Maybe working towards a sense of community is a better goal than trying to make friends with everyone

[Gecko123]

A lot has been written over the years about the difficulties of friendship between expats and Thais. No doubt there are challenges, particularly in a village setting: language and cultural barriers; Thai men can abruptly leave town due to divorce or work opportunities; people are busy and exhausted after long days in the field, it's tricky getting overly friendly with someone else's wife, socializing as couples can sometimes be awkward, etc., etc.

 

What I have started to wonder is if trying to develop a sense of community isn't a better, and perhaps, more realistic goal than trying to make friends with everyone. By community I mean a sense of belonging, mutual trust, and appreciation. Back in my home country, I rarely, if ever, experienced a sense of community, whether it was while living in cities or the suburbs. So building a sense of community isn't really something that I've ever really had as a goal. But coming up on my 20th year living in my village it has started to dawn on me that working towards being part of the community may be a better goal than necessarily trying to make friends with everyone.

 

In a very slow, low key way I've been building relations with the neighbors within about a half kilometer from my house by showing small kindnesses to mostly elderly women and families with disabled children. I have done this by giving away surplus vegetables from the garden, sun dried bananas, dog food made of soup stock bones and carcasses, fire wood from tree pruning, baked goods (oatmeal cookies and banana bread), and small cash gifts during holidays (New Year's and Songkran). As you can see, nothing lavish, or even overly generous, but over time it has built up a nice amount of goodwill, and, I believe, a sense of community. I never expect anyone to reciprocate, but I occasionally have received fresh farm milk, fruit, refreshments, or maybe once or twice a discount as a gesture of appreciation. Finally, a side benefit might be that the neighborhood dogs seem to bark at me a little less.

 

Would be interested in hearing from anyone who feels they have made inroads into their village community, how they did it, and any tips you might have to help further things along.

[bignok]

Easier to have 2 friends and ignore the rest. Headache having lots of friends.

[grain]

I live in a village, I'm the only farang in the village too, I keep to myself. Haven't made any friends and haven't made any enemies either. The locals aren't interested in me and I'm not interested in them. But I'm a loner by nature and happy enough just being with my wife. Other guys would no doubt have to find some friends locally. Up to you as they say.

[RanongCat]

Is maybe better not to try too hard. Most people Thai share surplus within family. Always showing having excess can be like an arroagant to some. be friendly but not think makes you friends.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

trying to develop a sense of community

How about going regularly to the temple, talk with the others about the winning lottery numbers, maybe some farmer small talk. Are you ready for this?

I think for most of us the difference between us and them is so large that basically it can't be overcome.

 

I think best case Thais will think that this one crazy farang is a little less crazy than the others - best case. 

[473geo]

I helped a guy stack his straw bales, as he was on his own, another one had a delivery of bales as I was passing so helped out, another had a piĺck up load of heavy rice bags to put in his shed so as I was passing helped him put them in, lady was stuck in a rut with a motorsi and side car, got her going, neighbour asked if I could drive his spare truck to drag one home with a clutch problem 

Yes hand out oatcakes and Banana muffins occasionally

 

Because it's just me 

 

Don't try to ingratiate myself, one farang bought bicycles for the village kids to go to school, gone now, never even met him, doubt he is remembered

I don't think I can ever be a fully fledged member of the community I like being me 

 

[youreavinalaff]

On 4/22/2023 at 2:03 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

How about going regularly to the temple, talk with the others about the winning lottery numbers, maybe some farmer small talk. Are you ready for this?

I think for most of us the difference between us and them is so large that basically it can't be overcome.

 

I think best case Thais will think that this one crazy farang is a little less crazy than the others - best case. 

If that really is your outlook, I sympathise.

[zzaa09]

Shouldn't be terribly surprised as to the backwardness and disconnect of Farang. 

It's what they are.

[Stevey]

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Edited April 26, 2023 by Stevey