cm-happy Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 My Thai partner is not an alchoholic, but his best friend IS!! The friend is a boozer drunk everyday, does not like to drink alone. frequently my b/f will be invited to go drink with his friend and get drunk himself, so much so that he cannot drive and will spend the day and night away. This affecting our relationship. I HATE IT! The <deleted> friend cares nothing about anyone else or his family as long a he has company to drink with. Is my b/f and enabler? Ive tried to talk with b/f about what is going on and he is starting to see what I see as well and realized that his friend is taking advantage. The next time the friend phones looking for a drinking partner should I tell him to PISS OFF, leave my b/f alone. Whats the best way to handle this?? This is not a troll post but a serious question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garro Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 My Thai partner is not an alchoholic, but his best friend IS!! The friend is a boozer drunk everyday, does not like to drink alone.frequently my b/f will be invited to go drink with his friend and get drunk himself, so much so that he cannot drive and will spend the day and night away. This affecting our relationship. I HATE IT! The <deleted> friend cares nothing about anyone else or his family as long a he has company to drink with. Is my b/f and enabler? Ive tried to talk with b/f about what is going on and he is starting to see what I see as well and realized that his friend is taking advantage. The next time the friend phones looking for a drinking partner should I tell him to PISS OFF, leave my b/f alone. Whats the best way to handle this?? This is not a troll post but a serious question. Cm-happy, please don't take this the wrong way, but the problem seems to be between you and your boyfriend. It is up to him to tell the friend to 'piss off', if he wants to. If he doesn't want to do this I can't see how you having a go at the friend will help things. It could make things a lot worse. Do you want your BF to choose between you and the friend? Might be a risky move. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetchariot Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I am not gay, but was doing the same as your partner with an alcohilic friend of mine. Took alot of coersion from my g/f to stop going out with him, but I think it definitely needs a firm hand. The gay thing throws a few more spanners in the works. I am not sure if she would be so happy with me going out with female friends most nights of the week. Are you sure he's not up to something else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilHarries Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Perhaps you and your b/f could concoct a little medical problem for him (your b/f) that requires total abstention from alcohol during the period he is on meds. This course of action may cause short term social difficulties for your b/f but should persuade the other party to find alternative bottle buddies. The unfortunate part is the fact that the alcoholic is your partner's best friend but if he can be made to see the damage this is doing to his life maybe he could learn to just say no. Have you tried talking to the p1ssartist, explain that his actions are unacceptable and he is affecting your b/f's health and your relationship with him and he should either seek professional help or alternative crutches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cm-happy Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 Cm-happy, please don't take this the wrong way, but the problem seems to be between you and your boyfriend. It is up to him to tell the friend to 'piss off', if he wants to. If he doesn't want to do this I can't see how you having a go at the friend will help things. It could make things a lot worse. Do you want your BF to choose between you and the friend? Might be a risky move. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear. Garro, Your advice is well taken. Probably best for me not to go after the friend, but just talk calmly with b/f and let him decide that best thing for him to do is stop this drinking buddy behavior and distance himself from the best friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macx Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 A friend of mine had similar problem and this was how he solved it. First, your bf must have an incentive to avoid his alcoholic mate. So, you must offer him one (ie. new motorbike, truck, land, house, toys, pets) in exchange for his not going out to drink with said friend. Second, come up with a medical excuse about how bf must avoid alcohol for 3 months. Third, be firm about it, and never let the bf go out alone with the drunk. If he has to go, you go with him and make sure he doesn't have a drop of alcohol (if he does, all deals are off, and he does not get the reward). It doesn't take long before the drunk finds other drinking buddies. One thing about drunks is that they hate drinking with people who won't drink. After a few weeks, he won't bother calling your bf anymore. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloody tiger Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I am not gay, but was doing the same as your partner with an alcohilic friend of mine. Sounds like someone wants to come out of that closet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheryl Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Totally uncalled for remark, tiger. For that matter, so was Chariot's references. I fail to see what sexual orientation has to do with this thread one way or another. Alcoholism and the problems that surround dealing with alcoholics are neither gay nor straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cm-happy Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 [Cm-happy, please don't take this the wrong way, but the problem seems to be between you and your boyfriend. It is up to him to tell the friend to 'piss off', if he wants to. If he doesn't want to do this I can't see how you having a go at the friend will help things. It could make things a lot worse. Do you want your BF to choose between you and the friend? Might be a risky move. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear. The b/f has effectivly told his friend to "piss off". Does not want to see him anymore. Or be friends with him. Common sense has prevailed. Needless to say I'm pleased, but just too bad my b/f has lost his best friend over the drinking problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garro Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 [Cm-happy, please don't take this the wrong way, but the problem seems to be between you and your boyfriend. It is up to him to tell the friend to 'piss off', if he wants to. If he doesn't want to do this I can't see how you having a go at the friend will help things. It could make things a lot worse. Do you want your BF to choose between you and the friend? Might be a risky move. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear. The b/f has effectivly told his friend to "piss off". Does not want to see him anymore. Or be friends with him. Common sense has prevailed. Needless to say I'm pleased, but just too bad my b/f has lost his best friend over the drinking problem. I am pleased that things have worked out for you. I hope that his friend develops the will to change and defeats his addiction. Addiction can be a very lonely place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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