Friends Visiting For First Time From Overseas

[ChiangMaiThai]

Every now and again I have a friend visit here for first time from overseas. Every time, it's always a little strange and awkward. Everything that is second nature to me here is nearly incomprehensible or just wrong to my guest. I try to explain the way some things work here, but you have to live it to really understand. In the end I find I'd rather spend time with other expats or Thais than with former close friends, which doesn't seem quite right. Anyone else had similar experiences or is it just me?

[cooL_guY_corY]

yea for sure, must be the first time culture shock. It really depends on the person/people though, but if your new to the region / traveling then yea, and i also have experienced this.. kind of awkwardness and weirdness

[sgunn65]

It is said (by Oscar Wilde I think) that house guests are like fish. They go off in 3 days. I am sure that will help!!!

[legag]

Oh yeah!! culture shock or narrow-minded. Once we have explained how things work/are around here (in Thailand) they are still giving us a difficult time and all. I find that is 'the pain in the .... (you know). Those travellers should have prepared and opened-minded to whatever comes while they are not in their own country and enjoy to see things differrently from their home.

... that house guests are like fish. They go off in 3 days.

I like that

[Thanyaburi Mac]

Every now and again I have a friend visit here for first time from overseas. Every time, it's always a little strange and awkward. Everything that is second nature to me here is nearly incomprehensible or just wrong to my guest. I try to explain the way some things work here, but you have to live it to really understand. In the end I find I'd rather spend time with other expats or Thais than with former close friends, which doesn't seem quite right. Anyone else had similar experiences or is it just me?

Had two friends arrive from the U.S on Tuesday, went downtown to have lunch with them yesterday.

Both had been in Laos along with me in the "old days."  One of the guys departed for the U.S. in 1974, this is his first trip back.  The other guy left in '68, same deal, first trip back.

Neither had had the opportunity yet for culture shock of the changes since then.  They're going out to brave the Skytrain today starting at the Nana station.  Will see then.

They're also heading up to Vientiane Saturday, at least fewer remarkable changes there, but wait until they get to Vang Vieng for a shockeroo!  The wife & I are headed up Saturday will see how they're doing.

Mac

[Thanyaburi Mac]

Every now and again I have a friend visit here for first time from overseas. Every time, it's always a little strange and awkward. Everything that is second nature to me here is nearly incomprehensible or just wrong to my guest. I try to explain the way some things work here, but you have to live it to really understand. In the end I find I'd rather spend time with other expats or Thais than with former close friends, which doesn't seem quite right. Anyone else had similar experiences or is it just me?

[peter991]

You need to take a leaf out of the Boy Scouts' manual: BE PREPARED.

These days most travellers have email. Encourage them to do a bit of research and help them by giving them some background.

I took an Australian work mate to Thailand for his first overseas trip earlier this year. Started off in Pattaya for a few days before taking him on a road trip to Issan.

Peter

[Wrong Turn]

Every now and again I have a friend visit here for first time from overseas. Every time, it's always a little strange and awkward. Everything that is second nature to me here is nearly incomprehensible or just wrong to my guest. I try to explain the way some things work here, but you have to live it to really understand. In the end I find I'd rather spend time with other expats or Thais than with former close friends, which doesn't seem quite right. Anyone else had similar experiences or is it just me?

I feel the same way.

I used to want friends and family to visit, but now I think it's better if they don't - unless they've lived in a foreign country before.

They perceive things very differently, and only get a quick soundbite while they visit.

I'd rather be with expats and locals, too.

[Scott]

I have occasional guests and generally, I find I have to go to the Dr. and get a prescription of Valium to make it through--should give them a few too. I find 3 kinds of guests:

1. Those who are wholly and completely dependent on me. They don't eat out, won't go anywhere, just sit until I escort them somewhere. Usually, they are OK and like things, but just TOO dependent. By the way, for those, I usually schedule a couple of pre-planned "tours" somewhere. The one to Aytthya, where you go up by bus and back by boat is nice and also relaxing. Good for these type of guests.

2. The completely independent kind, who drop their bags off and head out to explore the city/country on their own. Occasionally get a phone call for some assistance, but otherwise, I would hardly know they are here. Some of the younger ones are like that (My guess is they find Patpong or Nana and think they died and went to heaven!

3. The in-between type and these can be hard to deal with because they think their independent, but they aren't and I get nervous with them around--never quite know what trouble they may find themselves in. Luckily, this hasn't happened and they all ended up having a nice time.

It's always a little difficult to have guests when you have to work, or have limited amounts of time to spend with them.

Best of luck to you.

[kmart]

I've got my parents coming over in the new year, and I'm dreading it already.

[siamamerican]

Had some of my best times in Thailand when friends or family visited. Thailand has so much to offer for almost any type. When my Mom came we toured the markets, canals, and ate at nice restaurants. When my friends came we would hit the beaches and the bars at night. I got alot of pleasure out of their enjoyment.

I have a good time with both back home also. If they were tedious back home, then I'm sure it would even be more tiresome in Thailand. Glad this isn't the case.

[ProThaiExpat]

When I first relocated to a "resort city" years ago, I was warned by locals that the first word you have to learn is "NO". That resort was two and one half hours drive from a major metro area so "week enders" were the problem.

Fortunately, I know a friendly Tour guide which appreciates the referrals and I am old enough to state believably that "I don't do tours".

Fortunately, my Thai lover knows the hospitality business and was kind enough to take by daughter and husband mountain climbing, bird watching (same as mountain climbing but in a forest" and Thai cooking school. That left household amenities such as coffee and sleeping arrangements to me. First stop in from Airport was at Rimping where they chose and ground their own cofee. Enough said.

If you don't like to say no enough, your response to suggestions that "friends" would like to come visit could be "I know an excellent Hotel centrally located that will give you a great deal". The lobby tour desk is always a great help as well.

[legag]

If you don't like to say no enough, your response to suggestions that "friends" would like to come visit could be "I know an excellent Hotel centrally located that will give you a great deal". The lobby tour desk is always a great help as well.

Problem is solved

[TonyLeung]

the funniest is when you see farang and their dark skinned "wife" showing his parents around. bkk seems very hard for old people who arent used to big cities.

[Gimbo]

the funniest is when you see farang and their dark skinned "wife" showing his parents around. bkk seems very hard for old people who arent used to big cities.

Not bad, two belittling remarks in one sentence. Do you take classes?

<deleted>!

[TonyLeung]

what do you mean? bangkok is very busy if you arent used to the traffic, the heat, the spicy food AND you are OLD its gonna be much harder

[bina]

having folks visit u in any foreign country is a pain; but i found that i did more site seeing when i had out of country visitors than i would do on my own: tourist things that is...

but if its their millionth time, its a drag: my folks have learned to organize like 10-15 days with us and grandkids =now teenagers and army so not really around, and then on to another country with some kind of stop over deals, then home.

we dont have money to take them around; they only drink bottled water (israel has fine tap water, really); they dont like the 'third world ' of it since they are visiting us: when they went to china and india 'third world' was fine, exotic, and expected. but here?!!!

sigh...

thai husband couldnt understand why they wanted to stay in hotel in town rather then sleep in our bedroom (we would move to salon); why we ate in restaraunts (apart from a few specific thai meals that anon prepared in honour of my parents > no shellfish, no pork, not too spicey, not too salty), they hate humous and pita and vegetables for breakfast, they have to eat at specific times, the list goes on; why we spent money on taxis (easier than the bus ); why, actually, we actually had to site see rather then just 'hang out'... classic country thai meets jewish old fogies from america

so i had to deal with foreign husband foreign to this country, plus my folks in this foreign country.... translating three languages, trying to keep the dogs off my mom (foofoo took a real dislike to her), and worst of all, i felt like a 16 yr old in trying to explain and apologize for so many different cultural things (thai husband's stuff, israel in general, kibbutz...)

my parents are curious, well educated, well read, sensitive to cultural stuff, usually independent but getting into trouble which is funny even, but when on my turf, arggggggg!!!

they already announced that if i move to up country thailand, they will visit us in a central large city with good hotels air conditioning and kosher food. no issan muubaan squat toilets for them.

they'll probably be dead by the time we move to thailand....meanwhile they are off to use up our inheritance on a trip to the galapagos so they can drive the natives crazy...

[SoCal]

Bina- I wonder if your parents found it a "drag" raising you, and putting up with your demands? I'm sure they are eccentric, and you are a lovely lady, but it is just par for the course. Sure you know that, and were just venting a little. Also fairly sure your kids will look at you the same way when you are older.

Everyone else, its called being a host. If you don't like playing host, then don't invite them in the first place, or excuse yourself when they want to come.

Personally I love when people come to visit, and to see things through their eyes. It's sometimes challenging, but always rewarding.

[thaihome]

...Personally I love when people come to visit, and to see things through their eyes. It's sometimes challenging, but always rewarding.

Best line of the whole thread. Sums it up for me.

TH

Edited December 7, 2007 by thaihome

[RueFang]

I have found that a few days in the village is enough for visitors. After about the 4th day they are pining for creature comforts, warm showers, a sit down toilet, bread, non-spicy food. I usually start them off at home (in the village) then go and relax on an island and visit the big cities so they have the 'comfort' they need for a holiday in Thailand!

[kangeroo]

yes i love watching my 30 year old daughter walk around the garden with my 26 year old girl friend.

[Chloe82]

having folks visit u in any foreign country is a pain; but i found that i did more site seeing when i had out of country visitors than i would do on my own: tourist things that is...

but if its their millionth time, its a drag: my folks have learned to organize like 10-15 days with us and grandkids =now teenagers and army so not really around, and then on to another country with some kind of stop over deals, then home.

we dont have money to take them around; they only drink bottled water (israel has fine tap water, really); they dont like the 'third world ' of it since they are visiting us: when they went to china and india 'third world' was fine, exotic, and expected. but here?!!!

sigh...

thai husband couldnt understand why they wanted to stay in hotel in town rather then sleep in our bedroom (we would move to salon); why we ate in restaraunts (apart from a few specific thai meals that anon prepared in honour of my parents > no shellfish, no pork, not too spicey, not too salty), they hate humous and pita and vegetables for breakfast, they have to eat at specific times, the list goes on; why we spent money on taxis (easier than the bus ); why, actually, we actually had to site see rather then just 'hang out'... classic country thai meets jewish old fogies from america

so i had to deal with foreign husband foreign to this country, plus my folks in this foreign country.... translating three languages, trying to keep the dogs off my mom (foofoo took a real dislike to her), and worst of all, i felt like a 16 yr old in trying to explain and apologize for so many different cultural things (thai husband's stuff, israel in general, kibbutz...)

my parents are curious, well educated, well read, sensitive to cultural stuff, usually independent but getting into trouble which is funny even, but when on my turf, arggggggg!!!

they already announced that if i move to up country thailand, they will visit us in a central large city with good hotels air conditioning and kosher food. no issan muubaan squat toilets for them.

they'll probably be dead by the time we move to thailand....meanwhile they are off to use up our inheritance on a trip to the galapagos so they can drive the natives crazy...

Wow, you don't sound like you respect your parents much, the bit about 'using up our inheritance on a trip to thae galapagos' was truely shocking!

Chloe.

[bina]

well chloe, i guess u dont know me very well;

chloe, they are callled SKI trips: Spend the Kids Inheritance trips and the phrase was coined by my father... my inheritance i received when i married the first time round, and now my folks are traveling everywhere they can go w/o putting themselves in too much health problems, so galapagoes may be their last big trip...

my parents and i like eachother for about two weeks, but by the third week, they get antsy (dad needs his own bathroom so noone can hear him; mom needs absolute quiet until 10:00.... get the picture...)

socal: anyway- they are eccentric (well, dad is anyway) but then again, i am considered wierd by my kids as well... i'm sure they'll hide me somewhere when they start bringing their dates home....trust me, i was a very wierd teen, but im sure my parents must have done something right, as i function in society fairly well...

having people visit is often difficult if they arent used to the same things u are: health (water, toilet, shower); doctors/medicines, sanitation, spices, wake up and sleep times, television, phone, .... the list goes on especially if they are expecting things to be similar to where they live. obviously to me thailand is so very different that i never had any expectations, but people going from first world to second world expect things to be similar, and on the surface they are, but afterwards they feel the differences (waiting in line or not, politeness things, whatever.)

[madjbs]

Who can blame them for using up their own money for their own leisure while they are still healthy? That’s exactly what I will be doing.

[Chloe82]

Who can blame them for using up their own money for their own leisure while they are still healthy? That’s exactly what I will be doing.

Thank you.

[chicowoodduck]

You need to take a leaf out of the Boy Scouts' manual: BE PREPARED.

These days most travellers have email. Encourage them to do a bit of research and help them by giving them some background.

I took an Australian work mate to Thailand for his first overseas trip earlier this year. Started off in Pattaya for a few days before taking him on a road trip to Issan.

Peter

Good idea, blow 'em out of the water right off the bat and everything after that will seem like smooth sailing!

[chanchao]

Ah, one of my favorite topics.

Basically the first thing to do is forget any kind of history you had with a visiting friend; those who were the most outgoing & up for anything crazy kind of guys instantly transform into trembling babies screaming at any wall gecko they come across and treating all food items with the utmost suspicion. Others who you'd think 'well, they'll need some guidance' can take to Thailand like a duck to water. It seems completely random.

Most people do at some point 'click' and realize: "Wait a minute, this isn't weird or difficult at all.. It's FUN and enjoyable and I can't wait to try see and do new things!!". The amount of time needed to 'click' varies greatly though, and then some (like my mother) don't click at all. My father on the other hand was off renting a car on day two. My sister was comfortable on her second trip, and now visits very regularly, goes diving, etc.

As general advice I think it's best to take it easy at first and acquaint yourself with someone's 'character-while-in-Thailand'. Don't throw them in the deep end on the first day. The ones who seem comfortable can still be thrown in on day 2 or 3.

But then a select few will need constant mothering over, or else they simply don't do anything. There's two responses to that of course: Transform into a full time tour-guide & mother hen, or just find them a pool somewhere and let them be.

Edited December 8, 2007 by chanchao

[PeaceBlondie]

My friends and family almost all spend their time on the wrong, opposite side of the world, and aren't wealthy enough to just show up at my doorstep for a week or two. Even the ones who could afford to do it, aren't that interested in coming here. My best friend came from Atlanta (he's the one who first invited me to join him on his first trip to Thailand), and came to Chiang Mai after I had been here 1.5 years. I discovered his jet lag takes two days to overcome; he's the world's cleanest man, despising even one speck of dust; he doesn't enjoy riding on the back of a CBR150 through Chiang Mai traffic; and it really is too much for him. Mind you, he's from Shanghai and we've toured Singapore and Pattaya together. As someone said, you don't even know your best friends well enough to predict all their behavior when they're out of their comfort zone.

I'd enjoy playing host (it's easier to host somebody who already lives elsewhere in Thailand), but nobody visits. Thailand is not for all tourists. My parents usually insisted on their own hotel room, and that's a good idea.

[farang prince]

I had an old Army buddy visit me about two years ago. I set him up at the Pinnacle since it was close to our condo. Needless to say, he was like a cub bear with his first hardon. And then I brought him over to my place for dinner and he met my partner, who is a Thai ladyboy. The poor bastard didn't know whether to shit or go blind. He was so overwhelmed by Passa's physical beauty and her gracious nature that he barely spoke for hours, until the effects of a few Johnny Walker Black's started to work their magic, then he couldn't stop babbling. The next day I took him to Pattaya. He hasn't been back since. But he keeps emailing me asking if Passa has a sister (she does/but she is also a ladyboy). My recommendation to all who have relatives or friends coming for a visit is to keep them well away from your private life. Show them the tourist sites and then get them the hel_l out of town.

[sweetchariot]

the funniest is when you see farang and their dark skinned "wife" showing his parents around. bkk seems very hard for old people who arent used to big cities.

I have only seen a few of your posts on other threads, but they were all pretty much identical to this. As a previous poster said you are a prize tw@t.

Why is this funny? Why have you got such a big chip on your shoulder? Why can a farang not have a dark skinned wife without it being some kind of joke?

I think maybe you are struggling with a few inadequacies of your own, which is why you feel it necessary to have a pop at the majority of expats here with ridiculous sweeping statements.

Ask Santa if he can get you a life for Christmas.