To Pay Or Not To Pay (when G/f & Me Live Together)

[snoophound]

This could well be a silly question but here goes anyway.

When I was recently in Thailand, I met a nice girl. I send her 4000 baht a week on a monthly basis. Anyway I am in the process of selling my UK house to live out there with her. When I met her I gave her 1000 baht each day when she stayed with me, even though it was only 6 days before my holiday finished.

The point is when we live together, obviously I will pay for everything for the home and living expenses etc etc but will I be expected to give her personal money for her as she does have a 10 yr old daughter and parents?

Before anyone lectures me about maybe being a mug, she has met my mate & his g/f who live in Phuket, she has seen how they live and I don’t think she would do anything (like work) to jeopardise this from happening. Also my mate and a few other lads (who she has also met) go drinking down town on a Friday night including the bar where she used to work, so I would get to know if she was up to no good. She is also aware of this fact.

I also phone her via 18866 @ 2p a minute which is great for 30 minute calls everyday, it’s usually late evening when I phone her, sometimes she is out with a g/f for a drink, and sometimes in her room. If she was working I don’t think she could have nights off to stay in her room? Any comments on this???

I don’t expect her to sit in her room waiting until I return so I have to trust her when she does go out, hard sometimes I know!

Phil

Well 16k baht a mth is just enough for her to live on by the time family and kid comes into play.

Many girls i know with western union boyfriends do actualy try and be good ,but you must realise how boring it is staying in loom looking tv,even though thais have the greatest capacity for watching tv i have ever seen.

Its always a danger ...as many posts here harp on about ...you can take the girl out of the bar but.....

Hopefuly it works out well for you and you can get their quickly,its really time that is your enemy here.

If you do get there before she succumbs to temptation,make sure you agree up front how much you will give to "family",if you dont it will be open ended.

I would suggest 5k a mth to parents,maybe a bit more if kids are living there.

[simple1]

I don’t think she wants to jeopardise the chance of living with a falang...

Phil, it looks like you are suffering from the "White Knight" affliction. I suggest you get off your high horse before you hurt yourself falling off.

[Khun ?]

The chances of making it long term with a bar girl is not that good. You are already talking of selling your house for a 6 day fling. Would you do this back

home with a girl specially one that makes a living going out with guys? It is your life and if you do not want to hear real facts then don't ask. Most likely she will

still be working the bars while you are away, you know the old story line one in the hand is better than two in the bush well in Thailand it works one in the bank roll and more in the bush. If it was true she would try to adjust her life to win your compassion.

Money, family then farang is the norm for BG's and it stays that way. To be

honest it will stay that way for many years to come and the first time she is pissed at you there she goes back to the bar it's a weapon they know all to well.

Good luck either way but this story line is heard 100 times a day and not so uncommon in farang land also just don't have the bar included with foreigners throwing cash around. If the baht you send does not bother you finance wise

then no big loss but selling the farm is not to good an idea at this stage.

When the cash stops coming in the attraction will wear off quite quickly.

You only live once but you know the tune now.

[andy50]

try telling her that you have no more money ,but just enough to come to los and marry her,this would be a good test of her supposed love for you

[Halo]

TROLL Definetly or maybe he is just stupid.

[D80]

Troll or not, here goes my answer:

either you just have to accept that a relationship based on monetary reward is not likely to be stable or you will have to wake up to the reality that exists outside the bar scene.

One thing I never understand is why some farangs think Thai women have to be paid for them to stay in a relationship.

If you attract your partner by using material things, money, security whatever you want to call it, is it any surprise that he/she will go off to the next highest bidder as soon as your back is turn?

And what's this about the 'opportunity to live with a farang'? I've read the survey you talked about before and it was only done on a small group of girls in a small area, NOT the whole of Thailand!

Don't know about others, but I would personally not jeopardise my relationship with my partner, not because of the money/security/whatever material things the guy is capable of providing but because I want to spend my life with the person I love! There are women who would be offended if you offer to pay her keep in such a way that you have done here and I am one of them. I definitely would not want a partner who believes he is doing me a favour by paying me and that I should be loyal to him because he has been oh-so-generous with his money.

So, if you don't mind being involve with someone who will only see you as a ticket to the so-called 'better life', then carry on. But be aware that the fear of what will happen when your back is turned will never go away.

PS BTW, if you really believe that Thai girls/women really think a chance to live with a farang is so precious then why should you worry if this one woman does a runner? If it is the case that Thai girls just can't resist all this security that a farang can provide, wouldn't they be flocking outside, beating down the door to your heart everyday? Take your pick then! hhehehehe Sorry, can't resist.

[hkthai]

Troll or not, here goes my answer:

either you just have to accept that a relationship based on monetary reward is not likely to be stable or you will have to wake up to the reality that exists outside the bar scene.

One thing I never understand is why some farangs think Thai women have to be paid for them to stay in a relationship.

If you attract your partner by using material things, money, security whatever you want to call it, is it any surprise that he/she will go off to the next highest bidder as soon as your back is turn?

And what's this about the 'opportunity to live with a farang'? I've read the survey you talked about before and it was only done on a small group of girls in a small area, NOT the whole of Thailand!

Don't know about others, but I would personally not jeopardise my relationship with my partner, not because of the money/security/whatever material things the guy is capable of providing but because I want to spend my life with the person I love! There are women who would be offended if you offer to pay her keep in such a way that you have done here and I am one of them. I definitely would not want a partner who believes he is doing me a favour by paying me and that I should be loyal to him because he has been oh-so-generous with his money.

So, if you don't mind being involve with someone who will only see you as a ticket to the so-called 'better life', then carry on. But be aware that the fear of what will happen when your back is turned will never go away.

PS BTW, if you really believe that Thai girls/women really think a chance to live with a farang is so precious then why should you worry if this one woman does a runner? If it is the case that Thai girls just can't resist all this security that a farang can provide, wouldn't they be flocking outside, beating down the door to your heart everyday? Take your pick then! hhehehehe Sorry, can't resist.

[duke69]

another lucky pimp met a jerk

..... and life goes on!!!!

PS. If you need some of us to make some routine maintenance to your G/F before you'll arrive to LOS, let us know we will transform her in a vergin nun!!!

[Phil_ne_uk]

another lucky pimp met a jerk

..... and life goes on!!!!

PS. If you need some of us to make some routine maintenance to your G/F before you'll arrive to LOS, let us know we will transform her in a vergin nun!!!

Hi duke69,

After reading a few of your other posts I am now able to understand the concept of your above post relating to myself.

I now understand the reason behind it is obviously due to your attitude towards women and novice falangs also.

I mean lets face it, with a name like duke “69” what can anyone really expect to perceive about you!!

So who’s the jerk here in reality?

[medicinebox]

As I have said before incidently. Lads, if they didn't have minges none of us would bother with them.

All women are evil and were put on earth to torment us. :D

[Phil_ne_uk]

I agree with that 100% lol

[myfriendu]

nice one phil,lots of dickheads on here, most of them jump on the band wagon,and havent got a clue anyway,hope it works out,

[Phil_ne_uk]

Here here! Thanks for that myfriendu

Phil

[duke69]

<some pointless name-calling deleted, please remain polite; trolls are people too. >

/Chanchao

Edited August 24, 2004 by chanchao

[Phil_ne_uk]

[happymanme]

phil move out to thailand,enjoy yourself but DONT sell the house back in uk just rent it that way you will still see a monthly income and have a bolt hole back to uk IF things dont work out.

and if in a year or 2 they are working THEN it may be the right time to sell up.

thats my 2 pennies worth anyway

(jeeeeeeez wish i had a house to sell, but i aint anymore cos of the 1st wife .....lol)

khun kwaam sook allan

[OOLEEBER]

Hi Phil,

Here's my tuppence worth too. In no particular order (except the numbers)

1. As said before. Rent if you can. I did but the &lt;deleted&gt; trashed my house and moved out after 6 months and I couldn't rent it for the next 9 and got so Pi@@#d of I decided to sell and be done. You might be lucky and get some good long term tennats providing you with an income and the obvious long term sure thing called capital appreciation.

2. One benefit of renting is you will be able to explain to your GF that you only get X amount every month but if she loves you then its not about the money anyway.

3. If you sell, she will know you have bags of the good stuff and will pressure you to buy or build pretty quick and if you do you'll soon run out. No matter how much it converts to in Baht it will not last forever.

4. Why not rent a house here with her for the first couple of years to see if it works out. 5000 - 10,000pm is buttons compared to shelling out 1mil + for a house that you won't even technically own.

5. If you do sell, for Gods sake don't tell her how much money you will make. Because you are nuts about her right now you will want to tell her all the good news to make her feel good about the future. Resist.

6. Stick a substantial proportion of the cash in a mutual fund, or managed equity fund. If you do it in Thailland I would recomend you talk to MFC but make sure all mail is directed to the UK. Also leave a chunk of it in the UK in a long term savings account, the kind you have to give 30 or 90 days notice but gives good interest.

7. Have a plan about how you will earn money while you are here and do all you can to organise as much as possible before you arrive. If you can try to avoid the plan that involves going back to the UK to work for 3 months a year. It almost always ends in tears.

8. If you follow the above and work out a budget THEN you can decide how much to give her a month because it will be dictated by what you can afford rather than how much she tells you she needs. If it all goes pear shaped then the most you will lose is a month or twos rent and have no ties or responsibilities.

I hope it works out for you Phil. I didn't follow the exact formula above. This is a meddley of advice or actions many of my friends have done or said. I've been lucky and have a wonderfull wife, two amazing daughters and four successful businesess. So it's not all doom and gloom as some might suggest. Just be careful and cover yer erse.

Good Luck Matey.

[IsaanAlex]

&lt;deleted&gt; me,

Phil, I don't know if you're a troll or not, but a guy giving any Thai lady 16,000 baht a month is ridiculous, IMHO.

That would be like a Jap hooking up with a Canuck girl and giving her $4000 Cdn a month to do &lt;deleted&gt; all. This girl is pulling 4X what a hardworking maid or 'salarywoman' will make, working 5 1/2 days a week.

My wife has a rent-free place and gets 15,000 baht a month for her and my 2 kids.

Why give a women money for nothing?

Women don't even get the right to do a slow bleed on me until they've had one of my kids.

IA