A He11 Of A Theory

[yok yawng]

The following is a question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is He11 exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of He11 is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into He11 and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to He11, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering He11, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to He11. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to He11. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in He11 to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in He11 because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in He11 to stay the same, the volume of He11 has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.

1) If He11 is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter He11, then the temperature and pressure in He11 will increase until all He11 breaks loose.

2) Of course, if He11 is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in He11, then the temperature and pressure will drop until He11 freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in He11 before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that He11 is exothermic.

The student got the only A.