Baby Getting Upset And Crying

[torrenova]

I don't know why she is doing it but our 6 1/2 month old daughter has become much more clingy of late and will sometimes cry for long periods especially if one of her parents is missing. Sometimes she will continue after the three of us are back together. She isn't wanting for anything we can see but it is obviously distressing for us to see her like this.

I wondered if she was becoming more aware of who is there and at what times which may be true but we have shared parenting completely since birth so that there is no schedule for who will bath her at what time for instance. It certainly is not a lack of food or a dirty nappy which would be obvious.

I don't want her to become spoiled but I don't like to think of her in distress as she physically cries yteras as well as making crying noises so I am assuming she is really worried.

Any ideas as we have none ?

[Boo]

Sometimes my son does this too (he is nearly 9 months) so i just comfort him & make funny faces to cheer him up but I think it is too early to worry about making her too clingy cause imo it will do more damage to be too harsh.

I know when my son has a cold coming or is teething that he becomes quite clingy & can cry for no reason but also do remember that it started around 6 months as he became much more aware of people & his surrounding area so it may just be that she is confused when one or both of you leave the room. When my son gets like this & I need to go to another room I distract him with a toy then go off & do what I need too. Another good one is to use a baby walker, it allows you to have hands free but gives lo the chance to come to the same room as you without needing attention.

Bloody hard work this baby lark though isn't it?

[lannarebirth]

I've only raised dogs, but I'll take a shot. Don't babies start teething about that age?

[fletchsmile]

We've had similar with our daughter and it seems to go in phases.

For us she has spent more time with my wife, with me being at work, so she is more clingy towards her. Although she will cry sometimes when I go out, I just have to waive and say "bye bye" + a small baby explanation such as "daddy going to work" or "daddy going out", smile then let my wife deal with it.

If my wife leaves her with me, I have to distract and entertain her, eg take her outside/shopping as otherwise she seems to get bored and misses mum quite quickly. This also seems to apply when occasionally we leave her with others. The one thing I'd add is she often cries when she sees mummy come back, and realises she's been away.

So I guess we're similar. The slight difference we have in strategy, is I say "bye bye", as she's used to me not being there all the time. My wife tends to slip away quickly and quietly so she doesn't notice.

I've heard and read that routines help. They provide certainty and children quickly adapt. It seems that way for us. But we struggle sticking to routines

[Boo]

The one thing I'd add is she often cries when she sees mummy come back, and realises she's been away.

My son does this too, he sees his childminder 4 days a week 6hrs a day & when I drop him off I kiss him bye bye & she distracts him. She tells he he does look around for a while to see me but then is ok but as soon as I come to pick him up, he cries, every day & gets all clingy for a few while. Makes me feel all funny

[torrenova]

Sometimes my son does this too (he is nearly 9 months) so i just comfort him & make funny faces to cheer him up but I think it is too early to worry about making her too clingy cause imo it will do more damage to be too harsh.

I know when my son has a cold coming or is teething that he becomes quite clingy & can cry for no reason but also do remember that it started around 6 months as he became much more aware of people & his surrounding area so it may just be that she is confused when one or both of you leave the room. When my son gets like this & I need to go to another room I distract him with a toy then go off & do what I need too. Another good one is to use a baby walker, it allows you to have hands free but gives lo the chance to come to the same room as you without needing attention.

Bloody hard work this baby lark though isn't it?

It is hark work I concur !

She's got a walker and she loves it. She's used it for about 2 months as she is quite big, sorry, very big ! She'll go in it a few times a day and loves the freedom it gives her. I hate it as she's off like lightening as soon as she's thrown her toys off the front !

To give an actual example, she might start crying as you walk away with your back to her, especially if she's on her mat area but you are not out of sight and in the same room. Go to the toilet and she'll start to crawl off her mat and her facial expression will go red, tears will well up and she gets really upset which you cannot turn around as easily as it came on and sometimes she'll continue crying after you pick her up. She is noticably grabbing your clothes more strongly at this time so I feel it is a sense of loss and not wanting to lose you again.

I think because we have all been together for a lot of her waking hours she is more acutely aware of someone missing, even if they have not been seen that day.

She's also dreaming a lot more now and sometimes having some unpleasant dreams which are to date easily resolved by just moving her in her cot or replacing her dummy.

I don't think teething is a major issue at this time though she is chewing on teething toys. However, she has chewed on bottles and fingers since birth and I don't think she has any eruptions yet.

She is very quick to let you know when she needs her nappy changing which is great but she's knocking up 200 days and she can't go to the toilet yet ! How long can it take - I know, they have to walk first. She does that hanging onto things but you have to hold her as she will fall down. The trouble is that you cannot leave her anywhere like on the bed for a second as she can move so fast nowadays.

Our guidebook was blank as well but I don't think we're doing so bad. If only we could communicate better then we'd know what she was upset about and reassure her. Thats really frustrating.

Thanks for the supportive comments.

[fletchsmile]

Great to read people having similar issues. As Boo says it's hard work. Cheers also for your posts Torrenova.

BTW In terms of toilet training, I wouldn't worry about it. There are new theories on how you can do things so much better. As there always are, same as exceptions. But biologically I believe the nerve endings are not fully developed until around 18 months. So vast majority don't get any joy before then. No point trying to rush and add pressure. We did switch to Mami Poko pants instead of nappies/diapers tho, which give more freedom, and are a step towards the end game...

As for the communication stage. I really can't wait until we can exchange real conversations. That said I think it's important, and we're finding it important to start before then. Very hard to teach the meaning of the word "no" to a lovely daughter and consistently enforce it, without giving in. I figure tho' that if we don't try and implement rules, schedules etc now, it will be much harder later.

Starting sooner rather than later, was one we really found out from sleeping arrangements as per other threads. It was a year or so before we recently got to the situation we wanted. We should have started earlier. While being in our room and our bed probably added security, I'm sure there was a trade off in making her a little more clingy. Not sure if that is also a factor in your case.

Edited February 6, 2008 by fletchsmile

[Boo]

Very hard to teach the meaning of the word "no" to a lovely daughter and consistently enforce it, without giving in.

When the boy was about 4 months he started with the body twisting during nappy changing So on his next check up I asked the health visitor what to do & she said that small babies can understand visual word, so smily face, sad face, angry face etc & that saying no in a stern voice coupled with a stern face would get the message across.

After a couple of times doing it the twisting stopped but now he is crawling & trying to walk as well as making a bee line for anything he shouldn't like plug sockets or wires to wrap around neck (why do they do that?!!) we started again & so far he is responding well to a sharp No.

It makes him stop & then look to me for confirmation, so I say it again with a head shake & stern face & so far, he is leaving things alone (I am not expecting this to work at all times btw ) but it is a good demonstration of visual langauge at work & like you say fletchsmile, not giving in is the key or (my big problem) laughing cause they look so bloody cute or have done something naughty but funny, as that will send mixed messages

A friend taught her 10 month old basic sign langauge which was great when she was small but IMO it stunted her verbal development cause she knew how to ask for food, drink, milk, nappy change without verbalising so never bothered until well into her 2's to speak & used to point for everything she didn't know a sign for . Now at 3 1/2 she is talking is but is still quite hard to understand when using some words. She will catch up though but I plan to stick with repetitive words, like no & well done as well as continuing to just guess what he wants if it isn't plainly obvious

I wish they would write a manual, one size fits all though as we spent 2 hrs at 12.30am saturday morning with a screaming baby, no signs of teething, wasn't wet, didn't have fever & me & hubby were at our wits end, as a last resort I made a bottle & he sucked down 8 oz in about 3 minutes then promptly went to sleep!!! Now my son hasn't had a night feed for well over 5 months so how the hel_l was I supposed to know that was the problem & it didn't even cross my mind till everything else was covered & he hasn't wanted a night feed since!!!!. Hard work doesn't even cover it

[bina]

separation anxiety and its normal; parents tend ot have more issues with this then the baby... the baby cries, and the parent lingers and looks so the baby keeps crying...

usually, the parent says: bye bye, illl be back.. and then just go... baby usually stops crying once the parent isnt in site or sound (they hear us really well too so dont hide and speak)...

sneaking away is bad for the baby... he has to learn that people go away but come back. not that people disappear or he will always be on the alert for the disappearing parents.

some babies have more problems with one parent then an other; if a parent is ambivalent about leaving the baby will carry on more... if the parent is firm, it works out better.

one way to get baby used to this is to play: go and come back. the mom says, ' now i'm going to work/cook whatever. she goes away. babies, like dogs, have no sense of time, so every minute seems like the last, or forever. wait a few minutes and then come back: here'sy mommy.... the baby learns that mom and dad always come back...

there are several ages when this happens, kindergarten of course being one of the times also...

there's also angry, clingy baby syndrome: we see it in israel with fathers when they do reserve duty, and then come back, the baby is angry, refusing to go to daddy, and then reversal... not leaving daddy alone, crying when daddy leaves the room, best, is for daddy to take baby alot with him, (or mom in similar situations reversed), the clingyness wheres off...

this occurs with toddlers also... and the same rules apply..

this is thanx to anita and sharon from the kibbutz baby houses-- for their info once again (my ex sis in law and a friend: both are 10 yrs in the up to kindergarten age education system, with degrees in child care/education for the first years of life)... they are an endless supply of practical and theoretical info which they constantly update (latest methods, trends, and work with psychologists, social workers, parent/child centers, doctors, etc-- at least kibutz childcare is one of the best in that respect)...

[gnode]

I have to concur with bina on this one. I think it's often the parent's reaction that encourages the child to continue on with the fussing long after they've recieved the attention they were looking for because they've discovered that they can control the situation. By creating a basic routine for leaving, maybe a little hug and a "buhbye! see you soon" each time, and turning and going about your business without hesitation, regardless of what baby does, teaches them that when it's time for you to go, it's time for you to go. Once the crying and fussing stops working, they'll give up and learn some new tricks to try to hold your attention (like wrapping the electrical cords around their heads).

I always felt like at 6 months and below, you couldn't give baby too much attention. Prior to that time I don't think they think much about trying to manipulate mommy and daddy - they're so helpless that all they can really do is cry to let you know that they need something - a changing, a feeding, sleep, or attention. Teething is definitely something to watch, although I think my sons were a little older before that started with them - maybe 8 months or so. Teething often does cause a sudden change from happy baby to all-night screamer, so just be aware, and if a tooth does break through, a cold washcloth to suck on does wonders. But that's usually not correlated to your coming and going. My general feeling, in this case, is that baby is just wanting lots of attention, for whatever reason, so try to give her tons of positive attention when you're with her, but be strong when it's time to go because she'll have to learn that mommy and daddy can't always be there 24/7. All the love and attention will help her feel secure with your relationship and she'll soon learn not too worry too much when you go - she knows you'll always be coming back.

[IMA_FARANG]

I don't know why she is doing it but our 6 1/2 month old daughter has become much more clingy of late and will sometimes cry for long periods especially if one of her parents is missing. Sometimes she will continue after the three of us are back together. She isn't wanting for anything we can see but it is obviously distressing for us to see her like this.

I wondered if she was becoming more aware of who is there and at what times which may be true but we have shared parenting completely since birth so that there is no schedule for who will bath her at what time for instance. It certainly is not a lack of food or a dirty nappy which would be obvious.

I don't want her to become spoiled but I don't like to think of her in distress as she physically cries yteras as well as making crying noises so I am assuming she is really worried.

Any ideas as we have none ?

Young children obviously can't tell you what their problem is or how they feel. Often their only way of saying they don't feel well is to be clingly and hold on to their parents.

First, make sure she has no health problems with a full physical check from your docter. If that is fine, it will be a relief to you. If there is a problem, you can deal with it before it becomes a big problem.

She seems a little young for teething to start, but you can easily check by carefully feeling her gums. If they are sore, or you can feel teeth developing, then you probaly have found the problem.

If nothing else is the problem, you just have to accept that she feels worried about mommy or daddy leaving. She will learn that they do come back, and they won't stay away forever. It's just as she grows she is becoming more aware of the home situation and perhaps feeling a little worried about her status with mommy/daddy. Unfortuneatly it is a part of growing up. She will develop confidence in her own identity and security as an individual as she grows older.

Unless you find a physical problem, I would just accept that it is something you have to work through with her.

[torrenova]

Tonight we put her to sleep at about 7pm. My wife had a shower and went out about 8pm and then around 9pm she started crying. I think it was a nightmare as she was still asleep when she started but she did wake up and for the next 90 minutes we had screaming and water works. From her cot to our bed to the lounge, nothing worked to get her to quieten down so I was reluctantly forced to just leave her in her cot and let her tire herself out. After about 90 minutes she had quietened down somewhat and I managed to get her off back to sleep.

Very hard though when you've been through all the available options and nothing has worked.

[gnode]

When it comes to crying at bedtime or naptime, it was around that age that we started teaching our sons to sleep alone. Since the boys had their own rooms, we would create a nighttime routine (brush the teeth, get changed, sing a little song or read a book, then it was time to sleep). Once they were put down, we would turn the lights out and close the door. For the first few days they cried and cried, so we consulted a few baby books and the advise we got worked. After about 5 minutes of crying, we would go in and without picking them up or turning the light on, try to calm them down. Laying them down and rubbing them on the back was effective, so we'd do this until they calmed down. Once the tears stopped we'd leave the room. If it started up again, we'd go in after about 10 minutes and repeat. Each time we'd increase the time we let them cry, and I don't think it ever took more than 3 times or so. In a matter of days they were going to bed without crying at all.

If you're wondering how this all applies to your situation, maybe it would work similarly if you were to leave the house for short periods of time, each time lengthening the period a bit longer, until she became accustomed to you coming and going. It's worth a shot.

I do think that letting them cry until they actually fall asleep works as well, but if you live in an apartment, it can be a little more disturbing to their neighbors, so we went with the above method mainly for that reason and it seemed to work fairly well. We just needed to be strong and stick with it until it started working, which was seriously only a few days. Both of my boys responded very quickly when they knew that we were consistent in our responses.

[Boo]

gnode, that sounds similar to the tracy hogg pick up/put down routine. Baby is put in bed, starts crying, parent goes in picks up unitl baby stops crying then put straight back in cot, no talking just cuddle & pat back until crying stops, parent leaves the room & repeat as many times as needed until baby doens't cry when put down & sleeps. Is really hard the first few days & you could end up picking up putting down over 100 times first night but usually (if parents have been consistant & not deviated from the routine) by day 3 the baby will settle by themselves without waking.

The hard part of this of course is the constant up & down & dealing with a very upset baby who wont understand why they aren't getting lots of attention but it apparently teaches baby that someone will come (so they arn't being abandoned) but that they wont be allowed to control the situation.

Torrenova, Dunno if the info above will help but I have seen it in action on tracys television show & some of the parents on it are at their wits end & amazed it works so quickly & effectively

[bina]

boo,

funny u mentioned as we just discussed dog training and its application to humans (behavior modification and positive reinforcement etc... ) and that trick was used for dogs with separation anxiety (that does exist in dogs also)...

[torrenova]

Today as at 02:30 there have been no dramas. She went to bed around 7pm and should be up for a bottle anytime now. Today though my wife spent the morning with her and I spent the whole afternoon so she may have had somewhat more intimate and direct attention today than is normal. She did seem very contented this afternoon though and there were no crying periods of more than a couple of minutes whilst she waited for a bottle.

Some good tips above, thanks.

[dieter1]

------------- babywalker ---------------

please, if you love your kid and want to keep it healthy: DON´t use a babywalker !!!!!!!

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...p;#entry1688107

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/225773.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2054550.stm

http://www.aap.org/family/babywalkers.htm

[Boo]

Deiter1 I appreciate the articles but tbh I have read all the "dangers" before & imo the only danger to babies using a walker are stupid parents who fail to put proper safety measures in place & allow their babies to fall down stairs etc, these accidents will happen without a baby walker imo as the parents are not careful enough rather than caused because of baby walkers, which is what a lot of these articles suggest.

As for the delay developement, well my son has been rolling over since 4 months, crawling since 5 & is now pulling himself up & walking along holding on to furniture or our hands & he is just shy of 9 months. Yes if you left your baby in a walker for hours & hours every day then I would imagine there would be development issues but parents using them to keep baby safe & amused for short periods daily, whilst getting on with household chores or for feeding arne't IMO making their children in danger or causing them developmental issues.

Again, imo if a parent stupidy leaves their child in the walker all day, every day & it has problems later then that is stupid parent fault rather than dangerous walker fault.

There was also another report about babies getting problems with their feet in walkers cause they couldn't touch the ground when sitting in them, well again, it is the parents job to ensure the walker is the right height & that baby can put their feet flat, blaming a product for parental negligence is just another form of the nanny state imo that is happening in the west.

Parents need to be more resonsible for their kids rather that saying ban walkers, why not educate parent to ensure the proper security measures are in place when using them?

[think_too_mut]

I don't know why she is doing it but our 6 1/2 month old daughter has become much more clingy of late and will sometimes cry for long periods especially if one of her parents is missing. Sometimes she will continue after the three of us are back together. She isn't wanting for anything we can see but it is obviously distressing for us to see her like this.

I wondered if she was becoming more aware of who is there and at what times which may be true but we have shared parenting completely since birth so that there is no schedule for who will bath her at what time for instance. It certainly is not a lack of food or a dirty nappy which would be obvious.

I don't want her to become spoiled but I don't like to think of her in distress as she physically cries yteras as well as making crying noises so I am assuming she is really worried.

Any ideas as we have none ?

All the crying my daughter did was between 6 and 8 months of age. For no apparent reason.

Nothing changed before and after, it just came and ceased.

[torrenova]

Another good day with the daughter. A few crying sessions but each very brief and no heavy full on water works. Again, she had a lot of attention but does periodically cry when you walk away, even to get her a feed ! Frustrating for both of us I think.

As for walkers, well we have no stairs. We have a large living room and we close off the other doors except the master bedroom so that she cannot get into the bathrooms or kitchen etc. We keep the front mosquito gates closed enough to prevent the walker passing through and we've cleared the living room of things which could harm her. She is geting much faster these days both in the walker and crawling, noticably day by day now but we're as confident as we can be that she cannot easily injure herself. Outside on the patio she could hit her head as the concrete benching is at head height but we fully monitor her if we take her outside.

I agree with the "nanny state" comments and yes, she may have an accident but we cannot keep her locked up in her cot all day and neither can we tie her up like a dog. We do need the freedom the walker provides to attend certain tasks like say cleaning her bottles and she enjoys playing in it for short periods a few times a day.

[Tony Clifton]

Our son is now 40 days old, cried twice after his bath when we took too long to wrap him up. We are warned of hunger or of a dirty diaper by a few "Ah Ah! Ah!s". Let's hope it lasts, the neighbours cries a dozen times every day, they';re the same age. I was somehow worried about his silence and called mom on this, she says I was just the same.

Here's Mini-Man holding his bottle at 17 days old.

[gnode]

Another good day with the daughter. A few crying sessions but each very brief and no heavy full on water works. Again, she had a lot of attention but does periodically cry when you walk away, even to get her a feed ! Frustrating for both of us I think.

As for walkers, well we have no stairs. We have a large living room and we close off the other doors except the master bedroom so that she cannot get into the bathrooms or kitchen etc. We keep the front mosquito gates closed enough to prevent the walker passing through and we've cleared the living room of things which could harm her. She is geting much faster these days both in the walker and crawling, noticably day by day now but we're as confident as we can be that she cannot easily injure herself. Outside on the patio she could hit her head as the concrete benching is at head height but we fully monitor her if we take her outside.

I agree with the "nanny state" comments and yes, she may have an accident but we cannot keep her locked up in her cot all day and neither can we tie her up like a dog. We do need the freedom the walker provides to attend certain tasks like say cleaning her bottles and she enjoys playing in it for short periods a few times a day.

Sounds like you're doing a fine job. I think the quality time you spend with her (i.e. lots of positive attention) does wonders to counteract the fussy times. These phases do come and go, and I'm sure you'll have many new and exciting challenges to work through in the future. My 20 month old has recently started blowing up over little things, like not being able to reach his favorite blanket because he's strapped in the carseat or high chair or what have you, or when he asks for milk and I walk away to go fix a sippy cup for him. I calmly explain to him that fussing and crying will do no good and that he should say "please" when he wants something. He's catching on fairly well, so I know this too will pass and he'll come up with something else to keep me on my toes. I truly believe the best parents are the ones who pay attention to their children and try to think logically through whatever the challenges may be and take the time to address them. For most children it doesn't take much more than that.

By the way, there is a book series that I highly recommend that addresses typical problems you'll run into through your children's upbringing, and whenever we run into a seemingly tough problem, I consult the "manual". There are at least three in the series, called "What to expect when you're expecting", "What to expect the first year", and "What to expect the toddler years". There may be others. Nearly everyone I've spoken to who's read them agrees that the advise within is invaluable, and we even pick up extra copies at garage sales and the like whenever we see them to pass on to friends with young children. Consulting these books has likely saved me years of frustrations. I only hope there is a "What to expect from your teenager" book when my kids hit that age!

[seonai]

I remember next to one of my houses in Thailand there was a house on stilts and the baby just used to crawl around... right to the edge of the door where the drop was... and it never fell down out of the house!!! I would have been a nervous wreck if it was mine!!!

When my son cried as a 6-12 month old I made the mistake of walking with him to rock him to sleep and ended up doing that for years!!! The most awful period is then cos you can't talk to them as such and it's all give give give - apart from all the cute moments which is what keeps us in love with them I guess.

It gets loads easier when they are older...

[kat]

Our son is now 40 days old, cried twice after his bath when we took too long to wrap him up. We are warned of hunger or of a dirty diaper by a few "Ah Ah! Ah!s". Let's hope it lasts, the neighbours cries a dozen times every day, they';re the same age. I was somehow worried about his silence and called mom on this, she says I was just the same.

Here's Mini-Man holding his bottle at 17 days old.

Your mini-man is very cute, Tony.

[Boo]

He is sooo cute Tony, glad to see he is all ok now after his stay in hospital, am massively jealous though cause my little man at 9 months is still too lazy to hold his own bottle, he can do it but why bother if I am there As for the crying, mine wasn't much of a cryer either, fed on demand every 3 hours like clockworks & used to alert me to hunger with the same ah ah ah sounds & never got upset over a dirty nappy, it's great when they are easy like that

[VitalGirl]

I don't know why she is doing it but our 6 1/2 month old daughter has become much more clingy of late and will sometimes cry for long periods especially if one of her parents is missing. Sometimes she will continue after the three of us are back together. She isn't wanting for anything we can see but it is obviously distressing for us to see her like this.

I wondered if she was becoming more aware of who is there and at what times which may be true but we have shared parenting completely since birth so that there is no schedule for who will bath her at what time for instance. It certainly is not a lack of food or a dirty nappy which would be obvious.

I don't want her to become spoiled but I don't like to think of her in distress as she physically cries yteras as well as making crying noises so I am assuming she is really worried.

Any ideas as we have none ?

Some babies just need more contact, especially if they're not still being breastfed at this age... 6 1/2 months WAY TOO YOUNG to shut the door and let them cry themselves to sleep! What about using a baby sling around the house more? Good for your fitness and you can share the load - literally! Generally what I've read in this thread seems to be mostly western thinking and, let's face it, we haven't exactly done too well in producing happy well balanced people. It's simply not possible to "spoil" a child with too many cuddles at this age - now if you're still carrying her around all day at 18 months we can talk again.... Enjoy it - in 5 years when she's at school and starting to be shy about cuddles in front of her friends you'll be sorry you didn't just curl up in a chair with her more and gove her what she needs.

Good luck - PM me anytime if you need... my infinitley "spoiled" and over-cuddled little 3 year old (I had her in a sling till she was about 9 months old) is one of the most indepentdent kids at her bi-lingual kindergarten. And SOOO many Mums asked how I got back in to shape so quickly...

[torrenova]

Some babies just need more contact, especially if they're not still being breastfed at this age... 6 1/2 months WAY TOO YOUNG to shut the door and let them cry themselves to sleep! What about using a baby sling around the house more? Good for your fitness and you can share the load - literally!

She hasn't breast fed for months and we weren't very successful at it at all really. Ok when she was born but quickly wore off so by 3 months she would not touch it. We did the best we could, had all the right tools and researched online, books, family, friends etc.

Carry her around in a sling ? I know you're being serious but we're talking about her sleep time, not during the day (though she was crying in the day as well). It is hard to hear them cry but there were occassions where no amount of interaction including the sling would shut her up. Going outside, in the car, all tried and sometimes worked but sometimes she'd just not shut up.

She's bright, alert and mischevious. I swear she'd play us off against each other if she could. I don't think a lack of close personal contact was the problem and if anything, it could have been the cause.