step Mom

[Pistachio]

Hey, I will be thankful for your comments. 

My wife and I are walking trow hard times. I don't want to bother you with details. We just don't speak together, leaving in a separate room and take care of small kids together and speak a bit but only about kids matter which is good bout our personal life is 0. I feel like I am sleeve who is only working and back home take care of kids, which is good, but we moved to Europe and don't have anybody who can support us with babysitting or something last two years we have never been outside for fun or something we are exhausted. We have nine months baby and 3yo son. Next week 3yo son is going the nursery school, which get us little free time for ourselves. 

I want to be broke up with my wife, but I do not want to lose kids. It is not about  I want to win or something. She is a good mom for them, but I don't want to stay with her. I worry if my wife went back to Thailand with the kids, she would like to revenge on me and cut me definitely without the option to visit my boys. 

Did I get just a stupid idea to find a stepmom for my boys? What do you think about it? 

Or should I wait until when boys will be older and broke up then?

 

[blackcab]

11 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

Did I get just a stupid idea to find a stepmom for my boys?

 

Yes.

 

12 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

What do you think about it?

 

Pay for a nanny or a childminder or a cleaner instead of trying to get another woman involved for free.

[Tanomazu]

24 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

Did I get just a stupid idea to find a stepmom for my boys? What do you think about it? 

Or should I wait until when boys will be older and broke up then?

Very sorry to hear about your situation. I suppose eventually you will want another woman, I can't imagine you'll be happy this way, just being a work slave without getting the attention any man wants.

 

However, even if you do get another woman that will not affect your wife's decision of going back to Thailand. If she wants to do that she can do it. In law she would need your written consent to take them to Thailand, but we all know that is often hard to enforce.

 

Make sure you have a separate bank account. But maybe you could first have a talk with her to let her know how you really feel? And if she does not play her part you will then divorce. Best to be up front in these situations. And that may lead to surprising results.

 

If you do separate all courts will favour the mother generally speaking, especially if she's a good mother. So either way you will not have the rel you want with your boys, especially if she turns them against you, which is not a given, but a possibility.

 

In any case, I would break up now.

[RichardColeman]

28 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

Did I get just a stupid idea to find a stepmom for my boys? What do you think about it? 

Most people worry about getting the divorce out the way before worrying about that ! Seem to have your priorities wrong.

 

Most women - in my experience - use children as a weapon of war in divorces, no matter how well you get on now. It's a battering tool more a better agreement in most cases.

 

[Pistachio]

What is quite important to note I am don't feel hate against her but love? Hard to say. Before, I have a better-paid job than now, but I had to travel a lot after we were born kids. I stooped now we cannot afford the same standard like before, but we can be together like real family which I can see is not best option exception I stay with boys daily which is great 90% of times sometimes I get tired with the jumping boy on my belly.

I cannot imagine sending kids to outlive in Thailand is nothing that cannot change my decision. If this happened, I would be <deleted>.... sad and depressed.
I am thinking of taking two weeks holiday going hiking in the mountains and clear head and let's see if something settle down or not.

[Pistachio]

btw 
It will be the first time for me after three years, and yes, I know my wife has to stay alone and take care of boys without my help. Sorry for her, but I need some time to stay in another environment. I am not smoking, not drinking, don't visit the pub's this holiday I plan to cut only for me. 
If the older boy is bigger, I take him with me but still small and sensitive get cold or something. 

[bluebluewater]

If she goes back to Thailand (and she will) and the boys go with her (and they will)  you will indeed be very lucky if you see them again.  Certainly not anything like on a regular basis unless you are also in Thailand and even that  would be doubtful.

 

Good luck . . .  

[MikeyIdea]

A few things here: Both the UK and Thailand (now) have signed the Hague convention so it's country of habitual residence that apply. That is the UK. This is a bit difficult to enforce but I do expect that Thai juvenile court will (at the end of the day) comply.

 

You need to plan this carefully. Don't act without doing what you can to set set yourself up legally for (if but much more likely) when the mother takes the children. She won't stay for sure but you do have the legal right to keep them in the UK or force Thai court to "send them back" (i.e., you to come and fetch them) - most likely a long battle which will involve you agreeing to let the mother see them a few times a year (which you don't have to comply with if the children don't want to go (case in Chiang Mai), you have to go to Thai court if you are summoned though). Your Thai lawyer will be your enemy and everybody will push you to accept a mutual agreement - kamm yaam, (which is virtually impossible to enforce so do not! agree). Only way is to refuse mutual agreement and (probably) go on to the appeals court, possibly the Supreme Court. Don't worry, we're talking about flesh and blood here so waiting time will not be more than a year. It's civil cases that takes years, not juvenile. The court or "department of court order enforcement - gromm bang kapp kadi" will not! help you to find the kids. This could be a problem regardless of if you have a clear court order supporting you.

 

I suppose you are legally married in the UK and that they have UK passports. Keep the UK passports in a safe place but even so: Problem with the UK: The UK allows one (legal) parent to sign for a replacement passport (unlike nearly all other western countries where both parents must sign). if mother has the UK passports, get new ones and hide them.

 

Now about the Thai passports. Are you legally married in Thailand? If not, the mother has sole custody and sign for their passports herself. She can go to the Thai ambassy and take out passports herself and you wouldn't even know. In theory, UK immigration should not let the kids out, especially not that young and on blank passports. Blank passports, i.e., no stamps from previous trips is a big! warning sign for immigration by the way, increases the chance that they refuse to let them out a lot.   

 

You could get legitimized (or register marriage in Thailand), unlikely since the mother already probably don't want to stay but she will not! be able to get any Thai passports without your signature if you do.

 

Don't hesitate when (if) the kids dissapear, be prepared and go to court the next day, save up money. There are organisations dealing with kids situations like this (Care is one), contact them and ask for advice. Be careful about giving out contact information, you don't want them to be able to contact the mother.

.

Sorry for your situation, be patient and plan well. Good luck - the outcome won't be down to luck though ????

 

Michael

Edited August 28, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

11 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

Most women - in my experience - use children as a weapon of war in divorces, no matter how well you get on now. It's a battering tool more a better agreement in most cases.

Yes, absolutely. And Juvenile lawyers say the same, more women than men

Edited August 28, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

58 minutes ago, MikeyIdea said:

A few things here: Both the UK and Thailand (now) have signed the Hague convention so it's country of habitual residence that apply. That is the UK

Or whatever country you're in, not important if it's a western country, they have all signed the Hague convention.  Don't know why I thought the UK.

Edited August 28, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[4MyEgo]

12 hours ago, Pistachio said:

My wife and I are walking trow hard times. I don't want to bother you with details. We just don't speak together, leaving in a separate room and take care of small kids together and speak a bit but only about kids matter which is good bout our personal life is 0.

There is an old saying, i.e. it takes two to tango and without "communication" your marriage is destined to fail.

 

Having kids can put pressure on a marriage, i.e. if your not on the same page, but you have already said, she is a good mum, so what is the underlying problem, the toy you once wanted badly enough doesn't work the way you want it to anymore so your going to throw it away instead of trying to fix it ?

 

You have already mentioned the problems you face on your side, e.g. you don't go out, you don't have a social life, etc, etc, but did you already forget you have 2 young children and no doubt you wife is exhausted, because looking after kids is NOT an easy task. We have 4 kids, she is full on with them and when she has some time for me, which is usually around meal time, we joke, and I complain that I don't see her anymore, she laughs and throws jokes back at me, like I see you on your laptop, what are you doing, looking for a younger version of me, (we have been very happily married 15 years), why, because we communicate, life can be serious and boring, but both have to be supportive of the other, especially with kids.

 

I suppose you only care about your own feelings, what about hers, what support do you provide her, my wife knows exactly where I am and can ask anything of me, just knowing that I am here and ready is all she wants, we also sleep in separate rooms, nothing to do with anger or anything like that, she likes the air con on all night, I don't so she sleeps in the girls room, but hangs with me till the girls are ready for sleep, we still have a very active sex life which is very important in a relationship as far as I'm concerned, so as long as she still loves me long time, I'm good.

 

You need to have a good long hard look at your communication skills, not knowing your wife, Thai's are also not the best communicators, but if you assure her that it's ok to let it out without fear, you never know, you just might find out what is on her mind.

 

You don't have kids to separate them from their mother, because regardless of what you think, kids NEED and WANT their mother more so than their father, so don't even think about robbing them of that. If you communicate with your wife and support her, worst case scenario is you can at least become friends for the sake of the kids best interests, and when I say support, it is for her and the kids, in other words, man up and be the father you are support to be as opposed to wanting to run away from YOUR responsibilities.

 

Right between the eyes, I hope so.

Edited August 28, 2021 by 4MyEgo

[MikeyIdea]

12 hours ago, Tanomazu said:

If you do separate all courts will favour the mother generally speaking, especially if she's a good mother. So either way you will not have the rel you want with your boys, especially if she turns them against you, which is not a given, but a possibility.

I was a juvenile court interpreter in Thailand in the past. I do not agree that Thai Juvenile courts favour the mother, they're fair. The father (both western and Thai) got more time with the kids than the mother in the cases I interpreted / followed. In most western countries yes, the mother is favoured, especially in catholic countries or where christianity is / was strong (this originally comes from religion). Buddhist countries are different except for very young children of course. 

 

There are other problems in Thailand though

It's the Thai lawyer you should worry about. Expect that they don't fight 100% for you and contact the other party to "discuss" how to get a mutual agreement regardless of it's good for you or not.

As the Thai lawyers I dealt with said

- Thai mothers alienate more than fathers. Thai fathers "try to get on with it and get a deal that is good for both" more often. Heard many times, many Thai mothers don't.

- Thai courts are not good at dealing with parental alienation. They don't want to go against the childs wish, or "wish" and their opinion matter when they are much younger here.

- The Thai Juvenile court system has it's tricks. The system is that mothers and fathers should reach mutual agreement (best for the kids), they don't like to order if it can be avoided. Problem is that it's virtually impossible to get mutual agreement cases taken up in higher courts. Never accept mutual agreement if you worry that the other party will not follow the deal

Court orders for assets are enforced no problem. Most of the lawyers I dealt with had never heard of a case where a mutual agreement was enforced. 

You'll still have to find the children yourself if a court order is enforced  

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

2 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

There is an old saying, i.e. it takes two to tango and without "communication" your marriage is destined to fail.

 

Having kids can put pressure on a marriage, i.e. if your not on the same page, but you have already said, she is a good mum, so what is the underlying problem, the toy you once wanted badly enough doesn't work the way you want it to anymore so your going to throw it away instead of trying to fix it ?

 

You have already mentioned the problems you face on your side, e.g. you don't go out, you don't have a social life, etc, etc, but did you already forget you have 2 young children and no doubt you wife is exhausted, because looking after kids is NOT an easy task. We have 4 kids, she is full on with them and when she has some time for me, which is usually around meal time, we joke, and I complain that I don't see her anymore, she laughs and throws jokes back at me, like I see you on your laptop, what are you doing, looking for a younger version of me, (we have been very happily married 15 years), why, because we communicate, life can be serious and boring, but both have to be supportive of the other, especially with kids.

 

I suppose you only care about your own feelings, what about hers, what support do you provide her, my wife knows exactly where I am and can ask anything of me, just knowing that I am here and ready is all she wants, we also sleep in separate rooms, nothing to do with anger or anything like that, she likes the air con on all night, I don't so she sleeps in the girls room, but hangs with me till the girls are ready for sleep, we still have a very active sex life which is very important in a relationship as far as I'm concerned, so as long as she still loves me long time, I'm good.

 

You need to have a good long hard look at your communication skills, not knowing your wife, Thai's are also not the best communicators, but if you assure her that it's ok to let it out without fear, you never know, you just might find out what is on her mind.

 

You don't have kids to separate them from their mother, because regardless of what you think, kids NEED and WANT their mother more so than their father, so don't even think about robbing them of that. If you communicate with your wife and support her, worst case scenario is you can at least become friends for the sake of the kids best interests, and when I say support, it is for her and the kids, in other words, man up and be the father you are support to be as opposed to wanting to run away from YOUR responsibilities.

 

Right between the eyes, I hope so.

I think you're too hard. Some people simply don't WANT to communicate. How do you know that the father hasn't tried to talk and discuss? Don't assume things about others you don't know, it sounds silly.  

 

I've been in Thailand for 30 years, you meet a lot of people and see a lot in that time. Many Thai women have a habit of simply not wanting to discuss, especially if they don't like the possible options. If there's no good option, just keep quiet and go on. It generally hurts everybody, especially the children although Thai's don't think so and it's common in Thailand.

 

The relationship with my daughters mother was like that. It was doomed from when my daughter was born and the more I tried to discuss, the less the mother wanted to discuss. When she refused to talk, I wrote to her in Thai, when she didn't want to read that with the excuse that she couldn't understand it, I even had Thai friends correcting me (even though I knew she could understand what I had written). My friends smiled and said - She doesn't want to read it. I answered - I know but I just want to do everything I possibly can. I took her to a Thai psychiatrist (as she can't speak English), the psychiatrist got nowhere with her because she didn't want to talk about it. The Thai psychiatrist still wanted to keep the relationship together even if it was bad for the child though.

 

I've been in Thailand for too long and I adapted too much so I decided to keep it together because our daughter wants her mother. I was weak and didn't force the separation.

 

It was my daughter who solved the problem at the end. When she was 15 years old, she told my mother she didn't want mummy and daddy to live together any longer. Mummy became hysterical of course, at least she didn't hit me this time. My daughter had already told me - Daddy, I will come with you so it was easy for me to just sit there and keep quiet, it was relief. There isn't a day when I don't blame myself for not forcing a separation. 

 

It took a month to plan everything, we helped mummy to move to her mothers home, locked up the house in Bangkok and moved to a rented house upcountry. 

 

We sit and talk sometimes, my daughter and I. She says it would have been much better for her if mummy and daddy had broken up much earlier. I didn't touch her mother for 14 years so my daughter finds it difficult when her boyfriend touches here, getting better though. Her mother solved all domestic problems by refusing to communicate and she would always respond with a quarrel no matter how soft I was if I wanted to continue the discussion - and I'd walk away. My daughter tends to not communicate in her relationship too. And she sees discussion as the start of a quarrel. It doesn't matter how much I have tried and still try to teach her that's it's not a good way, it doesn't have to be like that. She still does it because it's the only thing she's ever seen her mother do. She refuses to contact her mother, even on mother's day and nothing I say can make her change her mind. I hope this will change one day, it's not good for her.  

 

The moral of the story is: Some people simply don't WANT to discuss and nothing is going to make them and don't wait, it's better to break up when the kids are young.

 

The big question is WHY the mother doesn't want to discuss. My bet is that it is because she doesn't like the options. 

 

PS

One more thing. I vehemently disagree with that children need their mother more than their father. I find the comment stupid!. This is not rocket science, it's children we talk about. They simply need the better parent more.

DS

Edited August 28, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[4MyEgo]

54 minutes ago, MikeyIdea said:

I think you're too hard. Some people simply don't WANT to communicate. How do you know that the father hasn't tried to talk and discuss? Don't assume things about others you don't know, it sounds silly.  

Hard I am, and my reply was based on the information that he provided, at no time from memory did he say he tried everything to keep the marriage together, no mention of communication, so to you, my "assumed" comments might sound silly, but not to me.

 

Marriage to me, especially when there are kids involved has to have communication.

 

I have been where you are coming from, my x (non Thai) wasn't a communicator or an acceptor, she was never wrong, and never wanted to discuss things and would become violent.

 

When the child was born, I would not leave the marriage when she said to me one day, when are you leaving (we had an 18 month old daughter together), now 24 years of age, with my reply being, it is not me that is destroying the marriage, therefor as you are the one who is the one destroying the marriage, perhaps you should depart, and she did. I also knew that 9/10th of the law meant possession and if I had left the matrimonial house that I worked so hard for, I could kiss my chances of getting better than 25% out of it come settlement years down the track after a lengthy court battle. 

 

The above said, she rented an apartment for 6 months down the road, she gave me little contact with the little one, 2 days every fortnight, long of the short, I got wind from her cousin who was a good mate with me at the time that she wanted to come back.

 

When I heard that I had a registered property Valuer value the house and an estate agent in to appraise the house, also providing their marketing campaign costs and fees, her timing was perfect, she came over the next day (Saturday) and said she wanted to try again and I handed her the documents from the agent to sign and the valuation report stating the properties worth, she said you have got to be kidding, I said, no, you moved on, now I want to do the same, and I will see a family law specialist on Monday to obtain access to our daughter under a shared care agreement, one week with you and one week with me, and a 50/50 split on the house and if you don't want to sign the agency agreement to sell the property, I will also have him apply to the courts for the divorce, suffice to say you can either be smart and move on and save $150,000 in lawyers fees and a delay to getting your share of the funds from the sale of the property based on a 50/50 split or do it the hard way.

 

She was taken back by my sudden bold move, but I was happier without her and accepted that this was the best route out for us and it was as I never regretted it, can't say that she didn't try to make life hell for me after the settlement and up until our daughter turned 18 with the child support agency, but with research comes knowledge and I managed well, she even tried to turn our daughter against me, but not once did I put her down in from of our daughter, when she was old enough, I handed her a pile of documents and said read this in your spare time and know that in life there are always to sides to a story, when she finished going through the documents, she said, I am sorry sorry dad, I had no idea, and that she (her mother) is such a liar, with reply being, people do things with they are hurt, just let it go, I am not hurting, I have a beautiful and intelligent new wife who loves me and communicates with me of which she knew, having raised her for the better part of 8 years, and they are still tight.

 

Moral of my story is, if you try, try and try again, but don't be the one to walk away when there is kids, if she does, then she has done you the favour, kids are resilient, and will grow, however if there is a chance to resolve through communication, then that is the best avenue.

 

Also I have never wondered why she hasn't partnered since 1999, although I would strongly say that it would have a lot to do with her lack of willing to communicate from my experience.

 

Did I mention, hard I am !

Edited August 28, 2021 by 4MyEgo

[MikeyIdea]

2 hours ago, MikeyIdea said:

Court orders for assets are enforced no problem. Most of the lawyers I dealt with had never heard of a case where a mutual agreement was enforced. 

I should clarify this: Most of the lawyers I dealt with had never heard of a case where a mutual agreement regardiing children was enforced

[Tanomazu]

3 hours ago, MikeyIdea said:

I was a juvenile court interpreter in Thailand in the past. I do not agree that Thai Juvenile courts favour the mother, they're fair. The father (both western and Thai) got more time with the kids than the mother in the cases I interpreted / followed. In most western countries yes, the mother is favoured, especially in catholic countries or where christianity is / was strong (this originally comes from religion). Buddhist countries are different except for very young children of course. 

 

There are other problems in Thailand though

It's the Thai lawyer you should worry about. Expect that they don't fight 100% for you and contact the other party to "discuss" how to get a mutual agreement regardless of it's good for you or not.

As the Thai lawyers I dealt with said

- Thai mothers alienate more than fathers. Thai fathers "try to get on with it and get a deal that is good for both" more often. Heard many times, many Thai mothers don't.

- Thai courts are not good at dealing with parental alienation. They don't want to go against the childs wish, or "wish" and their opinion matter when they are much younger here.

- The Thai Juvenile court system has it's tricks. The system is that mothers and fathers should reach mutual agreement (best for the kids), they don't like to order if it can be avoided. Problem is that it's virtually impossible to get mutual agreement cases taken up in higher courts. Never accept mutual agreement if you worry that the other party will not follow the deal

Court orders for assets are enforced no problem. Most of the lawyers I dealt with had never heard of a case where a mutual agreement was enforced. 

You'll still have to find the children yourself if a court order is enforced  

 

Very interesting, but he's not in Thailand, is he?

[MikeyIdea]

16 hours ago, Tanomazu said:

Very interesting, but he's not in Thailand, is he?

Do you think a multi-cultural child's future is limited to one country? 

 

There was a British guy here on TV some 15 years who thought it was easy, he lost his child because of it. When he broke up with his Thai wife, the wife didn't allow him to bring the child to the UK so he just took him and flew home. The mother promptly went to Juvenile court and got sole custody (for less than 10,000 baht!), contacted childrens organisations in the UK, got help and UK Juvenile courts enforced the Thai sole custody order and sent the half British half Thai child back to Thailand. I heard of the case several years later when the guy still was in the Supreme court of Thailand unsuccessfully trying to get access to his child. 

 

Both countries *should* be involved in the future of a multi-cultural child. If parents can discuss, courts are not necessary but that is not the case here.  

Edited August 28, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

22 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

Hard I am, and my reply was based on the information that he provided, at no time from memory did he say he tried everything to keep the marriage together, no mention of communication, so to you, my "assumed" comments might sound silly, but not to me.

 

Marriage to me, especially when there are kids involved has to have communication.

 

I have been where you are coming from, my x (non Thai) wasn't a communicator or an acceptor, she was never wrong, and never wanted to discuss things and would become violent.

 

When the child was born, I would not leave the marriage when she said to me one day, when are you leaving (we had an 18 month old daughter together), now 24 years of age, with my reply being, it is not me that is destroying the marriage, therefor as you are the one who is the one destroying the marriage, perhaps you should depart, and she did. I also knew that 9/10th of the law meant possession and if I had left the matrimonial house that I worked so hard for, I could kiss my chances of getting better than 25% out of it come settlement years down the track after a lengthy court battle. 

 

The above said, she rented an apartment for 6 months down the road, she gave me little contact with the little one, 2 days every fortnight, long of the short, I got wind from her cousin who was a good mate with me at the time that she wanted to come back.

 

When I heard that I had a registered property Valuer value the house and an estate agent in to appraise the house, also providing their marketing campaign costs and fees, her timing was perfect, she came over the next day (Saturday) and said she wanted to try again and I handed her the documents from the agent to sign and the valuation report stating the properties worth, she said you have got to be kidding, I said, no, you moved on, now I want to do the same, and I will see a family law specialist on Monday to obtain access to our daughter under a shared care agreement, one week with you and one week with me, and a 50/50 split on the house and if you don't want to sign the agency agreement to sell the property, I will also have him apply to the courts for the divorce, suffice to say you can either be smart and move on and save $150,000 in lawyers fees and a delay to getting your share of the funds from the sale of the property based on a 50/50 split or do it the hard way.

 

She was taken back by my sudden bold move, but I was happier without her and accepted that this was the best route out for us and it was as I never regretted it, can't say that she didn't try to make life hell for me after the settlement and up until our daughter turned 18 with the child support agency, but with research comes knowledge and I managed well, she even tried to turn our daughter against me, but not once did I put her down in from of our daughter, when she was old enough, I handed her a pile of documents and said read this in your spare time and know that in life there are always to sides to a story, when she finished going through the documents, she said, I am sorry sorry dad, I had no idea, and that she (her mother) is such a liar, with reply being, people do things with they are hurt, just let it go, I am not hurting, I have a beautiful and intelligent new wife who loves me and communicates with me of which she knew, having raised her for the better part of 8 years, and they are still tight.

 

Moral of my story is, if you try, try and try again, but don't be the one to walk away when there is kids, if she does, then she has done you the favour, kids are resilient, and will grow, however if there is a chance to resolve through communication, then that is the best avenue.

 

Also I have never wondered why she hasn't partnered since 1999, although I would strongly say that it would have a lot to do with her lack of willing to communicate from my experience.

 

Did I mention, hard I am !

It's good that you planned the separation well and were hard ???? 

 

I am not a lawyer but I had a lot of interaction with how Juvenile law in Thailand is implemented.  Most Thai judges don't know how unfairly western juvenile and family law in Catholic or in countries where christianity is or was strong is implemented but they would be appalled if they did.

 

Let's see what you wrote.   

22 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

I also knew that 9/10th of the law meant possession and if I had left the matrimonial house that I worked so hard for, I could kiss my chances of getting better than 25% out of it come settlement years down the track after a lengthy court battle. 

The above said, she rented an apartment for 6 months down the road

Thai Juvenile and family law implementation strictly separates husband / wife, assets and children. A failed husband / wife relationship has nothing to do with being a bad parent except violence or criminal activity of course. Taking care of the child does, especially the future. The farang who thinks that he should have the child because he can pay for an international school will be dissappointed though. That is not how it works.  

 

Legal parents have equal rights to the child. The richer parent can use assets/money to bargain for a better deal IF the other parent accepts and wants that. Leaving the matrimonial house wouldn't affect physical custody of the child (or assets), not taking care of him/her certainly would. Most (mothers or fathers) bring the child if they leave because physical custody can be used to improve the court outcome, and they miss the child of course. There is no advantage being the mother in a custody battle after a a certain age (generally a year old or so). But there are big buts...

 

But your Thai lawyer may very well be your worst enemy regardless of how nice he pretends to be, destroying everything. Always have your own interpreter loyal to you. Always take good care of your child and keep evidence (no formal income doesn't matter). Never give in if you don't get a fair share, just go on to the next court if you have to. That's how to deal with it.

 

Next: The mother brought the child so by writing Quote 9/10th of the law meant possession End Quote you must have meant the house. You know where I am getting at. Assets you have worked for before you even met the to-be wife are by default affected if you marry in some countries and what you two worked for together while you were married is affected if you move away? Why? Because you broke the promise at the altar? You know Thai law. Whatever is owned before marriage stays that way and whatever is earned during marriage is shared 50/50 when you divorce. Where's the common sense in the western implementation in many countries?

 

I really dislike how religious beliefs still are affecting juvenile and family law in many western countries. I call it the bible belt countries, nearly all catholic countries, most of South America, most of the US, Southern Europe. It does not make any sense at all to me. Some western countries are now very good but way too many still favour the mother. 

 

 

 

Edited August 29, 2021 by MikeyIdea

[4MyEgo]

9 minutes ago, MikeyIdea said:

Some western countries are now very good but way too many still favour the mother. 

Yes there appears to be a clear difference with the Thai system vs the western system.

 

My x back in the home country in 1999 signed the court docs before being submitted in front of her lawyer agreeing to my terms, i.e. 50/50 split on the house and shared care for the kid, again one week with her, and one week with me, she advised me that her lawyer wouldn't sign off on it as it was unfair to her, with my reply being why don't you ask her if she go to court for you for free to get you more and how long you will have to wait as I was in possession of the matrimonial house.

She said she just wanted to get it over with and I said then you instruct your lawyer to sign a waiver, i.e. that she has advised you that she feels that it is not a fair deal and that you accepted the terms of the agreement, the court can then decide if it's not a fair deal.

 

Unbeknown to me a few weeks later I got a call from my family law specialist telling me to come in as she had received a letter from my x's lawyer, so I went in and she handed it to me, the letter read, that her client had a change of mind and now wanted 70% as she felt 50% was unfair, my lawyer then presented me with the sealed court documents which were dated one day before the x's lawyers letter to her. I was very relieved, and at the same time disappointed that my x would try one over me, so I went around and knocked on her door as she only lived up the road, she said what are you doing here, I said responding to your lawyers letter to mine wherein you are now wanting an extra 20%, and my reply is, your a little two late, here is a copy of the court order dated one day before your lawyers letter, anyways, I am off to buy me a lottery, guess it's my lucky day.

 

True story, my Thai wife signed a prenuptial agreement before we were married, she had no problem in doing so fully understanding what was mine was mine, she had to have an independent lawyer explain everything to her, again, I found myself in a position that I had to tell her to tell him to sign a waiver to which he did and she signed the prenuptial agreement, the difference with this one is she isn't a pain in the ass, listens, apologies, is affectionate, not controlling or jealous and will end up with the lot in the end.

[Pistachio]

On 8/28/2021 at 4:09 AM, 4MyEgo said:

There is an old saying, i.e. it takes two to tango and without "communication" your marriage is destined to fail.

 

Having kids can put pressure on a marriage, i.e. if your not on the same page, but you have already said, she is a good mum, so what is the underlying problem, the toy you once wanted badly enough doesn't work the way you want it to anymore so your going to throw it away instead of trying to fix it ?

 

You have already mentioned the problems you face on your side, e.g. you don't go out, you don't have a social life, etc, etc, but did you already forget you have 2 young children and no doubt you wife is exhausted, because looking after kids is NOT an easy task. We have 4 kids, she is full on with them and when she has some time for me, which is usually around meal time, we joke, and I complain that I don't see her anymore, she laughs and throws jokes back at me, like I see you on your laptop, what are you doing, looking for a younger version of me, (we have been very happily married 15 years), why, because we communicate, life can be serious and boring, but both have to be supportive of the other, especially with kids.

 

I suppose you only care about your own feelings, what about hers, what support do you provide her, my wife knows exactly where I am and can ask anything of me, just knowing that I am here and ready is all she wants, we also sleep in separate rooms, nothing to do with anger or anything like that, she likes the air con on all night, I don't so she sleeps in the girls room, but hangs with me till the girls are ready for sleep, we still have a very active sex life which is very important in a relationship as far as I'm concerned, so as long as she still loves me long time, I'm good.

 

You need to have a good long hard look at your communication skills, not knowing your wife, Thai's are also not the best communicators, but if you assure her that it's ok to let it out without fear, you never know, you just might find out what is on her mind.

 

You don't have kids to separate them from their mother, because regardless of what you think, kids NEED and WANT their mother more so than their father, so don't even think about robbing them of that. If you communicate with your wife and support her, worst case scenario is you can at least become friends for the sake of the kids best interests, and when I say support, it is for her and the kids, in other words, man up and be the father you are support to be as opposed to wanting to run away from YOUR responsibilities.

 

Right between the eyes, I hope so.

Dear Sir,

 

Thank you for your comment a long time ago.
Finally, our family lives got better, and I gained more strength.

[4MyEgo]

10 hours ago, Pistachio said:

Dear Sir,

 

Thank you for your comment a long time ago.
Finally, our family lives got better, and I gained more strength.

Well done, I am glad to hear things are looking on the up for the better.

 

Marriages are not easy, some are a breeze, others are a nightmare, and when you have done everything you can and there is no change and you are seriously unhappy because of the other party to the marriage, and you know that for sure, then it's time to move on.

 

The above said, in my 1st marriage I hung on for 12 years, it wasn't good, I did my best, and have no regrets because I knew I did the best that I could and more, much more, that said, some might say you wait too long to get out of it, and my reply would be, if it ended any sooner, my path would not have lead me to the love of my life.

 

All the best of luck to you and apologies if I sounded harsh, however, sometimes we need a wake up call.