A Few Days In The Life Of A Potential Olympic Athelete!

[TBWG]

Hi All

Whilst browsing through my favorite section of the Thaivisa site …i.e. the Isaan Forum I came across the post looking for victims, sorry volunteers for Satuk Boat races. The idea being to fill up 2 of the 7seater boats with farangs to put on a race so that the Thais could witness our utter humiliation for their entertainment.

Now bearing in mind that the boss lady thinks I am retarded and have no sense or imagination I replied to Gondarmans post saying that if needed I was available providing I could sit down in the boat and not kneel, that would be a real no-no as my knees are well past their sell by date.

He replied saying that you sit down and all were welcome and that he had pledges to almost fill 2 boats, what I did not realize was that he was press ganging farangs in the local market and anyone with a pulse was considered fair game!

The 2 teams were to be sponsored by Meuanfun Resort and Satuk Floating Restaurant, now bearing in mind I only live about 200 meters from the floating restaurant and in my time must have consumed my own weight in prawns and enough Chang to float a dragon boat I felt that they deserved my best efforts.

So a couple of days before the start of practice a meeting was arranged to discuss our tactics, This consisted of Gondarman (Arthur) a fit looking young Frenchman and myself and Peter a German guy, neither of us in our first flush of youth! Hardly the 14 needed to fill 2 boats. Still Arthur was relaxed he knew of lots of able bodied farangs coming from Pattaya and the restaurant had 3 definites, it was agreed that we would all meet at the Chinese Temple (good omen) by the river at 11.00am to start 2 days of practice. So now down to the important bit, arranging for the cheerleaders and groupies. Now Arthur was rather vague in this area but assured me they would be plentiful!

What I should point out at this stage is that to say I am a weak swimmer is an understatement, but what the heck in the years of watching dragon boats I have never seen one sink so no problem there. By now the farang race team rumours have got back to the boss lady who mentioned in passing that surely nobody was stupid enough to do that sort of thing, Oh dear!

Well it is 11.00am on the Thursday I am at the Chinese Temple and there is a distinct lack of farangs. The 3 definites from the restaurant are no shows, but there is Arthur, Peter & myself, the fit young French guy has clearly had second thoughts, but then they all start to drift in a couple of Americans, Rex & Walter. Lars a fit looking Norwegian and another Brit Alan. Well at least we can fill 1 boat!

The obvious should now be pointed out the average Thai guy probably has a waist of 28” and weighs under 70 kilos. The archetypal farang is 100 kilos plus and a darn sight more than 28” waist. Now these boats have about 2” freeboard (that’s the distance between the water and the top off the boat for any landlubbers out there) so (a) we can only sit in the widest part of the boat (middle) and ( get seven farangs in it and the only place you are going is under!

So luckily the lack of bodies is no problem, however the lack of boats is! Apparently we are borrowing other team’s boats and have to fit in around their schedules, they are looking rather apprehensive and I suspect regretting being so generous. We now stand around for 3 hours waiting for the opportunity to show off!

The boats are now available and we fit in 4 farangs, a keen sense of balance is a great help something which we seem to be lacking. Anyway the crew make up for any lack of skill with enthusiasm and push of with gusto only to go 3 meters and sink!! It is at this point that I am beginning to have second thoughts and am truly grateful for the Thai size life jacket that I have just about managed to squeeze into. Still at least the water is warm!

Right so down to 3 farangs and a more cautious start, this time 6 meters before we go under, humm the prospects are not looking good! So now we put a Thai in to steer and give us some guidance as we obviously need it. Well, gently does it and we eventually get a rhythm going and actually complete the course to much applause and abuse from the Thai crowds who have all come to see the suicidal farangs. Well now comes the difficult bit turning the boat and paddling against the current, by no stretch of the imagination are we in control and are struggling to make headway, our erratic path takes us in amongst the trees which are partially submerged due to the flooding and this is where we run aground! Still at least this gives us a breather as the Thai guy jumps out and hauls us back into deeper water, all that remains to be done now is get back across the river without capsizing which at this point is several hundred meters wide. Well we made it and that must have been the longest half mile ever and I am absolutely bu****ed.

The other team are now looking rather worried but with the benefit of watching our mistakes manage a trouble free run but have taken on rather a lot of water. Everybody is now fit to drop so we agree to meet again at 9.00 the next day for more desperately needed practice. Time to adjourn to the beer tent! Later a visit to the local Thai massage establishment is needed to get my limbs back into working order.

Well typing this up is getting to be a marathon in its own right so I will post this and see if there is enough interest for the next action packed instalment?

TBWG

PS: Pics of event can be seen in Gondarmans post on Satuek boat races.

[bunple]

Hi, Arthur tried to rope me in to do some oar work but I couldn't help as I was going to be in England, never the less I'm still interested in how the day went, when Arthur mentioned this idea to me I envisaged sinking boats and drowning Farangs.......

[TBWG]

Hi, Arthur tried to rope me in to do some oar work but I couldn't help as I was going to be in England, never the less I'm still interested in how the day went, when Arthur mentioned this idea to me I envisaged sinking boats and drowning Farangs.......

Hi Bunple

Will post nail biting climax in a day or so!

TBWG

[TBWG]

Hi, Arthur tried to rope me in to do some oar work but I couldn't help as I was going to be in England, never the less I'm still interested in how the day went, when Arthur mentioned this idea to me I envisaged sinking boats and drowning Farangs.......

Hi All

Despite the lack of posts I have decided to continue with the saga for the following reasons (1) Bunple deserves a reply (2) I like talking about myself! (3) I am currently at a loose end for something better to do, and finally (4) ThaiVisa members deserve to hear about our superhuman exploits on their behalf!

So it’s…..Boat races Act II

Oh dear, the boss lady has got to hear about my nautical exploits and am I in for an ear bashing! But what’s this she is grinning from ear to ear! Great merit for the family I am only local farang in races and bring great honour on the family. So for once I have done something right despite the fact that I might drown!

So its 9 o’clock the next day and we are ready for action trouble is it’s the opening ceremony and we don’t see any boats for about 3 hours, still we are being watered and fed and gawped at by curious Thais.

Well to cut things short it has been decided that we will have 3 farangs in each boat and a Thai each end to steer and guide us to make sure that we go in the right general direction as this has previously proved to be a problem.

I am paired with my previous team mates Lars & Peter and we manage a confident trouble free run down the length of the course aided by a strong current! Now we have to turn and come back, sufficient to say we made hard work of turning and managed to sink again but close to the bank. With the boat full of water it proves impossible to turn over and empty it out, so we have to bail it out, lots of Thaïs appear with bowls and we are soon on the move again, albeit rather wetter! We now have to paddle back up the course against the current and in front of several thousand spectators and jeez it is exhausting, once again I am absolutely bu****ed by the time we get back.

The other team Arthur, Alan & Rex seem to have a trouble free but exhausting run and I put their lack of sinking down to Arthur’s boating experience, he having made the 4 seater canoe that is to be used to transport the local mayor on raceday!

Well we are all knackered and now adjourn to the floating restaurant for beer rations and distribution of team outfits, and agree to meet tomorrow race day at 10.00am for the big event.

Race day dawns fairly breezy and the current seems stronger, there are also spectators as far as the eye can see and are viewing from every vantage point. All the farang team members have turned up looking somewhat apprehensive, but rather professional in our team outfits!

Eventually our turn to be the star attraction arrives and we have to position ourselves for the start. Easier said than done! Somehow we have been maneuvered away from the bank not good with our record of capsizing! Anyway we seem to foul it up and both teams have to go around again, this in itself is tiring and we are past our best by the time we get the gun for the OFF.

It is worth mentioning that unbeknown to us a local Thai speaking American has been coerced into commentating for this cultural highlight of the weekend, however his knowledge of operating sound systems must leave a lot to be desired, as at this crucial point he manages to short the entire electrical system. With as we were later to find out far reaching consequences.

Anyway the race is off to a steady start and aided by the current we pick up a fair amount of speed and begin to dig a bit deeper and up the stroke rate as our confidence builds, rather than being a farcical event we actually achieved quite a good time and were very well matched and won by the narrowest of margins about 1 foot over half mile. Now we had to go back to whence we came, exhausted and against the current that was one hel_l of a long hard slog but the cheers of the spectators kept you going. But we were all absolutely drained upon our return.

It now seemed a bit odd that they would not let us get out of the boats and it was at this point that they told us we had to DO IT AGAIN!! Due to the sound system failure, do these people have any idea what physical torture us athletes have to endure for our sport??

Well it appears that no one was going to be the first to say I can’t do it, so after an M150 it was off to the start line. This time we got it right first go and were OFF again, current plus adrenalin got us up to speed again and this time we could hear the commentator whipping up the crowd to a frenzy, we managed to pull out half a length on the Meuanfun Resort team but they were closing us down as we had peaked to early, however we managed to hold them off and eventually won by a few meters.

Victory obviously gives you strength as we managed to turn the boat without problem despite the fact that 3 of those big 40 seater jobs sank there during the day whilst trying to turn.

Now the horrifying journey back, but wait! We are all getting out at the Mayors sala for various introductions and photo shoots with all the local big shots. Several hundred pictures later we are whisked off minus footwear in a Limo to the presentation lunch on our sponsors floating restaurant. Large amounts of draught Chang are freely available during the presentation ceremony and we are photographed with the governor of Buriram being awarded certificates for our endeavors. Finally after a big blowout lunch we are reacquainted with our shoes!

At this point I am so exhausted I am glad that Arthur overlooked the arrangements for the groupies and cheerleaders

TBWG

PS: Arthur has promised to make a farang sized 7 seater dragon boat so that next year we can take on the Thais. Look forward to it, so it’s straight into training on that beer and bananas regime

[bunple]

Thanks TBWG for finishing the story, I do wish I could have been there (not to row but just to watch and laugh) I'm sure if Aurthur says he's going to build a 7 seater he will, so I'll take this oppurtunity to wish you good luck for next year.

[Dave the Dude]

Hi, Arthur tried to rope me in to do some oar work but I couldn't help as I was going to be in England, never the less I'm still interested in how the day went, when Arthur mentioned this idea to me I envisaged sinking boats and drowning Farangs.......

Hi All

Despite the lack of posts I have decided to continue with the saga for the following reasons (1) Bunple deserves a reply (2) I like talking about myself! (3) I am currently at a loose end for something better to do, and finally (4) ThaiVisa members deserve to hear about our superhuman exploits on their behalf!

So it’s…..Boat races Act II

Oh dear, the boss lady has got to hear about my nautical exploits and am I in for an ear bashing! But what’s this she is grinning from ear to ear! Great merit for the family I am only local farang in races and bring great honour on the family. So for once I have done something right despite the fact that I might drown!

So its 9 o’clock the next day and we are ready for action trouble is it’s the opening ceremony and we don’t see any boats for about 3 hours, still we are being watered and fed and gawped at by curious Thais.

Well to cut things short it has been decided that we will have 3 farangs in each boat and a Thai each end to steer and guide us to make sure that we go in the right general direction as this has previously proved to be a problem.

I am paired with my previous team mates Lars & Peter and we manage a confident trouble free run down the length of the course aided by a strong current! Now we have to turn and come back, sufficient to say we made hard work of turning and managed to sink again but close to the bank. With the boat full of water it proves impossible to turn over and empty it out, so we have to bail it out, lots of Thaïs appear with bowls and we are soon on the move again, albeit rather wetter! We now have to paddle back up the course against the current and in front of several thousand spectators and jeez it is exhausting, once again I am absolutely bu****ed by the time we get back.

The other team Arthur, Alan & Rex seem to have a trouble free but exhausting run and I put their lack of sinking down to Arthur’s boating experience, he having made the 4 seater canoe that is to be used to transport the local mayor on raceday!

Well we are all knackered and now adjourn to the floating restaurant for beer rations and distribution of team outfits, and agree to meet tomorrow race day at 10.00am for the big event.

Race day dawns fairly breezy and the current seems stronger, there are also spectators as far as the eye can see and are viewing from every vantage point. All the farang team members have turned up looking somewhat apprehensive, but rather professional in our team outfits!

Eventually our turn to be the star attraction arrives and we have to position ourselves for the start. Easier said than done! Somehow we have been maneuvered away from the bank not good with our record of capsizing! Anyway we seem to foul it up and both teams have to go around again, this in itself is tiring and we are past our best by the time we get the gun for the OFF.

It is worth mentioning that unbeknown to us a local Thai speaking American has been coerced into commentating for this cultural highlight of the weekend, however his knowledge of operating sound systems must leave a lot to be desired, as at this crucial point he manages to short the entire electrical system. With as we were later to find out far reaching consequences.

Anyway the race is off to a steady start and aided by the current we pick up a fair amount of speed and begin to dig a bit deeper and up the stroke rate as our confidence builds, rather than being a farcical event we actually achieved quite a good time and were very well matched and won by the narrowest of margins about 1 foot over half mile. Now we had to go back to whence we came, exhausted and against the current that was one hel_l of a long hard slog but the cheers of the spectators kept you going. But we were all absolutely drained upon our return.

It now seemed a bit odd that they would not let us get out of the boats and it was at this point that they told us we had to DO IT AGAIN!! Due to the sound system failure, do these people have any idea what physical torture us athletes have to endure for our sport??

Well it appears that no one was going to be the first to say I can’t do it, so after an M150 it was off to the start line. This time we got it right first go and were OFF again, current plus adrenalin got us up to speed again and this time we could hear the commentator whipping up the crowd to a frenzy, we managed to pull out half a length on the Meuanfun Resort team but they were closing us down as we had peaked to early, however we managed to hold them off and eventually won by a few meters.

Victory obviously gives you strength as we managed to turn the boat without problem despite the fact that 3 of those big 40 seater jobs sank there during the day whilst trying to turn.

Now the horrifying journey back, but wait! We are all getting out at the Mayors sala for various introductions and photo shoots with all the local big shots. Several hundred pictures later we are whisked off minus footwear in a Limo to the presentation lunch on our sponsors floating restaurant. Large amounts of draught Chang are freely available during the presentation ceremony and we are photographed with the governor of Buriram being awarded certificates for our endeavors. Finally after a big blowout lunch we are reacquainted with our shoes!

At this point I am so exhausted I am glad that Arthur overlooked the arrangements for the groupies and cheerleaders

TBWG

PS: Arthur has promised to make a farang sized 7 seater dragon boat so that next year we can take on the Thais. Look forward to it, so it’s straight into training on that beer and bananas regime

Hi

Good one, TB without shoes.

A very pleasant read. Hope you have recovered now and had plenty of 'looking after' from 'her indoors'. Get Arthur to arrange the Groupies and Cheerleaders for next year and I will be available to 'make a fool out of myself' in one of the boats. I do it every day on land, so it would be a change to also like stupid on water.

Regard

D the D

[Halydys]

Hi TWBG, sorry for the lack of posts back to your initial one but think many people may be lurkers like me, enjoying all the posts but not bothered to get all wound up in them since they do so often get nasty. Still checking up continuosly on the good ones of course! Your story (prior pics) is great & thanks for posting part II!

Cheers!

H

PS, still waiting for an updated pic of McB's little one!

[Halydys]

Hi TWBG, sorry for the lack of posts back to your initial one but think many people may be lurkers like me, enjoying all the posts but not bothered to get all wound up in them since they do so often get nasty. Still checking up continuosly on the good ones of course! Your story (prior pics) is great & thanks for posting part II!

Cheers!

H

PS, still waiting for an updated pic of McB's little one!

Ah Jeesh, mean TBWG!!! This is another reason why I don't post........

[TBWG]

Hi TWBG, sorry for the lack of posts back to your initial one but think many people may be lurkers like me, enjoying all the posts but not bothered to get all wound up in them since they do so often get nasty. Still checking up continuosly on the good ones of course! Your story (prior pics) is great & thanks for posting part II!

Cheers!

H

PS, still waiting for an updated pic of McB's little one!

Ah Jeesh, mean TBWG!!! This is another reason why I don't post........

Hi Halydys

Yup ....Tall With Bloke Glasses does not quite flow!

Glad you liked report

TBWG

[Bicko]

Hi TWBG, sorry for the lack of posts back to your initial one but think many people may be lurkers like me, enjoying all the posts but not bothered to get all wound up in them since they do so often get nasty. Still checking up continuosly on the good ones of course! Your story (prior pics) is great & thanks for posting part II!

Cheers!

H

PS, still waiting for an updated pic of McB's little one!

Ah Jeesh, mean TBWG!!! This is another reason why I don't post........

Hi Halydys

Yup ....Tall With Bloke Glasses does not quite flow!

Glad you liked report

TBWG

Great read TBWG. Thanks a million and looking forward to some pics. Maybe you have created enough interest for some more of us oldies to participate or spectate next year.

By the way you have given me the opportunity to comment on your avatar. i have often thought about commenting on your wobbly aeroplane. it seems that your boat ride could be compared with your plane ride.

Cheers mate and all the best.

By the way Halydys my wife and I stayed overnight with Mac and his wife recently. His little girl is an absolute beauty although as Mac would agree she probably doesn't get it from her old man!!!!

[TBWG]

Great read TBWG. Thanks a million and looking forward to some pics. Maybe you have created enough interest for some more of us oldies to participate or spectate next year.

By the way you have given me the opportunity to comment on your avatar. i have often thought about commenting on your wobbly aeroplane. it seems that your boat ride could be compared with your plane ride.

Cheers mate and all the best.

Thanks Bicko

Have posted some pics in the original Gondarman post looking for volunteers! Hope you enjoy

TBWG

[gondarman]

[attach

ment=46403:internat..._and_Rex.JPG]

Hi, Arthur tried to rope me in to do some oar work but I couldn't help as I was going to be in England, never the less I'm still interested in how the day went, when Arthur mentioned this idea to me I envisaged sinking boats and drowning Farangs.......

Hi All

Despite the lack of posts I have decided to continue with the saga for the following reasons (1) Bunple deserves a reply (2) I like talking about myself! (3) I am currently at a loose end for something better to do, and finally (4) ThaiVisa members deserve to hear about our superhuman exploits on their behalf!

So it’s…..Boat races Act II

Oh dear, the boss lady has got to hear about my nautical exploits and am I in for an ear bashing! But what’s this she is grinning from ear to ear! Great merit for the family I am only local farang in races and bring great honour on the family. So for once I have done something right despite the fact that I might drown!

So its 9 o’clock the next day and we are ready for action trouble is it’s the opening ceremony and we don’t see any boats for about 3 hours, still we are being watered and fed and gawped at by curious Thais.

Well to cut things short it has been decided that we will have 3 farangs in each boat and a Thai each end to steer and guide us to make sure that we go in the right general direction as this has previously proved to be a problem.

I am paired with my previous team mates Lars & Peter and we manage a confident trouble free run down the length of the course aided by a strong current! Now we have to turn and come back, sufficient to say we made hard work of turning and managed to sink again but close to the bank. With the boat full of water it proves impossible to turn over and empty it out, so we have to bail it out, lots of Thaïs appear with bowls and we are soon on the move again, albeit rather wetter! We now have to paddle back up the course against the current and in front of several thousand spectators and jeez it is exhausting, once again I am absolutely bu****ed by the time we get back.

The other team Arthur, Alan & Rex seem to have a trouble free but exhausting run and I put their lack of sinking down to Arthur’s boating experience, he having made the 4 seater canoe that is to be used to transport the local mayor on raceday!

Well we are all knackered and now adjourn to the floating restaurant for beer rations and distribution of team outfits, and agree to meet tomorrow race day at 10.00am for the big event.

Race day dawns fairly breezy and the current seems stronger, there are also spectators as far as the eye can see and are viewing from every vantage point. All the farang team members have turned up looking somewhat apprehensive, but rather professional in our team outfits!

Eventually our turn to be the star attraction arrives and we have to position ourselves for the start. Easier said than done! Somehow we have been maneuvered away from the bank not good with our record of capsizing! Anyway we seem to foul it up and both teams have to go around again, this in itself is tiring and we are past our best by the time we get the gun for the OFF.

It is worth mentioning that unbeknown to us a local Thai speaking American has been coerced into commentating for this cultural highlight of the weekend, however his knowledge of operating sound systems must leave a lot to be desired, as at this crucial point he manages to short the entire electrical system. With as we were later to find out far reaching consequences.

Anyway the race is off to a steady start and aided by the current we pick up a fair amount of speed and begin to dig a bit deeper and up the stroke rate as our confidence builds, rather than being a farcical event we actually achieved quite a good time and were very well matched and won by the narrowest of margins about 1 foot over half mile. Now we had to go back to whence we came, exhausted and against the current that was one hel_l of a long hard slog but the cheers of the spectators kept you going. But we were all absolutely drained upon our return.

It now seemed a bit odd that they would not let us get out of the boats and it was at this point that they told us we had to DO IT AGAIN!! Due to the sound system failure, do these people have any idea what physical torture us athletes have to endure for our sport??

Well it appears that no one was going to be the first to say I can’t do it, so after an M150 it was off to the start line. This time we got it right first go and were OFF again, current plus adrenalin got us up to speed again and this time we could hear the commentator whipping up the crowd to a frenzy, we managed to pull out half a length on the Meuanfun Resort team but they were closing us down as we had peaked to early, however we managed to hold them off and eventually won by a few meters.

Victory obviously gives you strength as we managed to turn the boat without problem despite the fact that 3 of those big 40 seater jobs sank there during the day whilst trying to turn.

Now the horrifying journey back, but wait! We are all getting out at the Mayors sala for various introductions and photo shoots with all the local big shots. Several hundred pictures later we are whisked off minus footwear in a Limo to the presentation lunch on our sponsors floating restaurant. Large amounts of draught Chang are freely available during the presentation ceremony and we are photographed with the governor of Buriram being awarded certificates for our endeavors. Finally after a big blowout lunch we are reacquainted with our shoes!

At this point I am so exhausted I am glad that Arthur overlooked the arrangements for the groupies and cheerleaders

TBWG

PS: Arthur has promised to make a farang sized 7 seater dragon boat so that next year we can take on the Thais. Look forward to it, so it’s straight into training on that beer and bananas regime

Hi TBWG

Thanks alot for the brilliant reports on the boat race. At the time I did not realize, there was one of us, who had the ability to register all the events so accurately, while exhausting himself physically as we all did. Great work TBWG and as some posters already mentioned, a hel_l of a promotion for this event and an invitation to more of us to participate in next years race. I feel confident enough to start talking to the lord mayor to have some more boats ready for next year As you know, our sponsor Meuanfun also followed our performance with great interest. A winner as she is, she was devastated , that her team just could not manage to beat you guys. In her mind she is already making preparations to become a sure winner for next year and has her eyes on some super-atheletes of the other team. So don't be surprised, when she will invite you for next years contract negotiations.

To prove, that TBWG is not just a fiction writer I am posting some of the pics, that I have collected from around in the meantime.

Thanks to all participants and spectators for a great event and see you all (and more) next year again.

Cheers

Arthur

P.S. Sorry TBWG, I could not resist to show the picture of your training efforts.

[kamalabob2]

The "Satuk Synchronized Swim Team" Photos posted by Gondarman above do not do justice to the gallant effort of the two teams who competed in the annual Mun River races. I must leave the comfortable shade of the Moon River Floating Restaurant next year to watch the Farang Boats compete. Congratulations to both Teams and to the real efforts of Arthur and his wife Meuanfun for organizing the Farang Teams.

[TBWG]

[attach

ment=46403:internat..._and_Rex.JPG][

Hi TBWG

Thanks a lot for the brilliant reports on the boat race. At the time I did not realize, there was one of us, who had the ability to register all the events so accurately, while exhausting himself physically as we all did. Great work TBWG and as some posters already mentioned, a hel_l of a promotion for this event and an invitation to more of us to participate in next years race. I feel confident enough to start talking to the lord mayor to have some more boats ready for next year As you know, our sponsor Meuanfun also followed our performance with great interest. A winner as she is, she was devastated , that her team just could not manage to beat you guys. In her mind she is already making preparations to become a sure winner for next year and has her eyes on some super-atheletes of the other team. So don't be surprised, when she will invite you for next years contract negotiations.

To prove, that TBWG is not just a fiction writer I am posting some of the pics, that I have collected from around in the meantime.

Thanks to all participants and spectators for a great event and see you all (and more) next year again.

Cheers

Arthur

P.S. Sorry TBWG, I could not resist to show the picture of your training efforts.

Hi Gondarman

Having had a few days to digest your last post I feel I should not beat about the bush! We super star athletes at the top of our game do not come cheap. Think Tiger Woods and Lewis Hamilton. Consequently any negotiations will have to encompass the following minimum requirements……………….

1) An air conditioned mobile home, on site for the duration.

2) A personal hairdresser to be in attendance at all times. Preferably one who can make 2 dozen hairs look like a full head of hair!

3) Personal cook and nutritionist to make sure my burger and chips are done to perfection and cholesterol rich.

4) A personal trainer to be in attendance at all times to offset effects of above burgers.

5) A personal assistant to handle quality control of groupies and fight off autograph pests.

6) Exclusive use of a Learjet for the duration, available 24/7.

7) Any other excessive whim that I have yet to think of.

Please feel free to contact me at any time to begin negotiations.

TBWG

PS: Have just re-read post, maybe I am a tad demanding, perhaps I should settle for 2 bottles of Chang, well alright then 1 bottle.