Thai/farang Young/old Relationships

[Maigo6]

Hey, I can do the nerdy stuff too. Women like that.

lol................ Nice one ET.

[Maigo6]

Any idea what the girls in Thailand charge Japanese Tourists for that service... some more than that...

Any Idea what a Western girl will charge in Tokyo ? Or do you think that western girls don't do that type of thing ?

Careful with you answer, I'm in Roppongi !

Edited September 14, 2007 by Maigo6

[siddv]

Ok... now I'm being called the ambulance chaser...the atty with ONLY 1 million..and being asked if I've ever heard of a "pre nup" ....Ok I quit! Its my opinion that this thread has run its course. Its been interesting I must say...and thank you so much for all those that took the time to chime in no matter what you had to say.So let me ask one last thing should I pop the question at Sirroco or in Phuket ...maybe along the beach in front of the Amari in the evening on a good sunset.

[dumspero]

How pathetic that people are attacking the OP because of his occupation and money. As others have noted, a million US is actually a rather humble amount of money for a professional in the US at 49, and in fact the OP seems to have written that would be his savings at some point in the future.

I's ok if you're an English 'teacher' in Thailand, don't have any money and just 'date' bar girls. But be adults. No need to put down others who, because of their more normal (not extraordinary) lives have real jobs and some cash. And really, when you strike out, you just seem more pathetic.

To the OP, I say go for it but do so with your eyes open and knowing the risks--as it seems that you are. To me, doing the post for feedback is part of looking before you leap. My only worry would be she may be so young so that both she and you can't know who she will be at 35.

Best wishes.

[Prakanong]

Ok... now I'm being called the ambulance chaser...the atty with ONLY 1 million..and being asked if I've ever heard of a "pre nup" ....Ok I quit! Its my opinion that this thread has run its course. Its been interesting I must say...and thank you so much for all those that took the time to chime in no matter what you had to say.So let me ask one last thing should I pop the question at Sirroco or in Phuket ...maybe along the beach in front of the Amari in the evening on a good sunset.

Do it where it feels best

On the beach at sunset with a nice bottleof champagne is to be remembered if you want to be alone.

Sirocco with a waiter waiting in the background to bring the bubbly if she say's yes woud be fine also.

[meemiathai]

Go look for a 49 yr old woman! If she is 48 she is only after your money!

And find a woman of your same race! There is absolutely no reason for a thai woman to genuinely fall in love with someone not a thai! The only answer would be money. A few posters had quite nicely put it already.

And for those who think money is important in a relationship, that is utter rubbish! If you are good-looking and young, dress yourself up like a beggar, you will still be hit on by every girl in the street!

[Prakanong]

Go look for a 49 yr old woman! If she is 48 she is only after your money!

And find a woman of your same race! There is absolutely no reason for a thai woman to genuinely fall in love with someone not a thai! The only answer would be money. A few posters had quite nicely put it already.

And for those who think money is important in a relationship, that is utter rubbish! If you are good-looking and young, dress yourself up like a beggar, you will still be hit on by every girl in the street!

"There is absolutely no reason for a thai woman to genuinely fall in love with someone not a thai!"

Do we extrapolate this for all nationalities?

Races too?

You really should get on with your life and stop dwelling on your own situation and thinking everyone is the same - get help if you need it!

[mikethevigoman]

in vietnam if you want a gurl you better have a moto scooter...lol.

That's me out of luck, I only have a Toyota Fortuner.

I once had a girl with a mensrual cycle !

[mikethevigoman]

in vietnam if you want a gurl you better have a moto scooter...lol.

ps mr magio you seem to be very bitter towards me. lighten up. be happy, try being positive for a change. you sound like an old farng coot.

Dare i ask why you need a moto ?

[meemiathai]

Go look for a 49 yr old woman! If she is 48 she is only after your money!

And find a woman of your same race! There is absolutely no reason for a thai woman to genuinely fall in love with someone not a thai! The only answer would be money. A few posters had quite nicely put it already.

And for those who think money is important in a relationship, that is utter rubbish! If you are good-looking and young, dress yourself up like a beggar, you will still be hit on by every girl in the street!

"There is absolutely no reason for a thai woman to genuinely fall in love with someone not a thai!"

Do we extrapolate this for all nationalities?

Races too?

You really should get on with your life and stop dwelling on your own situation and thinking everyone is the same - get help if you need it!

No I am not dwelling on my situation. Mine is even worse. There is a 7 yr gap between me and my wife! Can you imagine?

7bloody years! I thought it was love at the beginning until I came across Thaivisa. Thank you Thaivisa.

Now I am more sober and realize she is after my money after being educated by the intelligent members of TV!

How could people possibily think that different races can fall in love? The only things they have in common are both have eyes ears mouths and noses but they are all in different colours. I would say hire a PI if you have a thai wife! I do it every week!

[Prakanong]

"How could people possibily think that different races can fall in love"

Do you really beleive that?

Nature over nurture for you then?

Adolf and other loony's must be your hers - Wagner on the CD?

[Maigo6]

I should become a Private Investigator, Thai Visa members would be a great scource of income.

[blizzard]

when you pop the question do tel us the results. how hard she laughs or cries!

[realmadrid25]

Ok... now I'm being called the ambulance chaser...the atty with ONLY 1 million..and being asked if I've ever heard of a "pre nup" ....Ok I quit! Its my opinion that this thread has run its course. Its been interesting I must say...and thank you so much for all those that took the time to chime in no matter what you had to say.So let me ask one last thing should I pop the question at Sirroco or in Phuket ...maybe along the beach in front of the Amari in the evening on a good sunset.

jeez, i thought they were wrong to criticize your financial position, but you cant even formulate sentences.

[WaiWai]

Yes Real Madrid, many Farang come to this Forum with only negative vibes about Thailand and Thai people.

They tend to assume they are worth more!

When a Farang sends money to a Thai woman, these very same people who consider they have worth, complain and whine and bitch and moan because a Farang has considered a Thai person worthy of a monthly payment.

Yet nobody considers them worthy of a monthly payment.

Do these people really begrudge a Thai Girl getting money from a Farang?

I doubt it..............

It's just that they don't have anybody sending them money, that's what really pizzes them off !!!

Good luck to the girl, get what you can out of a Farang is my advice!

I see nothing wrong with sponsoring a student *if* there are no strings attached.

However, if the student is financially in need, or even not strictly in need but dazzled by the opportunity to have glam shoes & stuff like the rich kids, it is taking advantage, pure and simple, and teaching that young person that studying and working to support themselves are not a worthwhile goal in life. Once the older partner dies, what opportunities will there be, other than to find another, richer partner ... though by that time, age will have reduced their value in that particular "market".

If you really do care about these people, that is not the way to help.

Edited September 15, 2007 by WaiWai

[WaiWai]

Yes Real Madrid, many Farang come to this Forum with only negative vibes about Thailand and Thai people.

They tend to assume they are worth more!

When a Farang sends money to a Thai woman, these very same people who consider they have worth, complain and whine and bitch and moan because a Farang has considered a Thai person worthy of a monthly payment.

Yet nobody considers them worthy of a monthly payment.

Do these people really begrudge a Thai Girl getting money from a Farang?

I doubt it..............

It's just that they don't have anybody sending them money, that's what really pizzes them off !!!

Good luck to the girl, get what you can out of a Farang is my advice!

I see nothing wrong with sponsoring a student *if* there are no strings attached.

However, if the student is financially in need, or even not strictly in need but dazzled by the opportunity to have glam shoes & stuff like the rich kids, and there are "strings attached" it is taking advantage, pure and simple, and teaching that young person that studying and working to support themselves are not a worthwhile goal in life. Once the older partner dies, what opportunities will there be, other than to find another, richer partner ... though by that time, age will have reduced their value in that particular "market".

If you really do care about these people, that is not the way to help.

(Sorry, omitted a crucial phrase in the post above).

Edited September 15, 2007 by WaiWai

[CaptHaddock]

Good evening my fellow gentle persons. Wow there are some rather bitter individuals here...

Well, siddv, I feel qualified to speak for the other end of the bell curve of opinion here. I met my future wife online in 2001, went to Thailand to meet her later that year, while there invited her to come to New York to study English full-time (involved a big extended family powwow), brought her over in Jan. 2002, and married later that year. When we met I was 52 and she was 23. We are happily married and just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. She spent a year on ESL to get up to a university level and went on to get a two-year degree in a design field here in NYC, earning some academic distinctions along the way. She got an entry-level job earlier this year and is prospering there. Like you, I am stacking up my nickels in anticipation of retirement in the not-too-distant future, which could well be in Thailand.

In our case I believe that it has worked out well for several reasons. My wife was an English major in her Thai college and was strongly motivated to live and study abroad. It was like opening the gate in a horse race and off she went. It is immensely satisfying for me to have been able to provde this opportunity and to see her thrive. As for our relationship, it is very strong. We spend all of our time together and trust is not an issue between us. We both like living here in NYC very much. Living in Thailand would have posed very different challenges, especially fo me. For one thing her family, who are honest people by the way, show the typical Thai familial closeness, which would be a little too much togetherness for me. And then there is the language and integration into society issue for me in Thailand although that actually has some appeal for me.

My advice for you is this:

1. Make sure that when she comes to LA to study English that she applies to a first-rate university with a full-time program. Otherwise she may have trouble getting a visa. My wife went to Columbia U. and had no trouble. We tried to bring over her sister at one point to study for three months at an ESL school and she was refused. Once you are refused she can just forget it in the future. So the stakes are high. As you have apparently realized, bringing her over on a student visa allows you time to get to know each other without the decision pressures of a K-1 visa. In the end if you two decide not to marry, you can feel confident that you have at least improved her situation in the process.

2. Pay close attention to your girlfriend's needs. Does she want to have a career here? Or is she only looking to advance her English skills? When there is a big age discrepancy you have to work a little to remember what was important to you at that age. In our case, although it would be financially advantageous for me to retire to Thailand, if my wife wants to continue to pursue her career here, I will retire later in order to enable that.

She will also need friendships here. Perhaps you can help her in this regard. You will spend more time socializing with younger people than you would have.

3. Start learning Thai seriously. I have started and there are numerous benefits.

Sometimes it makes sense to choose to play the small odds in life. On the one hand they may be the best odds we can get and, on the other, we can make the most of them by doing our best.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

[jetjock]

My advice for you is this:

1. Make sure that when she comes to LA to study English that she applies to a first-rate university with a full-time program. Otherwise she may have trouble getting a visa. My wife went to Columbia U. and had no trouble. We tried to bring over her sister at one point to study for three months at an ESL school and she was refused. Once you are refused she can just forget it in the future. So the stakes are high. As you have apparently realized, bringing her over on a student visa allows you time to get to know each other without the decision pressures of a K-1 visa. In the end if you two decide not to marry, you can feel confident that you have at least improved her situation in the process.

2. Pay close attention to your girlfriend's needs. Does she want to have a career here? Or is she only looking to advance her English skills? When there is a big age discrepancy you have to work a little to remember what was important to you at that age. In our case, although it would be financially advantageous for me to retire to Thailand, if my wife wants to continue to pursue her career here, I will retire later in order to enable that.

She will also need friendships here. Perhaps you can help her in this regard. You will spend more time socializing with younger people than you would have.

3. Start learning Thai seriously. I have started and there are numerous benefits.

Sometimes it makes sense to choose to play the small odds in life. On the one hand they may be the best odds we can get and, on the other, we can make the most of them by doing our best.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

CaptHaddock,

Your advice to the OP is on this subject is spot on and IMHO some of the best that I have read on this subject. Congrats on your successful relationship as you are a fine example of one of many of us farangs that understand some of the cultural and age difference issues and have done things right and found sucess and happiness with a Thai woman.

[realmadrid25]

"brought her over in Jan. 2002, and married later that year. When we met I was 52 and she was 23."

isn't less than a year a pretty short time to know someone before popping the question? isn't that kind of a young age to get married?

you certainly have one of the more interesting stories haddock. has your wife made any friends in her classes. is she allowed to have friends and see other people socially who are her own age? have you become friends with any of her friends?

[ratchabuild]

Yes here we go again!!!!

The age old question..the facts..Shes a 21 year old full time University student graduation in May 08. She just completed her 13 week hotel mamangement training prgm ata top BKK hotel. Her mind is older...She lives in BKK and I support her. Me I'm a 49 year old practicing atty living in the USA in BKK 5-6 times a year 3 weeks each time. I look (really.. thanks dad for the good genes 10 years younger and and in good shape 163lbs 5'10. I have all my thick drk brown hair . She's tall for a Thai and comes in at 44kilos. We have been together for almost 2 years.

We have a blast when I'm there and we travel in and outside Thailand, I spoil her on the holidays, ..Her Engish is about 80% and we plan to apply for a USA student visa for the upcoming year for an ESL for professionals course. I have sowed some rather wild oats in BKK and am really to take it easy and enter a new phase of my life..really. And she has laid down the law..screw around and she's gone!!! I plan to work maybe 7 more years in the USA going and coming as I do and then and bring a $ mill to retire. I'm ready to pop the question and shes waiting...is there anyone here that can talk me down??? Do we have a chance..I'd really like to hear from the experts here..

Thanks

In a word NO though you sound an absolute stud and catch for any girl of any age or background or intelligence. Why If I turned gay I would marry you myself though my hips are too narrow for children, perhaps we could adopt.

[CaptHaddock]

"brought her over in Jan. 2002, and married later that year. When we met I was 52 and she was 23."

isn't less than a year a pretty short time to know someone before popping the question? isn't that kind of a young age to get married?

you certainly have one of the more interesting stories haddock. has your wife made any friends in her classes. is she allowed to have friends and see other people socially who are her own age? have you become friends with any of her friends?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

[siamamerican]

I agree. If you are insecure enough to seek advice on an internet message board about the likelyhood that your gf loves you, it doesnt bode well for your relationship.

Many reasons why the relationship probably won't last ( financial, age, culture disparities ). In the grand scheme of things, he and his Thai GF won't be too much worse off, regardless of the outcome of their relationship. He will get what he covets, at least in the short term, and I have little doubt she will get more than he anticipated from the relationship.

They are primarily concerned about their own interests and that is what makes this relationship common to any country. Eventually they may truly fall in love and mutual interests will transcend their individual desires.

He mentioned he would be taking the girl back to America. Personally, I would have a hard time with how my family, co-workers, and friends would view the relationship. Maybe I'm just being insecure.

Nothing wrong with asking for advice on TV, where people have a first hand knowledge of realtionships like his. I doubt he has friends in America that are dating young thai girls.

[blizzard]

i wonder if the girl sees himm as a sugardady or husband type.

[makescents]

Do her friends know that she has a 49 year old husband?

Does she know about this "mil"?

Do you argue over watching VH1 classic or MTV?

The situation begs too many questions...

Even when you have a lot in common and a low age gap it can be very hard because of the culture clash. Believe me.

[siamamerican]

i wonder if the girl sees himm as a sugardady or husband type.

Who knows, surely not you nor I.

I wonder if he would have noticed her if she was but ugly and his age. Hopefully they both get a good amount of what they want out the relationship.

[mogoso]

My advice for you is this:

1. Make sure that when she comes to LA to study English that she applies to a first-rate university with a full-time program. Otherwise she may have trouble getting a visa. My wife went to Columbia U. and had no trouble. We tried to bring over her sister at one point to study for three months at an ESL school and she was refused. Once you are refused she can just forget it in the future. So the stakes are high. As you have apparently realized, bringing her over on a student visa allows you time to get to know each other without the decision pressures of a K-1 visa. In the end if you two decide not to marry, you can feel confident that you have at least improved her situation in the process.

2. Pay close attention to your girlfriend's needs. Does she want to have a career here? Or is she only looking to advance her English skills? When there is a big age discrepancy you have to work a little to remember what was important to you at that age. In our case, although it would be financially advantageous for me to retire to Thailand, if my wife wants to continue to pursue her career here, I will retire later in order to enable that.

She will also need friendships here. Perhaps you can help her in this regard. You will spend more time socializing with younger people than you would have.

3. Start learning Thai seriously. I have started and there are numerous benefits.

Sometimes it makes sense to choose to play the small odds in life. On the one hand they may be the best odds we can get and, on the other, we can make the most of them by doing our best.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

CaptHaddock,

Your advice to the OP is on this subject is spot on and IMHO some of the best that I have read on this subject. Congrats on your successful relationship as you are a fine example of one of many of us farangs that understand some of the cultural and age difference issues and have done things right and found sucess and happiness with a Thai woman.

I rather enjoyed the advice. My situation is slightly diffferent with a slightly less difference in ages. I knew my wife for a few years longer, not that I think that matters. I've heard it said that in the west people fall in love or lust first then marry, and in the east people marry for what ever reason, be that security, lust, even desparation, or whatever, then fall in love.

We were in love, but I'm sure other factors entered in her mind in her decision. She had to sell her business and move to the US, we went the K-1 visa route and neither has regreted that decision.

We have helped support mom and son in Thailand, but its been the same amount for 6 years and its not that much. My MIL is great, she handles our affairs in Thailand and stepson is a teenager and is a good kid, who will join us in the US when we return home in March after our vacation, of 6 weeks.

My wifes english has improved, but was good when we met, and she'll correct my usage every once in a while.

I think every situation is different, with different attitutes between the people. To paint with the same brush negative or positive outcomes seems a bit absurb or as I read a bit of bitterness from some. the poster who started this will have step carefully or soil his shoes with some of these replies, while in others he'll find somes kernels of wisdom or good advice.

I myself hope he at least gives it a try, it may work or it may not, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, or lost.

[Lizphuket]

Have not read all of the replies but maybe I can offer a different perspective. I am English, female aged 52. I have been living with a Thai guy aged 25 for around 18 months. It is not easy. Even if her English is good you must realise that the Thai culture is very different from our own. Yes of course she is looking for financial security and she will almost certainly expect you to care of her family - this is a daughters duty here.

But hel_l it is good fun as well. It is challenging but it certainly stops life being dull. I don't look my age either and we have a good laugh at the reaction from other Westerners. Thai people just accept our being together and his family is happy about it. Just don't expect her to be anything other than Thai and accept that you will have to make most of the compromises.

Go for it and good luck

[realmadrid25]

oh god.

Edited September 16, 2007 by realmadrid25

[britmaveric]

Have not read all of the replies but maybe I can offer a different perspective. I am English, female aged 52. I have been living with a Thai guy aged 25 for around 18 months.

Liz - Nice to hear and cheers for sharing!!!

[Maigo6]

realmadrid25/johhnyThai/BangkokSingapore, I will address you as one for obvious reasons.

I can smell a troll at 250 paces.

I'm 19 and the wife's 77, I like an older women!

Edited September 16, 2007 by Maigo6