Coming Home Blues!

[khall64au]

Have you had to deal with the coming home blues? What was it like? How'd you get over it? Or have you still got it ...?

(this is a favourite blog topic of late and do believe TV members can relate!)

[sbk]

You mean returning back to one's home country?

I don't usually get the blues, oddly enough. I look forward to seeing my family again, we are very close-knit. But then, I go for a holiday. As for the idea of returning home permanently, sorry, haven't done that

If you mean returning back to my home in Thailand after visiting my family, well I look forward to that too, miss my husband, my dogs and the weather

[khall64au]

I will begin. After 5 yrs in Thailand I have not yet been home (to my mother country)... and now seriously contemplating a re-visit. Luckily, my family are coming this month and I will have the benefit of loads of fun here in my adopted land.

However, after half a decade without the reality of motherland ruling my lifestyle, I'm slightly terrified that once landed back on birth soil - I will be arrested by the social police and locked away for my crime of leaving for so long. I have nightmares of being trapped and never being allowed to leave again.

Sounds silly, I know!

But hey, my ancestors were sent there for life just for stealing a handkerchief.....

[sbk]

Ah, that kind of returning. Well, I stayed away 7 years (long story but not because of family problems) and on my return felt a little overwhelmed by it all. The supermarkets were a major culture shock at first. But, it all came back to me (kind of like riding a bicycle ) and now I only have difficulties occasionally (tend to not wait for people when opening doors etc--been in Asia too long )

[JBL]

we spend about 6 weeks a year in LOS and I dont cope well with comming back home - Its all the little things I miss like the food and people and it comes as shock especialy when I put my work clothes on. I feels like my childhood of going from long summer holidays and back to school kicking and screaming.

I am in dream mode at the moment as its only 2 weeks until we are back in LOS

[GuestHouse]

I take the view that life is where I am, not where I might otherwise be.

Why waste your life pining for something you don't have?

[cdnvic]

My first day back in Canada after a few years in the south Pacific it snowed, That was my culture shock. Despite that I felt at home instantly.

[lazeeboy]

Ah, that kind of returning. Well, I stayed away 7 years (long story but not because of family problems) and on my return felt a little overwhelmed by it all. The supermarkets were a major culture shock at first. But, it all came back to me (kind of like riding a bicycle ) and now I only have difficulties occasionally (tend to not wait for people when opening doors etc--been in Asia too long )

been in thailand for 14 years ,never been or going back ,parents both dead ,kids come here , and i still open doors for people ,never forget your roots ...............

[rixalex]

Ah, that kind of returning. Well, I stayed away 7 years (long story but not because of family problems) and on my return felt a little overwhelmed by it all. The supermarkets were a major culture shock at first. But, it all came back to me (kind of like riding a bicycle ) and now I only have difficulties occasionally (tend to not wait for people when opening doors etc--been in Asia too long )

been in thailand for 14 years ,never been or going back ,parents both dead ,kids come here , and i still open doors for people ,never forget your roots ...............

It can be difficult to remember all your roots, if you've had a lot...

[kmart]

I do a bi-annual "perspective-check" and thoroughly enjoy it. Always good to see my family and old friends.

[cdnvic]

After years of visa runs, immigration officers, keeping passports with you and filling out forms it's nice to just be someplace you belong where you have every right to be regardless of what happens.

[Tootah]

After years of visa runs, immigration officers, keeping passports with you and filling out forms it's nice to just be someplace you belong where you have every right to be regardless of what happens.

very well put.

[stevenjm]

How do you cope?

Not very well. This is a very good question as I found out for myself after being in asia for several years and then recently having to return to aus for reasons beyond my control. In my case I have found I have become asianised so to speak and that its probably similar to what long term prisoners refer to as institutionalisation from being in one place for so long.

Difficulties - loss of friends, climatising(its freezing here for me), food, lifestyle, putting up with new pathetic laws that I do not even know about most of the time, attitudes, diiferent goals etc etc etc

Am used to dead bodies being left on the road for hours but here you now have to follow your pet dog around if walking and pick up its shit with a plastic bag or get fined. WHAT THE F.........

ps. back to asia soon.

Am now seeing a phsychologist largly in part to this reason and she is the one that pointed out to me that this a very real phenonomen and happens to a lot of people who have to return to country after living elsewhere for long period.

Edited September 8, 2007 by stevenjm

[meom]

They even have a word (or three) for it; reverse culture shock it's called I believe.

First there is the moment of elation when you meet familiar people that you left behind so many years ago, when you walk the same streets as before etc.etc. After a while this feeling disappears and you start to feel irritated because things are not as they used to be, people have changed, rules and whatever have changed etc. so you start whinging about everything and long to go back where you came from. After a while this feeling also disappears, you start to feel comfortable again and slowly forget about the place you left.

[samran]

The only shock you'll get going back to OZ is how F#$$%% expensive it is.

Other than that, withi 2 days you'll be re-adjusted. Within one month the first sentence you offer in conversation won't begin with "well in thailand....."

Have a safe trip HOME.

[tutsiwarrior]

if you see my posts from two months ago you can see what being away for 20 years can do...it's bad enough that I'm a west coast boy but Phila. was too much to handle...

I had to get a medical certificate and the doctor said 'lordy...you got sum major issues...' ...walked outta his office with scripts for xanax and high BP medicine...never had those probs in my life...on the other hand, there was a Taco Bell nearby and good deli sandwiches down by the office...however, 'the sound of gunfire, out in the distance' is something ye don't ever get used to...(apologies to the Talking Heads dude...)

just now my entire body is still tingling from a massage administered by my thai sister in law...she is a brutaliser but it hurts so good ...as she was kneading the guts outta me her daughter (my beautiful 11 y.o. niece Boh) was dislocating the joints in my fingers...then the mother in law appeared and said 'he needs sum of this...' and grabbed an ankle, put her foot on my groin and yanked...three generations of thai women working over their loving son/brother in law/uncle...tutsi is welcomed home and in falang heaven...

[stevenjm]

The only shock you'll get going back to OZ is how F#$$%% expensive it is.

Yeh, like the 16 dollars you have to pay for a packet of cigarettes from being a nervous wreck or the 150 dollars you have to pay for a phsychologist to deal with adjusting to a lifestyle thats just now foreign to you and all in all is not what you want and the reason you relocated to asia in the first place.

[Jet Gorgon]

I was away over 20 years, about 10 in LOS. Technically, I'm not an alien back here, but in every other way, I definitely am.

Here are some tips: Ensure you cross the road at the lights, put the tissue down the toilet, not in the bin, and never put a cut cucumber back in your mum's fridge without sealing it securely in cling wrap. Don't wai anybody. Learn to get attention by saying, Excuse me!, coz Nong doesn't work. Give yourself at least three months before you go to a shopping mall. Give yourself six months to get a job, because even doggy daycare wants three LOCAL references and NOBODY will believe what's on your CV anyway. Then feel requited by freelancing for a big company in the States who pays more per hour than the poor sods at doggy daycare make in a day.

Basically, you move home, you are not special anymore and your tax rate just jumped to 42%. Bien venue Canada.

Tutsi, I hate you.

Edited September 8, 2007 by Jet Gorgon

[tutsiwarrior]

Tutsi, I hate you.

I declare my love for you publically for you to abuse me in this way???...check it out, fellas...can't win fer losin'...

[stevenjm]

I was away over 20 years, about 10 in LOS. Technically, I'm not an alien back here, but in every other way, I definitely am.

Here are some tips: Ensure you cross the road at the lights, put the tissue down the toilet, not in the bin, and never put a cut cucumber back in your mum's fridge without sealing it securely in cling wrap. Don't wai anybody. Learn to get attention by saying, Excuse me!, coz Nong doesn't work. Give yourself at least three months before you go to a shopping mall. Give yourself six months to get a job, because even doggy daycare wants three LOCAL references and NOBODY will believe what's on your CV anyway. Then feel requited by freelancing for a big company in the States who pays more per hour than the poor sods at doggy daycare make in a day.

Basically, you move home, you are not special anymore and your tax rate just jumped to 42%. Bien venue Canada.

Tutsi, I hate you.

Agreed. Especially the shopping centre thing and the crossing at lights, can be a real problem when looking the wrong way when crossing the road. Also can find yourself driving on the wrong side sometimes which leaves you totally confused. Also agree on the job but for different reasons - you will feel like such a fish out of water that working is the last thing on your mind. Not sure how long this all lasts as have only been back 5 weeks. Oh and your money only lasts about a fifth as long so your in finance trouble very fast and wondering what the hel_l you can do to get back to your normal asian life.

[Jet Gorgon]

^ True, Steven. I think I'd die if I had to commute and work in an office here. I'm lucky in that respect -- switch on the coffee pot, crank up Betsy desktop and work away. Take breaks every half hour for a smoke and a cuddle with the neighbours' dogs. I only dress up to go to shopping, etc; dunno why I bother, they all look like I do when I'm in my sweats, except I'm about 60kg lighter.

Tutsi, I hate you.

I declare my love for you publically for you to abuse me in this way???...check it out, fellas...can't win fer losin'...

That's wimmin for ya. If you'd stuck to the rice cooker, we'd still be Romeo and Juliet.

[stevenjm]

One more thing, everybody seems really big when you come back. Funny you should mention the dog, I just got one to help relax me but the ###### thing is a border collie and runs around all day like a <deleted> maniac biting and humping legs and chewing up everything in site - may have to trade it in for a cat or smash it on the head to slow it down.

[Jet Gorgon]

^ oooh, border collies need lots of exercise and training -- they love commands. See Sbk's frisbee vid in the pet forum. You have to run her a few k twice a day.

[mark henry]

Unlike the rest of you guys (lucky guys at that) i can only holiday in LOS with my wife (Thai) every 12-18 months. Been 7 times now, miss it as soon as we board the plane for Blighty and start planning for the next trip as soon as i get back home!

[siamamerican]

As a previous poster stated, Asia is like the summer vacation of our youths. It isn't fun returning to the real world of work and goals. For most of us, this is the only option.

I lived in Thailand for 4 years, before returning to the US. Within a year, I adjusted and was happy. I still miss Thailand though in much the same way I missed summer vacations. Dreams of waking up and dodging scooters, sucking in exhaust, eating at one of hundreds of places within a short walk, hanging at a bar until 3am and not worrying about tomorrow,...

Sh*t, now I'm depressed. In an hour, I'll be on my mountain bike and the memories will be more distant.

Try to make the best of where you're at, regardless if circumstances permitted, you would rather be somewhere else.

Edited September 8, 2007 by siamamerican

[kat]

They even have a word (or three) for it; reverse culture shock it's called I believe.

First there is the moment of elation when you meet familiar people that you left behind so many years ago, when you walk the same streets as before etc.etc. After a while this feeling disappears and you start to feel irritated because things are not as they used to be, people have changed, rules and whatever have changed etc. so you start whinging about everything and long to go back where you came from. After a while this feeling also disappears, you start to feel comfortable again and slowly forget about the place you left.

I'm so glad you wrote this, because I'm at the stage where I'm missing LOS just a little bit. But in all honesty, I think it is just because I was so miserable at my job. On the one hand, I was glad to find a good, professional job and place to live within 4 months, but I have been miserable at that job. So now that I have made the decision to leave, I have prolonged my "adjustment" period. Life is going to be as uncertain as ever now, because of all this sub-prime furor, and I work at a housing non-profit. The economy has already started to downturn, and I'm walking out of a job. Which is worse: to be so unhappy as to hyperventilate just thinking about going to work, or to take a leap and trust in your survival instincts? I chose the latter.

I was away over 20 years, about 10 in LOS. Technically, I'm not an alien back here, but in every other way, I definitely am.

Here are some tips: Ensure you cross the road at the lights, put the tissue down the toilet, not in the bin, and never put a cut cucumber back in your mum's fridge without sealing it securely in cling wrap. Don't wai anybody. Learn to get attention by saying, Excuse me!, coz Nong doesn't work. Give yourself at least three months before you go to a shopping mall. Give yourself six months to get a job, because even doggy daycare wants three LOCAL references and NOBODY will believe what's on your CV anyway. Then feel requited by freelancing for a big company in the States who pays more per hour than the poor sods at doggy daycare make in a day.

Basically, you move home, you are not special anymore and your tax rate just jumped to 42%. Bien venue Canada.

Tutsi, I hate you.

Yeah, you are so right. I hear you loud and clear on the freelancing. Screw these people - I am beholden to no one, and I will not be someone's defacto indentured servant because of fear. It is so hard to be a middle manager and have to re-enter the economy at a certain age after being gone, because people who are less experienced are now interviewing me as their potential subordinate, only because of the time factor. It's not only a pride thing for me, but an issue for them. It's a very awkward situation to be in. I hated middle-management to begin with, and now like some extended purgatory I am placed right back there as a penance for leaving. It sucks, but I see no way around it if I want to work my way back in, eventually. Unless of course, I completely change direction and establish myself in another professional direction, which I'm also working on at the moment.

But in terms of leaving my current job, I'll <deleted>' temp, or even work at the local grocery while I get through before I allow a place to own me or steal my health and self-esteem. One thing that you've got that they don't: you lived in a completely foreign country and survived. That's what I'm telling myself these days when I start to fear the unknown here.

Anyway, that's how it feels to be home right now, since you asked. It is rough, and I wish I could brag that I re-entered in 4 months, but reality has shown me it's not that simple if I want to be happy and secure.

*typo

** (BTW, October will be a year that I've been back)

Edited September 8, 2007 by kat

[siamamerican]

Yeah, you are so right. I hear you loud and clear on the freelancing. Screw these people - I am beholden to no one, and I will not be someone's defacto indentured servant because of fear. It is so hard to be a middle manager and have to re-enter the economy at a certain age after being gone, because people who are less experienced are now interviewing me as their potential subordinate, only because of the time factor. It's not only a pride thing for me, but an issue for them. It's a very awkward situation to be in. I hated middle-management to begin with, and now like some extended purgatory I am placed right back there as a penance for leaving. It sucks, but I see no way around it if I want to work my way back in, eventually. Unless of course, I completely change direction and establish myself in another professional direction, which I'm also working on at the moment.

But in terms of leaving my current job, I'll <deleted>' temp, or even work at the local grocery while I get through before I allow a place to own me or steal my health and self-esteem. One thing that you've got that they don't: you lived in a completely foreign country and survived. That's what I'm telling myself these days when I start to fear the unknown here.

Anyway, that's how it feels to be home right now, since you asked. It is rough, and I wish I could brag that I re-entered in 4 months, but reality has shown me it's not that simple if I want to be happy and secure.

*typo

** (BTW, October will be a year that I've been back)

If it makes you feel any better, It was awful the first 6 months after returning home. Depressing would be an understatement. I left a high paying job to travel and eventually live in Thailand. Upon returning to the states, I could not get a descent job, even with all the effort I put into finding one. It took me about 8 months before I found semi-rewarding employment.

I started to doubt my choice to travel instead of building a career. Stupid - the experiences I had traveling will be with me for life, and the 8 months of hel_l are now only a fleeting memory. You made a choice to live an alternative lifestyle and now you're realizing the consequences. When I was depressed, I always reminded myself that if I had to do it all over, I would again choose the less traveled path.

For what it is worth, I think leaving your unsatisfying job was the right choice. Try your best to choose a better job next time, even if it means temping until you find that job. The worst thing you can do is jump from one job to another after Thailand's employment gap. I cleaned pools for 6 months in Arizona. I hated everyday, but eventually got back on track professionally.

It takes a little luck to get back in the game, but if you keep trying I'm sure your luck will change.

[qualtrough]

I go back once a year to visit my parents and sisters. I enjoy the visit, and delight in observing the changes that have taken place in my absence. Here are twp examples of what I am talking about: On one trip I suddenly noticed that I was pouring my own drinks at fast food joints, whereas when I left the US they were poured for you. On another trip I suddenly found I was confused at the checkout counter by those machines you swipe with your credit card. Stuff like that makes my day. While those living in the US probably don't notice them because they took place incrementally, they stand out to me as abrupt changes because of my long absence.

[ronz28]

The internet is always there to give you a view of Thailand. You can watch Thai television over the internet too. There are plenty of books on Thailand and a few audio books on Thailand at Audible.com if you are not into a lot of reading. Also there is always a meal at a Thai restaurant for a real taste of Thailand. Our local Thai temples and Thai associations also have periodic holiday fund raisers where many of the Thais in the area will turn out for a Thai meal, Thai CDs, VCDs, etc. for sale and often a beauty contest....all to raise funds to support the local Buddhist temple. Look for a Thai association in your area.

[ronz28]

They do go overboard on punishment in the U.S....25 years for robbing $17 of burgers and fries from Sonic... Then another 15 years for shooting a hole in a van in a nearby town the same night. They should be punished for that wild behavior but no one was hurt and I am not happy as a taxpayer to spend $55,000 a year to jail someone over a bag of burgers and fries.

http://www.statesman.com/search/content/ne...907robbers.html