I've Finally Found Her...

[Narachon]

    Come on Scampy!! Where is  DAY 34 ???    

Me, I'm waiting for DAY 35!....

[britmaveric]

Scampy- go with the flow, but if you seriously want this lady in your life then I think you should make it so. Honestly you think too much sometimes.

[Head Snake]

Am I just being selfish?? Scamp, are you able to post Ning's responses?

[Khun Larry]

worked as a bar girl and a 5,000 per hour hostess girl

GS..........??

Cha Cha...... Save yourself some grief

[rainman]

The Gentleman Scamp: Your name isn't Jens, is it? And your girl isn't 22, right? Just confirming some facts about a Ning i know who's experiencing pretty much the same things as you're writing. Not my g/f, though ..just a friend, don't worry.

[IamMaiC]

The Gentleman Scamp: Your name isn't Jens, is it? And your girl isn't 22, right? Just confirming some facts about a Ning i know who's experiencing pretty much the same things as you're writing. Not my g/f, though ..just a friend, don't worry.

Small country if it is the same people that you know.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Am I just being selfish??  Scamp, are you able to post Ning's responses?

What is her future plans (5 years, 10 years) ? Or is it day to day?

I don't know... I want to have a bar or restaurant in my home or somewhere but not in Bangkok.

What is her opinion about how Thai people view falangs? Are falangs considered to be wretched lascivious men in general? Does she find the falang way better/worse compared to normal Thai life?

Everybody is not same same.

My thai gf thinks in 10-15 years, the falang influence will lessen thai culture. Does she think Thais would rather have less falang tourists and less business with falang companies in their country?

No Thailand will be MORE like falang country and there will be too many here.

It sounds like she is a good looking woman. Does she feel this helps her or hinders her?

Hinder? I not understand.

Ask her to tell some funny stories about your relationship. What makes her attracted to the Scamp?

He good man but he worry too much but he care about me and understand me little bit. He very funny sometime and sometime he serious too much, he have no medium.

[IamMaiC]

Scamp?? Is Ning gone now? or is she still in hua hin?

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Normal service will resume shortly - the last couple of days have been very dramatic indeed and yesterday I was in no state to post at all, in fact I didn't really feel like continuing but I suppose it's my duty to finish what I started.

I was in a bad way yesterday and today things are okay and I have managed to get some sleep and just need to start eating properly again.

Ning will get the bus to Bangkok later today.

I don't like being open al the time but I suppose I can't bail out now, but when she's gone and I have lots of time on my hands then I will complete the 'saga' so to speak; maybe tonight or tomorrow morning.

Bkk Madness - When I'm not at work there's a high speed place that's 20 bht an hour.

Rainman - No my name isn't Jens.

I'm flattered at the continuing interest by the way.

[IamMaiC]

Normal service will resume shortly - the last couple of days have been very dramatic indeed and yesterday I was in no state to post at all, in fact I didn't really feel like continuing but I suppose it's my duty to finish what I started.

I was in a bad way yesterday and today things are okay and I have managed to get some sleep and just need to start eating properly again.

Ning will get the bus to Bangkok later today.

I don't like being open al the time but I suppose I can't bail out now, but when she's gone and I have lots of time on my hands then I will complete the 'saga' so to speak; maybe tonight or tomorrow morning.

Bkk Madness - When I'm not at work there's a high speed place that's 20 bht an hour.

Rainman - No my name isn't Jens.

I'm flattered at the continuing interest by the way.

Are you two going to continue to be friends at least??

[Coffee Dude]

Please don't take this the wrong way.

I have enjoyed your Saga a lot.

I can remember a time when I was with a woman (second wife) (American of Irish/Mexican ancestory) that was so concerned about her well-being that mine was basically insignificant to her. In an increasing effort to make the relationship work I became more and more, to quote an earlier post, pussy whipped. For my particular personality this didn't work in the short long-run. I can hang in adverse conditions (5 years in that case) but I am not a masochist. I found that trying to conform to the (against my internal feelings) demands, I was beginning to fail in other aspects of life that normally would be no challenge to me. I had begun adjusting my psyche to accept things that I felt were wrong. This trend lead to a series of horribly wrong decisions. These wrong decisions had drastic negative impact on my ability to succeed in life.

Inversely, if I had been a masochist it could have been just what the doctor ordered.

Are you a masochist?

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Are you a masochist?

Emotionally I have been a masochist - if I'm run down enough.

I was yesterday morning - I had not been that down for ages and when I get down I don't do it in half measures, it's like my whole world has ended and there really is nothing for me.

It never leads to suicide and never will because I always recover quickly - hence me feeling happy today - though obviously sad also as she's leaving later.

People say suicide is for the weak but it isn't.

Killing ones self is the bravest thing you could do - it takes a lot of guts but I also think it's selfish and silly because you never know what's around the corner.

This is a new topic anyway and I have to go now.

[Coffee Dude]

I was afraid you may misread my post.

I will add a little more information. The woman I am refering to had a weapon of choice. That was the threat of leaving. I would ALWAYS bow down (painfully) in the face of this choice. Finally, after several years of ever increasing demands on my understanding I accepted her proposal in lieu of a particularly hard to accept demand and said, "OK then. If you leave you can't come back...ever". She called my bluff and went back to the US from Costa Del Sol Spain (Puerto Banus to be exact). Within 2 weeks she wanted to come back. (I don't lie and she couldn't come back)

The wounds began to heal soon and I started feeling more and more like a whole human being again. All I needed was to get some balls about me and STAND by my own thoughts and feelings. I believe regardless of what your thoughts and feeling are, everyone is more the person for standing by them. The feeling I think works against you most is fear (of the unknown or uncomfortable).

In all of your posts it appears quite obvious that you are an intelligent, conscientious person. Your ability to achieve just about anything you want in life is just a few efforts away at any given moment.

Head up and believe in yourself. Even from afar I feel you are a very capable person.

Coffee!!!

[Head Snake]

Thanks for the story.

Ya know.... I've had to say good bye to a number of good/great women. Sometimes they come back and somehow stay a part of your life. Others disappear.

But there has eventually been good times around the corner even in depressing times.

I say 5 days and your going to have another story with a new girl.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

DAY 33/34

STEAK DINNER

On Monday she had got access to some savings after a few phone calls to her brother (unless it's a boyfriend who can speak very good Thai and doesn't mind being shouted at on the phone) as she wanted to treat me to a steak dinner and a night on the town before saying goodbye* to say thankyou for everything, not that she had to of course.

*Not sure if I mentioned it before but her mother requested she see her grandma in hospital and stay with the indiginous family for a while before going to Ireland.

I had taken a half day off work and finished at 7pm and was very tired from the night before but tonight was supposed to be special.

ERCO AND HIS WIFE

After the meal, we went to have some studio photos taken - me puffy eyes, red faced and sweaty, and after that we went to a bar to wait for a new friend I have made here, the ex Thaivisa member and king of trolls Erco, a man who is much nicer in real life than his provocative and controversial forum nick(s).

After playing pool with Erco and his lovely wife we went to a local discotheque with live band where we would meet them later, and Ning and I got drunk and danced together. Ning picked up the bill for all four of us and soon after Erco drove us to a nice place out of town called Rockestra which was empty, but we sat in the dark and ate Thai food and chatted until about 3am.

EXHAUSTED

After being dropped off back in town, we found our bike and went to the Tesco Lotus 24hr mini mart to get paracetomol, cigerettes and some Fanta, but as usual, Ning was drawn to the VCD/DVD counter where instead of going through the usual quarelling over what movie to get and what language etc... I pointed out that I had been tired and exhausted most of the day and all I really wanted to do was have a cuddle and a sleep as that would be the way to end what had been possibly our best night together.

This seemed to be reluctantly accepted at first but when back in the apartment she was grumpy and cold with me so I eventually, and angrily said, "Ok, it's only 3:45, let's go back and get a movie, don't worry about me or my work tomorrow". She was being selfish. I needed sleep.

DARK SIDE

This lead to a big fight, one in which I decided to reveal my dark side instead of the soft and emotional but which she soon realised she didn't like and as a consequence reacted very badly to me holding her down when she tried to slap me, putting my hand over her mouth when she tried to scream, blocking her path when she wanted to leave and throwing her stuff into the hall when she did.

I had to give in and plead with her several times not to go but she was now a different girl who had seen a side of me which I had to convince her was out of character and something I had done as a result of being told that Thai women didn't respect 'soft' men and that I should toughen up.

I have to admit that I can look quite frightening when talking through gritted teeth and staring right into anothers eyes and it was something she hadn't seen before.

MINI KETTLE

I didn't matter that I hadn't hit her - she now thought I was capable of hurting her. I pointed out that I (as most men do or should) have a cut off system, similar to that in our mini kettle, that would not allow that to happen and that if I was going to hit her I would have done it many times already.

She wasn't listening... I had scared her and bruised her wrists and I felt awful that the night had backfired so disasterously, right before she was due to leave anyway. I felt really bad for scaring her and it wasn't long before the tiredness and fatigue which had contributed to my actions got the better of me and turned me into an emotional mess of hopeless bleak despair, grief and anguish that this had happened at the end of our final night out- HOW had this happened? I couldn't by this time even remember how it had started.

TAXI

It was horrible.

She had even told the night security guard to call a taxi because she didn't feel safe enough to stay with me. She was really milking it to the full and making me feel as bad as possible, telling me all sorts of things such as she would forget every memory of me and she's glad she didn't have a baby with me etc...

I had to try everything I could think of to get her to stay. I couldn't end on a note like this. At one point I really felt that I was getting more punishment than I deserved and so I told her to go if she wanted - which she took as "Go on then, I don't care anymore I give up" so she got up, calling my bluff because had she not been about to exit my life anyway that day then I would have let her go... Probably, but this time I didn't.

So she then thought I was getting her to stay because if she left I would have to foot the bill for the laundry she had taken in the previous morning. That was the last thing on my mind!!??@#*% Blimey, and she thinks I'm crazy!

HELMET

By sunrise I was so burnt out and emotionally drained yet still could not sleep so I went out on the bike to find something to eat, but I wasn't hungry.

As I rode down the highway my tears raced to the back of my neck as I wondered what what I was going to do, not just about Ning, but my job, my life and all the stuff that you don't read on Thaivisa.com.

I stopped at a FamilyMart and brought a can of Archer beer and put it inside the helmet in the basket at the front of the bike.

I normally wear my helmet but on this day I wasn't really bothered if I had an accident or not.

Near the railway tracks a policeman steped out in front of me and told me to stop and produce my licence which I did. He didn't bother with the usual form and tell me to go to the Police Station and pay my 200bt fine - instead he just wanted me to give him 100bt and call it quits.

After this I apologised to him and put on my helmet.

LEAK

To add to my misfortune, I had bought a dodgy can of Archer with a leak in it, and as beer dripped from my helmet down my face and into my eyes the policeman and the fat lady he had been taking to made no effort to hide the fact that they found this very funny indeed.

Oddly enough, I felt a little, just a little better after that and decided to stop feeling so sorry for myself.

The fresh air it seemed had done me some good and made me pull myself together.

To be concluded...

[katyb]

GS,

I can see you're online now so you're obviously re-reading. Go out, meet some friends, have a beer, give yourself a rest.

I only came in on the tail end of this and admit I haven't read it all, so excuse for me saying, but I think you might just have had a lucky escape? One decent person deserves another, right?

Onwards and upwards.

Kate

[alleypanda]

GS ,Don't spend too much time in front of the computer, too much depress for you. Hope you feel better soon. Cheer up.

[nogutsnoapplepie]

I'm off for some Ice Cold Beers followed by Pie,Mash,Veg and Gravy.C ya soon Scamp.

[Totster]

Talk about a bloody CLIFFHANGER

totster

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Without ruining the ending which I shall write tomorrow for all those interested - I am ok.

...Alone but ok.

[RDN]

Without ruining the ending which I shall write tomorrow for all those interested - I am ok.

...Alone but ok.

Brilliant stuff, Scampy! So similar to one of my bad experiences, for a while I thought you were me . Write a book about it and make some money - but do it quick, before somebody else does!

[donx]

Getting in a fight with you makes it easier for her to make the break from you. It makes it easier for her to justify the end of the relationship. I'm not saying she intensionally fought with you, but it sure was convenient.

As others have said, get the book started and be sure to let us know your pen name if it doesn't come out as written by The Gentleman Scamp.

Life goes on. There are so many psycho chicks and sensible Thai women out there for you to choose from that I'm sure you won't have to be alone for very long, unless you prefer to stay that way.

All the best GS. Can't wait for the final chapter.

[bkkmadness]

Bkk Madness - When I'm not at work there's a high speed place that's 20 bht an hour.

ah well, just an idea. back to the drawing board then.

[bkkmadness]

I normally wear my helmet but on this day I wasn't really bothered if I had an accident or not.

Near the railway tracks a policeman steped out in front of me and told me to stop and produce my licence which I did. He didn't bother with the usual form and tell me to go to the Police Station and pay my 200bt fine - instead he just wanted me to give him 100bt and call it quits.

After this I apologised to him and put on my helmet.

LEAK

To add to my misfortune, I had bought a dodgy can of Archer with a leak in it, and as beer dripped from my helmet down my face and into my eyes the policeman and the fat lady he had been taking to made no effort to hide the fact that they found this very funny indeed.

Oddly enough, I felt a little, just a little better after that and decided to stop feeling so sorry for myself.

The fresh air it seemed had done me some good and made me pull myself together.

To be concluded...

Hilarious, I almost pissed my pants reading this bit.

Does this man ever have good luck???

Can't wait until tomorrow's post, be like the end of a good tv series.

[Crushdepth]

Deleted.

[rainman]

Ever seen The Truman Show ?

[kayo]

This is a brilliant story GS. You´ve got me hooked.

THank you for sharing your life and times.

[bkkmadness]

Ever seen The Truman Show ?

Spot on, I was just saying that to my mate earlier when we read his thread. It's definately a good thread when you go round your mates and it becomes conversation.

[pipchatel]

Hello there Good luck. It sounds to me youve picked a very comlpicated Thai girl.By Complicated I mean likes Big Bikes, Racing, Mobile Phones,Has Rich ex boy friends, Was a Bar girl And two like this nearly drove me to the Grave!! Be carfull mate, as One English man to another!

###"Fools Rush in, where angels fear to tread, and so I come to you my love,

My heart above my Head" Nuff said (or Sung)

Pip

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Oddly enough, I felt a little, just a little better after that and decided to stop feeling so sorry for myself.

The fresh air it seemed had done me some good and made me pull myself together.

To be concluded...

DAY 34 cont...

THE FINAL LAST NIGHT

Before going back home I wanted to buy her something, but there was nothing I could think of buying - not with 181 baht anyway, and I had to get some oil for the bike and some food for us both.

I badly needed sleep and my stomach had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball.

My joints ached and I had beer all over my head and T-Shirt.

I got back to the apartment where Ning eventually woke up as if nothing much had happened and she was just in a strange mood.

She'd been annoyed that I couldn't sleep because she knew that continued lack of rest would only add to my current state of depression, but from that moment on we made progress and slowly made our way back to the mood we had been in the night before when we were opposite ends of a pepper steak, exchanging smiles of sentiment, me filming her posing with the camcorder and her contemplating just a two week stay in Ireland.

It was only the day before yesterday, yet I remember little of what happened during the day, not much. I had called my boss to request at short notice a couple of days off and I'd spoken to a couple of friends.

TENNIS

There was also a slight coldness from Ning that I hoped wasn't due to the fact that she now viewed me completely differently to how she had before.

I wanted more than anything for this to fade away quickly like previous fall outs so we could be great again and leave on a good note - confident that we would meet again.

A couple of hours later she was back to normal and a little horny after watching some 23yr old tennis champ on the Thailand Open.

During an earlier conversation regarding my emotional state during those horrid hours she told me the only time I was a man was in bed - words which should have inflated my ego but seeing as this time, THIS TIME, possibly our last ever bunk up, she was thinking of Greg Rusetski or whoever the lanky tosser spinning his racket and staring at the floor of the court was, I didn't feel as flattered as I would have done otherwise.

ONE MORE BAR

Later, after dark she decided she wanted us to go out and I reluctantly accepted this, knowing she would be paying for me.

She wasn't bothered, she appeared to want a re-take on the previous night that should have ended so well and so nearly did.

I beat her at pool three times which was very good for me.

We went to three bars altogether and in between we stopped for some food at a PTR* where I had to coax down rice soup with sips of water, slowly re-introducing my stomach to food.

Exhausted as I was, I gave in to her requests to have just one more drink in one more bar and so we had one more drink in one more bar and I felt puffy and hot and toxed up to my limits. I could feel the cold beer on the walls of my empty stomach and smoking had become a numb experience, I could almost feel the filth in my chest and that a 'lung hangover' was surely in the post.

We got home and had the ending which fate had robbed us of on Monday night.

We made love (with the telly off this time) and after we lay there together glazed in sweat, basking in the glow of each others majestic presence - OK STOP... What have you lot done to me - I'm turning into an author here!

THE LAST DAY

Yesterday morning I had managed to get a few hours sleep and I went out to get some food. I went to the usual net cafe to check my e-mails and read this here forum and I went back to the apartment where I got some final footage of us on the camcorder and she made sure she had packed everything.

I began to get that panicky, sinking feeling, looking around and imagining how empty and lonely the place would soon feel.

It turns out I did eventually buy her something... A can of Diet Coke.

I had wanted her to fart on camera for me as loud as she could, so she had asked me to buy something fizzy.

TAKE CARE

I drove us to the bus terminal where she got her ticket and we spent our last half hour eating giblet soup at an outdoor, makeshift PTR on a street corner opposite the bus stop.

As we sat waiting for the bus there was little emotion and to my surprise I did not feel tearful as I had expected.

A quick hug, a "Take care" from her and that was it, she climbed the stairs and made her way to a window seat half way on the right.

I crossed the road so I could see her, she was clear enough in my old red and white Addidas track suit top, and she waved at me before calling me and telling me that I would be okay.

I wanted her to say, WE would be ok but I knew that as fond as I was, I wasn't sure if she was the one or one day would be the one when we were both ready which we had discussed.

Had I loved her? Or had I loved what she represented, along with the nice apartment and going to work in a tie every day. Had I been in love with the short example of what life could be like?

I would miss her dreadfully and as I type this, that I can confirm, but I want everything fixed so that next time a girl comes along, maybe it could really work and maybe Ning would have worked if she could have found a job here she wanted to do, and more to the point - if I could find a job here I didn't loathe.

IF, IF, IF...

The engine of the bus revved up and I told her I would be ok and then, even though I wasn't sure, I told her I loved her because it seemed like the right thing to do in this romantic movie scene that I now found myself in.

She hesitated before saying "Loveyoutoo" almost as if she felt inclined to.

She used to say it all the time and with such sincerity in the early days, but this time it was different, she was moving on, maybe Thai people didn't have the sentiment that many of us farangs do, but that was what she left me with.

I felt not too bad and I went straight to the internet cafe to write the post before this one.

I was in there a long time and when I got home the sheer gravity of the absence of Ning hit me like a train.

AFTERMATH

I had spent every day and night with this woman for 35 days and nights. Now some of you are reading this thinking 'Pull yourself together you soppy c*nt, five weeks??? My girlfriend left me for a well hung Swede after five years you soft <deleted>!' and yes I know, I know, but like I said before - it was more the loss of not so much Ning as a unit but of what she symbolised which is what I wanted - the security that we all want.

Most guys who lose a girl do so with other parts of their life intact, and they can call their folks or knuckle down with their job, but I can't do either of those so I have two choices.

1: I can harp on about how unlucky I am and how miserable life is, bore the shit out of my friends and lose respect from those faceless allies who have enjoyed my posts.

2: I can screw the world, move back to Bangers, get any old job, have casual sex and maybe start writing a book as it seems I do have something worth going for that could earn me a few baht.

Last night I chatted to a few gormless bargirls who lost interest when I said that I didn't want sex, just somebody to talk to and could I pay them for the Heiniken tomorrow. Shortly after I bumped into Erco and his wife who invited me to tag along for a beer.

I called Ning and she was waiting for her friend in Bangkok and her friend was late. She told me I should do this and not do that etc... and sounded more like a friend than a lover departed.

Later I had a good chat with Erco's wife after a game of pool, telling her what had happened and she informed me that many Thai men are violent towards women and that my actions wouldn't have done much for Ning's consideration of me as somebody long term.

About 1AM I was a little drunk and rang her again but there was no answer this time. I suddenly felt very sad indeed and didn't try to call her again - I had only wanted to say goodnight.

Before, when I was waving her goodbye on the bus, I had wondered about us and if we had a future, and now, my heart and I... We knew.

We just knew.

Today, everything is odd and it's different.

The apartment is so so so quiet and it feels strange, it feels as if it was ages ago she left and it feels like years ago that we first met but it was only five weeks.

As yet there have been no tears, just a dull ache.

The apartment is a shithole (no change there) and her Diet Coke still sits on the table, half finished... She never did fart for the camera yesterday.

Her flip flops are still on the floor and her necklace she left on the sideboard.

I don't want to call her for a couple of days... I want to leave it as it is and save myself any dissapointment. I want to kid myself that she still cares as much as she did and that she feels as empty as I do, but she has people to see and I am left here with memories everwhere I turn.

It feels like a Sunday today - a cloudy wet Sunday.

When the rain stops I have to go back and get ready for work.

The End

*Pink Tissue Restaurant.