One Earner....or Two Earners - In Your Family?

[teacup]

I know in the west “most households” will need two earners just to survive.

But what about for many of you here in thailand …just a question

When you marry a thai girl/woman, do you expect your wife to go out and work – bringing home more bacon to help pay for household expenses, or… she should do it for her own personal growth and achievement/accomplishment in life, etc?…..

Or

you would be more happy for her to stay home - having children, sewing, cooking, cleaning, running a spotless home, refilling your beer glasses, fulfilling your every needs, wants, desires (physically and emotionally) etc. - while keeping herself looking fresh at all times!….due to a relative low wages she’s getting in return if she’s to work outside the house.

In your case, which one, why and why not?

The reason I’m asking is just that…

I’m a thai, married to my husband (American) and we’re planning to move back to Thailand soon (somewhat on a permanently basis). All these times in the states (over decades) I have been working and paying taxes & into my pension plans – little tired after awhile! I know that we won’t have any problem with the money and can live on our savings for the rest of our lives in thailand.

The problem is that…during our times in thailand I just want to “mostly” chill out, but he has diff idea of what I should be doing with my times there. He thinks I should be doing something more productive than just simply chilling out because I have “lots of potential in me”(whatever) , so don’t waste them even if you’re in Thailand or having enough money. Brain is a terrible thing to waste, I guess. He’s planning to be very busy also. I just don’t know if I can be that energizing bunny all the times and all the places!

Am I being too lazy, or my hubby just want me to be the best I can be because of my “many and hidden potential” , or is he just being unreasonale ?

[singa-traz]

Put it this way ... when you are working ... you are not shopping!

[ZukiSuzuki]

The majority of people here marry uneducated, un-employable people.

Not all but most.

[cdnvic]

I'd like to see where you get such statistics.

[ZukiSuzuki]

I'm sure you realy don't need to know...

I'd like to see where you get such statistics.

[nidge]

only one earner in my household.

My wife works harder than me just looking after the house and our baby. Once he starts to go to school then maybe we will consider opening a beauty salon for her just to keep her busy and stop boredom. But until then there is no need or time for her to work.

[ZukiSuzuki]

name='nidge' date='2007-10-10 05:25:04' post='1586241' Once he starts to go to school then maybe we will consider opening a beauty salon for her just to keep her busy and stop boredom.

[teacup]

Put it this way ... when you are working ... you are not shopping!

It's so true! 'cause I'm also a shoes diva

1 point for him then

[tuky]

The majority of people here marry uneducated, un-employable people.

Not all but most.

I'm sure you realy don't need to know...

name='nidge' date='2007-10-10 05:25:04' post='1586241' Once he starts to go to school then maybe we will consider opening a beauty salon for her just to keep her busy and stop boredom.

Suzuki, my old grandmother used to have a saying, it went something like this.

If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all...

Sometimes I wish you had met my Grandmother.

teacup, this sounds like an issue you need to tak up with your husband. If you wish to spend your years relaxing and enjoying the life you have worked hard for then that should really be up to you.

Perhaps there is a compromise that can be worked out, maybe keeping busy could be travelling throughout Thailand, or gardening. At any rate I think your wishes are important equally as your husbands but probably more so for yourself personaly.

[Dakhar]

In the states my wife was a house wife. She went to school and finished her masters etc. But she never had a JOB.

When we moved to Thailand, that is when I learned a lot about her. I found out that she found house work to be demeaning... being a meere house wife in the states was considered lowly in her eyes. We have a son, and I thought raising my boy would be the ultimate job.... but apparently I was wrong. Now we have a nanny,maid, driver blah blah blah.

In the states a made plenty of money, I thought that giving her the ability to me a house wife was a privaledge.... she did not see it that way.

In Thailand, now she works 50+ hrs etc. Financially, again, we do not even need all of this money. But she wants to work so she does, and so do I.

To the OP, I think you will need to work some, maybe nothing extremely lucritive, but something to pass the time. Heck with your language skills, people would probably allow you to set your time, and pay you well.

Any how, take care, and try to enjoy things.

[Mobi]

teacup, this sounds like an issue you need to tak up with your husband. If you wish to spend your years relaxing and enjoying the life you have worked hard for then that should really be up to you.

Perhaps there is a compromise that can be worked out, maybe keeping busy could be travelling throughout Thailand, or gardening. At any rate I think your wishes are important equally as your husbands but probably more so for yourself personaly.

Excellent advice.

You are both fortunate to be financially independent,and having worked so hard to achieve this situation you should be entitled to relax and enjoy life whatever that may entail.

For some, work is their joy, but by no means for all.

Straighten this out with your husband before it festers and becomes a major issue.

Good luck

[Heng]

Typical middle range earning Thai-Chinese krongsri here both on my side and wife's side of the family... everyone is an earner unless they are still undergrads or below. Your main income streams are yours but you also have income streams from investments in other family businesses (say if you help run or perhaps help set up a business... you might get 5-10% or whatever here and there). When balanced (not all krongsri's are), it keeps everyone focused, diligent, and it's a pretty good checks and balance system too: from the financial point of view and family relations point of view... you don't get a situation where only one person wears the pants because everyone has several pair.

[Khutan]

I am the only worker in my household, excluding the maid. Reason why; the amount my wife can earn in comparison to the time etc, does not make it worth her time to go.

It is nice though, its like Australia back in the early '70s. I come home from work, dinner is ready with a cold beer. Mum is all relaxed after spending her time with friends or at the day-spa.

[lazeeboy]

The majority of people here marry uneducated, un-employable people.

Not all but most.

I'm sure you realy don't need to know...

name='nidge' date='2007-10-10 05:25:04' post='1586241' Once he starts to go to school then maybe we will consider opening a beauty salon for her just to keep her busy and stop boredom.

Suzuki, my old grandmother used to have a saying, it went something like this.

If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all...

Sometimes I wish you had met my Grandmother.

teacup, this sounds like an issue you need to tak up with your husband. If you wish to spend your years relaxing and enjoying the life you have worked hard for then that should really be up to you.

Perhaps there is a compromise that can be worked out, maybe keeping busy could be travelling throughout Thailand, or gardening. At any rate I think your wishes are important equally as your husbands but probably more so for yourself personaly.

well said .

[teacup]

Gardening has been my given duty (pre-meditated by him, I think) since we first got married because he doesn’t like doing them – allergy reason from pollens. Well I’m done with gardening, weeding, and those times of H2Oing! and now ready to have a gardener in thailand, hooray!....hard to be reading all those “trashy romance books” while weeding!

I agree we have to talk it out in details before the move. Infact we were supposed to be in Thailand at the beginning of last year, already sold the house and almost sold our car also, but due to constant disagreement mainly on the issue of who will be doing what in Thailand, or how to spend our times there without getting bored too quickly, or should we adopt a few kids and be in Thailand permanently?...well then things lead to another quite unpleasantly, so we have decided to put the action on hold.

I do love my job and am not really exactly burnt out yet (may be just a little) but would like to take sometime off, to rest and travel just to rejuvenate myself and see what else is out there in the world, and ofcourse an opportunity of seeing my family again. Then would love to get back to the states and work again in the same career field as before but this time will be on a part time basis, mostly to keep myself active, and have some "fun money" rather than out of necessity this time.

All these years in the states, I have a fulltime job, cook dinner, help with housework, do the shopping, and can still force myself to make mad passionate love to him when he wants. Now do you really think a man can do all of that and still stay sane? As a woman that worked my butt off throughout our marriage, this will be one heck of a vacation for me while I still have my sanity intact and I think I do deserve it!

I will have to reason with him again, may be on the bed this time

Thanks all so far for your input

Teacup

[soundman]

Typical middle range earning Thai-Chinese krongsri here both on my side and wife's side of the family... everyone is an earner unless they are still undergrads or below. Your main income streams are yours but you also have income streams from investments in other family businesses (say if you help run or perhaps help set up a business... you might get 5-10% or whatever here and there). When balanced (not all krongsri's are), it keeps everyone focused, diligent, and it's a pretty good checks and balance system too: from the financial point of view and family relations point of view... you don't get a situation where only one person wears the pants because everyone has several pair.

Yep, every adult who has finished school in our family is an earner. The whole family work for all the family business & investments - even after they retire..... The funny thing is that when they don't need to work, they all still do. Never seen such focused individuals before coming to Thailand.

Off the books no one in the family really gets a paycheck, however, money for everyday spending is readily available to all adults in the immediate family from all the cash businesses. And funnily enough, everybody seems to trust evrybody else in the family with the cash.....

Soundman.

[kiakaha]

3 earners. me , wife, interest in bank accounts

[percy2]

2 family members.

2 jobs each.

Both looking forward to not working. At least for a period.

Cheers

[a2396]

sounds like you have done more than your fair share of work, while living overseas. From your well written English, you must have a good education. Hopefully, your husband is a well educated, fair-minded & rational gent. Having a happy wife, who takes care of the house & his personal needs, is is something of value. I hope he will realize this & let you set your own agenda with regard to work, particularly if money, or lack thereof, is not the issue. My lovely, quit her job when she entered into a relationship with me (living in Thailand), complains about not having enough money, but has no desire or motivation to return to work. She takes good care of the house, but spends most of her free time watching Thai soap operas. I consider myself lucky, as most other women I have encountered here are only interested in sucking money from Farangs & doing nothing in return. Forget about them doing housework, laundry, cooking, etc. Your husband should be fortunate to have a good wife, compared to what I have seen is available.

[meadish_sweetball]

Everyone works and contributes financially.

My wife had a housewife period, but it made neither her nor me happy to live like that, so now she is back working again.

[madjbs]

My wife had a housewife

Are you sure that is legal

Edited October 10, 2007 by madjbs

[Naam]

a wife should not work except if it's for the well being of her husband. any husband who thinks his wife has to work for money is a loser. if he thinks the wife has to work to keep her "occupied" he has married the wrong wife. PERIOD!

go ahead and trample on me. i am a masochist

p.s. behind every successful man stands a woman (not necessarily a wife). most of the time his success is based on the wife's/woman's capability to handle all sh*tty problems in the background in order that the husband/man can concentrate on his job. having said so, i insist that the job of a wife is as important as the job of a husband. i'm not an expert but my best guess is that my theory applies to gay relations too.

[Naam]

My wife had a housewife

:D

Are you sure that is legal

perhaps it's not legal but it sounds VERY interesting

[FarangNoi21]

"When you marry a thai girl/woman, do you expect your wife to go out and work – bringing home more bacon to help pay for household expenses, or… she should do it for her own personal growth and achievement/accomplishment in life, etc?….."

i would expect her to do what makes her most happy.

[xyborg]

<br />I'd like to see where you get such statistics.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I think if he/she bent over we could all see???

[villagefarang]

With our lifestyle I can't see how we could find the time to work at a "job". There just aren't enough hours in the day if you enjoy living and know how. Boredom has never been a problem for us.

[mellow1]

I know in the west “most households” will need two earners just to survive.

But what about for many of you here in thailand …just a question

When you marry a thai girl/woman, do you expect your wife to go out and work – bringing home more bacon to help pay for household expenses, or… she should do it for her own personal growth and achievement/accomplishment in life, etc?…..

Or

you would be more happy for her to stay home - having children, sewing, cooking, cleaning, running a spotless home, refilling your beer glasses, fulfilling your every needs, wants, desires (physically and emotionally) etc. - while keeping herself looking fresh at all times!….due to a relative low wages she’s getting in return if she’s to work outside the house.

In your case, which one, why and why not?

The reason I’m asking is just that…

I’m a thai, married to my husband (American) and we’re planning to move back to Thailand soon (somewhat on a permanently basis). All these times in the states (over decades) I have been working and paying taxes & into my pension plans – little tired after awhile! I know that we won’t have any problem with the money and can live on our savings for the rest of our lives in thailand.

The problem is that…during our times in thailand I just want to “mostly” chill out, but he has diff idea of what I should be doing with my times there. He thinks I should be doing something more productive than just simply chilling out because I have “lots of potential in me”(whatever) , so don’t waste them even if you’re in Thailand or having enough money. Brain is a terrible thing to waste, I guess. He’s planning to be very busy also. I just don’t know if I can be that energizing bunny all the times and all the places!

Am I being too lazy, or my hubby just want me to be the best I can be because of my “many and hidden potential” , or is he just being unreasonale ?

Living in Thailand is many times a positive thing, especially if one is retired. There are a few downfalls in the system as anywhere else. We live rather well on my income, and I have no expectations of my wife going to work, she doesn't want too. I also have no expectations of my wife refilling my beer or fulfilling my every need, want, and desire. I don't think such a thought has ever crossed her mind. Although now that you brought it up, I can't understand why.

Personal growth and achievement, is personal, and cannot be imposed by someone else, such as your husband. You have to look in the mirror, and be satisfied with what you see. I really don't need someone around all the time scrubbing and cleaning, or catering to me. Some people of course need more attention then others. Keeping yourself looking fresh all the time should be relatively easy if you have a shower, air conditioning, and a change in clothes. You are correct in the fact that in Thailand the wages are relatively low. it does however matter where you live and what your skills are. There are many families here with a nice house and 2 cars, but they probably have to be able to perform at a certain level, to be able to afford that, as anywhere else.

I personally don't expect my wife to be an energizing bunny, and I don't see how your husband will be extremely busy, unless he creates it to be so. At what, I don't know. If you are in a position where you can purchase the material things you want, pay for your insurance, pay for the many normal things in life, you are certainly entitled to do as you wish with your time and energy. I for one wouldn't think badly of my wife should she buy me a car, or start supporting the entire family for a change. I do not expect that nor did I marry her for that reason. Should personal growth and achievement in such things become of any importance, I will have to suffer, grit my teeth and fill up my own glass of water or coke. I'm sure the cleaning lady will be pissed off, because she will have no one to talk to all day, but we all have to suffer sometimes. I will really have to adjust to life, when no I'm longer needed to fulfill every financial need which life brings forth. I will of course lovingly resign this position of sole provider, to help my wife fulfill her personal growth to the very best of her ability. I will continue to suffer in idleness, with the computer, TV, Books, hanging out with my son. We will impatiently wait for mom's return from work, and be able to eat together and discuss her busy day, with the take out food, I will have bought at the night market, on the way home from picking my son up at school. We can plan our European vacations, which we will now be able to afford, and see how the cultured and educated people live.

Of course it's unreasonable for anyone to expect any of these things from you, or me from my wife. After all that's what you got us for. You should just explain that to your husband, and stop worrying about such things. Or better yet, just smile and act like you don't understand anything, without explanation. If you got the bucks, do what you want.

[quiksilva]

Everyone's earning in our house. Its not just about the money, (although thats nice too) its about being able to hold your head up high.

[Naam]

Everyone's earning in our house. Its not just about the money, (although thats nice too) its about being able to hold your head up high.

does that mean my wife and me have to hang our heads in shame?

[Heng]

It's only natural for those who aren't earning to have a little less self esteem. Not necessarily shame... but perhaps a little like children or young adults who know they can't truly make a decision because they aren't financially empowered (and of course, it's all relative) to do so.