Wife Or No Wife

[Postee]

Hi All

[SiamSquare123]

will people really ask you?

[qwertz]

OP, you should be the one asking yourself the two most pertinent questions.

1. Does it bother you that she has slept with other men?

2. Will she stop this practice if she stays with you?

If it's yes to 1 and no to 2, best not to proceed.

Questions from others do not need to be answered.

If anyone persists, I wouldn't waste time on justifying my choice of partner, I'd just tell them she worked in catering.

Edited June 18, 2007 by qwertz

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

Hi,

I can see what you mean, but remember, there are also a lot of Thai girls who genuinely work in bars as staff and won't be buried in a Y-shaped coffin...

Just say that she worked in a bar. If anyone has a problem with that, tough titty for them.

If she was a prostitute and you don't like fibbing to friends/family, then tell them that she was a prostitute.

Cheers

[colino]

Everybody has a past

and thats what it is the past,

if you can live with the past ,,

thats all that matters ,,

if you do decide to lie then K,I,S,S, (keep it short simple )

best to talk to your g/f and see what she think's after all she has to go along with it

Edited June 18, 2007 by colino

[qwertz]

Everybody has a past

and thats what it is the past,

if you can live with the past ,,

thats all that matters ,,

if you do decide to lie then K,I,S,S, (keep it short simple )

Telling the truth is of course the best advice as then you don't need a good memory.

Next best advice - if you must always tell the truth, keep your car outside the exit and leave the motor running.

[uptou]

maybe it all depends on how she feels.everybody lies to a certain degree anyway,if anybody says differently..........their lying.

i suppose people like to dig for the dirt,& who really needs to know about it,but if she can handle it being known.....

[barryofthailand]

The culture in Asia is altogether different than the western world. Weather girls work in a bar or dept store really doesn't make a differnce especially in thailand. Women every where in Thailand are available to foreigners, and their not called prostitutes. you have to realize their is a huge culture difference that's why most inter cultural relationships don't work out.

Barry

[Prakanong]

The sad fact is no matter if was living like Mother Theresa in Thailand there are plenty back home would think she had been "Suzy Wong" - sometimes you can not do right for doing wrong.

Do not tell them anything and if anything tell a little white lie ie you did meet her in a bar - the hotel bar.

Its your choice and if you can live with what she used to do (a lot can not) and you are sure she wants to give it up and you love her give it a go - it will be bloody hard but i see plenty where its working 10 years down the line - seen guys with their ex-bar girl wives longer than they were with their wife from home.

There will aslo be some snobbiness from other Thai's if she is from Isaan and they think their <deleted> does not smell from elsewhere - ignore those too as they are just middling fish in the tiny pond that is Thailand and many are jealous as they can not get out!

[Paulbangkok]

It's a dilema thats for sure. One that i'm sure many reader's/poster's on the forum have faced, and one to which will trouble many more.

1.) If you Lie, many people will believe you, many will dis-believe you but understand why you've lied and will invade your privacy no further but inevitably there are those that will continue to question you unitil either the web of lie's needed to cover something like that is spun out of control or the lie is uncovered. Whether uncovered or not though the lie will most definately remain a burden on you both whilst living in Ireland.

2.) IMHO If you fess us! Which can be done tactfully with the omission of any real detail, not lies just a bit of guideance in understanding the situation with you both and with Asia and obviously Thailand, it may not be accepted as every family /community is different but it will show your family/friends/fiancee that you aren't ashamed of it and that alone should go along way to helping integrate her into your life back home.

As you have already said, this is the girl for you. Again this is just my humble opinion but if you want any chance of making it work which is challenging at the best of times you need to start out on the right foot and show her and yourself that there is nothing to be ashamed of and to the people that don't like it, tough, accept that thats the way it is and move on.

I suffered the same dilemma many years ago. I lied. It was a mistake, and I firmly believe thing's would have worked out differently had I just told it the way it was.

Paul

Edited June 18, 2007 by Paulbangkok

[SiamSquare123]

if any thai people see you with a thai girl that doesnt have white skin they will assume she is a prostitute. they might smile and pretend like they dont, but they do. the reason that they do is because 95% of the farang in thailand are standing next to a prostitute. this number is perhaps lowered if you eliminate tourists, but go to MBK and all you see is farang and their escort. The Japanese arent much different, they are escorted around shopping malls by prostitutes also.

if you are going to be in a relationship with a thai girl you will just have to get used to people assuming that she is a prostitute.

this thread reminds me why i hate being in western countries. i hate nosy people. ######em all is what i say.

Edited June 18, 2007 by SiamSquare123

[boes]

My advice is: don't do it.

Don't answer the question. If you've met a girl from Europe would your "friends" and family ask the same question ? I doubt it.

A friend of mine brought his thai wife to se his parents in Denmark - ( 80 % of all prostitutes in DK are from SE-Asia) but he could not be with his wife in public places because of people offending them. But this was DK.

Don't remove the wild flower from the jungle !

[warriors]

My advice is: don't do it.

Don't answer the question. If you've met a girl from Europe would your "friends" and family ask the same question ? I doubt it.

A friend of mine brought his thai wife to se his parents in Denmark - ( 80 % of all prostitutes in DK are from SE-Asia) but he could not be with his wife in public places because of people offending them. But this was DK.

Don't remove the wild flower from the jungle !

Well said, in New Zealand the same 95% of Thais are either Ex Bar Staff or thought of as such.

Safe to love them and leave them or move over to Thailand to live long term. If you can not do that. Be Warned.

[qwertz]

Same applies in Germany, boes.

I know a nice Thai woman here, usual story, her husband met her on his first trip.

They've been together 8 years, she has learned German and speaks better English than most Germans here.

She tells me she still has to close her ears to the ignorant comments.

[markr]

Does it really matter what people think?

You met her in a bar so your gonna have to put up with what people think about her!

Let them get on with it, most will make there own opinions anyway so just dont tell them anything

Best of luck to you

Mark

[technocracy]

go to MBK and all you see is farang and their escort.

Bit of a sweeping generalisation that ain't it? Personally me and wife go for a shopping trip to BKK every so often and wander around ... I know the place better than her.

Anyway the Thai's get a shock when we speak Lao together and the realise she isn't Thai.

The more pressing question I've often wondered for all you guys marrying bar girls is when do you take the plunge bare back? Did you insist on a HIV test first? I know it's a personal one but I've thought about it a few times! I know if I was with a bar girl and we started heading toward marriage etc I'd be wanting test first!

[farangsay]

Whoah young man.

You say you met the lady recently , she worked as a bar girl and you put the word "marry" in your post.

Us men have two brains which cannot function concurrently.

Most of us have been there , bought the tee shirt and thrown it away already.

Take it reasonably slowly. Spend time together (preferably out of a tourist area).

Bring her for a holiday to Ireland (if you can get her a visa).

Marry her when your head tells you , not your willy.

Good luck son , you may need it.

[lannarebirth]

If she were to enroll in some english lessons, she'd be a student wouldn't she? What other people may think will be the least of the obstacles facing you IMO. Why don't you give this a read while you're contemplating your dilemma.

Private_Dancer.pdf

Edited June 18, 2007 by lannarebirth

[garro]

Postee, if you want people to be think that your GF is not a prostitute the following methods usually work;

- tell everyone that her family is Chinese (tell everyone this including strangers on the internet)

- another method is to tell everyone that your wife/GF is from Laos (because they obviously would only consider going with a Farang out of love)

Alternatively, as others have suggested, don't tell other people anything. It would be unusual for someone to ask your GF right out if she is a prostitute. What they think is their business.

[technocracy]

- another method is to tell everyone that your wife/GF is from Laos (because they obviously would only consider going with a Farang out of love)

:D

Well that at least gave me a chuckle!!!

[SiamSquare123]

go to MBK and all you see is farang and their escort.

Bit of a sweeping generalisation that ain't it? Personally me and wife go for a shopping trip to BKK every so often and wander around ... I know the place better than her.

how am i making a sweeping generalization? its the truth. and for what its worth, i am sure that everyone in mbk thinks that your lao wife is a hooker, just like they think my girl is a hooker. mai bpen rai

[Pepe']

OP, you should be the one asking yourself the two most pertinent questions.

1. Does it bother you that she has slept with other men?

2. Will she stop this practice if she stays with you?

If it's yes to 1 and no to 2, best not to proceed.

Questions from others do not need to be answered.

If anyone persists, I wouldn't waste time on justifying my choice of partner, I'd just tell them she worked in catering.

--------------------------

Catering. I like that...

[qwertz]

OP, you should be the one asking yourself the two most pertinent questions.

1. Does it bother you that she has slept with other men?

2. Will she stop this practice if she stays with you?

If it's yes to 1 and no to 2, best not to proceed.

Questions from others do not need to be answered.

If anyone persists, I wouldn't waste time on justifying my choice of partner, I'd just tell them she worked in catering.

--------------------------

Catering. I like that...

Well, pepe, it's half true, innit?

A very broad field is catering.

[observer21]

Well, as the old saying goes:

"You can take the girl out of the bar, but you cant take the bar out of the girl".

I think your girl may have a major culture shock in little old Ireland if she has spent 3 years working in bars.  She would need to source Thai food, cook, clean - no room maids i guess, no street vendors, no chatty friends, and to add to that whatever you say most people will associate Thai girls with hookers.  Although they wont say so you must know they will be thinking it.  Its like everytime there is something on the TV regarding Thailand its about hookers

PS a girl who has spent 3 years in bars is likey to be pretty hardcore with a lot of preconceived ideas.  Re-arrange these words:  to taken cleaners

[Pepe']

OP, you should be the one asking yourself the two most pertinent questions.

1. Does it bother you that she has slept with other men?

2. Will she stop this practice if she stays with you?

If it's yes to 1 and no to 2, best not to proceed.

Questions from others do not need to be answered.

If anyone persists, I wouldn't waste time on justifying my choice of partner, I'd just tell them she worked in catering.

--------------------------

Catering. I like that...

[Pepe']

OP, you should be the one asking yourself the two most pertinent questions.

1. Does it bother you that she has slept with other men?

2. Will she stop this practice if she stays with you?

If it's yes to 1 and no to 2, best not to proceed.

Questions from others do not need to be answered.

If anyone persists, I wouldn't waste time on justifying my choice of partner, I'd just tell them she worked in catering.

--------------------------

Catering. I like that...

Well, pepe, it's half true, innit?

A very broad field is catering.

--------------------------

Sounds "fishy" to me...

[qwertz]

Well, as the old saying goes:

"You can take the girl out of the bar, but you cant take the bar out of the girl".

I think your girl may have a major culture shock in little old Ireland if she has spent 3 years working in bars. She would need to source Thai food, cook, clean - no room maids i guess, no street vendors, no chatty friends, and to add to that whatever you say most people will associate Thai girls with hookers. Although they wont say so you must know they will be thinking it. Its like everytime there is something on the TV regarding Thailand its about hookers

PS a girl who has spent 3 years in bars is likey to be pretty hardcore with a lot of preconceived ideas. Re-arrange these words: to taken cleaners

This is certainly true in Germany.

They draw on the same tired old Patpong footage from the same central archive.

Only the travel docs show the nice side of Thailand but they would, wouldn't they?

[jetjock]

If I take her back home to Eire do I tell everyone she is a Prostitute or do I lie?

You surely must be joking. Would you really expect a girl to be readily accepted by women friends and family in western culture after telling everyone she used to be a prostitute ? My experience is that most women of all cultures consider prostitution degrading to all women as it is a bad reflection on their entire gender ? Thai women that are not of the lower class mentality and are well educated frown on prostitution every bit as much as western women and perhaps even more because it reflects so poorly on all Thai woman.

Most guys I know do not seem to share the strong feeling that women do on the subject of prostitution however since women make up half of our society, it would be best to forget her past if she is going to even have a chance at trying to assimilate into western society.

I think that marrying a girl with that type of backround is a personal choice that only you can decide as only you know the true character of the girl. However my humble opionion is that Thai girls that are not well educated and have a lower class prostitution background are going to have an extremely difficult time ( although not impossible ) of assimilating into western culture . I personally think that marriages of this type have a greater chance of success and happiness if you stay and live in the girls culture. On the other hand, marrying an educated Thai girl from a decent background is a totally different ball game since it is much easier for someone with this type of backround to be accepted and assimilate into another culture.

[garro]

If I take her back home to Eire do I tell everyone she is a Prostitute or do I lie?

You surely must be joking. Would you really expect a girl to be readily accepted by women friends and family in western culture after telling everyone she used to be a prostitute ? My experience is that most women of all cultures consider prostitution degrading to all women as it is a bad reflection on their entire gender ? Thai women that are not of the lower class mentality and are well educated frown on prostitution every bit as much as western women and perhaps even more because it reflects so poorly on all Thai woman.

Most guys I know do not seem to share the strong feeling that women do on the subject of prostitution however since women make up half of our society, it would be best to forget her past if she is going to even have a chance at trying to assimilate into western society.

I think that marrying a girl with that type of backround is a personal choice that only you can decide as only you know the true character of the girl. However my humble opionion is that Thai girls that are not well educated and have a lower class prostitution background are going to have an extremely difficult time ( although not impossible ) of assimilating into western culture . I personally think that marriages of this type have a greater chance of success and happiness if you stay and live in the girls culture. On the other hand, marrying an educated Thai girl from a decent background is a totally different ball game since it is much easier for someone with this type of backround to be accepted and assimilate into another culture.

Great advice and very balanced.

[canuckamuck]

The best to keep your wife’s identity as a prostitute a secret is to marry someone who isn’t one.

Truth is, you can expect a ton of crap from all your non prostitute family and friends. People aren’t that stupid. Most people expect the worst as a default position.