What Do I Do

[joeuk1]

Just a question, how can you 'do the best' for your daughter if she is not with you, if she is left in a village to grow up and go to school when she has the ooportunity to do better and more importantly when the mother does what she does ??

If you have friends, good friends, would any of them offer to help you take care of her for a short time until you settle and sort your shit out ?

Macb can do best for her by supporting her and having visiting rights and spending quality time with her , he will also be in the driving seat for any important decisions concerning her future .

Imho taking her out of the village away from her mother and family will not be a good move if macb beleives she will be well cared for in the village.

JB

[MrSquigle]

by a mother who pulls a knife on daddy and shakes the child violantly and tells daddy she does not love him.

good call.

[joeuk1]

by a mother who pulls a knife on daddy and shakes the child violantly and tells daddy she does not love him.

good call.

<deleted> has if she loves daddy or not got to do with it ? If the child was in any danger Macb would have not left her behind when he went to petchabun .

Yes my call is a good call thanx for the comment .

JB

[macb]

Okay let me explain things once again, to certain posters :

I cannot make instant spontaneous decisions overnight I am going to speak to lawyers this weekend, I have Ron and Andy nearby who will know if anything is amiss and let me know:

I have already said I will do what is right for my daughter, at the moment i got to let it sink into the wifes head that she has lost me forever:

But my daughter will know her father and I will take the correct course of action :

My wife will now be losing face within her family and in the village

[joeuk1]

Okay let me explain things once again, to certain posters :

I cannot make instant spontaneous decisions overnight I am going to speak to lawyers this weekend, I have Ron and Andy nearby who will know if anything is amiss and let me know:

I have already said I will do what is right for my daughter, at the moment i got to let it sink into the wifes head that she has lost me forever:

But my daughter will know her father and I will take the correct course of action :

My wife will now be losing face within her family and in the village

Losing face is BS no one should have to live a life with someone that they dont want to live with , IF your wife is losing face it will pass and she will get on with her NEW life the same as you will . You dont need a lawyer Macb you just need to talk with your wife and sort out and get her to agree with what suits you and is best for you and your daughter .

The way i see it you will get settled quickly into your NEW life and will have access to your dtr when you want it , you will spend quality time with her , you seem set in your ways that there is no return to the marriage so now set some goals and a gameplan and and start your new life .

Lifes too short macb dont waste it .

JB

[MrSquigle]

'<deleted> has if she loves daddy or not got to do with it ? '......a helluva lot Joe, guess you cannot understand that, never mind you can be forgiven for not understanding this.

just chalk up 'another good call' on your belt !.

People can run their famiy lives as they see fit....if they ask for advice in the public domain, expect all kinds of responses.

I personaly would never leave my kids with a mother if she had shown the tendancies that this one had done.

Appreciate that the OP cannot make quick decisions, but taking and leaving the child with close friends could be one he could take for the safety of the child.....after all, 'shaking the child so violantly it falls out of its chair and hurts its head' has and will cause brain damage to children the world over.

Secondly, having a close friend to 'keep and eye' on things in the village is of course good, but to late if something happens behind closed doors and what will the OP do then if something like that happens ?

And lastly...'sinking into the wifes head that you are gone forever'.....really...based entirely on what you have stated here in many posts, do you really think she gives a shit.

Just my opinion and I would never leave my kids in that same situation, but then I would never have stayed in that situation and several other things as well.

Of course if OP cannot take care of the child alone, with help of any other kind, friends, nanny etc etc, then there is nothing much else he can do and that is a sad situation to have to walk away from.

Edited November 29, 2007 by MrSquigle

[macb]

Okay let me explain things once again, to certain posters :

I cannot make instant spontaneous decisions overnight I am going to speak to lawyers this weekend, I have Ron and Andy nearby who will know if anything is amiss and let me know:

I have already said I will do what is right for my daughter, at the moment i got to let it sink into the wifes head that she has lost me forever:

But my daughter will know her father and I will take the correct course of action :

My wife will now be losing face within her family and in the village

Losing face is BS no one should have to live a life with someone that they dont want to live with , IF your wife is losing face it will pass and she will get on with her NEW life the same as you will . You dont need a lawyer Macb you just need to talk with your wife and sort out and get her to agree with what suits you and is best for you and your daughter .

The way i see it you will get settled quickly into your NEW life and will have access to your dtr when you want it , you will spend quality time with her , you seem set in your ways that there is no return to the marriage so now set some goals and a gameplan and and start your new life .

Lifes too short macb dont waste it .

JB

Good on ya I tried speaking to the wife before I left but she didnt beleive anything so once she realizes then i will try again and hold the reins :

Yes I am setting goals in my mind as I type mate:Time waits for no man

THanks

[sbk]

Indeed, you are correct MrSquigle. Shaken baby syndrome can be deadly and is not something to take lightly. Shaking your baby so hard is a form of child abuse.

An estimated 1,200 to 1,400 cases of Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) occur each year in the United States. Only 1 out of 4 babies dies of Shaken Baby Syndrome. HOWEVER, the other three babies will need ongoing medical attention for the rest of their short lifespans.

Source: aboutshakenbaby.com/

If you are unsure about any damage this website is quite comprehensive:

www.dontshake.com

Frankly, I agree with MrSquigle here, she is abusing the child-- it does not really matter for whatever reasons, but the child's future could be at stake here, and I would not leave a baby alone with her either.

[lampard10]

Mac is a great bloke, one of life's real gentleman, he will get, as he deserves, all the help and support that he needs from his friends outside of this screen.

I now think of a statement I made years ago regarding women. It does seem somehow that the better you treat a woman, the more problems you have. I have known guys that beat their women half to death at times, and they are together for years. I know other guys that give their wives NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, and somehow they are still happily married. Now I know of four guys, including myself, who have given their wives the world, and look what has happened.

[joeuk1]

Indeed, you are correct MrSquigle. Shaken baby syndrome can be deadly and is not something to take lightly. Shaking your baby so hard is a form of child abuse.

An estimated 1,200 to 1,400 cases of Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) occur each year in the United States. Only 1 out of 4 babies dies of Shaken Baby Syndrome. HOWEVER, the other three babies will need ongoing medical attention for the rest of their short lifespans.

Source: aboutshakenbaby.com/

If you are unsure about any damage this website is quite comprehensive:

www.dontshake.com

Frankly, I agree with MrSquigle here, she is abusing the child-- it does not really matter for whatever reasons, but the child's future could be at stake here, and I would not leave a baby alone with her either.

What about the rest of the thread where it says the woman has breastfed the baby this past 10 mths , macb post that she spends a lot of time laying downstairs with the baby , he also posted that when she goes to her mothers and family she takes the baby with her .

She does not sound like a mother that does not love her baby .

JB

[sbk]

All it takes is one incident for brain damage or death to occur. And usually the kind of anger and frustration that occurs in these cases is not a one-off-- she is emotionally volatile as displayed by holding a knife to her husband. If it were me, as I said, I wouldn't leave the child with a woman who has displayed violence towards myself or my child on more than one occasion.

[macb]

Come on guys don't start bitching at each other or de-railing :

If you read the Topic properly I said she rocked her to hard in the thai crib that she fell out I did not say she was shaking her

[joeuk1]

All it takes is one incident for brain damage to occur.

Macb maybe its time you cleared up is your wife a crap mother or not ? If she is a danger to your dtr or not ? i must be reading this thread a little different to some others because the way i read it is that she is a good mother but in macbs eyes a crap wife and that is why the marraige is over .

JB

[sbk]

Come on guys don't start bitching at each other or de-railing :

If you read the Topic properly I said she rocked her to hard in the thai crib that she fell out I did not say she was shaking her

This afternoon she got angry with the little daughter rocked her so hard she fell out the rocker banging her head : I took my little angel outside to control her, I had to raise my voice at the wife and yak yak her: So I have this to deal with as well, threats to kill the baby twice and showing a knife to me and the daughter:

mac, I am in no way judging you and have nothing but the greatest sympathy for your situation, I don't understand how people can do these things to each other and yes, lampy, it does seem to happen to the nice guys.

But in re-reading your post quoted above, she does sound emotionally unstable and violent. And yes, she did not shake the baby, but to rock the rocker so hard the baby fell out? To threaten to kill the baby? Its not good.

[zorro1]

All it takes is one incident for brain damage to occur.

Macb maybe its time you cleared up is your wife a crap mother or not ? If she is a danger to your dtr or not ? i must be reading this thread a little different to some others because the way i read it is that she is a good mother but in macbs eyes a crap wife and that is why the marraige is over .

JB

That's a tad harsh as often during breakups there are moments of extreme emotions when neither is thinking straight. My guess is that Op was giving mum total brain damage while she was rocking the crib not realising herself how hard until baby fell out. Neither of them would be to blame if that's the case but the knife? I'm sure that was 100% meant for OP. As in most incidences like this you only get one side of the story. However Op has shown total level head while some of us here are falling apart and am sure he knows exactly what he is doing regarding his only child

Edited November 29, 2007 by zorro1

[Iambabababor]

Under legislation enacted in the UK in recent years, divorced wives are entitled to some of their former husbands state pension when it becomes due

Lets hope for the sakes of Mac, Thaddeus and Lampard that neither their wives nor their lawyers (if they have one) are aware of this.

[macb]

1. No good as a wife:

2. Although these things occurred , I don't think she will harm Gloria :

3 The reason she is still breast feeding is her own fault

4. My wife is born of her mother and they have a`filthy house, the house I built will run down very quickly:

5 She is being a mother, but not a perfect one, if I take the daughter away she would soon recover from the lose I am sure

[MrSquigle]

The more i read, the more I am astounded.

Did not read before that she threatened to kill the child, what kind of mother says this ?

Holding a knife to the child.....you know you see this on 'whats amazing' or on front page of thai papers or tv news, right before all the cops jump on the person at the right time and pulverise the person, then leave whats left for the group that has gathered to get their bit in.

So your child will be living and raised in a filthy house, filthy house means also poor sanitary skills, poor cleansing....seems the child not only will be possibly subject to violance, but health problems from the mothers neglect.

Being 10 months old, she will get over it very quickly, it is amazing how quick she would adapt and if you were there with her 24/7 for the first weeks, then it will happen very quickly and easily.

A friend of mine lost his wife and mother of 7yo recently, I saw them 2 months after this and the boy had adapted remarkably well from a complete loss.

hey Joe...think you been reading it wrong.

[Thaddeus]

hey Joe...think you been reading it wrong.

No, I think Joe has read it correctly. If you had spent any time in actual physical contact with the people concerned, you may see that way also.

I don't think that Gloria is in any danger if Mac takes a short break, I would hazard a guess, that if he stayed in the vicinity, the arguments would continue and the little girl could get hurt accidentally.

Let him go away for a while to clear his head and let the dust settle, it should also have a calming effect on his wife and she may come to realise what she is doing, hanging around would only make matters worse IMO.

My wife started going off the rails a few month ago, we were hardly talking at all, and when we were, none of it was good..... she is currently staying with friends in Bangkok who are trying to wean her off her casino addiction (there you go, I said it) we have spoken on the phone every day for the last four days and she is starting to sound like the girl I married all those years ago again. The last thing she said yesterday was "Daddy, you're a good man, you only do good things for me and I only hurt you, I not like me now" (she started calling me Daddy to get our daughter into the habit and it just stuck)

I believe a break apart for Mac and Bee for a while can only do more good than harm.

[pumpuiman]

Mac,

I'm glad to hear your getting your head together. This time away is exactly what you need.

Don't let the doom and gloomers get you down.

Your on the right track.

[zzdocxx]

Though I don't know you, I am glad to hear you are in the company of a couple of good friends, I believe they will have a steadying influence on you and help you to not do anything without thinking it through first.

Good luck.

[oceanrover]

Hey Mac,

I spend a month in Manila and all hel_l breaks loose? Sorry to hear that you and Bee are on the rocks. My wife told me that she liked you and Bee when she visited a few months ago so it really pains me that you are going through this. I understand that you can't just walk away as some of the others have recommended. A little time out was wise though IMHO as I have also experienced the escalation of a Thai mother's frustration from time to time. Nothing to the extent that Bee showed, but I was not there so I can't judge as the circumstances may have seemed to match her actions. Post Natal Depression can be a factor and middle age mothers have it far more often than younger mothers and is not discussed in Thailand from what I understand. If you ever feel the need to get a little further away and need a change of scenario, we have a spare room for you and Gloria. Malisa needs a playmate anyway and it would give me a break from the "Mali needs a baby brother" rant that I hear daily from Noi.

Good luck my friend. Let me know if you need anything.

Cheers.

Mike in Seattle

[rixalex]

"Daddy, you're a good man, you only do good things for me and I only hurt you, I not like me now" (she started calling me Daddy to get our daughter into the habit and it just stuck)

Please don't tell me you are falling for this nonsense!!!

P.S. Wife calls you Daddy.. hmmm... you're comfortable with this?

[Godders]

But last Saturday my wife announced she was fed up with me and wants to leave, and leave me with the daughter :

In law, if you divorce, the home is split 50/50 - she doesn't get it all as many people think. Realistically you might get more, if the reason for the split was caused by her unfaithfullness and by virtue of the fact that you might raise your daughter.

Good luck

Are you sure about this. My understanding (after consulting several Thai and falang lawyers) is that a falang married to a Thai will NEVER succeed with a claim for half the marital land and property. I have been unable to find a single divorce court case where this has happened. Indeed, under rules brought in a couple of years ago, falang husbands have to sign away their rights to the family home when registering the acquisition at the local land office. As the estranged husband of a Thai wife I would love to be proved wrong!

[Gary A]

But last Saturday my wife announced she was fed up with me and wants to leave, and leave me with the daughter :

In law, if you divorce, the home is split 50/50 - she doesn't get it all as many people think. Realistically you might get more, if the reason for the split was caused by her unfaithfullness and by virtue of the fact that you might raise your daughter.

Good luck

Are you sure about this. My understanding (after consulting several Thai and falang lawyers) is that a falang married to a Thai will NEVER succeed with a claim for half the marital land and property. I have been unable to find a single divorce court case where this has happened. Indeed, under rules brought in a couple of years ago, falang husbands have to sign away their rights to the family home when registering the acquisition at the local land office. As the estranged husband of a Thai wife I would love to be proved wrong!

I knew a guy with children and a LONG time marriage. He spent the money for lawyers and ran it all the way through the court system. He was awarded half the money from the assets being sold. Four years later he has not seen the first baht.

[macb]

For what its worth I am speaking with Issan lawyers tomorrow so will up -date later on the outcome ,as far as I am concerned the house is my daughters inheritance so money well spent in the long term : She will also have a trust fund that only she has access to in later life:

And in the meantime see me once a month when I will spoil her ;

Edited November 29, 2007 by macb

[dee123]

Hi Macb........DON'T LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN!

[Iambabababor]

Are you sure about this. My understanding (after consulting several Thai and falang lawyers) is that a falang married to a Thai will NEVER succeed with a claim for half the marital land and property. I have been unable to find a single divorce court case where this has happened. Indeed, under rules brought in a couple of years ago, falang husbands have to sign away their rights to the family home when registering the acquisition at the local land office. As the estranged husband of a Thai wife I would love to be proved wrong!

Below an extract from a law firm www.wls-legal.com/DV.html

I have always understood that property acquired after marriage is shared upon divorce, and in my case this is exactly what happened. Had to sell the house first though!

How to Split the Property

Normally, under the Thai law, any property that either had at the time before marriage otherwise referred to as personal property, remains with that party even though without prenuptial agreement. Any properties that both parties accrued after marriage, which is termed, "conjugal property" will be shared on an equal basis upon divorce.

[dee123]

.....I usually find the best way to solve one's problems is to down a bottle of whisky and then attack!

[Thaddeus]

"Daddy, you're a good man, you only do good things for me and I only hurt you, I not like me now" (she started calling me Daddy to get our daughter into the habit and it just stuck)

Please don't tell me you are falling for this nonsense!!!

P.S. Wife calls you Daddy.. hmmm... you're comfortable with this?

Well, it's better than being called fukwit isn't it?

P.S. that is what the rest of your post is inferring ..... and no, I am not falling for it. It was an illustration of how moods and attitudes can change in a trial separation. Please read the lines and not between them, far too many people have already done that in this thread thank you.