Mia Noi Selectionh

[somtaamgaiyang]

Was informed last night by a university professor of mine that several well to do wives in town, have gone through an extensive selection process for the mia nois of their old men. The reason being to make sure that the wife can keep the mia noi under control.

This was a new one on me

He finished by saying (we had had a few by then), "If you are lucky, your wife will make sure she gets you a good one too!"

Anyone heard of this before?

[Sanpatong]

I honestly don't understand the point of getting a formal mia noi, and when you don't have to hide it from the Mrs then I understand it even less. Takes all the fun right out of the sneaking around bit.

[GuestHouse]

I've heard of guys who have been 'set up' while wife/girlfriend No1 is othewise indisposed - But always in terms of 'looking after the investment'.

Where the basis of the relationship is cash I can see the sense in this happening.

I think if its not a 'cash deal' then the only selection that a Thai wife/girlfriend is likely to make is 'blunt or sharp' - knife that is.

[lazeeboy]

I've heard of guys who have been 'set up' while wife/girlfriend No1 is othewise indisposed - But always in terms of 'looking after the investment'.

Where the basis of the relationship is cash I can see the sense in this happening.

I think if its not a 'cash deal' then the only selection that a Thai wife/girlfriend is likely to make is 'blunt or sharp' - knife that is.

find this hard to believe,maybe once to test your loyalty ,and if you take the bait ,she takes the house

[taxexile]

my wifes uncle lived with his wife and 2 mia nois , happily and for many years , all under the same roof.

[Prakanong]

Was informed last night by a university professor of mine that several well to do wives in town, have gone through an extensive selection process for the mia nois of their old men. The reason being to make sure that the wife can keep the mia noi under control.

This was a new one on me

He finished by saying (we had had a few by then), "If you are lucky, your wife will make sure she gets you a good one too!"

Anyone heard of this before?

I heard about it years ago and one older english genetleman in the bar I drank in was supposed to have his thai's wifes help when she turned 40.

Not heard it said for yonks though.

If you look at the INSEAD case study for De Beers Marketing in the region it is interesting

One of the men's values was he hoped his partner would not find out about the mistress while she hoped he would not have one - Chinese I think

[mikethevigoman]

Was informed last night by a university professor of mine that several well to do wives in town, have gone through an extensive selection process for the mia nois of their old men. The reason being to make sure that the wife can keep the mia noi under control.

This was a new one on me

He finished by saying (we had had a few by then), "If you are lucky, your wife will make sure she gets you a good one too!"

Anyone heard of this before?

If any wife is staying with a man that takes the piss by telling or worse still asking for help selecting a mia noy she is with him strictly for money and herself is no better than a whore,.and as for the man he is at best a selfish bastard, and im not usually known for my feminine side !..

[shellman]

If any wife is staying with a man that takes the piss by telling or worse still asking for help selecting a mia noy she is with him strictly for money and herself is no better than a whore,.and as for the man he is at best a selfish bastard, and im not usually known for my feminine side !..

nicely said - can not any more to it. which sane woman would help chose a mia noi? i have heard my wife saying that IF i should ever decide to ###### around, i should do it with a mo nuat (massage girl) but i shouldn't even think about getting a mia noi if i wanna see my next birthday . actually i always got the impresseion that woman rather have their husband go to a massage place as that would be not threatening to their position while a mia noi would be. that's what i heard from more then one woman in bangkok.

[WaiWai]

The wives have their love interests, too ...

These arrangements affect the kids quite a bit; otherwise nobody would care other than to note the persistence of an archaic practice.

Edited September 18, 2007 by WaiWai

[wileycoyote]

The whole Mia Moy thing is a dangerous idea.I 'm not comfortable with.

It must be worse when children come along.

Wiley Coyote

[JetsetBkk]

I know a couple of guys that take their wives to go-go bars to assist in picking out a suitable companion or companions for a sexual encounter.

[jts-khorat]

I know a couple of guys that take their wives to go-go bars to assist in picking out a suitable companion or companions for a sexual encounter.

Getting up for a harmless 3some is quite a different thing than selecting a mia noi, especially if she lives later in the same house...

Selecting the mia noi seems from my experience rather a Chinese-Thai thing and there si a little bit more to it than just the (seemingly obvious?) fun side for the man.

Normally the woman is beyond menopause and in most cases I heard of, the man is also already of an age where real bedtime stuff is not that much of an issue any more anyway.

Those women understand that for men it is an ego-thing to be seen with a young, virile girl at their arm while at the same time trusting him enough that he will not go totally overboard in a second spring-time. It really is just the same thing as the gold shown at a wedding, not much substance behind bolstering up his face.

What is in there for the woman? She prevents the man to sneak around behind her back by keeping him busy, and in virtually all cases where the wife selected actively the mia noi she also had complete control over the financial side. One could say the guy got some pocket money to play, while she got the same pocket money to go shopping.

Sounds like a quite clever deal to me, and it assures that not too much happens behind the scenes that later comes back to haunt the relationship (and with #control# and trust never given up by the woman, would that not prevent one of the most-cited reasons of breakup and divorce in the west?).

[WaiWai]

jts-khorat : you paint a nice picture but I have heard & seen many stories of the messy emotions involved, especially for the kids.

Also - "virile girl" ??

[phazey]

One's enough.

[jts-khorat]

jts-khorat : you paint a nice picture but I have heard & seen many stories of the messy emotions involved, especially for the kids.

Also - "virile girl" ??

As I noted, this seems -- in contrary to the much younger Thai men going for mia nois -- in the Chinese-Thai cases I know the man is of rather higher age and needs a mia noi mainly for parading her around for his buisness collegues to see. 'vrile girl'; one might forgive me as English is not my first language :-)

I would think that in this age brackets children should be well beyong the age of maturity for such situations.

Mia noi really means what it translates to, minor wife. This status gives her certain rights too, she is not just a onenighter; eg care in case of sickness, participation (to some minor extent) in the family, she might well be living in the same house or nearby.

Should there be children coming out of this situation, they also might have certain rights (at least morally) to be part of the family and inheritance.

A very different concept than in the west. This is not just f_cking aorund, and maybe the biggest misunderstanding of all as some posters here have clearly shoen (you, mikethevigoman and shellman).

Rights and responsibilities are entirely clear for everybody involved (at least in the nice theory, I do not wish to go into a discussion how individuals might (mis-)handle such a situation, I am sure there are plenty of examples pro and con ad nauseum).

For the purpose of just handling their lust, the Chinese go to the 'massage'; they would never understand why we Farang make a love story (or some kind of relationship) out of it, it surely is just as weird a concept to them as a Mia noi is to us. A total cultural gap.

Edited September 18, 2007 by jts-khorat

[Scalawag]

One's enough.

I couldn't agree more.....To live with one women long term takes compromise. attention, and emotional investment.....That's a major challenge for most of us and to balance two females well would be an act that I think most men aren't up to for the long run not just short term....

[howtoescape]

Look at all the swinging that goes on in England these days where couples meet in bars and restaurants to see if they are suited to <deleted> each other spouses.

With every other girl seeming to be bisexual or at least interested in trying with there partners approval, so for a wife to be picking her husbands bit of skirt seems to fit in nicely with the above.

[wileycoyote]

Still too dangerous ...

Humans are irrational ,emotions change,jealousy grows...perhaps less divorce but how many "crime passionelle "?

Wiley Coyote

[WaiWai]

For the purpose of just handling their lust, the Chinese go to the 'massage'; they would never understand why we Farang make a love story (or some kind of relationship) out of it, it surely is just as weird a concept to them as a Mia noi is to us. A total cultural gap.

OK. You are over 60, right ?

[jts-khorat]

perhaps less divorce but how many "crime passionelle "?

This is, let me repeat this again, not a passion-thing as we would like to misunderstand it. How much passion will there be really after 40 years of marriage if your wife controls the whole process from the first step -- and every dime you spend on it?

This is a rational, planned exercise in mutual control sharing in the relationship while at the same time giving both man AND wife the freedoms to pursue their more divergent interests. A safety vent for the male ego, one could argue that maybe.

However I would venture that most here that misunderstand this as passion would be extremely disappointed by the mia noi thing, to say at least...

[jts-khorat]

For the purpose of just handling their lust, the Chinese go to the 'massage'; they would never understand why we Farang make a love story (or some kind of relationship) out of it, it surely is just as weird a concept to them as a Mia noi is to us. A total cultural gap.

OK. You are over 60, right ?

Nope, early 30s, not that it is relevant at all.

I also would not really wish to copy the Mia noi thing, why on earth would I want to have #another# responsibility just for the sake of show. I rather much prefer the western way of doing things, I just try to avoid the most obvious minefields in cross-cultural communication.

As such it would help to understand that things are not that simple as many here think just because they see a guy where the wifes seems to 'okay' some young thing for them.

And with the simplistic view many have demonstrated here, it obviously has done exactly the trick intended

[Dustoff]

This thread appears to consist of farangs attempting to explain how polygamy is practiced behind closed doors in Thailand which cannot help but be gibberish for the most part.

Like relationships everywhere, singles or doubles or whatever, the situations are as different as the people involved in them.

My sister in law's husband has been living in Bangkok with his mia noi during the weekdays for many years and not only does sis know about her, she is voluntarily acting as the primary caretaker of 2nd wife's son along with her own pre-teen sons. The husband comes home most weekends and all seems fine - at least it has been working this way for the six+ years I have been in the family.

Polygamy in one form or another is practiced in most of the world and only the outside appearances and cultural attitudes vary slightly.

[KhaoNiaw]

I think that part of the idea is that hubby will be having a mia noi whatever. If the mia luang has played a role in the selection, it confirms her status and means that No.2 (No.3, No.4...) should know their place and the ground rules are clearly laid out.

[somtaamgaiyang]

The whole Mia Moy thing is a dangerous idea.I 'm not comfortable with.

It must be worse when children come along.

Wiley Coyote

Not saying I am going to partake, I was just shocked at how practical and cold the whole thing sounded.

[Valjean]

I asked my fiancé about this, who I must say has an open mind and flexible attitude about these sort of things, and she said no way. A wife will not find her husband a Mia Noi.

Her mom has been a Mia Noi for about 5 years - with a Thai guy with a good job but not rich. He calls her every day, supports her, sees her on a regular basis and is very devoted to her. Also talked about how she has 5 uncles and only one has had a Mia Not. She's talked about the Thai man who when she was young wanted her to be his Mia Noi - she liked him and they were good friends but plutonic and she knew he couldn't really afford a Mia Noi like she would expect. So she really does have experience in this in a very nonjudgmental way.

I do think it's also important to understand that Mia Noi = love (ok there might be other factors but don't think of it as just transactional - it's a relationship). It's not a casual relationship on the side or a gig. It's a relationship. The language used does make a difference and fan, gig, and Mia Noi get tossed around in different ways. But if you mean a long term relationship, with support and will feelings I don't think this would be very common at at. Do many women take a "don't ask, don't tell" or as one said to me "if I don't know it didn't happen" attitude? Yes I think one way or another these things are tolerated more than the west - but overt getting your husband a second wife. My sampling of one Thai woman says this is not common. Although maybe she was one step ahead of me and thinking "he's asking for a Mia Noi and we're not even married yet - I better shut this idea down fast". Check with me in 30 years and see what she says.

Some reading: Interview with a Mia Noi

Edited September 18, 2007 by Totster
Removed url

[jetjock]

I (teasingly) asked my wife if it were OK with her if I had a 'mia noi' like the other guys that have Thai wives. She told me it was perfectly OK with her but she would then cut it off and even give me a choice of whether I wanted her to feed it to the ducks or wave bye bye to it as it flew away tied to a helium balloon. I am still thinking about which one to choose but am leaning towards the helium balloon since I have always been involved with aviation.

[mikethevigoman]

The whole Mia Moy thing is a dangerous idea.I 'm not comfortable with.

It must be worse when children come along.

Wiley Coyote

Me neither, if i didnt want to be on equal ground with my wife i wouldnt have married her and i know she would be broken hearted at the thought of me with someone else,.very selfish and id feel as guilty as hel, some of these people have no conscience ,but i do,.i get asked at the bar all the time to go with other women, i reply im married, they almost always say, she wont know, my reply is always the same, "no, but i will "

[mikethevigoman]

Look at all the swinging that goes on in England these days where couples meet in bars and restaurants to see if they are suited to <deleted> each other spouses.

With every other girl seeming to be bisexual or at least interested in trying with there partners approval, so for a wife to be picking her husbands bit of skirt seems to fit in nicely with the above.

People that marry and then want to carry on that way in my opinion are suffering from a form of insecurity, why else would they marry ? beyond me, it will end in tears, there is a major part missing in those relationships, RESPECT,.

[Pepe']

Look at all the swinging that goes on in England these days where couples meet in bars and restaurants to see if they are suited to <deleted> each other spouses.

With every other girl seeming to be bisexual or at least interested in trying with there partners approval, so for a wife to be picking her husbands bit of skirt seems to fit in nicely with the above.

[/quote

---------------

Is it really true? I thought this kind of swingers scene was a thing of the past. Cosidering HIV, herpes etc.

Can you say a little more about it?

[ratchabuild]

Was informed last night by a university professor of mine that several well to do wives in town, have gone through an extensive selection process for the mia nois of their old men. The reason being to make sure that the wife can keep the mia noi under control.

This was a new one on me

He finished by saying (we had had a few by then), "If you are lucky, your wife will make sure she gets you a good one too!"

Anyone heard of this before?

If any wife is staying with a man that takes the piss by telling or worse still asking for help selecting a mia noy she is with him strictly for money and herself is no better than a whore,.and as for the man he is at best a selfish bastard, and im not usually known for my feminine side !..

There are more things in heaven and earth....

The depth of your ignorance about how other people might lead their lives is breathtaking, out of all the billions of people and multitude of religions and modes of life you can reduce it to; "taking the piss...no better than a whore" If that's the level of your understanding I would keep quiet if I were you. Get out more, get a life, open your mind and try thinking. One size doesnt fit all.