Marraige Customs In Issan

[BenMajor]

Hi,

Getting married in Issan west of Korat next month. I am looking for a good overview of the Thai wedding ceremony, particularly as it is practiced in the Korat area, what the groom (that's me) has to do, and if there are any unintended mistakes that are perhaps easy for a farang to unintentionally commit. Please note that the family does not follow Lao customs, as I understand a considerable number of families in Eastern-Issan do. So, if there is a post or an article I missed, or some people with experience in this give me some pointers, that would be very welcome. Thank you/KKK.

[coventry]

Hi,

Getting married in Issan west of Korat next month. I am looking for a good overview of the Thai wedding ceremony, particularly as it is practiced in the Korat area, what the groom (that's me) has to do, and if there are any unintended mistakes that are perhaps easy for a farang to unintentionally commit. Please note that the family does not follow Lao customs, as I understand a considerable number of families in Eastern-Issan do. So, if there is a post or an article I missed, or some people with experience in this give me some pointers, that would be very welcome. Thank you/KKK.

I never went through that Thai crap. Do what you want to do. Thai weddings are only an excuse to show off wealth. Just go to the Amphur in Bkk with the required documents and 10 minutes later you're married. Have a party by all means but just for family. I'm not for Thai tradition as it's all cosmetic and for show. It never bothered my wife that we never had a Thai ceremony and as long as she's okay by it..........

[ronthompson]

Wedding be in America or Thailand are to a certain point all "CRAP". I had a couple very expensive weddings in America which were all show and the woman turned out to be real bitches and screwed me, is it good or bad.

I find the village wedding to be fun and like in the States there is a lot to pay for rehearsal dinner, flowers, tuxes, wedding gowns, reception dinner and many other things. Trust me u will be paying a lot less and getting a much better bride. A wedding is really for the woman and if it makes her happy and u can afford it go for it. Do believe I spend more for gifts for the wedding party than u will ever spend on a Thai village wedding.

I know u ask a good question and I am not give u a good answer but just go with the flow and make certain if have a good translator available. My village is Cambodian style and our customs are a little different, So I can not help.

I enjoy my life in Thailand and have decided that Thai bashing sucks.

[Gimbo]

Yup, the best advice is simply to show up and go with the flow. And when in doubt smile, smile smile. The will give a lot of leeway for your farangness, so don't worry to much. Else just mimick what your bride does during the ceremony itself. You will probably likely have some sort of assistant/ best man type of thing appointed to you as well. And with a liitlle luck this is someone who can utter a few helping words in english.

Else my wedding was cambodian style too, so can't help with the particulars...oh and did I say smile!

[pumpuiman]

Ask your fiance?........just a thought.

I married my wife in the U.S....sorry I can't help. I have seen quite a few Thai wedding videos on you tube.....might be worth a look.

Hope you get some more info here....

Good luck....you won't regret it.

[BenMajor]

As for the wedding ceremony as "crap", to each his own. Personally, I appreciate the spiritual, cultural and bonding aspects of it. But this wedding isn't much for showing-off. My bride is very prudent and is specifically not going for a big show. First, we set a very reasonable budget for us (for us it is 40,000B). She insists on sticking to it. We are only inviting close friends and family; probably at the hight of the evening party there will be between 75-100 people. We both see no reason to feed and give drink to people who mean nothing to us. We are having both the wedding and party at the family home. The music is being played by friends of the family. Her father is religious and shy, and he didn't even want live music, but my bride did want the people to have more fun. Lots of family and friends are chipping-in for cooking. I think the most expensive thing will be the flowers. My bride and I don't drink, but alcohol will be available, just not in extreme. In any event, this is her day to shine, and for me to see the happiness in her face. After that, we go on an inexpensive honeymoon to a beach bungalow. Eventually, she will come live with me in my country, and she will no longer live in the village. So this is also a bit of an initial send-off for her, from her family and the village which adores her as well.

Edited November 13, 2007 by BenMajor

[Totster]

Hi Ben,

Firstly it's hard to comment on what to expect with regards to the wedding, as the only weddings that I have been to are for people who DO follow the Isaan/Lao customs.

Really the best advice is to ask your wife to be any questions you have beforehand. I wouldn't worry about making any mistakes, as everyone will know you are not familiar with this kind of ceremony and make exceptions.

As people have said before, smile throughout, and just allow yourself to be led through the ceremony and everything will be fine, most of all, enjoy yourself.

Good Luck

Totster

[macb]

Issan weddings :

Well the wife and I did not have a village wedding ceremony so to speak :

But I have been to one or two :

As stated previously it really is up to you and the bride to be to decide :

Weddings can be two three day events depending on your wallet :

!st day people arriving in the evening stage show or live music or disco also bride and groom appear in there outfits on this evening for photo shoots : (The choice is yours)

Dowry how much you give the parents whether part gold or cash again up to you :

Wedding morning you would normally be ready 1st, you would be seated away from the House, there would be a parade in front of you to the house, then you would be ushered in the parade you would need 2 -100 bht notes as you have to pass through to gates which are manned by children holding a chain across your path you hand over 100 bht at each gate to pass through (Bit like a wedding Toll )

Then you get to the Ban then your bride arrives in a parade your both seated and various rituals take place which we aint got a clue but it does not matter (Smile enjoy it, most of all remember it)

THen you gat white cotton passed around you both all signs for Happy and good luck marriage then the family members and friends tie white cotton around your wrists with money etc all for good luck, after all this the bride is taken to another room normally to have gifts removed and the same would happen to you, then you rejoin each other or more photos

Well thats a brief insight have a look in the gallery I did the pics for Binnsy wedding there is also a write up if you use search engine in Issan Forum which I did for him:

I think this will take you to the pics

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?au...si&img=6106

Heres the link for the write up

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...nsy+dow+wedding

Best of luck

Edited November 13, 2007 by macb

[RayBan]

I find the village wedding to be fun and like in the States there is a lot to pay for rehearsal dinner, flowers, tuxes, wedding gowns, reception dinner and many other things. Trust me u will be paying a lot less and getting a much better bride. A wedding is really for the woman and if it makes her happy and u can afford it go for it. Do believe I spend more for gifts for the wedding party than u will ever spend on a Thai village wedding.

I know u ask a good question and I am not give u a good answer but just go with the flow and make certain if have a good translator available. My village is Cambodian style and our customs are a little different, So I can not help.

I enjoy my life in Thailand and have decided that Thai bashing sucks.

Well said Ron ..........110% supportive of your statement. You may be an "Old Gasser" but you hit the nail on the head with your comments above.

[jay-uk]

Expect plenty of string....you'll know what i mean when you get to the ceremony. i'll not tell you more as it may spoil the surprise.

Edited November 13, 2007 by jay-uk

[meatgrowler]

Hi,

Getting married in Issan west of Korat next month. I am looking for a good overview of the Thai wedding ceremony, particularly as it is practiced in the Korat area, what the groom (that's me) has to do, and if there are any unintended mistakes that are perhaps easy for a farang to unintentionally commit. Please note that the family does not follow Lao customs, as I understand a considerable number of families in Eastern-Issan do. So, if there is a post or an article I missed, or some people with experience in this give me some pointers, that would be very welcome. Thank you/KKK.

All good,totally different,a bit odd when the 6 ft long pig rolled in on a trailer,...then as id paid for it i was asked to bosh it to death with a blunt axe....mmmmm,i reluctanly declined...my wifes brother in law happily obliged though...job done....pig feast for 100+ thais and me the only falang.....those white cotton bands were a nuisance after 3 days,especially as theve got a thai squat toilet if ya know what i mean...uuurrrrggghhh

[BenMajor]

Do believe I spend more for gifts for the wedding party than u will ever spend on a Thai village wedding.

Hmm, I asked my bride about the wedding gifts. She said her plan was to pickup a package of 100 key chains at J&J market in BKK before she meets me at the airport. Then the local print-shop will make-up a batch of stickers with our name on it and she and friends stick them on the key chains. Doesn't sound to pricey to me.

Let's see, I am buying my bride a gold necklace and ring, but not over the top in price. To be nice, I am giving her mother a small gold bracelet as well. Her mother is a good lady and works her ass off seven days a week, and goes out of her way to stay out of way and never asks for anything...So, the gold part seems to be the big expense here.

I think I also have to give the seven monks coming some to the ceremony cash each in an envelope. One monk coming is much older and is considered very high, beloved and revered. He is also supposed to have a very good sense of humor and makes the people laugh a lot. It is apparently impressive that he is coming, but the father knows him a long time. I am supposed to give him considerably more cash than the others. No chance that my bride will let me go overboard though.

Am I missing some gifts?

Ah. about the dowry, it is only for ceremonial show. I will get it back after the party. I gave them a choice of lump sum or incremental amounts over time. They chose the incremental dowry. Since I know I will have to help out from time-to-time anyway, that means I basically avoid the dowry. When I asked them how much they wanted, they said "up to me". I named what I thought was a reasonable amount for showing, and they said "Very good. KKK".

I have been with the family for two years, and they are not the greedy kind. I have seen and heard of less fortunate fellows. I am lucky in that respect. Plus they do pretty well with their many farms and livestock. Their other two kids do well working in Bangkok, and take care of the parents also. Overall, they are happy with what they have. Come to think of it, probably the fact that I have twenty years to retire from working probably makes them feel more comfortable they don't have to get it from me sooner.

(Anyway, About the only vice this family seems to have is collecting orchids from the government-owned jungle. They have an amazing collection.)

Edited November 13, 2007 by BenMajor

[BenMajor]

All good,totally different,a bit odd when the 6 ft long pig rolled in on a trailer,...then as id paid for it i was asked to bosh it to death with a blunt axe....mmmmm,i reluctanly declined...my wifes brother in law happily obliged though...job done....pig feast for 100+ thais and me the only falang

Asked the bride about the pig and she giggled. She said the only head that might get smashed could be my own if I decide to break my abstinence and try some Thai whiskey.

[BenMajor]

Expect plenty of string....you'll know what i mean when you get to the ceremony. i'll not tell you more as it may spoil the surprise.

Yes, the string. I have experienced some of it already. When we got engaged, many close family and friends came to the house one evening after dinner and each in turn tied string around my wrist and that of my fiancee's. Sort of like a good luck thing. The father then told me I am like a son to him. The whole thing was such a lovely gesture I got teary-eyed and became a bit embarrassed. My bride clutched me harder and everyone beamed at us respectfully. I won't forget that moment.

Also, when the house was blessed by the monks on New Year's last year, they did the string around all the people thing. The only problem I had was sitting in a lotus position for almost an hour. Ouch.

As far as all that string around the wrist being a nuisance, I use my other hand. :-))

Edited November 13, 2007 by BenMajor

[coventry]

The father then told me I am like a son to him.

Of course he did because he knows you're going to look after him in the future as per Thai family tradition. Also the use of your car when you get it. As soon as you marry his future is mapped out and that map is looking good.

[thomo]

Why would you get married to someone when you're not even familiar with their customs?

Don't you even know this person that well?

How about living here with them for a little while first so you know what Thailand/Thais are about.

Don't do anything stupid with your money JUST INCASE ye are not still madly in love in 30 years time and she decideds the house and cars and everything else is gonna go to her real family.

Just a story comes to hand about that Dutch guy a while back. Put a mill baht into a joint account for their house. When the time came to take it out and use it, the TG decided she wanted it for herself.

The down payment on the hitman: The gold bracelet he had given her.

Just be smart dude and don't risk anything you don't need to,

All the best and hopefully ye're still rockin it in 30 yrs time.

[thomo]

I wan't to know what to expect and avoid any offense...

You don't want to cause offence, then don't point when she or her family lies to you.

Lies are better than someone losing face, so it's perfectly ok for her to lie to you, just not ok (in fact a BIG no no) for you to point it out.

Don't criticise anyone or anything someone has done, criticism is seen as a massive personal attack.

Don't do anything that will likely cause an uncomfortable situation. Avoid confrontation at all costs. Tell a lie, it is a lot better telling the truth and causing an uncomfortable situation.

Don't be tight with your money. (Just be smart with it - nothing in anyone elses name but your own)

All da best.

[jay-uk]

oh....and you may be given a boiled egg to hold through the blessing and someone might shout something sounding like "MuddaaaKwannnniiiiiiiii" really loud. That's if you can escape the string.

[NanLaew]

My first Thai marriage ceremony was rather low key at the in-laws (rich Thai military family) in Korat. Mostly just family in for the blessings, water pouring and loads of string.

The second one hasn't been done yet but although we have done the registration at the amphur, it will once again be a low-key family affair (lower middle-class family) in Udon.

I agree with the poster that said the ceremony is more for the wife as they see those weddings on TV and magazines and want just a little bit of the same; can't deny the girl that bit of happiness now can we? If they want the full hi-so style wedding and they aren't hi-so, do a back peddle!

Years (and years) ago, I remember visiting a girlfriends home near Nong Khai (I didn't marry that one) and after the meal, meeting all the 'relatives' and drinking lao khao, I went off for a shower before we headed into town. Old Thai style house on stilts and the floorboards in the dunny weren't up to a 100kg farang and I fell through... partially. Luckily didn't make it all the way through and land in the sh*t but twisted my knee badly so night out was canceled. Next morning, I wake up with a knee the size of a football (head a little smaller) so after some of mums home made soup... I swear it had large tadpoles in it, it was off to the hospital with tilac in a samlor. Didn't know if the tadpole soup was for the hangover or the knee pain but it worked. The trip to the hospital was exciting as my right leg was sticking straight out and meant my foot was always way out into the traffic when the pedalo turned left. Back home and dad gets a bollocking for not fixing the sh*thouse floor before I showed up. They probably think that's why I never married their daughter.

Oh yes, smile a lot and disregard thomo and coventry. They sound like they have had (or more likely have anecdotal knowledge of) a bad time. So do I but why piss on someone's parade, eh?

Best wishes and good luck!

[AYJAYDEE]

Hi,

Getting married in Issan west of Korat next month. I am looking for a good overview of the Thai wedding ceremony, particularly as it is practiced in the Korat area, what the groom (that's me) has to do, and if there are any unintended mistakes that are perhaps easy for a farang to unintentionally commit. Please note that the family does not follow Lao customs, as I understand a considerable number of families in Eastern-Issan do. So, if there is a post or an article I missed, or some people with experience in this give me some pointers, that would be very welcome. Thank you/KKK.

Justkeep your eyes open and your mouth shut. there will be more thasn enough willing hands to guide you. relax and enjoy the process and ask all your questions later with the wedding pictures spread out in front of you. it's reaaly a fun day.

[wineman]

Expect to get really, really drunk.

Best wishes for the future.

[plachonubon]

There seem to be many variations on the actual ceromony

we had 700 guests!!! and after counting up the gifted monies from the guests we about broke even.

Good time had by all ,even me who was dreading the whole event!!

relax and enjoy