Five Years In Udon

[ray23]

Wow five years, hard to believe even if you did it yourself. What a different life I have now then the one I left and event eh one I entered here.

I came here as a single man only knowing a few of the Vets in the area. A whopping $6K in the bank and my retirement and paying $1,800.00 a month in child support, not exactly flush. But I squeaked by until the child support was paid. One year on my own and went to Water Buffalo University everyday. I finally decided that these Udon girls were a lot smarter then I was. I was so frustrated by all the games I nearly threw in the towel every other day.

What changed my wife, but not easy she couldn’t speak a word of English and I couldn’t speak any Thai. (why a lot of guys end up with bar girls they can at least converse on some level) But we are now four years into it and still get by, but better then before.

My problems really didn’t come from Thai’ it w farrangs out of the ones I met in that first year I only associate with one of them these days. Simply because we share a hobby. Not sure why it went that way, I think the majority of them meant well and explained Thai life to me the best they understood it. Others I honestly believe enjoyed watching me go through the mil, so they had a subject laugh about with other farrangs. Actually had a village marriage during that time. Was convinced by these guys that it was OK to have Mia Noi’s all Thai women accept that, nothing could be further from the truth. If a Thai woman cares beyond the money they don’t want to share you with anyone and my friends is the truth learned the hard way. Heck I had Mai Noi’s during that period. An interesting situation for me I could never decide where I really wanted to be and where home was. Just me I guess.

Well that problem was soon solved the marriage w destroyed, heck how can you build a marriage without trust and I destroyed that not her. So off we go to the dating scene. What a mess. Finally actually had someone head out to the village to find me a lady, to build a life. First two might a well have went to the bar and picked up a girl.

Third one was the charm what a rag a muffin, but there was real beauty in there. She needed me and I soon found that I needed her. We built a relationship from there and now love each other. Could I get away with Mia Noi’s, yep she has no choice but oh hang in there. Bit what would it do to the most valuable aspect in my life here in Udon. The trust would be destroyed so I stay at home. I’m no longer three day Ray. Do we fight you bet can’t tell you how many time I have came very close to walking out the door. But something holds us together. I’m very glad it does.

If I have to name my most valued aspect of y life here it’s her. She changed my life so much I can’t even begin to describe it today I’m buying a home a Chevy pickup. I have everything I need in my home and most of what I want. I have developed other friends that I share aspects of my life with. Both farrang and Thai.

So when I reflect on my past five years in Udon I have a lot to be grateful for and all and all I’m a happy guy. Now the truth be known had I really knew what I was getting into I would have never did it in the first place. But you take the challenges day by day learn and get through it.

The most difficult thing I went through was not having anyone I could trust to talk about problems with and even more so thinking I did and then paying the prices. But even that changed with time and I have learned not to be so open with people and assume that they are in fact friends. What they were actually were acquaintances.

I’m always open to helping others but I’m very careful about who I ask for help these days.

To newbie’s I would say count attending Water Buffalo University we all do. Adopt the AA approach; take it one day at a time. For every step forward there will be two back for a awhile, But that will change if you want it bad enough. If you don’t feel the desire to make it here through your bones you probably won’t keep that return ticket handy you will need it.

[skipvice]

Nice story Ray, I had some of the same problems when I frist came to thailand only it was a long time ago. was in thailand three years before I met my wife. knew her for two moore years before we got married. we been married for 35 years and if I had not met her I dont know what would of happen to me because I was headed down the wrong road.

Glad you found the right Lady ray and congrats on the five years

[Ken]

.....

What changed my wife, but not easy she couldn’t speak a word of English and I couldn’t speak any Thai. (why a lot of guys end up with bar girls they can at least converse on some level) But we are now four years into it and still get by, but better then before.........

Seemed like a nice story, but your reference to bar girls kind of diminished the whole story for me. Maybe you can edit it out and I'll edit mine out.

edit for spelling

Edited November 5, 2007 by Ken

[ray23]

You know Ken everyones experiences are different here that was just mine. know lots of guys who did well in the bars I didn't.

Not a moral judgement, just my experience

[Thaddeus]

Ray, are you crazy?

A Toyota is a better choice than a Chevy

[ray23]

I guess that depends on the Chevy doesn't it I test drove a lot of corvettes, it was fun. But I like a famliy life so that is the route that was best for me. I suppose that has a lot to do with the life you want. Now the real beauty of Thailand is you can have what you want if your willing to pay for it and search for it.

So if it's Toyota for you thats wonderful. Now again what makes this country unique if I ever come back to my sanity I can test drive a Toyota tonight That w easy here.

[Dave the Dude]

A very interesting read, Ray. Thanks for that and it must be quite enlightening writting it all down for other to learn from (hopefully)!

Reminds me of an Olde English saying 'Never trust anything with T*ts or Wheels. Only joking, Ray

Live long and prosper

Kind Regards

Dave

[Vegemite]

Hi Ray,

I have enjoyed all of your posts on TV over the last few years.

You have allways told it straight.

Just wundering, why you came to Thailand. Hope you dont mind if I ask.

Also, what is Water Buffalo University and the AA approach?

All the best.

[Vegemite]

Hi Ray,

I have enjoyed all of your posts on TV over the last few years.

You have allways told it straight.

Just wundering, why you came to Thailand. Hope you dont mind if I ask.

Also, what is Water Buffalo University and the AA approach?

All the best.

WELL ????????

[ray23]

First let me apolgize didn't see your original post. What brought me here well the first time curiousty more the anything else. Hey guess what all they said about Pattaya was true. I had a heck of a vacation. But vacations and full time living are very different

The second time I came it was Udon and a taste of real life. I enjoyed it. So came back a year later with a five month leave of absence. Fully intending on going back to work. I learned that I could live comfortably on my retirement. So I just never went back and learned to live here.

Water Buffalo University is the phrase I use to describe the street education that we all must get to live here.

AA is Aclcholic Annoymous, and the say live life one day at a time. A good approach to adapting to life here.

[johnjohnson]

Hey Ray,

I enjoyed reading your post. I have lived in Chiang Mai for about 3 years and am thinking about moving to Udon Thani. I have been there many times and like it. I also like Vienten or however you spell it.

I have the same problem as you did in a way. Been here three years and don't have a girlfriend now. I actully did pay for a run away buffalo, three gold braclets, one of which I bought three times cause she kept pawning it, and countless mobile telephones because these thai women seem to keep dropping there old phone in the toilet by mistake. Humm. I have a buffalo degree.

Now I've almost given up and am not even attractide to these women anymore. I agree with your comment about the ones that speak english good. I can't speak thai and dont' think I ever will. So I've just stayed alone.

You've given me hope.

[ray23]

For what it's worth I found that girls under 25 wanted to party all the time, not bad if that is what you want your life to be. I really drink very little so thats not a good option for me. I found that go irls around 30 were starting to get a bit more serious about life and wanted more then a cell phone, were willing to wait for it to be built up. I think another key for us to work through the not being able to communicate, her mother and father were deceaed when we met. She really had no family to run to or interfer, nor did I, we had a mutual need. That was the beginning it has grown from that.

I do work on learning Thai, not an easy task, but I keep chipping away at it. She has done much better in learning english.

Relationships are difficult at best no matter where you are. I found someone who enjoys the same things I do and we have something to share beyond the house. I got lucky to do it that quickly. Hang in they they are out there.

[jazzbo]

'She' does not speak English... I speak Thai or we would have never met in the first place. After 4 years her attitude is still "I am a Thai girl living in Thailand. Why should I have to learn English?!"

[Thumchok]

Congrats Ray to you and your lovely wife .

I hope the next five years are even better for you both .

Good to meet up with you pair , and thanks again for organising the hotels etc. for me .

See you soon ,

Jim .

[dee123]

nice honest post Ray, yes I also learned "the hard way" ....I set up in Chaiyaphum where there was very few farangs to ask advice and no internet available back then,......and I agree with you that there are farangs who are not helpful at all.......my god how it would have helped me back then if I had acess to a forum like thaivisa.com!!.......perhaps I wouldn't have opened that first failed business of mine.......the buffolo tap dancing school! Edited November 18, 2007 by dee123

[AYJAYDEE]

Nice story Ray, I had some of the same problems when I frist came to thailand only it was a long time ago. was in thailand three years before I met my wife. knew her for two moore years before we got married. we been married for 35 years and if I had not met her I dont know what would of happen to me because I was headed down the wrong road.

Glad you found the right Lady ray and congrats on the five years

you met her because were on the RIGHT road, you just didnt realize it at first