference between a waitress from Roi Et and #45 from Roi Et.

Bottom line, if a girl puts her family before you, then she is not worth being with. This is plain and simple.

Agree with this 100%