Coming Home Blues!

[Mighty Mouse]

The only shock you'll get going back to OZ is how F#$$%% expensive it is.

Expensive??....yes, but only if you buy your groceries at Woolworths or Coles.

....or live in N.S.W.

Edited September 9, 2007 by Mighty Mouse

[Jockstar]

I guesss you could ask. 'Where is home?" I am from Scotland but havent lived there for about 13 years. I lived in London for years and called that home. I lived in Bangkok for 5 years and called that home. I now live in Sydney and this feels like home now. But Scotland is where i grew up and where most of my family are. But i dont really call it home anymore. But it does scare me if i had to move back. I can see a way to make money where my folks are. There is no Thai restaurant there. We could make a killing if we opened one. But i'm not willing to give up my home here to move back the shitty freezing cold weather of Scotland. Also as much as i'm proud to be Scottish i wouldn't want to bring my kids up in the UK. But thats my choice.

[Jockstar]

Expensive??....yes, but only if you buy your groceries at Woolworths or Coles.

....or live in N.S.W

Very true.

[stevenjm]

Boils down to three things:

1 - How long you have been gone from your country of origin.

2 - where you have been living

3 - if you have been living asian lyfestyle

A person for example who lives in Pattaya with plenty of westerners around and plenty of western influence is not going to have too much of a bad time adjusting.

But a person who has been gone for a while and lived away from western tourist spots and living asian lifestyle is most likey going to have ###### hard time.

[siamamerican]

Boils down to three things:

1 - How long you have been gone from your country of origin.

2 - where you have been living

3 - if you have been living asian lyfestyle

A person for example who lives in Pattaya with plenty of westerners around and plenty of western influence is not going to have too much of a bad time adjusting.

But a person who has been gone for a while and lived away from western tourist spots and living asian lifestyle is most likey going to have ###### hard time.

Don't think it is that simple. For me, it was the quality of life adjustment. Life was easier and more enjoyable in Thailand. Life in the west is more demanding. I didn't live an Asian lifestyle. I lived as most Farangs in Thailand live, which is very well. I missed Thailand immensely upon returning home, but, just like getting dumped, it got better each day.

It might be more difficult if you lived away from tourist destinations. Never done it for more than a week or two, so I have no idea.

[Suszzy]

i've been away from los for quite a long time now.

but everytime i came back to visit i feel a bit like

i'm an outsider!!

[stevenjm]

It might be more difficult if you lived away from tourist destinations. Never done it for more than a week or two, so I have no idea.

Guess I cannot comment on people living permanent tourist lifestyle with other westerners either as have done little of that myself.

But fall into the other side of the above 3 categories and its extremely hard. Give me dumping by a girlfriend over adjusting in oz anyday.

can even find yourself answering somebody in the wrong language sometimes and they look at you like youve just had some sort of spastic reaction.

Edited September 9, 2007 by stevenjm

[kat]

Yeah, you are so right. I hear you loud and clear on the freelancing. Screw these people - I am beholden to no one, and I will not be someone's defacto indentured servant because of fear. It is so hard to be a middle manager and have to re-enter the economy at a certain age after being gone, because people who are less experienced are now interviewing me as their potential subordinate, only because of the time factor. It's not only a pride thing for me, but an issue for them. It's a very awkward situation to be in. I hated middle-management to begin with, and now like some extended purgatory I am placed right back there as a penance for leaving. It sucks, but I see no way around it if I want to work my way back in, eventually. Unless of course, I completely change direction and establish myself in another professional direction, which I'm also working on at the moment.

But in terms of leaving my current job, I'll <deleted>' temp, or even work at the local grocery while I get through before I allow a place to own me or steal my health and self-esteem. One thing that you've got that they don't: you lived in a completely foreign country and survived. That's what I'm telling myself these days when I start to fear the unknown here.

Anyway, that's how it feels to be home right now, since you asked. It is rough, and I wish I could brag that I re-entered in 4 months, but reality has shown me it's not that simple if I want to be happy and secure.

*typo

** (BTW, October will be a year that I've been back)

If it makes you feel any better, It was awful the first 6 months after returning home. Depressing would be an understatement. I left a high paying job to travel and eventually live in Thailand. Upon returning to the states, I could not get a descent job, even with all the effort I put into finding one. It took me about 8 months before I found semi-rewarding employment.

I started to doubt my choice to travel instead of building a career. Stupid - the experiences I had traveling will be with me for life, and the 8 months of hel_l are now only a fleeting memory. You made a choice to live an alternative lifestyle and now you're realizing the consequences. When I was depressed, I always reminded myself that if I had to do it all over, I would again choose the less traveled path.

For what it is worth, I think leaving your unsatisfying job was the right choice. Try your best to choose a better job next time, even if it means temping until you find that job. The worst thing you can do is jump from one job to another after Thailand's employment gap. I cleaned pools for 6 months in Arizona. I hated everyday, but eventually got back on track professionally.

It takes a little luck to get back in the game, but if you keep trying I'm sure your luck will change.

Yes, it helps a lot, SA. Thank you. My employment gap in Thailand isn't too bad, because I did a lot of independent research and have references. It is the economy that scares me and being vulnerable as an "outsider" in all of this mess. Once you are in the permanent working economy after 6 months it is not as bad, but with all of these fluctuations I am still vulnerable.

But, as someone said very aptly ( I think it was Guesthouse on this thread: you have to enjoy your life wherever it may find you to be. That's what I'm working on).

*And somehow cleaning pools sounds like a picnic compared to the professional nightmare I just emerged from. I am actually looking forward to being a dog-walker or something like that for a little while if I can't find anything acceptable that's not a set up.

Edited September 9, 2007 by kat

[siamamerican]

Yes, it helps a lot, SA. Thank you. My employment gap in Thailand isn't too bad, because I did a lot of independent research and have references. It is the economy that scares me and being vulnerable as an "outsider" in all of this mess. Once you are in the permanent working economy after 6 months it is not as bad, but with all of these fluctuations I am still vulnerable.

But, as someone said very aptly ( I think it was Guesthouse on this thread: you have to enjoy your life wherever it may find you to be. That's what I'm working on).

I have a lot of respect for gusethouse. I envy his success in all his endeavors. Most of us don't possess the ability to live his life, but none the less can still live a fullfeeling(spelling) life. I've had many people tell me that my success is a product of my personal drive. Sure, I'm driven to a fault at times, but I'll be the first to admit luck has played a major role. It seems, I have randomly stepped into great opportunities. With that said, I think with perseverance, most find what they need to have a nice life. Don't give up!!!!

Have you ever cleaned pools in Arizona after the monsoons? I can't imagine anything worse. 115 degrees Fahrenheit and plucking rattle snakes and rabbits from the filters. To top it off, I was cleaning pools for some of the people I went to high school with.

Edited September 9, 2007 by siamamerican

[kat]

Yes, actually, that does sound bad. I can totally empathize.

[khall64au]

Just had a call from a friend here on Phuket to say she is heading back to Oz after 7 yrs. "I just can't get ahead here anymore," she lamented. Despite now in a well-paying job, the costs of staying legal and raising a daughter are just too much.

This past year, quite a few of my long-time Phuket friends have departed for their mother country. The walls are beginning to echo after years of good times ... responsibilties chase us all, how to cope when they catch us?

Most seem to be getting on ok- past the 'reverse-culture shock' stage. I think GuestHouse is right about making a good life no matter where you are (despite his heavy presence on this Thailand forum!)

Hats off also that ThaiVisa is such a great forum for everyone to stay connected and share their lives no matter what location we currently call home.

[siamamerican]

Agreed, a great forum, even with the irrational rantings. Actually, the rantings are at times the most enjoyable. For us past ex pats, the forum allows us in spirit to be in LOS.

Not sure if it helps getting over Thailand. It's hard to leave such a wonderful country and not look over your shoulder on occasion. It is like dating your ex and extending the pain.

[seonai]

Khall - the truth is it ain't easy or pleasant but you do adjust after a few months. Personally I am far more at home in LOS than anywhere else, no idea why... it's in my blood

[en184]

After spending a year in SG coming home was auful, especially since I had lost my contract and girlfriend, but that was in 2002. I was shivering, cold all the time, crying, spent half the day in bed, suffered depression, went to see a doctor for some anti depressants, etc... To make matters worse, the ex girlfriend, kept demanding money, (while seeing another man at the same time (thai girls, in my experience, jump ship at the first sign of economic weakness of a partner).

But that was then.. Luckily, I set a plan in motion to turn things arround.

Now, I go to Thailand 2 or 3x per year, I have a newgirlfriend, a biggish condo in pattaya, and I make alot more money than when I was in Singapore. So, I dont dread coming back any more, but it is still depressing and lonely.

I realise, there are good and bad points about the UK / Europs and asia. Not everything in TH/SG is good. For example, a work or residence permit is dependant either on your job, or your investments or whatever. But, when the job or the money stops, you residence permit is withdrawn, and you may be forced to leave the country. In SG, if your contract ends, you got 2 weeks to leave. Also, it is very easy to invest money into thailand, not allways so easy to get it out (offcourse, you probably would not want to take it out, as it would be more fun to spend it in pattaya). And, remember, it is not possible to buy a freehold house in thailand. When things dont go well, there is no where to turn for help in South east asia. Your on your own.

In the UK or Europe, it is relatively easy to make alot of money, if you are well skilled. If the money is invested wisely, can provide a steady stream of rental cheques or dividends, which you can later use to retire in Thailand.

[tutsiwarrior]

^ True, Steven. I think I'd die if I had to commute and work in an office here. I'm lucky in that respect -- switch on the coffee pot, crank up Betsy desktop and work away. Take breaks every half hour for a smoke and a cuddle with the neighbours' dogs. I only dress up to go to shopping, etc; dunno why I bother, they all look like I do when I'm in my sweats, except I'm about 60kg lighter.

Tutsi, I hate you.

I declare my love for you publically for you to abuse me in this way???...check it out, fellas...can't win fer losin'...

That's wimmin for ya. If you'd stuck to the rice cooker, we'd still be Romeo and Juliet.

tutsi is silent as he has been warned...otherwise the retort would be swift, explosive and brutal...

(I sure do like the word brutal...it is not 'I'll kick yer ass up an' down the street...it is 'I shall brutalise you...'...images of Popeye and Brutus come to mind...a famous Spanish epithet; 'que es un bruto!...'...ignorant, violent, etc, etc...)

Edited September 9, 2007 by tutsiwarrior

[khall64au]

After spending a year in SG coming home was auful, especially since I had lost my contract and girlfriend, but that was in 2002. I was shivering, cold all the time, crying, spent half the day in bed, suffered depression, went to see a doctor for some anti depressants, etc... To make matters worse, the ex girlfriend, kept demanding money, (while seeing another man at the same time (thai girls, in my experience, jump ship at the first sign of economic weakness of a partner).

But that was then.. Luckily, I set a plan in motion to turn things arround.

Now, I go to Thailand 2 or 3x per year, I have a newgirlfriend, a biggish condo in pattaya, and I make alot more money than when I was in Singapore. So, I dont dread coming back any more, but it is still depressing and lonely.

I realise, there are good and bad points about the UK / Europs and asia. Not everything in TH/SG is good. For example, a work or residence permit is dependant either on your job, or your investments or whatever. But, when the job or the money stops, you residence permit is withdrawn, and you may be forced to leave the country. In SG, if your contract ends, you got 2 weeks to leave. Also, it is very easy to invest money into thailand, not allways so easy to get it out (offcourse, you probably would not want to take it out, as it would be more fun to spend it in pattaya). And, remember, it is not possible to buy a freehold house in thailand. When things dont go well, there is no where to turn for help in South east asia. Your on your own.

I guess that is why so many of my friends are now out of here - despite many years of 'giving it a go!"

In the UK or Europe, it is relatively easy to make alot of money, if you are well skilled. If the money is invested wisely, can provide a steady stream of rental cheques or dividends, which you can later use to retire in Thailand.

Retirement - all my retired expat friends now tell me - "Thailand is a great place to spend part of the year!" Which is EXACTLY the theme I wrote in a recent property article. I can feel a business idea coming on....

[Jet Gorgon]

That's wimmin for ya. If you'd stuck to the rice cooker, we'd still be Romeo and Juliet.

tutsi is silent as he has been warned...otherwise the retort would be swift, explosive and brutal...

(I sure do like the word brutal...it is not 'I'll kick yer ass up an' down the street...it is 'I shall brutalise you...'...images of Popeye and Brutus come to mind...a famous Spanish epithet; 'que es un bruto!...'...ignorant, violent, etc, etc...)

Bruto...he's my cleaning maid.

[tutsiwarrior]

That's wimmin for ya. If you'd stuck to the rice cooker, we'd still be Romeo and Juliet.

tutsi is silent as he has been warned...otherwise the retort would be swift, explosive and brutal...

(I sure do like the word brutal...it is not 'I'll kick yer ass up an' down the street...it is 'I shall brutalise you...'...images of Popeye and Brutus come to mind...a famous Spanish epithet; 'que es un bruto!...'...ignorant, violent, etc, etc...)

Bruto...he's my cleaning maid.

miz jet likes a bit ob rough??