Horses (2)

[WillyL]

A man entered the Kentucky Derby with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before. The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.

The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner. "Is this horse unsound?" they asked.

"Not a bit," said the owner.

"In that case," asked the stewards, "why have you never raced him before?"

"Mister," said the man, "we couldn't even catch the critter until he was five years old."

A man observed a Roman Catholic priest went over to a horse and sprinkled it with holy water. The horse went on to win the race, streaking ahead of the opposition.

Before the next race he saw the priest go over to another horse and sprinkle it with holy water. Like the first horse it went on to win its race.

The guy said to himself that if the priest sprinkles another horse with holy water I am going to bet every penny I have on that horse. Sure enough, the priest went over to another horse and sprinkled it with holy water. So the guy went to a bookie and bet every penny he had on this horse.

Then the race started and the horse that the priest sprinkled with holy water dropped dead about 100 yards after the start of the race.

The guy was devastated. So he went over to the priest and said, "What's going on here? The last two horses you sprinkled with holy water went on to win their races, and this last one you sprinkled dropped dead after only 100 yards. I had put every penny I had on it's nose!"

The priest replied, "You're not Roman Catholic, are you?"

The guy admitted that he was not and asked, "But, how do you know that?"

The priest said, "Because you don't know the difference between giving a blessing and administering the last rights."

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named George.

The man asked for help. The farmer said George could pull his car out so he backed George up and hitched George to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” George didn't move. Then he yelled, “Come on, pull Ranger.” Still, George didn't move. Then he yelled really loud, “Now pull, Fred, pull hard.” George just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Okay, George, pull.” George pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, “Oh, George is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try.”

A man's car stalls on a country road. When he gets out to fix it, a horse in the nearby field comes up along side the fence and leans over by him.

"Your trouble is probably in the carburettor," says the horse.

Startled, the man jumps back and runs down the road until he meets a farmer. He tells the farmer his story.

"Was it a large white horse with a black mark over the right eye?" asks the farmer.

"Yes, Yes," the man replies.

"Oh, I wouldn't listen to her," says the farmer, "she doesn't know anything about cars."