Farang With Thai Husband

[redfish44]

Hi ladies,

I have only just read this topic, and am sad to hear RueFang has gone back to Australia, but very glad she posted all of that wonderful information first. Meme and sbk - thankyou as well.

My bf is a diver, at present I meet up with him on lovely tropical islands with plenty of tourists in southern Thailand and Malaysia, but we frequent the not so touristy parts a lot. I am used to standing out like a giant white monster from years of that before we even met. It was a bit strange at first though, as being on small islands where everyone knows everyone and all they do, it was a bit more specific, but we all adjusted to it - I think they were probably more interested in the fact he had a girlfriend, what she looked like was secondary (like I say, small islands - not a lot happens).

He is from Yala/Pattani, and I have been curious about where he lives but not brave enough to visit as yet (have also been terrified of his mum as she did NOT approve of our relationship at first - don't mess with mamma or her bongsu... who knows what could happen to a girl in a "volatile region"...).

The posts by the women on this and other topics in ThaiVisa have helped me understand a lot, and I might just visit one day, as the more I read, the more the Thai South is demystified for me.

I have bought every book I ever seen on the Thai South (all 5 of them) in an effort to understand a bit more, but appart from the female journalist working for the Singapore newspaper a long time ago, they have virtually nothing about 'farang' women in the south.

This and the other forums I have seen you ladies post on have been so insightful.

My bf had warned me early on that I would be the only westerner if I ever went home with him, and that people may act strangely and say rude things etc. Its nice to know that I might not be the first western woman seen in the area after all, and that it is possible to even make friends there.

I have never posted before, the following by sbk cracked me up and was the clincher to do so:

Do not get me started on the unwillingness to deal with authority! Seems to be a Thai disability

My husband is exactly the same and often makes me call, regardless if its about the phone, the internet, immigration, whatever. Its like pulling teeth, getting him to deal with stuff, I swear to god. But, hearing you guys have the same problems (as well, other female friends have confessed the same) makes me feel better and realize it is epidemic

- you are definitely NOT alone.

How my man has obtained a passport, ID card and managed multiple border crossings a year for 10+ years before we met - I have no idea.

I work on a ship in the middle of the ocean, off the coast of Africa, as far away as I could possibly be from Thailand. I have had phone conversations that drove me crazy - where he wanted me to sort out a work permit/visa/who-knows-what "paperworks" in Hat Yai (where I have never been and do not speak the lingo) for him... I swear to god it nearly killed me before he finally realised I actually couldn't do anything...

...or should this bit be on the "How do Thai Men respond to Womens Emotions" thread... I don't want to get banned for beng off-topic on my first post.

I hope to read more from you wonderful women in the future.

[sbk]

Welcome to the forum, redfish, and don't worry too much about straying from the topic. Its all interrelated anyway

I think Mr Rue Fang is from Phattalung, so Rue, once she readjusts to life in Oz with the hubby will hopefully reappear from time to time and you can ask her some more specific questions about life in the deep South. We also have a Southern forum which is mostly populated by men, but you could try asking there as well, if you have any specific deep South questions.

I think alot of these issues must have to do with the fact that many of us women with Thai husbands have married men from rural areas, unused to dealing with authority. I suspect (but could be dead wrong ) that men from Bangkok are more willing to deal. Or perhaps its a personality trait of men attracted to farang women

[mssabai]

Redfish, you don't say what religion your bf is as this may make a big difference to how his family react to you. I am surprised to hear that his mother does not approve, which makes me suspect that he may be muslim (and therefore his family would probably have expected him to marry a muslim). I have not yet heard of a Thai Buddhist family rejecting the idea of a Thai/Farang relationship on principle, apart from one case where the Thai bf came from a higher income family than the farang.

Aside from all of that though, and if his family are now supportive of you, I would really encourage you to go. My bf is from Trang, where I have been many times, but he has family in Yala and we have passed through briefly. I have been to Had Yai a few times and my friend is married to a Songkhla native and has visited many times. I and she have never experienced any problems in the far south. Yes there is a muslim majority but by and large the Thai muslims are still moderate compared to other muslims and are just as friendly and curious towards us as anyone else in the country. I would always dress conservatively in these areas, but you will find that in many areas of rural Thailand, it is appropriate to cover up - muslim or not.

Many of the girls on this board would have been the first farangs to ever visit their bfs villages but that is nothing to be scared of. Unless there is some underlying tension between your bf and his family over you, you will have a great time. People will stare (a lot), touch your skin, call you beautiful (and often fat), force strange types of food on you, make you try betel nuts (and generally laugh at your expense) but all you have to do is smile and laugh along with them. I find playing with the kids helps take my mind of being self conscious as once they have got over their initial shyness, they don't really focus on the racial differences. It is an amazing experience and one that as a partner of someone from another culture, is really neccessary in order to get a better idea of their roots, just as I am sure you would love him to meet your family if you were serious enough.

[RueFang]

this is definately a resurrected thread.. havent seen ruefang here for a while...

bina

Go the resurgance of the thread! I only just got internet put on at home (which is now in Australia) so have been offline for a couple of months almost.

Hi ladies,

I have only just read this topic, and am sad to hear RueFang has gone back to Australia, but very glad she posted all of that wonderful information first. Meme and sbk - thankyou as well.

Don't be sad there's still a few farang women hanging around in the south! After 4 years of living in the village in the same house as my in-laws, my hub and I decided that to keep our sanity we would give Aus an equal 4 year trial so he can experience my culture for a change. We've been back here for a month and he already has 2 jobs working at Thai restaurants! Just walked in and got offered them on the spot.. very lucky. I'm still looking, but at least he's settled and made some friends because funnily enough the chef's father comes from Phatthalung and the owner is from Hat Yai... all the southerner's keeping it in the family!!

I've got to say that even after 4 years, I never got used to the staring...it's so invasive, but you can't hold it against them because it's not like they ever see white people in the flesh when you're living way out in rural thailand..that whole time, I only ever saw 3 other farang - all old men and all in town. Feel free to ask anything you like of me!

Good luck with everything

[sbk]

Welcome back, Rue!

Good to hear your husband is settling in Personally, my husband loved the US when we went. Of course it helped that we were in one of the most beautiful areas (Monterey Bay in CA) with fabulous weather. I imagine if I were from Minnesota he might have felt differently

[Raesum]

A very rare breed indeed, are there any couples in bangkok? Havent seen one in 5 years.

Yes you're right there-Farang girls with Thai husbands are like hens teeth!!I live in Bangkok with my Thai husband of 16 years and can say I have only seen one other couple-up in Sukothai- since I have been living here for the past year and a half. Great to find this forum site. Where I live there are no other farangs, although at some of the shopping centres around I see the occasional white guy

[sarahbrien]

Hey Ladies.

I have a question.....actully 2...

Now a days... as it seems to be getting tense in Bangkok, does anyone know, or think how are things going to be in about 2-3 weeks?

And would it be safe? I'm sure walking around with eyes WIDE open and keeping away from "hot spots" is the best thing to do, but i was wondering if anyone knows differently or has any other ideas.... i'd love to know

from the sunny Holyland

[Goinghomesoon]

Quote - Farang girls with Thai husbands are like hens teeth!!

I see a few couples around Bangkok. But when we are upcountry near Nong Khai we are quite the rare attraction. I don't mind too much but my Thai hubby-to-be doesn't like the old widows that gather around cackling, drinking rice wine and laughing at my pathetic attempts to speak Isaan. He took particular offence at one woman's attempt to feel my 'nom yai' and now we stay at his sister's house a few kilometres away. Ah, Thai family politics

[unforgiven]

I can sympathise with you. I lived in a small town in Khon Kaen with my thai husband for several months after moving from down south & lasted 5 days living with his mum, aunt & 2 neices so rented a house a few streets away(nothing wrong with them, we all get on but I don't do living in another women house).

I too was the only other farang women in town (prob nearly most of KK province too I would imagine!!) & had to put up with being groped by all the old ladies in the MIL's company who liked to have a feel of the nom yai as well as other parts of my being

Driving to the 7-11 was a treat with school kids stopping en mass in the playground at the sight of a 6ft blonde farang women driving past & after the first few times I stopped freaking out at being followed around whilst I shopped at seven by the local police man who would leave his road side check point when he saw me coming & trail me to see what I bought.

I didn't mind living there so much even with the ogling & touching & stalking but found it soooo boring with no other farang women to meet up with or talk to. In fact ThaiVisa was my life line during those months. I did eventually find an American teacher at the local school but she was part of a Christian enxhange thing & not really my kind of person & I wasn't hers I think, she didn't seem to approve that I had hooked up with a native :0

So welcome to thaivisa & now you have found us, hope you enjoy yourself. 4odd years ago when I found this place there was only about 3 of us farang women around & now I counted recently we have at least 50 with 20+ actively posting & a large majority are either with or married to thais too.

I'm curious about something.Do you girls get milked(financially) by your mate and their relatives the way us men do?

[sbk]

I don't. But then, I didn't marry a poor man. It was the other way around, poor American girl marries rich Thai

To be perfectly frank, IMO, the only ones who get "milked" are the ones who allow it.

[unforgiven]

hi, all, yes i answered sara's pm's with an invit to my house... she's a good hour or so away from me... finally someone from thai visa will see me for real. maybe.

cross all fingers cause in november we have our ghastly visa thingy coming up... planning to make an appointment already month ahead since every year they:1. go on strike. 2. all the jewish holidays come up and all work goes slowdown.

citizenship doesn affect your boyfriend, but hope that he has done his army service there, or got his notice saying he doesnt have to serve... u will need that for the thai side of the marriage stuff for here....

good to know the cousins (they arent real cousins for the most part i hope u realize that. they are friends of the heart/pi/nong jai ) but still helps to know them... half the people that will be introduce dto u as relatives arent blood relatives btw...

and whatever u do, keep a separate bank account for you alone and one for u and him (he cant have his own here in israel but u can join him to your's; then open a separate one for u... dont argue. just do it. take it from a practical divorced lady. ) but u will need that bank account for visa stuff (the joint one).

the rest i messaged u...

bina

Yep, i know and am very awer of the "Family Relations" that go one in the Thai cultuer. i did work with and meet 2 cousins who are blood related, and the rest were like you said pee/nong jai... it's nice to have a big family. at times.

Separate bank account? ALWAYS! never thought other wise. I also told my friend (religious) to have a separate bank account before she got married. took a while for me to explane to her why, and the face that it wouldn't hurt theyr marrige and it's always important to have some money on the side for yourself. he probably will have one of his own as well.

Noy did the army. as well as i did...funny...hhmmmm i wonder if our kids will do the army as well...

separate bank accounts.........figures................please correct me if I'm worng ,but I've live in thailand for 25 years and have a fair understanding of the messogenistic behavior of the thai male.It leads me to to the logical conclusion that only unattractive and overweight women from the west subject themselves to the thai mail in a desperate attempt to be acccepted.Which they are untill their$$ runs out...........same as us (western males)

[sbk]

You are wrong. Suggest you take your ill conceived prejudices elsewhere, thanks

[mssabai]

separate bank accounts.........figures................please correct me if I'm worng ,but I've live in thailand for 25 years and have a fair understanding of the messogenistic behavior of the thai male.It leads me to to the logical conclusion that only unattractive and overweight women from the west subject themselves to the thai mail in a desperate attempt to be acccepted.Which they are untill their$$ runs out...........same as us (western males)

:D

Thanks unforgiven, I was having a crappy morning until this little gem of a post popped up.

Bad experience? Why don't you tell us about it eh?

[bina]

separate bank accounts.........figures................please correct me if I'm worng ,but I've live in thailand for 25 years and have a fair understanding of the messogenistic behavior of the thai male

)))

unforgiven: the male in question that absconded with my bank acouunt was my ex israeli husband, and any normal american woman nowadays has a separate bank account, and as for figure: does 43 kilo count as over wieght???????? ill take my slightly rotund, missing a tooth, dark skinned but wonderful poor thai husband any day over a western 'mail' (sic) like u..... yech!!!!!!!!!

bina

israel

[girlx]

please correct me if I'm worng ,but I've live in thailand for 25 years and have a fair understanding of the messogenistic behavior of the thai male.It leads me to to the logical dry.gif conclusion that only unattractive and overweight women from the west subject themselves to the thai mail in a desperate attempt to be acccepted.Which they are untill their$$ runs out...........same as us (western males)

quite the opposite! most western females i know with thai partners are in their early 20's and gorgeous. and though a few of them do support their boyfriends, it's not on the same scale as it is with the farang men/thai women. thai men are not comfortable being supported by a western woman in general, precisely because they are misogynistic.

[sbk]

don't encourage him ladies, he's already got it in his head that his "logical" conclusions are fact, so really, there is no point in discussing this with him.

[Boo]

LOL, 25 years in los, you'd never guess

[RueFang]

Welcome back, Rue!

Good to hear your husband is settling in Personally, my husband loved the US when we went. Of course it helped that we were in one of the most beautiful areas (Monterey Bay in CA) with fabulous weather. I imagine if I were from Minnesota he might have felt differently

Thanks sbk, seems like the same ol' shte going on around the forum! We're living about a hundred metres from the beach here, so it is a nice place to start

[sarahbrien]

Unforgiven, I am sorry for your past experience went terribly wrong, but it's not right to say that it happens between a weastern femail and a thai mail or vice versa.

It happens (as much as one wouldn't like to admit it) all over the world. wether you are Chineess, Italian, Swedish, Israeli, Thai or Colombian. There are ways to express your thoguhts in this forum, but not in that manner.

I hope you find some peace of mind, put the past behind you and try and take each day as it comes with a big deep breath a smile and nice cup of coffee.....

[unforgiven]

separate bank accounts.........figures................please correct me if I'm worng ,but I've live in thailand for 25 years and have a fair understanding of the messogenistic behavior of the thai male

)))

unforgiven: the male in question that absconded with my bank acouunt was my ex israeli husband, and any normal american woman nowadays has a separate bank account, and as for figure: does 43 kilo count as over wieght???????? ill take my slightly rotund, missing a tooth, dark skinned but wonderful poor thai husband any day over a western 'mail' (sic) like u..... yech!!!!!!!!!

bina

israel

Listen I'm sorry if I sound prejudice and you may be the exception but my comments are based on years of observations.The western women get fleeced just as much as the western men.Also for your information Thai men in a reputation for treating their own women questionably,ask your Thai women friends.

[sbk]

And vice versa. I know just as many Thai men who have been beaten and/or cheated by their Thai wives.

It is a common human failing to only see that which fits our preconceived notions and to tailor our experiences to those notions.

[mssabai]

Listen I'm sorry if I sound prejudice and you may be the exception but my comments are based on years of observations.The western women get fleeced just as much as the western men.Also for your information Thai men in a reputation for treating their own women questionably,ask your Thai women friends.

Your 'years of observation' seem to have been done mainly with your eyes closed I would say. Bina the excpetion? What about all the other ladies on this board in happy relationships? Or are they all being fleeced?

Funny story I heard of a thai woman pulling the "thai men are bad" card to get a sympathy vote when trying to hook a rich farang...and two years down the line who does he find out she is having an affair with? I have heard it more than once in fact. In no way generalising, but don't believe everything you hear.

Thanks for your information though. Very useful to those on the board who have been married to thai men for over 10 years I am sure. They will be sending for those divorce papers sharpish I would have though. If they have any sense. Once they realise it is all a sham and they are actually married to a womanising, wife beater who has stolen all their money.

[unforgiven]

Listen I'm sorry if I sound prejudice and you may be the exception but my comments are based on years of observations.The western women get fleeced just as much as the western men.Also for your information Thai men in a reputation for treating their own women questionably,ask your Thai women friends.

Your 'years of observation' seem to have been done mainly with your eyes closed I would say. Bina the excpetion? What about all the other ladies on this board in happy relationships? Or are they all being fleeced?

Funny story I heard of a thai woman pulling the "thai men are bad" card to get a sympathy vote when trying to hook a rich farang...and two years down the line who does he find out she is having an affair with? I have heard it more than once in fact. In no way generalising, but don't believe everything you hear.

Thanks for your information though. Very useful to those on the board who have been married to thai men for over 10 years I am sure. They will be sending for those divorce papers sharpish I would have though. If they have any sense. Once they realise it is all a sham and they are actually married to a womanising, wife beater who has stolen all their money.

Well I guess you have a good point.The real point that needs to be addressed is the shameful way the Thai's set up the falangs,from their laws on property ownership to their laws and regulations on forgien business.I talked to MP about introducing a bill in the house that would restrict national from countries that don't allow Canadians to own land in their own name from being able to purchase land in Canada .It may get legs,if for symbolic reasons only..... lets hope

[little_muppet]

Im getting marry this Oct with elephant too!! yes real elephant !! at the house!!! hehe

Out of interest, what do you ladies do for work/money? I know SBK has a bungalow/resort (?) but what about the rest of you. I tried teaching for 3 months but I am definately not cut out for teaching in local schools where they have absolutely no interest in learning anything (and don't even bring a bag to school!). We have a small business at home, but not a big money earner.

Meme, good luck with your wedding! It's really such a beautiful ceremony....so so different from western weddings and so much fun! I had no idea what was happening at my wedding but laughed the whole way through it as they dragged me around showing me what to do. We live about 70 kms from Trang and go there occasionally, so maybe one day we'll meet up.

Thanks again for the stories and making me laugh

Edited September 7, 2008 by little_muppet

[eek]

Im getting marry this Oct with elephant too!! yes real elephant !! at the house!!! hehe

^ hehehe, I think you mean you are getting married to a man, and having an eIephant at your wedding, right? Rather than, that you are going to marry an EIephant! Hope you dont think im making fun of you IittIe muppet, its just that what you wrote came out quite funny. ..and Cute!

[little_muppet]

Im getting marry this Oct with elephant too!! yes real elephant !! at the house!!! hehe

^ hehehe, I think you mean you are getting married to a man, and having an eIephant at your wedding, right? Rather than, that you are going to marry an EIephant! Hope you dont think im making fun of you IittIe muppet, its just that what you wrote came out quite funny. ..and Cute!

hehhehe you right!! im getting married with a man . i just re-read my post again and yes it sound funny as u said thats why i am " little muppet!!" lol

yes we will have real elephant at our wedding.

[Amyji]

Hey, Welcome back Rue!

I'm so glad you're transition has been rather smooth, esp. since you're near a beach! Best of luck finding a job you like - settling back into your home country can sometimes take a few years to get fully back into the swing of things. Your four year plan certainly sounds reasonable and it must be nice to see your family again.

[girlx]

Your 'years of observation' seem to have been done mainly with your eyes closed I would say.

oh yes, mssabai! do you really think thai men are faithful in general- especially those married for 10 years? i love you but i would say you have your eyes closed on this subject.

[mssabai]

Your 'years of observation' seem to have been done mainly with your eyes closed I would say.

oh yes, mssabai! do you really think thai men are faithful in general- especially those married for 10 years? i love you but i would say you have your eyes closed on this subject.

Ah read back again girlx....his "years of observation" were not about how Thai men were unfaithful, but about how all women who end up with Thai men are ugly, overweight and being used for their money. That's what I was objecting to as I do not know one woman who can easily slip into this generalisation, and seeing as I live on an island where Thai man / farang woman relationships are probably more prevalent than anywhere else in Thailand, I feel qualified to disagree heartily with it.

There are a lot of generalisations I could make (but lets not go down that particular road today) about many of these relationships - but this one just seemed to way off. I have heard of this kind of "beach gigolo" scene happening in Africa and the West Indies - with much older western women coming on "sex" holidays and the like. But that is just not something I have seen here. Young beautiful swedish girls getting fleeced for money yes

[girlx]

oh, yeah... sorry i just read back and my post sounded ruder than i meant it. this has come up before- and i repeat, the majority of western girls with thai men tt i have met are in their early 20's, gorgeous, and are not supporting their boyfriends other than buying them a drink now and then and sharing their room with him. i have never once met a woman who paid for sex with a thai man in almost a decade of travelling in thailand.