Old Peoples' Home

So this old chap sells his house and moves into The Twilight Retirement Home. Being the friendly sort, it's not long before he's making friends and one morning over breakfast, he falls into conversation with a nicely-preserved lady around his own age.

"What are you doing this evening?" she asks him. "Oh, I thought I'd watch the match on TV" says he. "Well, why not come and watch it in my room? I have a freshly-baked fruitcake and a bottle of sherry and I'm sure I could make you comfortable." He accepts her offer and later that day, goes to her room to watch the match. She fusses round him and sits him in a comfy armchair with his cake and a glass of sherry. Just as the teams are about to take to the pitch, she coughs a little nervously and asks him "Do you mind if I hold your, you know, thing while you watch your programme? It's ten years since my husband passed-away and I do miss the feel of a man very much." Obviously, the man was a little taken-aback by this but could see no harm in it and anyway was getting to like his new friend so agreed to her request. The evening passed without incident and she just sat next to him, with a wistful look on her face.

This became a regular arrangement between the two of them. In fact, it soon became a daily visit that the man made to her room but she never tried to do more than merely hold his dick, and they were both content.

However, one morning she approached him before breakfast with a concerned expression. "Where were you last night? I waited and waited." He replied, "Ah yes, sorry about that but I visited Doris last night and watched TV in her room." "What did you both do?" she cried. "Well," said the man, "I watched the TV, and she held my dick just like you do." "But why Doris?" wailed the woman, "What's she got that I haven't?"

"Parkinsons"