Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Dear reader, I have a question about dowry (I already read all about it in this forum). My g/f and myself have been together (apart, I'm in Europe) for 2,5 years now My girlfriend is in her mid 30's from a farmers family in Bangkok She went to primary/secundary school and some college She works in a shop and earns 12000 max a month She was married before to a Thai (not registered) She left him many years ago (no registered divorce) They have 2 children about 8-10 years old (he does not support them financially) I've visited the family a few times, I like her kids, they like me. We are talking about having a baby and getting married. My questions: Does the dowry also pay for the party and wedding clothes? Does a dowry have to be paid again in this situation? If so, what would be an estimated fair maximum? I send her money every few months, for instance for the kids school, insurance, medical costs, so actually I am already providing for the family I read somewhere a dowry is from 50.000 and up to millions. To be honest I cannot pay hundreds of thousands, I try to save money and send them some regulary. I love her and want her to be my wife, and have a baby asap Can someone answer these questions from their knowledge and experience? Thank you Kind regards, Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shah Jahan Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Dear reader,I have a question about dowry (I already read all about it in this forum). My g/f and myself have been together (apart, I'm in Europe) for 2,5 years now My girlfriend is in her mid 30's from a farmers family in Bangkok She went to primary/secundary school and some college She works in a shop and earns 12000 max a month She was married before to a Thai (not registered) She left him many years ago (no registered divorce) They have 2 children about 8-10 years old (he does not support them financially) I've visited the family a few times, I like her kids, they like me. We are talking about having a baby and getting married. My questions: Does the dowry also pay for the party and wedding clothes? Does a dowry have to be paid again in this situation? If so, what would be an estimated fair maximum? I send her money every few months, for instance for the kids school, insurance, medical costs, so actually I am already providing for the family I read somewhere a dowry is from 50.000 and up to millions. To be honest I cannot pay hundreds of thousands, I try to save money and send them some regulary. I love her and want her to be my wife, and have a baby asap Can someone answer these questions from their knowledge and experience? Thank you Kind regards, Mike The idea of dowery is tradionally for young ones who have never been married/have kids as your girl is older and had public lover/husband - any dowery you give will be a token. if you were thai due to these circumstance you would not be expected to pay much. That being said - make the parents happy and give them 40k - if anybody asks for more - you have the right to laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 The idea of dowery is tradionally for young ones who have never been married/have kids as your girl is older and had public lover/husband - any dowery you give will be a token. if you were thai due to these circumstance you would not be expected to pay much. That being said - make the parents happy and give them 40k - if anybody asks for more - you have the right to laugh So if they ask for more than 50k, maybe even a few 100 thousand, they will not be insulted if I agree with 40.000 ? thanks Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Just offer them what you can as a token gift, I doubt very much they will ask for more as you are already supporting them and their daughter Good luck Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 SinSot are typically one shot deals - married/children lucky to get anything. Any rate more for show - dosh should be returned to you if this is done properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Just offer them what you can as a token gift, I doubt very much they will ask for more as you are already supporting them and their daughterGood luck Mark thanks Mark! Another question, my g/f mother died 2 weeks ago. Will there be consequences regarding the dowry and marriage? I read that usually the dowry is discussed with the mother of the bride? My g/f has a grandmother, father, 2 sisters, a brother, and her 2 kids. I send money for my g/f and the kids, not especially for the others. Allthough I did send some money for her mothers fight against cancer. Thanks, Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 If you read Britmavs post he says that its only for first timers really, he knows more than I do about this for sure, who told you about it anyway? did the family sugest that you needed to pay up? Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 If you read Britmavs post he says that its only for first timers really, he knows more than I do about this for sure, who told you about it anyway? did the family sugest that you needed to pay up?Mark my g/f told me, and she was talking about more than a hundred thousand, several hundred I can assure you. She earns 12.000 a month, surely this is a low income in Thailand, correct? This is the reason I am asking here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 If you read Britmavs post he says that its only for first timers really, he knows more than I do about this for sure, who told you about it anyway? did the family sugest that you needed to pay up?Mark my g/f told me, and she was talking about more than a hundred thousand, several hundred I can assure you. She earns 12.000 a month, surely this is a low income in Thailand, correct? This is the reason I am asking here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shah Jahan Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 If you read Britmavs post he says that its only for first timers really, he knows more than I do about this for sure, who told you about it anyway? did the family sugest that you needed to pay up?Mark my g/f told me, and she was talking about more than a hundred thousand, several hundred I can assure you. She earns 12.000 a month, surely this is a low income in Thailand, correct? This is the reason I am asking here. like i said you have the right to laugh. tell her she is 2nd hand, you get discount - and if you cannot laugh at this request then you are doomed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 If you read Britmavs post he says that its only for first timers really, he knows more than I do about this for sure, who told you about it anyway? did the family sugest that you needed to pay up?Mark my g/f told me, and she was talking about more than a hundred thousand, several hundred I can assure you. She earns 12.000 a month, surely this is a low income in Thailand, correct? This is the reason I am asking here. just send her an sms to ask her father...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo siam Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 No offense but it sounds like the girlfriend may be in it for the money, Tell her you will pay none and see what happens - If she loves you for teh right reasons then she will come up with a way around it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 If you read Britmavs post he says that its only for first timers really, he knows more than I do about this for sure, who told you about it anyway? did the family sugest that you needed to pay up?Mark my g/f told me, and she was talking about more than a hundred thousand, several hundred I can assure you. She earns 12.000 a month, surely this is a low income in Thailand, correct? This is the reason I am asking here. Alrighty then! This wont sound very nice but you need to be telling your misses that several hundred thousand baht is not possible, you need to be asking yourself why she would be telling you this! Dont do it! Offer them a small amount, if your misses insists on hundreds of thousands then run as fast as your legs will carry you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 No offense but it sounds like the girlfriend may be in it for the money, Tell her you will pay none and see what happens - If she loves you for teh right reasons then she will come up with a way around it. we've been together for more than 2 years, she's never really asked me for money, but told me a few times she was worried about some payments to be made, as her mother was dying and she could not work full months all the time. These were costs for insurance and the kids school. It seems unlikely "she's in it for the money" and she told me a big party is not neccessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Alrighty then! This wont sound very nice but you need to be telling your misses that several hundred thousand baht is not possible, you need to be asking yourself why she would be telling you this! Dont do it! Offer them a small amount, if your misses insists on hundreds of thousands then run as fast as your legs will carry you. why would I run away for the woman and kids I love? There simply will be no marriage in that case, we'll see what happens then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 (edited) She may not be in it for the cash, probably just wants the best for her family but several hundred thousand baht! #### me thats a huge amount of cash anyhere in the world! Just be careful! Edited May 13, 2007 by markr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 She may not be in it for the cash, probably just wants the best for her family but several hundred thousand baht! #### me thats a huge amount of cash anyhere in the world!Just be careful! I'm still waiting for her sms reply. I'll see her online again on Tuesday and we can discuss this. No reason to be carefull, don't have that kind of money to spend anyway :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo siam Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 No offense but it sounds like the girlfriend may be in it for the money, Tell her you will pay none and see what happens - If she loves you for teh right reasons then she will come up with a way around it. we've been together for more than 2 years, she's never really asked me for money, but told me a few times she was worried about some payments to be made, as her mother was dying and she could not work full months all the time. These were costs for insurance and the kids school. It seems unlikely "she's in it for the money" and she told me a big party is not neccessary. She's asking now though, and for a pretty huge amount - when traditionally no Sin Sot would be paid for her, to ask for 200,000 baht is quite greedy for lack of a better word - Either that or her debts have been mounting up because you haven't been very forthcoming with money (if thats the case). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 No offense but it sounds like the girlfriend may be in it for the money, Tell her you will pay none and see what happens - If she loves you for teh right reasons then she will come up with a way around it. we've been together for more than 2 years, she's never really asked me for money, but told me a few times she was worried about some payments to be made, as her mother was dying and she could not work full months all the time. These were costs for insurance and the kids school. It seems unlikely "she's in it for the money" and she told me a big party is not neccessary. She's asking now though, and for a pretty huge amount - when traditionally no Sin Sot would be paid for her, to ask for 200,000 baht is quite greedy for lack of a better word - Either that or her debts have been mounting up because you haven't been very forthcoming with money (if thats the case). Is this really a fact, that no Sin Sot would be paid for her, where can I find this in writing? the only debt she has, is 5000 or 6000 baht, not really a problem I would say I'll keep you posted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 (edited) Look in the general topics page and you will find a permanent thread named Sin sot have a read there, I have not but i know its there. Mark Ps its not set in stone that you have to pay anything, I'm not!!! Edited May 13, 2007 by markr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Look in the general topics page and you will find a permanent thread named Sin sot have a read there, I have not but i know its there.Mark Ps its not set in stone that you have to pay anything, I'm not!!! it says nothing about age, or being a virgin, already having kids, being married/divorced before, it does say: The cost of the ceremonies, parties, food, etc., will be paid by the parents using part of the Sin Sod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 I'm not sure mate. Send a message to a moderator to move this to the general forum and you'll probably get more answers. Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumnien Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Take things s-l-o-w-l-y... Remember, what's good today will be good tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Take things s-l-o-w-l-y... Remember, what's good today will be good tomorrow. she's 36, we would like a baby, do you think there's much time for that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elsie Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 The amount of Sinsod depends on many factors. Age, education, social status, been married before or not, kids or not, etc. If the OP's girlfriend is suggesting 200,000 THB or more, I can only assume she is taking the piss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Take things s-l-o-w-l-y... Remember, what's good today will be good tomorrow. she's 36, we would like a baby, do you think there's much time for that? I think a baby is much better off being born to parents who are a year or two older and have these problems behind them, rather than two who rushed into things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Take things s-l-o-w-l-y... Remember, what's good today will be good tomorrow. she's 36, we would like a baby, do you think there's much time for that? I think a baby is much better off being born to parents who are a year or two older and have these problems behind them, rather than two who rushed into things. She's not in her mid 20's, but mid 30's. It can be harder to conceive and less fertile, this is what I mean. That is the reason we don't want to wait much longer. We want to minimize the chance of complications. We'll discuss this again coming week, I asked her about the amount again and if she could ask her dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 You're putting pressure on yourselves that could cloud your judgement though. That's something you don't need right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emjay Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 You're putting pressure on yourselves that could cloud your judgement though. That's something you don't need right now. point taken, thanks, hope all will turn out ok and the amount really won't be that steep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucifer Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 It appears you haven't talked about 'money' with your intended. This needs to be resolved, well before any talk of marriage. She obviously thinks you can afford many hundreds of thousands of Bahts. whether you can or cannot, isn't the issue here. It's what you are willing to put on the table that counts. Put her straight. Tell her you have very little money, and you'll pay 50k tops. See her reaction. Then move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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