Takin' Care Of Mama

[a2396]

I would like to inquire of the learned members, who are living in Thailand and have a Thai GF, if the are asked or are expected to make contributions to take care of the GF's Mother. I have encountered this several times. My opinion is that I am willing to provide for a reasonable monthly amount for the GF's expenses, but I am not comfortable with other family member add-on's.

[LoveDaBlues]

I would like to inquire of the learned members, who are living in Thailand and have a Thai GF, if the are asked or are expected to make contributions to take care of the GF's Mother. I have encountered this several times. My opinion is that I am willing to provide for a reasonable monthly amount for the GF's expenses, but I am not comfortable with other family member add-on's.

helping Mama IS one of your GF's expenses

I know a Thai girl who is building her parents a new house with her earnings (not a BG; legal assistant).

[tijnebijn]

To give something to the mama is a very good thing to do.Ignore the families add-ons,do they contribute some to mother also??

They should and what you do is allready the utmost respect worthy.

[Luckydog]

I would like to inquire of the learned members, who are living in Thailand and have a Thai GF, if the are asked or are expected to make contributions to take care of the GF's Mother. I have encountered this several times. My opinion is that I am willing to provide for a reasonable monthly amount for the GF's expenses, but I am not comfortable with other family member add-on's.

You are on one of my favourite Hobby Horses old Bean.

I object strongly to handing out money to GFs Family Members as you will see posted elsewhere.

But having said that, most Farangs do so if they value their relationship enough.

So, I would say this to you. If you can afford it, and it's not excessive. Give it to the old Lady.

Trouble is, it probably won't stop there!

Goooood Luck.

[mac.wheeler]

I would like to inquire of the learned members, who are living in Thailand and have a Thai GF, if the are asked or are expected to make contributions to take care of the GF's Mother. I have encountered this several times. My opinion is that I am willing to provide for a reasonable monthly amount for the GF's expenses, but I am not comfortable with other family member add-on's.

You are on one of my favourite Hobby Horses old Bean.

I object strongly to handing out money to GFs Family Members as you will see posted elsewhere.

But having said that, most Farangs do so if they value their relationship enough.

So, I would say this to you. If you can afford it, and it's not excessive. Give it to the old Lady.

Trouble is, it probably won't stop there!

Goooood Luck.

I had the whole 'papa has debts and lives in very small house which is flooded and cannot sleep at nights' thing a while back.

I said fine, I understand, let me just call my parents and see if they need anything, if there is any money left over in MY pocket after that your Papa is welcome to it.

I don't disagree with helping out, I do disagree with being seen as a walking ATM, my girl is free to leave any time she wishes if she feels I am not helping out enough. I'm far too old and jaded to get into the whole emotional blackmail thing, it's just not worth my time.

My advice is put your foot down, lay down some ground rules. I will help out now and then but I will not help out at the cost of my own lifestyle. You earned your money, it is your right to spend it how you wish, that may involve some small help from time to time but for goodness sake don't get suckered into paying out of hand for the slightest little reason.

[kuma]

i give the girl $$ that we send to her family every month

but much less than she would have had to send in the past if she was working. i prefer her to not work so (outside the house) so to compensate i give her the $$ to send home.

there is no right answer, circumsatnces and your own feelings all come into play imo

I would like to inquire of the learned members, who are living in Thailand and have a Thai GF, if the are asked or are expected to make contributions to take care of the GF's Mother. I have encountered this several times. My opinion is that I am willing to provide for a reasonable monthly amount for the GF's expenses, but I am not comfortable with other family member add-on's.

[Boo]

why would you be giving your gf a monthly wage, does she not work? If she doesn't due to you wanting her not to then I can see why she would expect you to contribute to her mothers upkeep esp. if she was helping the old girl out prior to you coming along but otherwise, if she has a job then she can, like other thais, send a portion of her salary to support her mother and you like a good bf can pay for dinner, movies & general dates to keep her outgoings low.

[steves_the_1]

when i first met the misses family i sure they were thinking $$$$ but in the five years we've been together i've been ask twice to help out and both were hospital bills which i dont mind.if its for health reasons or some emergency i'll help them out other than that the gf takes care of them with her wage if they want it.

[tijnebijn]

When marrying a thai this suggestion is just a normal thing,especially when you are living in Thailand.Ofcourse when not having to many in the wallet the subject is closed,but still like I do when seeing her I always give her what I can miss,and she is happy with whatever we can miss.I also have a strong objection against Sin Sod etc etc,like we are all millionairs(some are),I am not for sure.

But to oppose the all idea directly from principal is just not understanding or willing to understand thai ways.I think people around will not understand some of it,and the gf ,probably,big chance will be in a discussion fight about these matters all the time.

It can be hard though,we all come from very different backgrounds,but starting with a thai gf,these things are with the good life here also.

[Lickey]

Makes me wonder how they got along before?? and i agree with Luckydog, if you can afford a few bht, give to the old lady, even some flowers or food can be appreciated, anymore and the whole family will be round every night for food and handouts,

[Heng]

One (well, most folks, presumably) would screen out smokers, excessive drinkers, and gamblers while choosing a significant other.... why not add to that list and screen out those who would expect you to be the breadwinner for the extended family?

[SiamSquare123]

"why would you be giving your gf a monthly wage, does she not work?"

huh? do you live in Thailand? Are you blind? Do you leave your house?

How are you a moderator?

[SiamSquare123]

One (well, most folks, presumably) would screen out smokers, excessive drinkers, and gamblers while choosing a significant other.... why not add to that list and screen out those who would expect you to be the breadwinner for the extended family?

My guess is that they are already hooked on the girl when they find out about the latter.

[paulsmithson]

My wife came to the uk to live with me fortwenty years. ssssssssssssShe was the typical brainwashed Thai where familly is everything. Then we returned her permanently. She soon saw that all her family loved was her money and has ######ed them all off as spomgers.

It did break her heart to know them for what they are.

The house and land we own is now lived in by her sister and mother---once mother dies her sister has two choices---buy the land fom us or get out

the big sister thing here will not work with my wife----she is the youngest sister and the cleverest and sees no need to pay to supprt her brothers drunken and mia noy lifestyle nor her sisters stupidity

[Creeper]

once mother dies her sister has two choices---buy the land fom us or get out

There's also a Third choice.

Edited June 11, 2007 by Creeper

[manuchaomk]

That is Thailand, my friend. Thais vs thais use to pay the dowry for marriage.....i.ex..

You can't compare Thailand vs Europe because of different cultures.

If you are engaged with a well-off thai lady maybe you are exonerate to pay Mama. But don't forget to make some presents sometimes (every "Mama" would be happy to receive some flowers, presents from you).

Your love could be a "wage" in the range of 95% of cases.

Why ? Most of Thai people (ladies too) is come from countryside. That means they move to urban areas for a better life . In the meantime they must take care their old aged powerless family.

Doesn't matter if you are thai or farang. That's is Thai story/culture..... agree or not agree ... the same story !

Manu

[Creeper]

Doesn't matter if you are thai or farang. That's is Thai story/culture..... agree or not agree ... the same story !

Manu

Farangs think it's a conspiracy against them, the fact that Thai men also send money to relatives goes above their heads.

The same as when a Farang is stopped for speeding by the police or for not wearing a helmet, he will pay up, then drive away cursing the Thais for singling out Farangs, the fact that 500 Thai people were also stopped and fined at the same checkpoint again goes over the Farangs head.

Farangs in Thailand seem to think everyone is out to get them.

Kinda sad really, and very shortsighted.

Edited June 11, 2007 by Creeper

[manuchaomk]

Creeper,

Unfortunately a lot of farangs use to compare peach VS apples and don't understand or don't know about Thai Culture.

But a lot of Thai ladies use to take advantage to the situation, asking more and more and more. Only for their uselesses purposes !!! Believe in me... .

Because of that ladies, a lot of Farangs don't trust anymore Thai people and don't agree to share thai culture with GF. I like thai people and thai culture but it is not FAR to take advantage to thai culture for useless purposes !!!!

Cheers Manu

[MTW]

Just to add some variety here, I would like to say that I have a Thai boyfriend. His parents have two children, both boys, my boyfriend is the baby, he is 44. His older brother is about 50, has a masters degree from an American University and makes much more money, although he also has a wife and two kids.

The parents are old, I think 80 and 75, but still have their own money and some contributions from the older son which helped them in the past to build a nicer house, etc. However, my boyfriend's parents, still help my boyfriend with money, and they have never asked and never gotten any money from me other than a few token gifts. The parents were not rich, they were farmers, sold things in the market, father was a local government official, but he managed to send both sons to a good school which gave them connections in life, at a significant cost.

Their mother is blind and has been for at least 20 years. They have had a maid to take care of her and the house for all of their lives. They have a pretty nice house, aircon, hot water, satellite TV, have a nice car and nice truck. They own a lot of extra land, which is just sitting there not making money. But at some point they were able to buy it. They would like to sell it now. They have suffered to some extent because on some of the land they own, a trash factory was built next door so the land is not worth much now, and the father is too old to farm on any land now so it all just sits there.

But what I want to say, is that in Asia, men have most of the earning ability, I think, unless women who work in the sex industry trump that. But I know what my boyfriend's brother earns since he is a top executive for a Japanese company, and before that worked for a top New York firm, I think he can out earn a Thai bar girl. And he doesn't have to give too much to his parents, and he is the eldest son. And I think, tradition in Asia is that eldest sons takes care of the parents isn't it? And at the age of my boyfriend, his parents still feel the need to help him, even though he makes decent money too ... how is it that every Thai girl married to a farang says she has to support her family? I mean maybe her particular family is just beyond repair.

But I also know some Thai girls, who have children, are taken care of by their families in the country, who don't send their families any money, either for the parents, or for the child. These have been the younger daughters however, and when I have said things to them, like, "don't you think you should get prepared to take care of your daughter, your parents are old, what are you going to do if they die?" They say that their older sister will take care of them and they seem to feel very little or no responsibility.

I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that your order of birth should dictate your responsibilities in life, and that younger sibilings can be complete idiots and that you have to take care of them. How is this fair if your parents have no money, decide to have 8 kids, you are the eldest, you are a woman who has the least opportunities in Asia, unless you become a hooker, the kids who follow you are all irresponsible, gamble, drink, or became hookers and got HIV, and now you have 20 kids to look after, I mean it just doesn't make any sense.

Or if you are poor or even rich parents who just plan poorly that your daughters should sell themselves in order to send you money for the rest of your life? I am not trying to sound like a jerk but how many of us Western people have children in order to have someone to take care of us when we are broke? And don't care what they have to do in order to give us money? And some parents might be spending the money on food and be too old to work, but some of them are not and are spending the money on drinking and the lottery and things they see as status symbols.

So basically, what I am trying to say is that for the farangs trying to decide if they should be sending money to their wife's family, and how much money to send, is to try to decide how moral or not the situation seems. I know the culture here is not the same as ours and can not be judged totally the same, but to some extent it can. If your girlfriend/wife has a jerk father who is only 45 years old and doesn't want to work anymore, gambles and drinks all the time, beats his wife, well I would say, don't send them any money and don't contribute to people thinking selling daughters is a legit way to make a living. If your wife has a 70 year old mother who lives alone, okay send her money.

If you want to make the world a better place, than contributing to a part of the world that sees females as something to sell as sexual objects, no matter if you are the buyer or the seller, only helps this to continue. And to people who go to brothels, but don't buy children, you have to know that everyone started there as a child, and is working there as a slave, as an abused child, with that mentality, even if now they are 20 years old or whatever. Okay, sorry I know this is somewhat off the topic and most of you are concerned about helping the families but I just want to give you another viewpoint.

[meom]

To MTW:

I'm not sure if the eldest sibling have to take care the parents; I think it's more a case of the wealthiest sibling that is supposed to contribute the most and being partner with a falang makes one often the wealthiest.

Regarding your last comment I don't believe you. I'm sure a lot of hookers in Asia started as minors but definately not all and maybe not even the majority.

[keemao]

I am not trying to sound like a jerk

mission failed....................

[manuchaomk]

to MTW:

In my opinion you should learn more from your bf about Thai Culture.

PS: YOU DON'T NEED TO GO TO BROTHELS to find lady that need to take care family. THIS IS THAI CULTURE, you know?

You should hide your racism vs Thai ladies....... (just suggestion)

regards.

Manu

[MTW]

Keemao, well you obviously took something I said to heart. My mission did not FAIL as you say. It only FAILED in that it offend you. And I was only trying to be kind to those people who frequent brothels, don't try to pick young girls, and so think they are doing nothing wrong. If you were ever to do some research about how girls end up in brothels, about what kind of life they lead, about what kind of money they make, you would know what I was taking about.

It is totally possible that girls who decide to be bargirls, decide on their own to do this job, can decide who will be their customers, decide how many customers they will have per night, decide to some extent how much they are willing to work for, decide if they are willing to do straight sex or not, or what type of sex they will be willing to do.

The girls who work in brothels are usually sold by their parents at very young ages, are beaten into submission, don't have any decisions in the above matters, don't get hardly any money from what their customer's pay, are never free to leave the live of prostitution, etc. This is quite a different matter. There are books about this. There are UN reports about this. There are movies and documentaries about this, what do you think I am being a jerk about?

[MTW]

Meom, I AM sure that if you read about ASIAN culture in general you will find that the eldest male relative has the most duty to provide for family. However, I AM also sure, that one of the ways to provide for family, is to marry a farang.

[jdinasia]

To MTW:

I'm not sure if the eldest sibling have to take care the parents; I think it's more a case of the wealthiest sibling that is supposed to contribute the most and being partner with a falang makes one often the wealthiest.

Regarding your last comment I don't believe you. I'm sure a lot of hookers in Asia started as minors but definately not all and maybe not even the majority.

LOL ... I can only imagine .... <really I can only imagine .... well unless I unignore or hit 'view this post'!>

But I am sure we don't discuss bargirls on TV I know we sometimes mention prostitution .... but when we do we mostly point out that the Thai trade and then the asian trade is far larger than the farang trade Thankfully the farang trade is pretty highly regulated now!

Good luck

[MTW]

You could take good note that usually rich Asian families don't marry to farangs, only poor families do. Or if rich Asian families marry to farang people they would be equally rich at least in most cases.

[mikalmus]

My girlfriend barely even mentions her parents or family. She just tells stories of how her brother is a bad boy and I know her sister. She has never asked for money and never seems to send any to her parents. She says she sent some money to help her sister through school but I don't know whether that was a bullshit story to stop me from 'borrowing' anymore money off her. She pays the rent for the bungalow, bike and I pay for food and drink. If she wants to buy new clotes then she can buy them out of her own money, just like I do when I buy clothes for me. Thats why she has a job, for financial independence. Why is it that I only read these stories of girls asking for money blah blah blah on TV? Where do you find these girs?

[MTW]

And to meom,

You are being quite arrogant to assume that every farang here is richer than every Asian. Or to assume that given the same amount of money, an Asian woman would prefer to marry a farang because I think that simply just isn't true. Given the huge number of Asians who outnumber Western people, there are certainly enough rich Asians to take care of the best Asian women, especially if you consider that they tend to prefer their own people.

And Jdinasia, I don't know what you mean, if you are agreeing with me or not so cannot comment.

[keemao]

Keemao, well you obviously took something I said to heart. My mission did not FAIL as you say. It only FAILED in that it offend you. And I was only trying to be kind to those people who frequent brothels, don't try to pick young girls, and so think they are doing nothing wrong. If you were ever to do some research about how girls end up in brothels, about what kind of life they lead, about what kind of money they make, you would know what I was taking about.

It is totally possible that girls who decide to be bargirls, decide on their own to do this job, can decide who will be their customers, decide how many customers they will have per night, decide to some extent how much they are willing to work for, decide if they are willing to do straight sex or not, or what type of sex they will be willing to do.

The girls who work in brothels are usually sold by their parents at very young ages, are beaten into submission, don't have any decisions in the above matters, don't get hardly any money from what their customer's pay, are never free to leave the live of prostitution, etc. This is quite a different matter. There are books about this. There are UN reports about this. There are movies and documentaries about this, what do you think I am being a jerk about?

UN reports, movies and documentaries....well , It must be true!!!!!!

If you have seen these activities first hand or know someone in this situation, I apologise, however I doubt it.

Please continue, I enjoy reading your posts.

[jdinasia]

Keemao, well you obviously took something I said to heart. My mission did not FAIL as you say. It only FAILED in that it offend you. And I was only trying to be kind to those people who frequent brothels, don't try to pick young girls, and so think they are doing nothing wrong. If you were ever to do some research about how girls end up in brothels, about what kind of life they lead, about what kind of money they make, you would know what I was taking about.

It is totally possible that girls who decide to be bargirls, decide on their own to do this job, can decide who will be their customers, decide how many customers they will have per night, decide to some extent how much they are willing to work for, decide if they are willing to do straight sex or not, or what type of sex they will be willing to do.

The girls who work in brothels are usually sold by their parents at very young ages, are beaten into submission, don't have any decisions in the above matters, don't get hardly any money from what their customer's pay, are never free to leave the live of prostitution, etc. This is quite a different matter. There are books about this. There are UN reports about this. There are movies and documentaries about this, what do you think I am being a jerk about?

UN reports, movies and documentaries....well , It must be true!!!!!!

If you have seen these activities first hand or know someone in this situation, I apologise, however I doubt it.

Please continue, I enjoy reading your posts.

LOL .... be kind to me .... don't quote her! Makes it really hard not to point out the silliness oh well .... bedtime!

remember folks! be kind to the clueless and don't feed the trolls!