Being A Relationship W/ Someone Who Makes Much Less Than You

[meemiathai]

I'm surprised to see anyone denying the truth of what the OP wrote and claiming it is a false stereotype or that they are a troll. However I think it can be dealt with by how you present yourself and managing expectations towards what you can and will deliver. I think anyone who denies a financial motivation is inherent and quickly becomes explicit in many Thai farang relationships due to the bank account discrepancies must be living in a dream? I'm not saying some Thai partners aren't frugal but you don't have to be hanging out in the red light district to find a girl who thinks we have a bottomless piggy bank and how much we pour out if it is just dependent on our mood that day.

When you have met the poor but handsome farang me you will realize what the OP wrote is not the truth.

What did he say again? "Also, does anyone else get these uncomfortable feelings when they go to heavily touristed places like MBK, its like 90% of the women in there are fishing for a rich farang boyfriend. I am pretty confident that I could marry many of them within a week if I wanted to."

Now do people realize how tempting it is to engage in jobs to part money from men? But he is 21, I don't blame him.

[calibanjr.]

As my Thai lady friend puts it "many Thai people think farang are God". I go and meet friends of hers and they want to know if I can introduce them to a friend. Why? Sometimes they barely speak english and have some fantasy of being whisked away to the USA where the streets are made of gold and no one works for a living.

Sometimes I just want to have a conversation with a Thai girl without her getting these looks in her eyes like I'm a Thanksgiving Turkey. Yesterday, the lady who works in the food court on one of the stands asked me if I had a gf and if I wanted to see her daughters photo... (look at the place and situation, what else you could expect from a desperate person. Have you had this experience from any rich person? I was shown pics of daughters by same class of people, not because they want me to be the bf, but they were proud to have a daughter who is studying in university, IMO ) I have seen some articles on Thai Visa talking about this issue in Isaan, but I have not spent any time up there so I don't know how true it is.

Well, seems like you are too noi, just 21, when you hit the age of reason, i.e. 30+ or even 80+ (in some cases) you would realise that life is not what it looks like. I am also very young not 21 but a little bit more.

BTW, can I call you troll based on your current and previous postings? Or you are simply just curious, like me.

I 'spose you could apply those numbers to approximate his "social IQ" as well. The topics he tends to open need a much more deft discursive hand than he possesses. A generalizing and adolescent tone overall.

BTW, you stole my avatar! Wait, I stole it from somebody else. Uh, forget it! Enjoy.

DD

Edited October 4, 2007 by calibanjr.

[FarangNoi21]

The best analogy I can give is when I was in High School I would spend one hour a day working as a teacher's assistant in a class room for mentally challenged kids. I am not saying that the farang I see in Thailand are mentally challenged, I am describing that uneasy feeling that I get when I see farang and thai people interacting. It feels weird, like witnessing a person go to the bathroom in their pants. I cringe and want to get out of there as fast as possible.

Here is what I witnessed the other day. This farang is in his thirties, over weight, unkept etc. He is looking at t-shirts. The Thai girl, also unattractive and unkept comes over and is flirting with him. Watching him flirt back with her, the way he did it, him touching her, and her willingness to put herself in that situation, it was like watching two mentally retarded people make out. To be honest, I kept watching it like a car accident. "Is this humanity?," I asked myself out loud. "Is this humanity?".

"Well yeah, I will give you a call sometime next week because I am going to Krabi. You know Krabi, the island. Im going there next week. Its an island."

Edited October 4, 2007 by FarangNoi21

[xyborg]

<br />

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make, what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up?

<br /><br />I am 100% open about how much i earn and my wife has access to all of my savings yet she spends less than 5,000 baht per month when i am at work. Maybe i am lucky or maybe because my wife knows i am not hiding anything from her she has no reason to rip me off.<br />

<br /><br />Good posting,honest and straightforward.<br />I agree<br /><br /> <img src="style_emoticons/default/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> Wiley Coyote<br />

<br /><br /><br />

My wife recently made a will leaving everything to me and if I died she left it all including her house and land to MY parents here in the UK. She has total control over all our Thai income 50-60000 per month whilst I keep working in the Uk. She spends maybe 10000 per month including 4000 on rent and saves all the rest . I never look at the bank books which are all in joint names.

[a2396]

Some people are glutten for punishment. For all the money-hungry girls out there, there is a good proportion of honest ones looking for a normal relationship regardless of spending power. At the first sign of a girl wanting to rely on me for every meal, shop, possession I'd realise that the relationship would have no future for me.

However, I have had relationships with girls who've been students, officeworkers on 20K, women on more money than me and also had friends (both male and female) who ALWAYS pay their share at the pub, restaurant or wherever. If you're going to act like the rich man to those in a lower income/younger bracket expect to treated like the rich man. If you choose to socialise with people with slightly higher opinions of themselves and manners, even if on a lower income, they will at least offer their share.

Let us know where you are finding all these hi-so ladies making 20K per month & have no interest in Farang money, as a bsisi of the relationship. I haven't seen any such women (who are interested in Farangs) in 3 years of lliving here.

[FarangNoi21]

Some people are glutten for punishment. For all the money-hungry girls out there, there is a good proportion of honest ones looking for a normal relationship regardless of spending power. At the first sign of a girl wanting to rely on me for every meal, shop, possession I'd realise that the relationship would have no future for me.

However, I have had relationships with girls who've been students, officeworkers on 20K, women on more money than me and also had friends (both male and female) who ALWAYS pay their share at the pub, restaurant or wherever. If you're going to act like the rich man to those in a lower income/younger bracket expect to treated like the rich man. If you choose to socialise with people with slightly higher opinions of themselves and manners, even if on a lower income, they will at least offer their share.

Let us know where you are finding all these hi-so ladies making 20K per month & have no interest in Farang money, as a bsisi of the relationship. I haven't seen any such women (who are interested in Farangs) in 3 years of lliving here.

these girls are out there, they just aren't the aggressive ones. the aggressive ones are the ones who end up landing the farang. some of them will be very agressive and smile at you or others will just do more subtle things like glance at you for a second. most farang wouldnt equate it with flirting by western standards, but that is what she is doing. so there are two girls, the aggressive one is the one who gets the farang and it is also the aggressive one who is more likely to be interested in him for financial reasons. ive never seen a farang flirt with a thai girl who wasnt sending him signals.

my advice would be to chase after the (single) girls who decline your inital invitations.

[a2396]

When I met my fiancé she was making 5000 THB a month working as an asst. manager at a guest house upcountry + some extra cash here and there taking people out on tours. Working 5 days a week and school on the weekends. And a single mom. There was a huge difference in our incomes. But what I did see in her was a work ethic.

I agree with the posts that transparency is important. Even if I make 100 times her I have a limit to what I can spend. If she doesn’t see the pay stub and understand my US responsibilities then she may as well think it’s 1000 times. When she knows and everything is open then you have an adult relationship and conversation. I never liked the allowance approach. We have a joint checking account, based on what I can afford I put X in each month and she manages the money. I’ll say she’s not a star saver like some poster’s partners but she’s reasonably responsible and 100% honest. At first she liked the idea that she could head down to Central and drop a few thousand baht on clothes but that got old and now she’s happy to show me a dress she got for a few hundred baht.

We have had our challenges, mostly in getting her to internalize that even though our household budget might be 20 times what hers was before it is none the less a finite amount and we need to live within our means and I’m not going to just transfer over money every time we’re a little short. If we’re short at the end of the month then we don’t spend. I am fortunate that the pull from the family isn’t bad. So I’d say in total there isn’t any reason it can’t work fine – be open and honest, expect the same in return, in almost every relationship money is an issue that a couple needs to work on and it’s no different in this case.

So, you make 500,000 bht per month or approx $15,000 U.S. or $180,000 per year. And, you might be short at the end of the month?? You must have a lot of other expenses. I need a job like yours, unless it is in Iraq.

[steves_the_1]

what has this forum been reduced too....

[Heng]

The best analogy I can give is when I was in High School I would spend one hour a day working as a teacher's assistant in a class room for mentally challenged kids. I am not saying that the farang I see in Thailand are mentally challenged, I am describing that uneasy feeling that I get when I see farang and thai people interacting. It feels weird, like witnessing a person go to the bathroom in their pants. I cringe and want to get out of there as fast as possible.

Here is what I witnessed the other day. This farang is in his thirties, over weight, unkept etc. He is looking at t-shirts. The Thai girl, also unattractive and unkept comes over and is flirting with him. Watching him flirt back with her, the way he did it, him touching her, and her willingness to put herself in that situation, it was like watching two mentally retarded people make out. To be honest, I kept watching it like a car accident. "Is this humanity?," I asked myself out loud. "Is this humanity?".

"Well yeah, I will give you a call sometime next week because I am going to Krabi. You know Krabi, the island. Im going there next week. Its an island."

One sees stuff like that all the time. But hey, whatever works for them. If you want to build a relationship on talking about whether or not something is too spicy or not and how to spell things, more power to you.

[mellow1]

<br />

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make, what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up?

<br /><br />I am 100% open about how much i earn and my wife has access to all of my savings yet she spends less than 5,000 baht per month when i am at work. Maybe i am lucky or maybe because my wife knows i am not hiding anything from her she has no reason to rip me off.<br />

<br /><br />Good posting,honest and straightforward.<br />I agree<br /><br /> <img src="style_emoticons/default/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> Wiley Coyote<br />

<br /><br /><br />

My wife recently made a will leaving everything to me and if I died she left it all including her house and land to MY parents here in the UK. She has total control over all our Thai income 50-60000 per month whilst I keep working in the Uk. She spends maybe 10000 per month including 4000 on rent and saves all the rest . I never look at the bank books which are all in joint names.

If it involves property here in Thailand, her will won't hold up, and she paid for nothing, although her intentions were good. Check out law for inheritance pecking order in Thailand. No way your Farang parents will get property here, and be able to sell it. Only your children, can inherit and must be 18 to sell ( I think ), after that its Thai family, mother, father, brother, sister, etc. Nowhere does your parents fit into this picture. They will come after the dog, then the neighbors.

[jetjock]

I am wondering how many guys would in all honesty really feel comfortable if their gf/wife had and made many times more money than they did ? Whether we like it or not, money represents major power in a relationship so being a guy, I am not sure that most guys I know would be totally comfortable in that type of relationship. Perhaps many guys like the fact that they are the ones with the money in the typical farang/Thai girl relationships just so they can be the the ones with most of the power and control? It is just a thought and I am not sure of the answer to those questions however I have explained to my wife I am willing to let her be the major breadwinner and I will happily suffer the consequences of some loss of power

[mellow1]

I am wondering how many guys would in all honesty really feel comfortable if their gf/wife had and made many times more money than they did ? Whether we like it or not, money represents major power in a relationship so being a guy, I am not sure that most guys I know would be totally comfortable in that type of relationship. Perhaps many guys like the fact that they are the ones with the money in the typical farang/Thai girl relationships just so they can be the the ones with most of the power and control? It is just a thought and I am not sure of the answer to those questions however I have explained to my wife I am willing to let her be the major breadwinner and I will happily suffer the consequences of some loss of power

I am also willing to suffer similar consequences. But my wife probably feels, that I can easily suffer without her having to get a job, should she be so inclined. Exactly, what is this power your talking about?

[jetjock]

I am wondering how many guys would in all honesty really feel comfortable if their gf/wife had and made many times more money than they did ? Whether we like it or not, money represents major power in a relationship so being a guy, I am not sure that most guys I know would be totally comfortable in that type of relationship. Perhaps many guys like the fact that they are the ones with the money in the typical farang/Thai girl relationships just so they can be the the ones with most of the power and control? It is just a thought and I am not sure of the answer to those questions however I have explained to my wife I am willing to let her be the major breadwinner and I will happily suffer the consequences of some loss of power

I am also willing to suffer similar consequences. But my wife probably feels, that I can easily suffer without her having to get a job, should she be so inclined. Exactly, what is this power your talking about?

In a way, my guess is that it is probably similar to the power that our parents had over us when when were little kids. If you wanted money for toys or to buy something or do something special, you usually did what they wanted you to do just so you could get the money for the things you wanted. It is the politics of life, if someone has something that you want, you may have to make certain concessions in order to get it. Fortunately for women, they have what I call built in power that is totally renewable--they have something that most of us men want so they usually are capable of exercising a certain degree of power over us. From reading on TV about some of the poor relationship decisions that guys have made, it is apparent that in many cases the built in power of women is stronger than the money power of some of the guys!