How To Wai 102

[canadiangirl]

Hey guys,

I've always been very confused about the wai. I figured out a few basics (I think):

You can return the wai of service people to be polite, but you can also just nod. Don't wai first.

You can wai your group of friends when arriving or taking your leave (I've never actually done this, been too worried about looking silly, but I return their wai when they do it to me)

But most people I've met before have either been my friends, or service people. But what about when I start meeting more "important" people (my friends are important to me, but you know what I mean! ). Us Canadians are always concerned about being polite , so perhaps you can tell me if/how I should wai if:

- I need to talk to a policeman for some reason?

- at the immigration office?

- my friends' parents?

- the person interviewing me at a job interview

- my boss

- if someone who is not my close friend does me a big favor or helps me, should I wai?

- a monk walking down my street in the morning collecting alms

(I'll note that I'm a late-twenties female, since I know age affects who shows respect to who)

Am I likely to insult someone or look really ridiculous if I give them the wrong wai, or is there some leeway given for a good faith effort?

I particularly welcome answers from the Thai posters here, since they would know best, but anyone who can shed some light on how to be a person of good manners in Thailand is welcome!

Thanks!

[Mid]

How to: Wai properly

[kiakaha]

I've always been in 2 minds about the whole wai'ing thing.

I don't wai. Simple as that.

I like a good firm handshake.

That is my culture.

Sure I'm a guest here, but that doesn't mean I have to check my culture at the door and do everything the local way.

[Tywais]

How to: Wai properly

And another site > ThaiWaysMagazine

[Neeranam]

I wai someone if I respect them or want something from them. The position of the thumbs is important - ie at the mouth for teachers and parents, above the nose for monks etc.

[Khun Jean]

Knowing how to wai is also good to interpret the wais you will get.

Instant information in which class wai'ing people put you.

Edited July 16, 2007 by Khun Jean

[canadiangirl]

Thanks everyone for the info!

[villagefarang]

The ThaiWaysMagazine page would be my choice. Besides the pictures it also emphasizes the importance of "style" with a slow, graceful movement being preferred. As for you question about leeway being given for good faith effort. As foreigners we are forgiven a multitude of sins simply because we are foreigners. We are not locked into to the rules or classes that Thais are. We can easily gain access to all levels of Thai society unlike a Thai. That being said you will never go wrong by being overly polite. That goes for language as well. Even if the people around you don't speak the most polite Thai it behooves you to not get accustomed to impolite talk as you could too easily slip up in the wrong social environment. Later you can substitute nods for wais is some situations but in the beginning you should get accustomed to the wai. The more comfortable you feel with it the better you be at judging who and how and when.

[hotelier]

I've always been in 2 minds about the whole wai'ing thing.

I don't wai. Simple as that.

I like a good firm handshake.

That is my culture.

Sure I'm a guest here, but that doesn't mean I have to check my culture at the door and do everything the local way.

same here. I don't wai. None of my Thai friends (in their twenties) wai at me and if my staff/colleagues wai at me I would just nod or bow very slightly (for really older people)

Also notice my staff all wai differently, the position of the hands, the body angle...

[Payboy]

I like a good firm handshake.

after observing habits of people using public restrooms here, i started to wai......

[Minburi]

Easiest answer is not to wai at all. The Thai will expect you not to understand the reasons or levels of respect and who has more standing in a situation. And it does have many different levels from class to status to wealth and standing.

I have seen many falang many who think they are bringing respect by returning it or waiing first and really they appear foolish

with no concept of why. A nod or handshake is much safer IMO.

[RueFang]

This is what I do (I'm also late 20s female):-

- I need to talk to a policeman for some reason?

If it's on the street, talk first, wai when leaving as a thank you. If it's at the station wai once when leaving as a thank you for helping.

- at the immigration office?

Normally I wouldn't wai these people but if someone helps you out for a long time, it's polite to wai them when leaving to say thankyou.

- my friends' parents?

The first time you meet them, definately. When you are introduced and again when you leave. If you see them regularly, no need. Any old people that you meet generally, you should wai if you are introduced or if they are talking to you. Just think, if you would normally shake hands, give a wai

- the person interviewing me at a job interview

Definately (if they're Thai obviously!) Beginning, before you speak, again when leaving.

- my boss

I wouldn't think so because you see them everyday, but follow others lead..if Thai's wai them every time, follow suit because it shows you respect them.

- if someone who is not my close friend does me a big favor or helps me, should I wai?

Yes, it's polite for saying thank you.

- a monk walking down my street in the morning collecting alms

No. I always cross the road with my head down. Unless you're a strict Buddhist I don't think they expect foreigners to stop on the street and wai them.

I never wai check out chicks or restaurant waiters, etc but give them a nod as acknowlegement. You don't have to wai kids but they feel good if you give them a little chest level wai. My normal wai is with fingertips just under my nose...I don't care if it's the wrong place but it's what I see the most and feels comfortable so I go with it

Mostly I just watch what others do. Thais really appreciate the gesture and I find it quite amazing that some people don't wai in Thailand. It's like rejecting a handshake...how bad would you feel if you offered your hand for a handshake in your own country and they ignored it. I understand some people might feel silly wai-ing but if someone (non-service related) is wai-ing you, it is really impolite to not return it.

[RueFang]

Forgot to mention - women seem to wai a lot more than men! My husband wais older folk at parties, older relies he hasn't seen for months, and friends he hasn't seen for years but that's about it. On the other hand, his sister wais their parents when she leaves home for a week (instead of a hug I guess!) and even wais me when we haven't seen each other for a long time. Maybe women just like to show respect more

[Minburi]

This line explains alot

You don't have to wai kids but they feel good if you give them a little chest level wai. My normal wai is with fingertips just under my nose...I don't care if it's the wrong place but it's what I see the most and feels comfortable so I go with it

This is why people who Wai and don`t understand appear foolish.

[sbk]

Spot on all points Rue Fang. Except I do wai the upper level Immigration people. But, I have known most of them for years (well, to be honest, I've been going to that Immigration office since before all of them started working there). And most definitely wai the head Immigration officer on entering his office and on receiving my visa extension (or re-entry permit etc).

I think women do tend to wai more often, I will wai to my in-laws when going on a trip (like when I go back to visit my family every year). But I won't wai to them when I see them on a regular basis. I wai to the elderly relatives that I don't see very often but don't wai the ones I see all the time.

[thedude]

I've always been in 2 minds about the whole wai'ing thing.

I don't wai. Simple as that.

I like a good firm handshake.

That is my culture.

Sure I'm a guest here, but that doesn't mean I have to check my culture at the door and do everything the local way.

same here. I don't wai. None of my Thai friends (in their twenties) wai at me and if my staff/colleagues wai at me I would just nod or bow very slightly (for really older people)

Also notice my staff all wai differently, the position of the hands, the body angle...

there is merit to the argument that as a foreigner, one shouldn't wai, after all you have your culture too and thais generally do not expect foreigners to understand how to wai. BUT, as guest in their country, particularly if you are a long-staying one, it would serve you to at least understand the wai even if you dont use it.

i am more of the school that believes in selective use of the wai. use your EQ when deploying your wais! use it in the context that serves you the most. whether as a foreigner or not, nobody wais children or people younger than themselves, and nobody wais service staff, because they are doing it in the context of providing service and not in a context of recognising your specific status.

as a foreigner, sometimes you are accorded higher respect for maintaining your "foreign-ness", in such an instance, maintain foreign-ness. i find this to be the case when you need something done which is unusual or which may meet resistance, here you are in fact giving them a convenient excuse to do it. however, there are times when it would advantage you to show that you recognise and understand their inherent social structure, and by doing so, you would receive a better level of acceptance. for example, if you wai your immigration dept official (only the one who holds the stamp!) it would show that you recognise her superiority to you and she is thus obliged to grant you merit in accordance to your patronage of her.

you dont need to wai your friends on a one-to-one basis, but it serves you to wai the older friends when approaching them on a group basis. you are giving them face, which is good. in such an instance, you will find the younger ones will automatically wai you first, and should then return the wai to acknowledge them.

sometimes, things get more complex, if you go over to your friend's parents and wai each one individually, you are not only gaining better acceptance you are also giving your friend much credit in the eyes of her parents.

Edited July 17, 2007 by thedude

[canadiangirl]

Mostly I just watch what others do. Thais really appreciate the gesture and I find it quite amazing that some people don't wai in Thailand. It's like rejecting a handshake...how bad would you feel if you offered your hand for a handshake in your own country and they ignored it. I understand some people might feel silly wai-ing but if someone (non-service related) is wai-ing you, it is really impolite to not return it.

Hi RueFang,

thanks for taking the time to write this long reply; I found it really helpful!

I agree with you about the wai. Lately my city had been flooded with tourists, so I have renewed interest in the topic of good manners abroad. I think your analogy about rejecting a handshake is very good; personally I really appreciate visitors who make the effort to learn enough about my culture (to at least try) to behave with respect.

Edited July 17, 2007 by canadiangirl

[kmart]

Can anyone explain the origin of the wai?

The origin of the Western handshake is basically to show that the weapon-bearing hand is empty, therefore a friendly gesture of trust, etc. Is there any similar background / history to the wai?

I can give a reasonable wai if necessary. I prefer that to a flaky little limp handshake, tbh.

[toptuan]

Another helpful link: "How to Wai Your 'Hi' in Thai"

[PeaceBlondie]

Okay, so I'm easily confused and have a short attention span, but I've just browsed through the URL's that have appeared for this topic. Do two of the experts agree? Look at that photo of Hill Tribe children supposedly waiing the same person - two kids have their nose covered, and others have their fingertips well below their chin, and they've been learning this all their short lives. Here in this topic, isn't it confusing and complex? Does every Thai examine the height of our fingertips, the number of degrees we bow our heads? Do their heads all contain computers that balance our age, ethnicity, net worth, and proximity to somebody truly important?

Four years ago, as I started teaching in Thailand, I got waiied a hundred times a day, and I really don't understand it much better now. I wai all officials, because my life is in their hands. Anybody who's older than me deserves a wai just for having survived. Other than that, I've found that every time I've thrown my hands into the air and hit near my nose, I seemed to have done something more or less well.

Of course we should wai. But must we learn all the 99 rules?

[p_brownstone]

Personally I think that Farang tend to “think too much’ about the “Wai” particularly how to adjust the level of the hands, the inclination of the head etc. etc..

If you watch Thais you will see that each individual has more or less his / her own style and usage, there’s really no set rule.

As an example, at my usual Golf Course all Caddies will Wai their “Nai” on first meeting but I see literally dozens of different responses; some Members will totally ignore the gesture (which I personally think is rather impolite – but then, I’m a Farang!), others will give a casual response, a nod of the head or, barely looking at the Caddie, raise their hands to a level slightly below the breastbone, others will go to the other extreme and Wai with hands raised to the forehead – and yet others with every possible combination in between.

Patrick

[toptuan]

Of course we should wai. But must we learn all the 99 rules?

Ahem! 107 rules, to be exact! No wonder you've given up! (By the way, I think the hill tribe children were showing different styles of the wai, and were not trying to show a uniform example.)

Seriously, I tend to agree with PB. Thais appreciate any effort when we take a stab at it. Of course, they give us "foreigners' license" to goof up. At my school, students do everything from...

• coming to a dead-stop, putting down their books, and "wai-ing" with both hands, with a deep bow of the head....
  to...
  
• giving me a quick nod to get me outta their hair and keep going
  

Different folks, different strokes. I had a student who worked in the USA last summer at a fast food restaurant (Popeye's Chicken) in the heart of the southland. With the boss's ok, he decided to give every single customer a taste of Thailand. He greeted each one with a "wai" and "Sawadee Khrap." The customers were delighted, and even pulled him aside to explain the in's and out's of wais and other points of Thai culture. A great ambassador for Thailand, I'd say!

[petercool]

As an aging Brit with 4 decades here I "wai" a lot but mostly in response to Thais who "wai" me. The only people I "wai" first are those Thais known to be older than me and monks. It is not that hard to remember that you should never "wai" younger people first regardless of their status and that you can (respond with a "wai" to anyone who "wais" you first if you wish but not to beggars normally - but service staff is up to your discretion. The key is that if you are going to do it, do it with the same grace and dignity as the one who is "wai"-ing you and that may take some practice. To say that you will never "wai" because it is not your culture is like saying that you will never eat Thai food or speak Thai or do many things you do here that you never did where you came from. It is not demeaning, it does not equate with groveling even if it suggests a bit of humility - which is by no means a bad thing.

[qwertz]

Why wai?

Humility? No thank you.

I should wai after being rooked by paying farang prices for everything?

It's like asking a Thai to adopt European ettiquette and standards..

I think there's enough deference to Thai customs when we have to stand up for their national anthem.

They'll have to make do with a slight nod and a Germanic click of the heels from me.

Edited July 25, 2007 by qwertz

[petercool]

Why wai?

Humility? No thank you.

It's like asking a Thai to adopt European ettiquette.

I think there's enough deference to Thai customs when we have to stand up for their national anthem.

They'll have to make do with a slight nod and a Germanic click of the heels from me.

That's a pity.

You will just LOVE visiting Isreal ...

European etiquette ? Germanic heel clicks ? Would I as a Brit be expected to stand at a German national anthem ? Give us a break ....

[qwertz]

^

Oh, sorry, forgot to mention I'm a Brit.

And I don't even stand for the British national anthem, let alone the German one.

I pay for the privilege of living here, just as I do when I visit LOS.

No wais and wherefores.

[roietjimmy]

Choose to wai or not up to you but if you do, this link seems a good concise description of the wai.

http://www.thailandvoice.com/content/view/198/44/

[gampaan]

^

Oh, sorry, forgot to mention I'm a Brit.

And I don't even stand for the British national anthem, let alone the German one.

I pay for the privilege of living here, just as I do when I visit LOS.

No wais and wherefores.

What then DO you stand for? Do you thnk you're the only one who pays to live someplace...? Why even bother to visit a country you seem to have such contempt for...??

[roietjimmy]

Can anyone explain the origin of the wai?

The origin of the Western handshake is basically to show that the weapon-bearing hand is empty, therefore a friendly gesture of trust, etc. Is there any similar background / history to the wai?

I can give a reasonable wai if necessary. I prefer that to a flaky little limp handshake, tbh.

Below copied from two websites:

"The strongest cousin to the wai is the Indian Namaste which means welcome, relax and enjoy. Namaste, an Indian word is the highest form of greeting considered an honorable tribute from one being to another. The Chinese way of greeting, or 'Koh Kung', also uses the same handlike gesture. It's pretty obvious that Thai culture not only shares this tradition but was influenced a great deal by it.

Plus the Buddha is often shown in a similar pose with his hands clasped together as a sign of peace. Whether the origin of the wai comes from India, or China or perhaps sprung completely on it's own from the people that tamed Thailand eons ago the fact is it is Thailand. It's the heart and warmth of the Thai people and it is with grace, sincerity and beauty that it is offered."

"The origin of the wai comes from a concept that shows that your hands are free of weapons, and shares a common history of the modern western handshake (which is derived from the clasping of sword hands to show that you're not about to slice open or stab someone)"

[Valjean]

I'd just add to petercool comment about people older. There is an issue of rank or status.

For instance I wai my gf's parents when I first see them even though they are younger than me. Of course if the mom is staying with us I don't wai when I come home at the end of the day but if we haven't seen each other for a few weeks then on seeing her again I might wai (and might not depending on the situation - maybe she in the kitchen doing dishes when I walk in the house and it's just not necessary)

In business there are people of high or similar rank I meet and I wai. Especially in government. It is expected to show respect. If I take out my hand to shake they will accept but as a foriegn company doing business here I think it's important to show respect to Thailand.

I've also learned that it's important to not wai at times. My team, all Thai and all younger than me, have made it very clear that I should never wai them first even when I want to say a big thank you or they've really helped me. It's just uncomfortable for them and considered bad luck. OK for me to return a wai.

Another place that's good to wai is if you do public speaking to Thai audiences. When you get on stage you should wai and when you finish.

It is amazing to me that someone would come here to visit or live and take a stand to never do this. Thai's all adjust when they go to farangland and do things like shake hands. In business here they often offer their hand to me (in fact there is this funny dance when I wai and they start to shake hands). It is these little things that open the door to Thailand.

Edited July 26, 2007 by Valjean