Use Of 'ter' = You , She (for Females)

[Trevor]

This one still bugs me after 28 years learning Thai. 'Ter' means you, as applied to a female partner. Same spelling (sera eh, tor tong, aw ang) also means 'she'. 'Kow' means 'he'. Use as 'she' is incorrect.

So, when talking to one's teerak, how to avoid the confusion arising from the use of 'ter' which can mean both 'you' and 'her'?

[wasabi]

This one still bugs me after 28 years learning Thai. 'Ter' means you, as applied to a female partner. Same spelling (sera eh, tor tong, aw ang) also means 'she'. 'Kow' means 'he'. Use as 'she' is incorrect.

So, when talking to one's teerak, how to avoid the confusion arising from the use of 'ter' which can mean both 'you' and 'her'?

I was just talking to my friend, A Thai girl, about this last night. She said Ter can mean you and she and if you're close friends, even he and you for a male. Basically it seems to depend on context. For example if you say Kitteung Ter to your girlfriend she's not going to think you are saying I miss she.

[withnail]

My first Thai teacher always had me use เธอ when referring to women as apparently it was more polite and more obvious that I was referring to woman and not a man. My most recent Thai teacher (a better and more experienced teacher) corrected me when I used it to refer to my girlfriend and said it wasn't necessary and that เขา was fine.

My take on it is this, if you were to look at two sentences in a textbook ผมกินข้าวกับเขา and ผมกินเข้ากับเธอ The second is more likely to refer to a woman. Therefore it makes things easier for the teacher to have you use one for a woman and one for a man.

Personally however, and in my experience, people generally use เขา for both men and women in the third person as it is usually obvious. In other cases they could use the person's name or say something like ผู้หญิงคนนั้น They usually use ฉัน and เธอ in private conversation/pop songs etc. to refer to themselves and their bf/gf where again it would be obvious from the context.

I use my girlfriend's name when referring to her and ผม when talking about myself. As a learner I've never really felt comfortable using ฉัน or เธอ as I don't feel that I am Thai enough to qualify. If that makes sense.

When Thais use certain words to refer to close friends don't forget that this runs quite deep and that they are probably of the same generation and grew up in the same country. Just because you are now their friend doesn't mean that it looks right when you use the same personal pronouns.

The kind of language I use when referring to my best English friend who I've known since I was four is not the same as I would use with a new friend or advise anyone else to use.

Edited June 8, 2007 by withnail

[jdinasia]

Khao is not gender specific to the best of my knowledge .... Ter tends to be except in very intimate (not sexual) situations with dear friends

<and don't forget 'they' >

[samran]

Ter is always always a tough one for me. I've been using anything but: khao, pee, nong, khun..or their name. With close friends though, ter is starting to creep in, male and female. It depends on context though, but generally if people start using it with me, I'll use it with them.

[kriswillems]

You could use

หล่อน

It always means she, so there can't be any confusion.

It's usually used in written language.

Some people told me it's not polite but my Thai teacher says there's nothing wrong with it.

Just to be safe I usually use เธอ

Edited June 8, 2007 by kriswillems

[meadish_sweetball]

หล่อน can also mean 'you' in some cases, when talking to a female speaker. I believe this is the case where it could be seen as impolite.

[yoot]

For written language, 'หล่อน' means 'she' or ' her' when describing about a girl. e.g. ทุกก้าวย่างของหล่อนแสดงถึงความมั่นใจในตัวเอง

But for spoken language, 'หล่อน' is mostly used by kra-teoy when they are talking with girls. e.g. นี่ หล่อน ชั้นเบื่อขี้หน้าหล่อนจริง ๆ

Sometimes it's used among female friends but mostly you can see it in Thai soap. I rarely heard it in real life, but it doesn't mean no one use it , though.

"เขา" for written langauge, it's always used for male not for female. e.g. เขาเป็นชายหนุ่มรูปงาม But for spoken langauge, it can be used for both male and female. e.g. สมชาย คุณช่วยไปบอกคุณสมหญิงใ ห้เขามาหาผมหน่อย

"เธอ" can be used as second person pronoun and third person pronoun. For using as second person pronoun, it can be used for both male and female. e.g. สมชาย เธอช่วยไปส่งเอกสารนี่ให้พี่หน่อยสิ

For using as third person pronoun, it's used for female only. e.g. สมชาย คุณช่วยไปบอกคุณสมหญิง ให้เธอมาหาผมหน่อย

[katana]

Thanks yoot. Nice summary.

[Khon Baan Nok]

I use my girlfriend's name when referring to her and ผม when talking about myself. As a learner I've never really felt comfortable using ฉัน or เธอ as I don't feel that I am Thai enough to qualify. If that makes sense.

When Thais use certain words to refer to close friends don't forget that this runs quite deep and that they are probably of the same generation and grew up in the same country. Just because you are now their friend doesn't mean that it looks right when you use the same personal pronouns.

It makes plenty of sense to me, and I stay away from ฉัน and เธอ for exactly the same reason. Under the influence of what I hear in pop songs, I started using those words in conversations with my GF in a relationship that spans 7 years. She advised me then, and has not changed her mind since, that my use of those terms connotes an intimacy with Thai culture, basically, that would not be acknowledged by a Thai person. I never use either word unless I'm quoting something.

If you think about it in the context of your own culture and language, it is always kind of jarring when you hear someone who grew up another place, and who probably looks different, throwing around slang terms that only ring true when used by a "native" from that period of time.

For that reason there are a number of terms and phrases that I hear, and understand, but don't use because it seems presumptuous. Not only that, but unless you can pronounce and use the terms perfectly, they sound ridiculous. For example, if you've ever heard a person of Indian origin mimicking a southern (US) drawl, it is jarring, and rarely funny in the way the person intended it...

[eJai]

I was told once that เธอ should not be use with ผม, can anyone please shed some light on the pairing of pronouns such as ผม / คุณ, ฉัน / เธอ or others.

Thanks

[mangkorn]

I was told once that เธอ should not be use with ผม, can anyone please shed some light on the pairing of pronouns such as ผม / คุณ, ฉัน / เธอ or others.

Thanks

See Yoot's post #7 in the thread on Hugs.

[sabaijai]

I use my girlfriend's name when referring to her and ผม when talking about myself. As a learner I've never really felt comfortable using ฉัน or เธอ as I don't feel that I am Thai enough to qualify. If that makes sense.

You could avoid the pronoun formality issue by simply using your name. Better yet dive in and use the appropriate kinship term, พี่ or น้อง (or พ่อ )