Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.

Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.

But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!

Doctor: Do you drink a lot?

Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?

Doctor: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God!

Doctor: When did this start?

Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee!

Doctor: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST?

Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?

Doc: I never make rash promises!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog!

Doctor: So what's wrong with that?

I think I'm going to croak!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bridge!

Doctor: What's come over you?

2 buses, 3 motorbikes and a train.

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards!

Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle!

Doctor: I see your point.

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!

Doctor: Pull yourself togerther man!

Doctor, Doctor I have 59 seconds to live!

Doctor: Wait a minute will ya!

Tommy Cooper?