Missunderstood

[siamesedream]

This question is geared toward the Westernized Asian or Thai women whose significant other is a Farang (white). Other inputs always welcomed. When travelling or on an outing with him, how do you handle the obvious reactions by the locals? Do you fear that people are thinking you're a bar girl or some sort of escort? How do you handle it?

Just curious.

[elsie]

Pretty usual eh? I used to be worried about all those. And I've learned, if I was worried about others' reactions or anything, I would end up being upset. I'd had a very long talk with my ex about this thing. He told me not to care about others as they didn't know who we really were. They didn't even care. They just judged us. So, why would we give a <deleted> about them? Good point. So, now I don't care about them. I don't even notice all those nasty looks anymore. I do whatever I like and whenever I feel like it.

So, we're great. As long as people don't mess with me first that is..

Anyone who is anti everything... or westernised Thai women.. flame away!!

[siam]

My partner is Thai,and i am Farang,No one mentions about me they just smile and all they mention is "oooiii lek see khun"

Anyway she's older than me lol.

[IamMaiC]

I am half-thai half-american. My mom use to tell me that her and my dad would get looks all the time when they were "dating" She worked in a bar but she served drinks This was during the vietnam war and in udon thani. She said that most of the american soldiers had never seen asian women that look like the thai women. My Mom and Dad got looks but the thai people knew who the farangs were Supposedly this is when the sex industry got started heavily in thailand. After a while the looks faded my mom said.

Steve

[pnustedt]

Do you fear that people are thinking you're a bar girl or some sort of escort?  How do you handle it?

My wife (Thai) can be quite unpredictable if someone is "looking her down" as she puts it.

Once, in a bar with a farang girl friend a farang guy came up to her and told her to get him a tissue - she was just gonna do it when the farang girl stopped her and told the guy where to stuff his tissues.

However, if another girl, particularly Philippino or Indonesian, should upset her feathers can really fly.

[wolf5370]

My wife (Thai) can be quite unpredictable if someone is "looking her down" as she puts it.

Once, in a bar with a farang girl friend a farang guy came up to her and told her to get him a tissue - she was just gonna do it when the farang girl stopped her and told the guy where to stuff his tissues.

In her bra?

[grrr]

I'm one of the rare western men with a Thai girlfriend and have one point of advice. Unfortunately people judge each other instantly by outward appearance, so how you dress will greatly alter how people perceive you. If you dress like a bar girl, or even remotely like a bar girl, that is what you will be to others.

[siamesedream]

Thanks for all the inputs, guys, it's just so ###### annoying sometimes. The only way I put them off by surprise usually is by speaking Thai poorly and with an American accent (Thai raised in US). Then only does the light go off in their minds.

[elsie]

I tend to agree with grrr at some point. It helps in many occasions. But don't expect too much. Once... at least once, on the first date with my first farang boyfriend, I was wearing T-shirt and jeans. Bloody tomboyish. In the evening, we went to the beer garden at WTC. As we were chatting away (no physical contacts), I noticed I got a look. It was from a middle-aged Thai lady. I then made eye contacts with her. And she stared at me.. from head to toe.. then made her way back to my head again. I got p1ssed off but wouldn't make a scene to ruin my lovely date. Well, I guess some people are beyond any help.

[meemiathai]

I'm one of the rare western men with a Thai girlfriend and have one point of advice. Unfortunately people judge each other instantly by outward appearance, so how you dress will greatly alter how people perceive you. If you dress like a bar girl, or even remotely like a bar girl, that is what you will be to others.

I don't care if my wife dress like a bar girl!(are there uniforms for bar-girls?) We dress just whatever we like. We behave however we like. Without disturbing others. We don't give a shit to what others think we are. As long as they don't use words to offend us. But reality is, I have no memory of meeting a Thai person who had looked at us in an offensive manner. Usually the problems come with the farangs only.

[meemiathai]

I expect the world to be more free than that?

[Axel]

meemiathai, you said the keyword already:

Without disturbing others.

[meemiathai]

meemiathai, you said the keyword already:

Without disturbing others.

What's that? Are you saying that how we dress will disturb others???

[Johpa]

But reality is, I have no memory of meeting a Thai person who had looked at us in an offensive manner. Usually the problems come with the farangs only.

Me and wife have been married nearly 17 years and I too can't remember many instances to make it a concern. Only instance I can remember were some snide comments from bar girls in Bangkok. My wife simply ignored the women and warned me to do the same. Somehow the vast majority of Thai people instantly sense we are an ordinary unremarkable couple. I believe it has to do with the sum total of dress, demeanor, both of us speaking Thai (which was a much rarer circumstance when we got married then it is today) and with the wife, in inimitable Thai fashion, always telling me what to do. : )

On the other hand, my wife has gone ballistic on some folks who, not realizing her family is from a minority group in Thailand, begin to bad mouth the group with classic negative racial stereotypes. We have had a number of Thai acquaintances instantly become persona non grata in our lives, and we from their lives, after the verbal abuse the wife dishes out over that issue.

[pnustedt]

In her bra? 

Sorry but I don't u'stand your comment or question.

My wife has no need to wear a bra if that is relevant.

[Totster]

In my experience.. when BG's are outside of their normal working environment they will wear the same style of clothing that anybody else of the same age would be wearing....

[RamdomChances]

Ok I've a story to add here, that I think is on topic, but bear with me.

Last week my nearest falang neibour (50km away) poped around with a friend fron Pattaya.

His friend owned a bar and as usual we opend a bottle of sang som and started talking, this friend said that he was looking for a change of direction in his life and had come up for a visit, ok so far so good.

It then turns out he's afraid to leave the country coe he's been overstaying for about 3 months.

Anyway to cut a long story short, a couple of bottles later my friends wife wants to go home and they decide to stay in my house and she will pick them up in the morning.

Still more sang som (yes I know its a lot) and this guy starts telling me how I should not trust Thai women and bar girls are'nt to be trusted so why Have I put so much money into my place.

So I tell him that my wifes mother gave us the house, the 65 rai of land was my wifes anyway(her farther left it to her) and she was'nt a bar girl.

So he sits there and says "I dont belive you there is no way a falang can meet a nice girl in thailand" or words to that effect.

So I politly tell him who's house he's drinking in and that he should think carfuly about what he say's, because he's a long way from home, dosen"t speak thai, the police station accros the road is maned by my wufes cousin and bad things could to him happen here.

In the mean time my friend is ringing his wife to come and get them and telling him to shut up!

In the end he say's sorry cos he's seen my wife and he thinks she"s to fat to be a bar girl.

So I throw him off my balcony (only 1 floor) ( a bit more as well buut we wont go into that here).

He end's up in the local hospital, until my friend wife comes, and I get the police (just as a frightener) to tell him that I'm thinking of geting him for assault.

Anway, we dont live like a bar girl/falang, my wife does not look like a bar girl.

But some people are so blinkered that that is all they see when they see a falang/thai couple.

I say F##k them and get on with your own lives.(but it"s harder for the wife)

[elsie]

I say F##k them and get on with your own lives.(but it"s harder for the wife)

Exactly!!! Please tell your wife she's a very nice and pretty lady. Just scr3w 'em all (OK I know she is not a nutcase like me. But you know what I mean )

[RamdomChances]

Thanks LC (where the avtur gone)

What I meant is I've grown up not worring about what other people think, but it is more diffficult for a Thai wife, who has beem brought up to care about what others think and be considerate to others (greng jai).

My wife even told me I should'nt of done it as he was a guest!!

[elsie]

Yeah, I can imagine. Anyway, a bad guest does deserve a good kick in the arse.

It took me years to adopt I-Don't-Give-A-Fxxx attitude regarding this. Kind of suits me.

PS. I've dropped that avatar as people tended to look at it and didn't read my posts.

[Totster]

My wife even told me I should'nt of done it as he was a guest!!

He lost his rights as a guest when he started making disrespectful comments !

Drink or no drink it is unacceptable...

[RamdomChances]

Thanks all but the point of the story was

some people are so blinkered that that is all they see when they see a falang/thai couple.

Thats the bit I thought was on topic, I just took a long time getting to it!!

[richb2004]

Look at it from another point of view.

If you were at a bar or restaurant in your home country, be it UK, USA, Aus., and an Arab or Japanese came in to the bar/ restaurant accompanied by a women wearing leopard print top, fish net stockings, 3 inch high heels and an inch of make up, and was obviously a pro. what would you do, and how many people would look her up and down? Or alternatively if you where in the UK, USA etc and decided to get a hooker for the night, like the one mentioned before, would you take her into a bar or MacDonald’s during the course of the exchange?

I’m told the saying in Thailand with regards the typical look of a bar girl/ hooker is ‘lek, dam, num yia’. Bar girls are quite distinguishable from non-bar girls and are looked down on, so it’s kind of understandable that they are stared at a little. I guess people shouldn’t judge a book by its cover etc.

That’s not to say that some times Thai/ Ferang couples that don’t fit that description aren’t stared at sometimes to.

[Totster]

Look at it from another point of view.

If you were at a bar or restaurant in your home country, be it UK, USA, Aus., and an Arab or Japanese came in to the bar/ restaurant accompanied by a women wearing leopard print top, fish net stockings, 3 inch high heels and an inch of make up, and was obviously a pro. what would you do, and how many people would look her up and down? Or alternatively if you where in the UK, USA etc and decided to get a hooker for the night, like the one mentioned before, would you take her into a bar or MacDonald’s during the course of the exchange?

I’m told the saying in Thailand with regards the typical look of a bar girl/ hooker is ‘lek, dam, num yia’. Bar girls are quite distinguishable from non-bar girls and are looked down on, so it’s kind of understandable that they are stared at a little. I guess people shouldn’t judge a book by its cover etc.

That’s not to say that some times Thai/ Ferang couples that don’t fit that description aren’t stared at sometimes to.

I agree that a BG has a certain "look" with regards to clothes/ makeup etc.., this is just a uniform..., but outside of the bar during their time, whether it be back at the apartment or shopping or even back in the "home town", a girl would most probably not dress like this.

If a girl leaves employment the bar, returns home, she would dress the same as anyone other Thai person. To think that you would always be able to tell that a girl worked in a bar is ridiculous.

Anyway the point is... Sadly, alot of People will always think that a thai girl with a farang is from a bar no matter what she dresses like etc.. But those with experience will not make this judgement, it's normally those who don't know better...

... and another thing... The thai girl with the farang may have worked in a bar, but is now in a loving relationship and very happy... at the end of the day who cares what people who don't even know you think !

[Wei]

He end's up in the local hospital, until my friend wife comes, and I get the police (just as a frightener) to tell him that I'm thinking of geting him for assault.

Doesn't his attitude tell you why he can' t meet good people? What a stxpid geek he is behaving.

Ramdomchances, your wife definitely has a big heart

at the end of the day who cares what people who don't even know you think !

Precisely, who cares what others think? When I get that kind of stare, I will stare back with a confident expression saying 'do you have a problem?' It usually works as those people will always look away.... hahaha....

[plachon]

Thanks all but the point of the story was

some people are so blinkered that that is all they see when they see a falang/thai couple.

Thats the bit I thought was on topic, I just took a long time getting to it!!

Having blinkers and myopia is a farang trait, every much as it is any other nationality we could mention Random. By the way, I think you did the right thing and I would've probably done the same in that situation, though might've worried about the poor dog sleeping under the balcony being flattened.

[Insight]

Me or my g/f could couldn't give a flying fridge what other people think, unless the situation produces major kerang jai for us. In which case (and I think in many cases where Thais are involved), run for cover!

If this does happen to you and you do find yourself intimidated, take comfort in the fact it's probably just a deep-rooted form of jealousy materialising in one of its worst forms, then laugh.

[IamMaiC]

I have a question This is the truth I have never been with a bargirl been married twice and very faithful now my first marriage I was young. It didn't last long

Well before i get into something else I know i'm off the thread already Are there nice bargirls? Some of the threads i've read I mean sounds like they are all the same. which cannot be true? Just wondering Sorry for getting off thread LC

[meemiathai]

Are there nice bargirls?

It depends how you define the word "nice".

Are there nice girls?

[IamMaiC]

I define Nice A person that is genuinely nice good attitude I understand the job bargirls do but i mean some of the threads i read it's like they will take everything away from you I can't believe all of them are like this.

Yes there are nice girls