joinme2leave Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 by thai biz partner recently accused me of beeing very 'adaptable', so-to-say closer and closer into 'thai behaviour'. since most of my future private and biz life will be in asia (not necessarily in Thailand only) it seems to be that I am almost 'forced' to change my european attitude (sigh)..... BUT .... how to manage the real thai JAI YEN (cool heart) ??? how long did it take YOU (expats) to control your temper ??? Me -personally- I am quite confident in improving the 'thai way' but controlling my temper is another thing. I am not into drugs but maybe this would help ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HinHam Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 If you are thinking of using drugs as a means to stay here then go back to where you came from. You have lost it. Another valuable asset to Thailand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stroll Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Me -personally- I am quite confident in improving the 'thai way' but controlling my temper is another thing. I am not into drugs but maybe this would help ? It would help, specially since you would be spending a long time in a state correctional institute to practise and improve your chai yen in adverse conditions. I have lived in Asia for 10years now, but have not learned to control my temper, but respect and humour help more than biting one's tongue. I mean, if you respect the person, you won't feel like barking at them for what they might say to you, and injecting humour into a dispute often defuses it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joinme2leave Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 If you are thinking of using drugs as a means to stay here then go back to where you came from. You have lost it. Another valuable asset to Thailand obviously you don't get the point of my questions. needless to discuss anything with you, sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joinme2leave Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 only joking my dear stroll, never ever intended to use whateverkindof drugs to 'control' my (southern europe) temper .... but reckon for sure it won't be easy on particular occasions. example: (thai) ppl tend to wake you up in the middle of the night just to inform you about something they'd better told you next day lunch time or even later. first time it happenes, you simply smile back (even though you are quite angry), tell him/her to report a bit later (and not 4 o'clock in the morning). 2nd time -same, same but different (now it's - say - 5 o'clock, still in the morning). 3rd time - you loose temper (at least I do) and tell him/her to learn how to read a watch as well as respect other's sleeping timetable. THAT's what I have to learn (and 'adapt') ... not having had 9 years Thailand so far .... quite an encouraging thing to learn... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stroll Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Ever thought of switching your answer machine on? Later than lunchtime in Europe would be time to go home here. And perhaps he thought it was his duty to inform you at the start of his working day before being accused of failing to inform you before taking action, or wasting all day doing nothing to await your response? I am just guessing, sounds more like a practical issue than anything 'Asian'. Sorry if I keep missing the point here, I'll shut up now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andi Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 I am amazed how much more calm I am here. I have shrugged off the old me, who would shout abuse at people through the windscreen of my car, as they cut me up on the M1 everyday. I seem to have forgotten that this used to wind me up, as I pootle along on my honda wave. Oh sure... the Thai's are crazy drivers, but I don't seem to be in a huge rush to get places any more. Maybe it's the weather, sunshine has that effect on me. I find a smile goes a long way to diffuse a situation, and even prevent a situation arising in the first place. If someone is getting annoyed with me, a smile shows them that I can't be "got at" in the same way. However, I do feel the small blood vessel on the side of my head pump slightly faster when I absolutley know I am being ripped off. It got to me more a while back, but now I walk away. I find the loss of business infuriates 'them' even more. It's one of the positive things I'll take away from Thailand, how to be cooler and calmer, and generally prevent an early heart attack I hope. If all else fails, a walk on the beach at sunrise/sunset normally sorts me out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joinme2leave Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 yepp, the 'walk-on-the-beach'-solution is a good one. I shall work on that day after day... born with italian temper thow it may take quite some years to succeed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 by thai biz partner recently accused me of beeing very 'adaptable', so-to-say closer and closer into 'thai behaviour'.since most of my future private and biz life will be in asia (not necessarily in Thailand only) it seems to be that I am almost 'forced' to change my european attitude (sigh)..... BUT .... how to manage the real thai JAI YEN (cool heart) ??? how long did it take YOU (expats) to control your temper ??? Me -personally- I am quite confident in improving the 'thai way' but controlling my temper is another thing. I am not into drugs but maybe this would help ? Depeding on your heath, time and physical conditioning some form of martial arts might be just the ticket. I prefer kung <deleted> and had boxed for years. Work a heavy bag for 20 minutes. I guarantee you will get a attitude ajustment. As we get older the soft forms of martial arts are more reccomended. Qi Gong, Tai Qi. Very nice, good for health and heart... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Pepe whats your boxing background? As a boxer myself i have no respect for those whimpy kung <deleted> guys. I can walk right thru them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatter than harry Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 He used to be a contendah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeDanan Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Hi joinme2leave Take time and learn to meditate in the morning before you go to work. Have a Happy... DeDanan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Pepe whats your boxing background?As a boxer myself i have no respect for those whimpy kung <deleted> guys. I can walk right thru them Nam Kao, Got thrown off the football team in my freshmen year of high school for hitting the coach in the face with my helmet. Don't ask it's a long story. I was forced or at least coerced by Brother Valdez (former small time pro) the coach of my schools newly formed boxing team to "join" the boxing team or get expelled. This was a semi private catholic boys college prep school ijn Newark. The teachers were Irish Christian Brothers, in my opinion more, psyco than the Jesuits. Boxed at 147 welter weight state wide, Police Athletic League Jersey and New York, and Pennsylvania AC Dukas and fought some other small private clubs. Almost went Golden Gloves but never took the plunge. Lots of street fighting on Newark's streets though so I didn't miss much training. I was one of the the few white guys. Fought mostly Pueto Ricans, Black guys and always a few wacked Italian or Irish guys. Myself being one of the crazy Waps. Went on to fight for my company in the Navy while in boot camp. Then more fighting later for my squadron while on my tour of scenic Vietnam. Later Judo, Ju Jitsu, Tai Kwan Do and I wouldn't discount the Kung <deleted> to much. At least not some of the stuff I was taught. I used to love it. You have to to keep getting in the ring. And I use to be pretty good at it. Only two broken nose (non-dislocated) and right hand broken three times. Ah the foolishness of youth. It did seem like a good idea at the time. Now it's Qi Kung or Tai Qi for me. And a little heavy bag once in a while... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NedKelly Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 It is good to learn as much as you can about the Thai way and try to apply it to everything you do. Us Aussies say, "if you want something done right.....you've got to do it yourself"........ this helps me a lot in my office.......I have learned the way the staff think and react to different situations and now I know when I should act independently and follow something through to the finish, rather than wait for it to be done by staff. getting angry at the staff because YOUR expectations were not met is counterproductive. I believe that it is actually enlightening to not get angry in a situationthat you would normally just blow off your stack. If you can achieve it just once, you will be addicted to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spee Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 how to manage the real thai JAI YEN (cool heart) ???how long did it take YOU (expats) to control your temper ??? To accomplish this only cost me a few dollars and conscious effort to apply. Buy yourself a copy of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." IMHO, the teachings and advice can be applied to almost any culture. In fact, I think it helps one to try and understand the culture better, because your eyes are opened to more things than they would have observed before. It also helps to remove the "I", the "me" and the "self" from situations and look at them from other peoples' eyes. Finally, it very often teaches the reader how to place oneself in a secondary view, with respect to whom you are working or dealing. Once you work to apply these suggestions, your temper and emotions are almost automatically kept in check. The paperback version is only a few bucks. After that, the application is up to you. Chok dee ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rascal Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I've been here five years now. I speak Thai fluently and I'll let you in on a secret: Life isn't any easier just because you can speak Thai. They can still screw up all your orders at any restaurant. If you think that they don't try to cheat other Thais you're wrong. Thais are very opportunistic people. They don't discriminate when it comes to money. One thing I can't seem to get used to is the way they drive here. No place is worse than Pattaya! I'll die a young death for it. I'm slowly learning that it's more productive to smile and be nice than it is to scream and yell. It's been a long, long lesson, but I'm gettin' there. Leaving the country for a couple weeks always helps me appreciate Thailand more once I'm back. Just try to remember that it's 'not personal'. Whatever happens to you, happens to everyone - even the locals. Try to believe that Thai people generally mean well. They may do things differently, agonizingly slowly, or even wrongly, but not maliciuosly. Many of them are first generation city folks with very little experience regarding business, customer service, punctuality, formalities, etiquette, etc. Try to keep that in mind. Take a deep breath and FORCE a smile on your face when you're ready to explode. Hey, I might even start trying to practice what I preach. Lord knows nobody blows up with incredulity more often than I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Palmer Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Try at all times to keep a cool head. You will gain more respect and probably resolve a problem far easier by staying calm and - you guessed it - smiling. THINGS TO DO Pause – Delay response Take a deep breath Say "let me think about that" and delay your answer Count to ten and take a walk Visualize a pleasant memory or place in you mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darknight Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Try at all times to keep a cool head. You will gain more respect and probably resolve a problem far easier by staying calm and - you guessed it - smiling.THINGS TO DO Pause – Delay response Take a deep breath Say "let me think about that" and delay your answer Count to ten and take a walk Visualize a pleasant memory or place in you mind Don't agree you have to do that always. Dpending on the situation , sometimes biting their head off will get you alot better and quicker results then standing around and smiling. (whilest you there they , and you of course are losing face big time.) They will run to get rid of you and help you a lot quicker. Of course don't expect future service so you can only do it with certain situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Try at all times to keep a cool head. You will gain more respect and probably resolve a problem far easier by staying calm and - you guessed it - smiling. You have to keep cool. You lose your cool, you lose face or you make somebody lose face. With all the consequences, like it or not. How to keep it? I unfortunately have no miracle solution,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sendbaht Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 "how to manage the real thai JAI YEN (cool heart)" I keep Jai Yen though diet... Eat mostly veggies and not much death. It's a very calming diet.. Not saying anyone should do it, just stating it works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatter than harry Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Those vegetables all passed away in their sleep then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Back when Bangkok taxis didn't have meters (or A/C) it used to piss me off that I couldn't bargin for the best fare even though I could speak Thai well enough. So, I started letting the missus grab the cab while I stood around the corner and she did the bargining. Worked like a charm and I always got satisfaction at seeing the driver's irratation at being "had" by a Farang! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnniey Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Back when Bangkok taxis didn't have meters (or A/C) it used to piss me off that I couldn't bargin for the best fare even though I could speak Thai well enough. So, I started letting the missus grab the cab while I stood around the corner and she did the bargining. Worked like a charm and I always got satisfaction at seeing the driver's irratation at being "had" by a Farang! I remember those days, and still occassionally hide round the corner and let my wife get a tuk tuk. They especially rip off us farangs upcountry, but then again they don't mind being ripped off like those in Bangkok. Johnniey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
20yearsinthai Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 MEDITATION Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatter than harry Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 how drunk is blind drunk? Because A, IO can hardly focues B., Neither can the girls w' on the sauxce eith, and C, sleepy dwarf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Yes, that look that says "Aw, shitt, she's got a falang; I could have gone for 50% more!" is lovely, isn't it? Quite makes my day in Udon, KK, or BKK. Especially when it is a Chinese (one of the minority who let down the others). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john b good Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 If you are thinking of using drugs as a means to stay here then go back to where you came from. You have lost it. Another valuable asset to Thailand obviously you don't get the point of my questions. needless to discuss anything with you, sorry. Don't take offence "joinme2leave" as this guy is prone to typing faster than his brain is thinking. It's not the first stupid comment and I daresay it won't be the last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sendbaht Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Yes 20yearsinthai, meditation good point. Something I need to do more of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sendbaht Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 You make a good point Mr. fatter than harry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatter than harry Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 how drunk is blind drunk?Because A, IO can hardly focues B., Neither can the girls w' on the sauxce eith, and C, sleepy dwarf. <deleted>?! I have no recollection of posting that at all, sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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