hel_l Explained By Chemistry Student

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is hel_l exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of hel_l is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into hel_l and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hel_l, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering hel_l, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hel_l. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hel_l. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hel_l to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hel_l because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hel_l to stay the same, the volume of hel_l has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If hel_l is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hel_l, then the temperature and pressure in hel_l will increase until all hel_l breaks loose.

2. If hel_l is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hel_l, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hel_l freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in hel_l before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that hel_l is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since hel_l has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.