Aggressive 2 Year Old!

[PattayaParent]

Spare the rod, spoil the child. It is impossible to reason with small children. All they understand and remember is pain. My wife sometimes takes care of her youngest sister's baby. (About two years old). When he squeals, my wife jumps and the result is that he has learned to run over her. He is a spoiled kid. I yell at him and swat him if he doesn't listen. My wife asks me why he listens to me and not to her. Is anyone upset because I swat the kid? I would hope they don't like it and stop asking my wife to take care of him, but no such luck.

Well said that man too.

[Jandajoy]

Spare the rod, spoil the child. It is impossible to reason with small children. All they understand and remember is pain. My wife sometimes takes care of her youngest sister's baby. (About two years old). When he squeals, my wife jumps and the result is that he has learned to run over her. He is a spoiled kid. I yell at him and swat him if he doesn't listen. My wife asks me why he listens to me and not to her. Is anyone upset because I swat the kid? I would hope they don't like it and stop asking my wife to take care of him, but no such luck.

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You "swat" a 2 year old? Brave man.

[Jandajoy]

Spare the rod, spoil the child. It is impossible to reason with small children. All they understand and remember is pain. My wife sometimes takes care of her youngest sister's baby. (About two years old). When he squeals, my wife jumps and the result is that he has learned to run over her. He is a spoiled kid. I yell at him and swat him if he doesn't listen. My wife asks me why he listens to me and not to her. Is anyone upset because I swat the kid? I would hope they don't like it and stop asking my wife to take care of him, but no such luck.

Well said that man too.

I guess you reckon the occasional "swat" or slap or hiding or beating is fine? God help us all and particularly your kids

[Gary A]

Spare the rod, spoil the child. It is impossible to reason with small children. All they understand and remember is pain. My wife sometimes takes care of her youngest sister's baby. (About two years old). When he squeals, my wife jumps and the result is that he has learned to run over her. He is a spoiled kid. I yell at him and swat him if he doesn't listen. My wife asks me why he listens to me and not to her. Is anyone upset because I swat the kid? I would hope they don't like it and stop asking my wife to take care of him, but no such luck.

Well said that man too.

I guess you reckon the occasional "swat" or slap or hiding or beating is fine? God help us all and particularly your kids

To each his own. My children are both adults now with their own families. Both my kids got the belt and were well behaved. My son followed my ways and his children are well behaved and a pleasure to be around. One look from their father and they are perfectly behaved. Both my children were raised the same way but my daughter is exactly the opposite from my son. Her kids are spoiled rotten and as the grandfather, I can't stand to be around my own grandchildren. My son doesn't like to visit his sister because he disciplines her kids and she gets quite upset with him. Her poor husband is hen pecked to death and doesn't dare discipline his own kids. As far as those permissive parents, you are certainly are NOT doing your kids any favors. They may grow up to be the same liberal Dr. Spock types as you. I'm proud to say that both my kids are doing well but somewhere along the line my daughter chose the wrong path to parenthood.

[Boo]

I'm proud to say that both my kids are doing well but somewhere along the line my daughter chose the wrong path to parenthood.

That is your opinion but your daughter is an adult & must parent her children as she sees fit.

Just to give you an idea from the other side of the coin : My sister & I were was raised with a very agressive father & the threat of a smack was always there. It made for a very unhappy & edgy childhood & it was a very welcome release in our house when he left, sadly for my sister her mental scars run deeper than mine cause she was subjected to it for more years than I & cannot even stand the sound of a raised voice in her house .

Neither me or sister will tolerate any kind of smacking for our children (or threat) cause we know how horrible it was growing up with that hanging over us at all times & neither of us think that kids should be forced to behave & would rather take the time to explain & teach them why they should behave. It is just a personal choice & I'm not saying it is a better way than hitting but it is my opinion based on my expereinces.

My neice (10) has never been smacked & never been threatened with it either but she is a real pleasure to be around, intelligent, is never naughty, doesn't back chat , has glowing school reports, can be taken anywhere & is just as well suited to a group play environement as well as being able to amuse herself when alone. All it means is that some kids are better behaved than others & that some that aren't will respond just as well to a non violent form of disipline as others do to smacking.

Just to remind everyone on this thread though;

As I said in an earlier post, it is all down to what you think is best for your kid but critising people for chosing a differing way or making accusations of shirking their responsibility for agreeing with your is not what this forum is about.

[Gary A]

Well Boo, my daughter was the apple of my eye and unfortunately she grew up in a broken family. After the divorce she was a Daddy's girl. She is still a Daddy's girl. No way will I criticize how she raises her children because they are her children, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. She is a very dominate female and I feel sorry for her husband. She complained that her husband drank too much and I told her that I didn't blame him. I told her that if I was married to her that I would likely drink too. I love her dearly but I still think she is wrong. I feel really bad because she and her only brother don't get along at all. He calls her a little bitch and she calls him a chauvinist pig. I love them both. Which one is right?

[torrenova]

With a 6 month old this is certainly interesting reading. I would not beat my kids but I cannot hand on heart say that there will never be an occasion when a smack is not called for.

[mikethevigoman]

Spare the rod, spoil the child. It is impossible to reason with small children. All they understand and remember is pain. My wife sometimes takes care of her youngest sister's baby. (About two years old). When he squeals, my wife jumps and the result is that he has learned to run over her. He is a spoiled kid. I yell at him and swat him if he doesn't listen. My wife asks me why he listens to me and not to her. Is anyone upset because I swat the kid? I would hope they don't like it and stop asking my wife to take care of him, but no such luck.

Well said that man too.

I guess you reckon the occasional "swat" or slap or hiding or beating is fine? God help us all and particularly your kids

We have never had to slap/swat out daughter and id rather she did what we want from asking rather than out of fear , and im sure diet is a lot of it ( terrible 2s etc ) however ultimatly its the parents that dictate how the kids will turn ot and behave,

[bina]

my sister and i were both spanked as children, s we got older we were sent to our rooms to think about what we did wrong and then to discuss what to rectify.

my own kids never got flicked or spanked. my (ex) husband was raised in the old version of kibbutz (children houses) which means he never had our 'normal' western way of parenting; he was raised in a peer group and saw his parents for a few hours a day, and they spoiled the kids rotten. on the ohter hand, life was much harder then, and most of the kids grew up to be good people, hard workers, but have difficulties in dealing with teenagers and their kids in general at home since they had no real model to base child rearing on...

my kids are somewhat horrible in the house (terrible twos and terrible teens are the same) but outside, in school and at work, they are amazing young adults: respectful, good workers, young leaders, creative, and when needed to be, good at helping their mom (me) now that husband is working late hours as am i... my son, although he runs with the 'wilder' crowd on the kibbutz, always lets me know what he is doing, going, up to... even if it involves typically teenager shenanigans... daughters, the same... all channels open , not afraid to tell me about their wrongdoings.... but they are afraid of their father (my ex) as he is a fierce and nasty yeller (never physical but definately intimidating and scary), and so they use avoidance behaviors, white lies or withholding information when he reacts to their wrongdoings.... which is surely a shame since he really loves them and wants the best for them... he just doesnt really know how to go about it, thinking that the father's job is to reprimand, yell, and get in to power struggles with them (which doesnt work with two year olds or 17 yr olds)....

they dont get punished but are spoken with, reasoned with, given choices .... and this is from a very young age...

no parent is perfect and situations cause all kinds of messes: new babies, divorces, death in family, new job, no job... and children react ... its up to us to translate what they are saying to something we can use to help them...

bina

[thaiclan]

If the smartest most intelligent route you have as an adult is to smack, swat, instill fear or physical abuse of any kind on a child at all let alone those as young as two! just goes to show how smart you really are. Truly is that REALLY the best you can come up with......its pathetic, shameful and embarrasing to hear from other parents with those views.

After a minimum of 100 years of psycho babble we know undoubtedly the emotional, mental and cognitive harm that physical violence imposes on a child in their adult years, the phrases "well it never did me any harm!" just doesn't stack up against the realms of scientific evidence that has been collated to the contray.

Children learn by being inspired, by following examples, by feeling so loved and secure that they are sure of themselves and their world and fear doesn't cloud their behaviour.

The current rally of "supernanny" style programs highlights one very important issue. It is NEVER the child, ALWAYS behaviour learned or derived directly from the ADULTS in the child's lives.

Much love to all parents, its the hardest and most importat job you will ever ever have.xxx

[BillyDeno]

Hi, I have a 2 year old son that comes to the kindergarten that i teach at and he studies in the baby class (18 months to 2 1/2 years) 2 days a week. He has been coming with me for about 2 months with no problems BUT in the past 2 weeks the teacher has complained that he very aggressive to the other children.

I have told the teacher she can give my son a smack or another punishment, she replied by saying that she couldn't smack or punish him now at this point i'm lost on what to do!! Should i find another kindergarten for him with a strong teacher or keep listening to her complain to me??

My wife is due to give birth to our second child next week and doesn't have the energy to deal with him or play with him. We don't have any family members near us to help... i have spoken to my own family and they just say its normal at that age to do that.

Any idea's or similar stories??

Cheers

You say his mum tied, and has no energy. This maybe why he is feeling pushed out with new baby on the way kids play up so might just be that when mum back to normal so will he. Hope so for your sake, they are great kids but hard work.

[torrenova]

If the smartest most intelligent route you have as an adult is to smack, swat, instill fear or physical abuse of any kind on a child at all let alone those as young as two! just goes to show how smart you really are. Truly is that REALLY the best you can come up with......its pathetic, shameful and embarrasing to hear from other parents with those views.

After a minimum of 100 years of psycho babble we know undoubtedly the emotional, mental and cognitive harm that physical violence imposes on a child in their adult years, the phrases "well it never did me any harm!" just doesn't stack up against the realms of scientific evidence that has been collated to the contray.

Children learn by being inspired, by following examples, by feeling so loved and secure that they are sure of themselves and their world and fear doesn't cloud their behaviour.

The current rally of "supernanny" style programs highlights one very important issue. It is NEVER the child, ALWAYS behaviour learned or derived directly from the ADULTS in the child's lives.

Much love to all parents, its the hardest and most importat job you will ever ever have.xxx

I'm no great believer in physical punishment for children but I think that on the mildest of levels it has its place. Too many people, usually Americans, believe that their screwed up lives are the sole fault of watching Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid or something equally as daft and there is a whole raft of supposed experts to tell them so. There ain't any kid who would be messed up with a light smack whilst regular beatings will surely mess with their heads.

As a first time parent I'm trying to balance the safety of my daughter with the need not to wrap her up in cotton wool and let her turn into a Play Station couch potato like so many of the current generation.

[jing jing]

I've got two young boys, one is 2 1/2 and the other is 1 year old. I swore I'd never hit my kids but the older boy is simply too headstrong to discipline in any other way than the occasional smack on the butt to set the boundary and let him know he can't push any further without consequences. Time outs and naughty corners are not an option with him as he'd simply ignore the order and continue his misbehavior until a stronger intervention occurred.

That said, I would not want anyone else laying a hand on my children, as I think it is exclusively the parent's job to mete out that sort of discipline, and absolutely as sparingly as possible. Ask the teacher/caretaker to report to you if the child was exceedingly naughty and deal with the physical discipline yourself if you deem it necessary.

I have seen some children who can easily be dealt with without the need for physical discipline, but it seems certain kids at a certain age just won't respond to any other methods.

[onethailand]

I'm glad to see many parents who don't believe in smacking the children. I also got smacked when I was young, whipped with a belt, broken a couple of yardsticks across my back, etc. until the day I was big and old enough to push back and I said "Never again - and when I have children I will NEVER hit them".

In a way, you could say the spanking worked. I have never hit any of my three kids and they've all grown up fine and understand that when I say no, I mean no. None of them are the peaceful, always smiling and polite children you see from time to time - all three of them have tantrums and fights and stuff like that but they get over that stuff quick.

If you try hard enough, you will soon discover what discipline works best without hitting them. A corner, sent to the room, withholding of privileges, etc. are more than good enough for me. Funnily enough, when sent to the room, they don't mind - they just pick up a book - this has its own benefits, of course

Ah - and by the way, Torrenova, we have Game Boys, Playstation 2 and a computer in the house. The kids aren't completely stuck to any of those things although the computer is usually fought over. The whole trick is not to restrict them - and also, at least in the early years, to pick and choose which games you buy, such as puzzle games or strategy games.

Edited February 20, 2008 by onethailand

[Thaiboxer]

All kids need to be beaten and humiliated so they know their place. Just kidding In all seriousness, if you were subjected to physical punishment as a kid, chances are you'll be doing the same thing to your kids no matter how many times you tell yourself you won't do it. We all lose our cool sometimes, so a smack on the hand or the butt is pretty hard to avoid, even for the most peaceful parents. I would assume most of us on this board got the odd belt or yardstick when we were growing up and it probably helped us in the long run. I do agree that physical punishment can go WAY too far and be counterproductive. However, looking at how today's kids behave, some of them really need it!

The naughty chair and timeout tactics are excellent from what I've seen. They teach lessons while avoiding needless spanking, smacking, etc. They take patience and you have to be vigilant (even if it means restraining them) with them, but the kids soon learn. Also, if physical punishment is warranted, perhaps sending them to their room alone for a few minutes beforehand is good. Those few minutes of anticipation are the real punishment...the spanking is just the final step. Once that is over, you can explain why you did it and how your child can avoid more of this punishment. Without an incentive to avoid physical punishment, the child will often continue misbehaving and smacking them more won't work.

[Flatouthruthefog]

I've got two young boys, one is 2 1/2 and the other is 1 year old. I swore I'd never hit my kids but the older boy is simply too headstrong to discipline in any other way than the occasional smack on the butt to set the boundary and let him know he can't push any further without consequences. Time outs and naughty corners are not an option with him as he'd simply ignore the order and continue his misbehavior until a stronger intervention occurred.

That said, I would not want anyone else laying a hand on my children, as I think it is exclusively the parent's job to mete out that sort of discipline, and absolutely as sparingly as possible. Ask the teacher/caretaker to report to you if the child was exceedingly naughty and deal with the physical discipline yourself if you deem it necessary.

I have seen some children who can easily be dealt with without the need for physical discipline, but it seems certain kids at a certain age just won't respond to any other methods.

This is a massive, complex and very interesting and valuable topic. Well done folks (almost all of you!) on a consistent high level of debate.

Jing Jing, I'm only butting in on your post here because my daughter in UK has an identical problem and I like what you say. (Er, for we poor Brits, what the heck is 'swatting' by the way? In our primitive/original language, we kill flies that way).

I am sure we all want our young children to grow up without being bullies and without becoming victims of bullies. Generally, schools can NOT handle bullying and we parents must take the initiative.

A senior female probation officer in UK told me 15 years ago that, years before as a junior, she had worked for a while with convicted (all male) child sex offenders. The ONLY thing they had in common was that they had ALL been bullied as children. And her senior colleagues took no interest in that fact because it did not come up in their text books..............!!