Farang Deadbeats

[girlx]

i have a unique(?) problem... i am in a relatively good position in thailand as i make western money here. thus i live pretty comfortably. since i have been living here my social life as it involves foreigners has been one after another of them trying to mooch off of me! not just for the occasional drink or whatever- but they expect me to save them! in other words, they fall in love with thailand, stay longer than they can afford, to the point where they can't afford to do visa runs or even buy a plane ticket home, and then they come to me pretending to be my best friend, hoping i will give them a place to live/food/plane tickets, whatever. i helped the first person, an english girl, find a legitimate job (after supporting her for a couple of months) and got her back on her feet, but she lost the job after a month as she was out getting pissed every night, and then she came crying back to me. that taught me a lesson and i have been very reluctant to help anyone else since. some of these people are also trying to work illegally in local bars or restaurants, making 180 baht a day and taking jobs from thai people (which also pisses me off as i know a few thai people who would love to have their jobs). i suppose that is better than just expecting a free handout, but when it comes down to that, i think it should be a wake up call that it is time to find a real job back in farang land.

i remember not wanting to leave thailand as well, but i did, many times, and went home to make money, then came back. hey, that's life. if you can't afford to be here, it's time to go home, and it is not my problem!

my friend also has this problem when he stays in bangkok and his sexpat "friends" all hit him up. i wonder how many others have noticed this? if so what are your policies? i thought it was the thai people i had to worry about scamming me out of everything i am worth, but i sure have a lot of fake farang friends trying to do the same here.

[whopper]

Immigration has addressed this problem as of October, 2006. i think they are tired of them too.

[girlx]

well so far they mostly manage to scrape enough cash from somewhere or another to get tourist visas so they can keep on bothering me

[Maigo6]

Yep, there are many Farangs on the bones of their azz in Thailand, to my cost I have found out that it don't pay to lend these people money, I did and it cost me 60,000 Baht.

I wish I had just bought him a one way ticket back to UK instead.....

Edited June 3, 2007 by Maigo6

[girlx]

my best friend always tells me "never a borrower or a lender be", and now i see why. i have always taken care of myself- it mystifies me that others can't do the same!

[GuestHouse]

The advice I have is from a friend who with many years of experience in Thailand offered this.

"Just because there are hardly any people near me that speak my language doesn't mean I have to lower my standards when choosing friends'.

For lots of reasons Thailand attracts loosers. Present company excluded of course.

So it is essential that if you are in Thailand you choose the company you keep very carefully.

I'd also keep quiet about having any kind of a job in Thailand, there is always some bitter and twisted b@stard willing to stitch you up. Do we need any more evidence of that than the recent online war?

I don't begrudge someone a beer or a meal, but no way do I want people bringing their problems to my door.

That's what gates are for.

[chinthee]

The advice I have is from a friend who with many years of experience in Thailand offered this.

"Just because there are hardly any people near me that speak my language doesn't mean I have to lower my standards when choosing friends'.

For lots of reasons Thailand attracts loosers. Present company excluded of course.

So it is essential that if you are in Thailand you choose the company you keep very carefully.

I'd also keep quiet about having any kind of a job in Thailand, there is always some bitter and twisted b@stard willing to stitch you up. Do we need any more evidence of that than the recent online war?

I don't begrudge someone a beer or a meal, but no way do I want people bringing their problems to my door.

That's what gates are for.

I'm with you bogie

[mikethevigoman]

i have a unique(?) problem... i am in a relatively good position in thailand as i make western money here. thus i live pretty comfortably. since i have been living here my social life as it involves foreigners has been one after another of them trying to mooch off of me! not just for the occasional drink or whatever- but they expect me to save them! in other words, they fall in love with thailand, stay longer than they can afford, to the point where they can't afford to do visa runs or even buy a plane ticket home, and then they come to me pretending to be my best friend, hoping i will give them a place to live/food/plane tickets, whatever. i helped the first person, an english girl, find a legitimate job (after supporting her for a couple of months) and got her back on her feet, but she lost the job after a month as she was out getting pissed every night, and then she came crying back to me. that taught me a lesson and i have been very reluctant to help anyone else since. some of these people are also trying to work illegally in local bars or restaurants, making 180 baht a day and taking jobs from thai people (which also pisses me off as i know a few thai people who would love to have their jobs). i suppose that is better than just expecting a free handout, but when it comes down to that, i think it should be a wake up call that it is time to find a real job back in farang land.

i remember not wanting to leave thailand as well, but i did, many times, and went home to make money, then came back. hey, that's life. if you can't afford to be here, it's time to go home, and it is not my problem!

my friend also has this problem when he stays in bangkok and his sexpat "friends" all hit him up. i wonder how many others have noticed this? if so what are your policies? i thought it was the thai people i had to worry about scamming me out of everything i am worth, but i sure have a lot of fake farang friends trying to do the same here.

I sympathise with you, kindness can be seen as a weakness and a friend in need can be a pest,. i had a situation here ,.a guy i didnt even know very well ( i knew him vaguely from back home ) asked me to lend him money,. he knew i had it and when i said said my money is for the upkeep of my family and i cant predict the future, he said " you can afford it ", this guy also is a bit of a heavy and i felt he was imtimidating me but i didnt give in,. he then actually threatens me and roars off,. My advise especially in thailand is to play down what you have ,if someone starts telling a hard luck story join in ! tell them you are down to your last 3000 baht, and if you feel a loan application is upon you jump in first and ask them to lend you some !.Seems especially here in thailand that if you flaunt yourself as someone with with money you are a target, and the farang on his ass is the most dangerous of all predators !

[ColPyat]

I usually help, but i don't give more than i can afford to lose. Which means no large loans. And i don't take anyone anymore into my house. I have a wife, a son, lotsa stuff that is expensive and that i am attached to.

Nobody is supposed to starve, i pay for food, or if they are drug addicts i can give them enough for their next fix.

Sometimes i can connect them to institutions that can help them, if they are willing to be helped.

[britmaveric]

Make a policy of not loaning dosh to anyone, not personal but if one does this - my experience you end up putting your relationship at jeopardy and dosh simply isnt worth it.

[girlx]

well i am totally free with food, as no one should starve. and occasionally i let someone sleep at my place, though i always make it known it is not indefinitely. and i won't lend more than 1000 baht and that is only in dire circumstances. i certainly would NOT help someone who needed a fix, other than pointing them in the direction of a hospital. i think that is all fair. but others don't, and i get a lot of pressure from these people, and i am rather sick of them thinking i am jesus christ!!!!

[alaina]

Yeah, they are probably still floating around and the M.O. is usually the same as the OP describes.

I don't mind the few people who need a thousand baht before payday, as they do have jobs and most times I get the money back. I do wonder how they can live hand to mouth in a foreign country, but that's not really my business.

I did help someone else out once and it turned into a total disaster. He was hardly a good friend, but he had no good friends (now I know why.) After it was clear that I wasn't going to help him out anymore, he tried to scam every one of my friends then ended up in a boiler room, working and sleeping there.

There's a very short list of people that I'll lend any real amount of money to. Sometimes all it takes is giving a deadbeat a small loan and expect it back. Suddenly the deadbeat is gone!

[ColPyat]

but others don't, and i get a lot of pressure from these people, and i am rather sick of them thinking i am jesus christ!!!!

Just tell them that you are not a bank. And if they want to keep getting help than they should show some consideration for you. If you are weak, they will use that.

[mikethevigoman]

Yeah, they are probably still floating around and the M.O. is usually the same as the OP describes.

I don't mind the few people who need a thousand baht before payday, as they do have jobs and most times I get the money back. I do wonder how they can live hand to mouth in a foreign country, but that's not really my business.

I did help someone else out once and it turned into a total disaster. He was hardly a good friend, but he had no good friends (now I know why.) After it was clear that I wasn't going to help him out anymore, he tried to scam every one of my friends then ended up in a boiler room, working and sleeping there.

There's a very short list of people that I'll lend any real amount of money to. Sometimes all it takes is giving a deadbeat a small loan and expect it back. Suddenly the deadbeat is gone!

If someone wants to borrow 1000 baht they are close to finished,.i would lend that amount and consider that it was cheap way to get rid of this person as i doubt they will pay back ,and it could have been a lot more at stake had they borrowed more,.if a close friend accidently got fleeced or became broke chances are id lend him enough to get home, Edited June 3, 2007 by mikethevigoman

[keebone]

Make a policy of not loaning dosh to anyone, not personal but if one does this - my experience you end up putting your relationship at jeopardy and dosh simply isnt worth it.

I'd say you'd be far more likely to put the relationship with a good friend at jeopardy if you was not to lend them a few quid to get them out of a very sticky situation.

[nick2k]

the people who usually ask for money are the ones who don't have money. ..right?

in all the years I've been here, I have had only one farang ask me for a loan. to get here, you have to have a round trip ticket. so, if a problem arises for most of us foreigners, we can get home.

[marginline]

well i am totally free with food, as no one should starve. and occasionally i let someone sleep at my place, though i always make it known it is not indefinitely. and i won't lend more than 1000 baht and that is only in dire circumstances. i certainly would NOT help someone who needed a fix, other than pointing them in the direction of a hospital. i think that is all fair. but others don't, and i get a lot of pressure from these people, and i am rather sick of them thinking i am jesus christ!!!!

Hypothetical question girlx; I do hope you'll humor me...

Would you rather stay as you are, living comfortably with seemingly a lot of 'friends' or be fabulously wealthy, have every material object you've ever wanted...but have no friends?

[Begbie]

well i am totally free with food, as no one should starve. and occasionally i let someone sleep at my place, can I stay for a night? Promise I'll leave in the morning. though i always make it known it is not indefinitely. and i won't lend more than 1000 baht that'll do just fine and that is only in dire circumstances. i certainly would NOT help someone who needed a fix, aaw,come on, just this once other than pointing them in the direction of a hospital. i think that is all fair. but others don't, and i get a lot of pressure from these people, and i am rather sick of them thinking i am jesus christ!!!! I'm not the slightest bit religious, so we dont have a problem then

Edited June 3, 2007 by Begbie

[girlx]

Would you rather stay as you are, living comfortably with seemingly a lot of 'friends' or be fabulously wealthy, have every material object you've ever wanted...but have no friends?

i don't care about money beyond staying comfortable... but i would prefer to have real friends, not people who are using me for the money i do have.

[rafval]

Ive lent many people money over the years, but I have come to realize that altho they nearly all paid it back none of them would have lent me money had the roles been reversed

[ovenman]

well so far they mostly manage to scrape enough cash from somewhere or another to get tourist visas so they can keep on bothering me

Yeah, these people probably go either to Bali for a visa 'cause they have a reputation for being a soft touch, or they head for Penang for a visa so they can hang out with similarly seedy individuals.

[girlx]

hey that's a good point too rafval- i haven't had money problems myself yet here, but i have had other problems and these "friends" were mysteriously absent at the time!!!

ovenman what are you talking about?

Edited June 3, 2007 by girlx

[sriracha john]

well i am totally free with food, as no one should starve. and occasionally i let someone sleep at my place, though i always make it known it is not indefinitely. and i won't lend more than 1000 baht and that is only in dire circumstances. i certainly would NOT help someone who needed a fix, other than pointing them in the direction of a hospital. i think that is all fair. but others don't, and i get a lot of pressure from these people, and i am rather sick of them thinking i am jesus christ!!!!

Good for you, girlx... anyone who would is someone who meets the definition and profile of an enabler.

[kankaroo]

I agree with everything you said, EVERYTHING. BTW I'm a wee bit short this month as I am waiting on my Nigerian investment to come through any day now, can u spare a few thou ????

[cmsally]

Tell them you have lost your job and need to borrow money for your ticket home. See who volunteers out of your "friends".

Seriously, if you come across them often, don't make it a point of telling them you have good employment and how much money you have/make.

It's none of their business, if they ask just say you can't spare it.

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, I don't know what line of work you're in, Girlx, but most of the foreign types I know & work with are either:

a. retired comfortably

b. gainfully employed

c. in receipt of sufficient money in other miscellaneous and legal ways

However, I live & work among Thais, mostly, and so the foreigners I meet in those circumstances do, too. I meet other retired types through my retired friends, who tend to be good at picking the right kind of people, so I trust their judgement.

The only time I have any trouble with foreigners is in areas where tourists are common. It's the only time I encounter any significant homophobia, financial dodginess, mental illness (with the exception of a few coworkers I've had), or generally worthless lay-aboutedness.

I would recommend that you change your hangouts to include more Thais and more employed persons and fewer tourists, especially those on the backpacking circuits.

Otherwise, I can suggest a button for you to start wearing: "Please don't ask for a loan, as my laughing out loud in your face frequently offends."

I have several very, very good friends of a number of years' standing- and I wouldn't hesitate to borrow/lend from them, and have done so in the past, sometimes significant quantities of money- and always repaid or was repaid exactly as was promised. It helps for all of us in maintaining this trust that we remain employed.

"Steven"

[mikethevigoman]

hey that's a good point too rafval- i haven't had money problems myself yet here, but i have had other problems and these "friends" were mysteriously absent at the time!!!

ovenman what are you talking about?

Hes just come in and its wearing off !

[ColPyat]

well i am totally free with food, as no one should starve. and occasionally i let someone sleep at my place, though i always make it known it is not indefinitely. and i won't lend more than 1000 baht and that is only in dire circumstances. i certainly would NOT help someone who needed a fix, other than pointing them in the direction of a hospital. i think that is all fair. but others don't, and i get a lot of pressure from these people, and i am rather sick of them thinking i am jesus christ!!!!

Good for you, girlx... anyone who would is someone who meets the definition and profile of an enabler.

I don't care the slightest.

I believe that everyone who chooses so should have the right to be addicted to a substance. If that person chooses to give up, then he/she will have all my help and support.

Personally - i believe in terms of drugs we live in the dark ages - people who for some reason or the other are addicted to a substance are forced to turn to the illegal market where drugs are priced thousands of percent over their real value, cut with all sort of crap, forced into crime to be able to afford their medication.

I will try to reason with an addict, that he either gives up, or switches to a drug that is less harmful, trying to help that person to manage live life with the drug without being in misery. But, i will not force that person to give up, or withhold my help when he/she is on a cold turkey.

...I have used drugs since i was 14 years old, have never been addicted (though my life in the first two years of use was a mess as nobody has ever tought me how to use drugs without them affecting my life negatively). Since the last 20 years or so, i use drugs only twice or three times a year at most. I don't drink alcohol (which is a drug as well) more than twice or three times a month, i don't even remember anymore when i was drunk the last time.

Basically, i don't care about all your "drug rehabilitation programs" and their sectarian waffle. The only drug rehabilitation which i would accept is making drugs legal, and teaching people how to use drugs without them destroying their lives.

Back to the topic - a junkie on cold turkey needs one thing only - his drug to kill the tremendous pain he is under. If you have ever seen that it would be inhumane not to help that person with a bit of money to buy his drug. There are less foreign junkies here than there used to be, but i have helped out many times, and would do so again.

Edited June 3, 2007 by Ijustwannateach
inflammatory comment removed- IJWT

[Ijustwannateach]

Let's stick to the topic, folks, and also avoid making comments that might be considered inflammatory towards other posters on the thread.

[Maigo6]

i don't even remember anymore when i was drunk the last time.

I don't remember freek all either when I get wasted!