maccado Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Hi all i am new to this forum allthough i have been reading it for a while Anyway the reason i have got around to posting is that basically i have a thai gf she is currently living in thailand and i am living in the uk, i have known her for about 6 months during which time i have been to thailand twice to see her and when i am not in thailand we are in regular contact. Anyway she is not a bargirl she has a full time job in an office and has never asked me for anything. I am planning on going to thailand to live with her for 6 months later in the year to see how we get on and see if anything serious becomes of it. Her english is not brilliant and she is keen to learn so i suggested she have lessons which i would pay for, she was very happy with this. Yesterday she got back to me to ask for 15,000 baht for english lessons at aua. Well i checked on the aua website and the real cost is actually about 2000 baht. I confronted her with this and she told me she needed money for her mum ...... Anyway i believe she is genuinely sorry for what she has done and she has promised she would never lie to me again ..... What do people think is there any chance of a future in this relationship could i learn to trust her again. Is she being genuine or should i get out of this now. I am open to any suggestions, ridicule or advice and i am not a troll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetjock Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 (edited) I think everyone has different standards as to what goes over the line of just being a small white lie and what is a major lie. If you had a girlfriend in the UK that lied to you in a very similar way, how would you treat the situation ? Just because she is Thai does not mean that you should change your standards of trust in people . I should mention that 2000 Baht would not get you far at AUA for English lessons and the 15000 Baht would be a more likely sum for any reasonable number of lessons so it confused me a little when she admitted that she lied to you. IMHO if you have checked it out thorougly and she did in fact lie to you, at the very least this type of behavior should throw up a big yellow warning flag to you. As for my personal standards, lies about money are major deal breakers when it comes to future trust. Good luck. Edited August 6, 2007 by jetjock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter991 Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I agree with Jetjock's reply. If she had asked for 3000 baht for a 2000 baht course and explained why she would like extra I could understand. Asking for 15000 baht, which is probably 2 months wages for her is way over the top in my opinion. I would send her 3000 baht (money for the course and some spending money) and inform her that is it until you visit her in Thailand - then play it very slowly. There are no guarantees that she either wants to scam you or that the 2 of you will live happily either after. Peter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 (edited) I wouldn't send her anything. The reason that this forum is full of cynical opinions about Thai women is that far too many guys ignored lies like this and got married anyway. You found out early on that this one is a liar that is trying to rip you off. Move on and wait for an honest girl. Don't turn yourself into the latest hard luck story. Edited August 6, 2007 by cdnvic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Personally it’s not so much what she lied about but it would make me upset because she had lied to me, period. If she’s lying about that in this early stage of the relationship, I wonder what else she will be fibbing about in the future! I too wouldn't take this lightly and would certainly be looking for a replacement Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Sending moeny to a 'girlfriend' in Thailand immediately changes the game. How many times have you funded a girlfriend back home beyond paying for a meal or drink that you are sharing together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maccado Posted August 6, 2007 Author Share Posted August 6, 2007 I agree with you about sending money changing the game but in my opinion paying for some english lessons is not the same as sending money on a regular basis. The idea was that it would be of benefit to both of us if it helped us to communicate better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAWP Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 As soon as you send money on their request a flag should be raised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Padkapow Guy Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Do not give her more than you are willing to lose. There are a 100 thai girls waiting to take her place. She struck out , next batter! PKG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I agree with you about sending money changing the game but in my opinion paying for some english lessons is not the same as sending money on a regular basis. The idea was that it would be of benefit to both of us if it helped us to communicate better. So next time spend the money on lessons learning to speak Thai. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I agree with you about sending money changing the game but in my opinion paying for some english lessons is not the same as sending money on a regular basis. The idea was that it would be of benefit to both of us if it helped us to communicate better. So next time spend the money on lessons learning to speak Thai. great idea...People over look this way too often. My wife would not let me take Thai lessons, she thought it would give me too much independence, my new girlfriend thinks learning Thai is a great idea... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasabi Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 To put it nicely, what is considered truth in our culture vs Thai culture is not the same. I believe the perception of this dilemma cannot be debated on this forum without upsetting at least half of the people. I think the best bet is never invest more financially or emotionally than you are prepared to walk away from because the risks are high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sukanyacondo Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 To put it nicely, what is considered truth in our culture vs Thai culture is not the same. I believe the perception of this dilemma cannot be debated on this forum without upsetting at least half of the people. I think the best bet is never invest more financially or emotionally than you are prepared to walk away from because the risks are high. Id like to discuss it pls. (Thai truths) pleaase elaborate Id walk away from her now before it gets involved this was my main worry when coming first time that I was going to get taken for a ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetjock Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 To put it nicely, what is considered truth in our culture vs Thai culture is not the same. I believe the perception of this dilemma cannot be debated on this forum without upsetting at least half of the people. I think the best bet is never invest more financially or emotionally than you are prepared to walk away from because the risks are high. Sorry but I have to respectfully disagree with 'wasabi' on this one. Just to make sure that I was correct, I just asked my Thai wife who has lived in both the American and Thai culture and is totally fluent in both languages as to whether she sees any difference in cultures in what is considered lying and her answer was that there is no difference. The interesting thing I just learned is that Thai's also understand the concept of what we call a 'white lie' but do not have a specific name for it as we do. Lying is the easiest way to destroy trust so it should always be one of the most important issues to consider before entering into any meaningful romantic relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxfordWill Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I agree with Wasabi. In my opinion her first thoughts could have been: "I dont know if he is serious about me, and since this is a great chance for me to make some money (for me or maybe even genuinely for my mum) I will take the chance, later on if he turns out to be a good guy I will not be so bad and maybe be more honest". or "Ive taken advantage of guys before, here is another opportunity" Assuming the mum problem was not a genuine disaster out of which she had no option but to try and scam someone, the above two are the most likely. The first option is better and maybe she might not be so bad, the second option is bad and you should avoid her. You cant tell which, so up to you if you give her another chance. I will say that I know some guys who have had girls make one mistake and learn from it and never repeat, and have gone on to have honest relationships. But the probability is not in your favour. From the western point of view what she did would elicit the response "get rid of her, she is a bad apple". But in this country truth is a different thing entirely, and the use or misuse of lies does not carry the same principled weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backflip Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 A GF that you only see every 3-6 months? Do you think she's sitting at home alone, pining for your return? You have a very low threshold for a "girlfriend" relationship...especially when she lies to you, and asks for money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jubby Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Its definately a yellow flag, see what she asks for next time. When I first met my wife, she was under tremendous pressure from Family members to assist them in a Financial way, they come from near and far with there tales of woe, come to think of it they still do. She must have resisted as I can't remember her asking for more money than I gave her though. She does look after her mother, they all do, no one else can or will. I have a great relationship with my wife, I've also spent too much on her screwed up family over the years. Its not Europe, just because your GF has a job and is earning her own money, doesn't mean she doesn't expect some of yours to sweeten the relationship. You'll spend a lot more than 15,000 baht in the Land of smiles ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumnien Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I know many men who tell little white lies regarding their intentions regarding faithfulness to the women they are dating. Some of them turn out to be fine husbands in the future. Don't be so hard on men and women lying early in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
November Rain Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I know many men who tell little white lies regarding their intentions regarding faithfulness to the women they are dating. Some of them turn out to be fine husbands in the future. Don't be so hard on men and women lying early in a relationship. Little white lies regarding faithfulness? Are there such things? What an interesting moral code you & your friends live by, mdeland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Taco Loco Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 And you have known her for 6 months. She works at an office and never was a bar girl. Prove it! You cannot. I would play her little game and send her or pay for the AUA class yourself via a bank transfer. I would also say no to her just to see her reaction. Does she answer her mobile afterwards? Is she angry? Does she say "never mind"? Inquiring minds wanna know. And the fact that she has never worked as a bar girl and is an office girl, it does not make her a "wirgin" either physically or morally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumnien Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Let me level with you, little Novy. On our first date, I proposed my undying love and said I'd be faithful to her the rest of this life and two more. On our third date, she asked me if I was in the local Hua Hin ap op nuat (massage parlor) at 3:30pm and I admitted yes. Haven't been unfaithful again; I hope this isn't too amoral for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 (edited) Let me level with you, little Novy. On our first date, I proposed my undying love and said I'd be faithful to her the rest of this life and two more. On our third date, she asked me if I was in the local Hua Hin ap op nuat (massage parlor) at 3:30pm and I admitted yes. Haven't been unfaithful again; I hope this isn't too amoral for you. Three whole dates? You really held out didn't you Seven day itch? Edited August 7, 2007 by cdnvic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumnien Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Let me level with you, little Novy. On our first date, I proposed my undying love and said I'd be faithful to her the rest of this life and two more. On our third date, she asked me if I was in the local Hua Hin ap op nuat (massage parlor) at 3:30pm and I admitted yes. Haven't been unfaithful again; I hope this isn't too amoral for you. Three whole dates? You really held out didn't you Seven day itch? Couldn't finish the post because my 2 year old boy needed some attention. We've been together five years now and happily married for four and look forward to our second child. I just wanted to point out that if you threw out every relationship where a man had lied in his quest for sex or a woman had lied in her quest for security, you'd throw out a lot of beautiful marriages and children on the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 You miss out on a lot of scam artists and philanderers too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumnien Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 We all must honor our personal requirements regarding risk aversion on one hand and a quest for adventure and fulfillment of our karmic destiny on the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirkGently Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 What strikes me is the fact she admitted to lying! Thais can stick to their lies when there are 50 witnesses and video evidence to show that their story is exactly that. As for the girl in question, who cares? You can proberbly afford it or you wouldn't be able to drop work for six months and come to Thailand. When you are here, staying with her will save you hotel rates and 'spending time' with her will save you from bar girls. One thing to remember, maybe she was testing your intentions towards her. By asking for what, in her opinion, was a huge sum of money she was checking her investment. If you think girls in the UK don't do the same, ask yourself this, how many unemployed men get girls? I say dont throw in the towel yet. She admitted she was in the wrong, which is a HUGE deal for a Thai. Maybe things will pan out well, but at least your eyes are open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bendix Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Is there anything - ANYTHING - so sad as a farang guy desperately trying to convince himself that what is obviously black is, in fact, white? Sad. Very sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rajah Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I suggest: Get yourself a copy of "Confessions Of A Bangkok Private Eye". You will find a chapter about the "bad good girls". She lied to you - and that should be the end of it. But that she admitted it is really strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirkGently Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 BENDIX, do you ever let your hair down? You seem so austere! Especially when sneering at other posters when they lack the ability to see what you can see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkPopularity Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 she didn't just lie the first time, she also lied the second time, she'll spend 2.000 on English, send her mum 3.000 and the rest ... well, she'll blow away shopping for crap ... good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.3b3332cc2256ad0edbc2fe9404feeef0.png)
.thumb.png.76be522b3b43e7458166b9dac9e422ed.png)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now